duh-rye-won Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 i just endured one of the most painful, self inflicted experiences of my entire life. worse than skateboarding injuries. worse than getting tattooed. i'd venture to say this was right up there with childbirth. i will never make this mistake again. i don't know how i could've let this happen... i know better... it all started last night. i've been trying to watch my glutinous eating habits while stoned, and have been trying to keep healthy alternative snacks around the house. fruit, lollipops, (not healthy, but at least you can't gobble em), light popcorn and one of my personal faves... sunflower seeds. you know, just put a bunch of em in the side of your mouth, chewing tobacco style, and crack em and spit the shells one by one. well last night the cracking and spitting was interfering with my efforts to conquer halo2 on legendary mode, and i got a little lazy. i started swallowing the shells. just chewing those fuckers up whole, into a nasty paste that tastes pretty much like salty wood. as i said, i was stoned, and battling aliens, and i wasn't really paying attention to what i was doing. well apparently i swallowed a few to many of the shells... because i just took such a painful shit, i thought a monster was trying to claw his way out of my asshole. i shit splinters. a big solid massive shit wrapped in barbed wire. i almost cried. those fuckin things should have a fuckin warning label on em. although i guess i'm the only person dumb enough to swallow things that pretty much have the same consistency as tree bark. ^ :cry2: ^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarcasm Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 first! edit: yeah, what seems to be the obvious, is the obvious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoTeddyFinger! Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 mmmmmm... sunflower seeds Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
effyoo Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 hahaha! when i think of split sunflower seeds i imagine big ol' crab claws. i guess i was right, in a real shitty way. ha.... considering your fondness for shit, as soon as i was halfway through the story i knew the outcome. A+ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haunts Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 i think this falls under the catagory of learning from other peoples mistakes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_gooch Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Originally posted by iquit@Jan 24 2005, 02:15 AM i thought a monster was trying to claw his way out of my asshole. i shit splinters. a big solid massive shit wrapped in barbed wire. Quoted post hahahah best quote ever! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest uncle-boy Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 ow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pfffffffffft Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 this quite possibly THE funniest story i have read on 12oz in a loooong time...i can just picture the look on your face when you were hypnotized in the game and just chewing up those seeds.... then the look on your face when you tried to shit them out......ahahhahahahaha only a KNIGHTBAT^o^....good stuff!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perhap Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 so, this is the second time you've done this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duh-rye-won Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 yeah, i kinda did it before, a long time ago, but not to this extent. not even close. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
»§ÜGÅR« Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 im sorry quitster, i really could NOT help but laugh at you. :smiles: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grimes Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 i just choked on my food while reading this shit,haha,damn homie,how could you slip up like that?i mean being high and all is understandable,but damn,swollwing them shits Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fermentor666 Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 I thought this was gonna be how you threatened your co-workers again. What ever happened with that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mackfatsoe Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Eating an entire bag of flaming hot cheetos in one sitting will give you spicy poo, which is damn uncomfortable. but iquit takes it to the next level. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TresOne Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 I thought i was the only one to be at the mercy of the hell-shits that come from eating whole spitz. Worst part is, i wasn't even high.. I've eaten a bunch of those wierd little black, wood-type things in the spitz bags, and they must be made of fucking stone, cause they come out the other end in the exact same condition they went in as... ha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duh-rye-won Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 Originally posted by fermentor666@Jan 24 2005, 07:24 AM I thought this was gonna be how you threatened your co-workers again. What ever happened with that? Quoted post i'm making my boss a fuckload of cash. he had absolutely zero interest in their complaints about me. i just regret i didn't beat the kid down because i probably could've gotten away with it. but it's all good now. nothin wrong with getting a little respect through intimidation, tony soprano style. my asshole is still in shambles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crave Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Pfffffffffft nailed it. This has to be one of the funniest, laugh out loud stories, I've read in quite a long time. Some of lifes greatest lessons are the ones learned through pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
High Priest Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 My dog did something similar - Ate an entire 2lb bag oh chili pistachio's with the shells - he was shiiting them for about a week, and he cried everytime..he could relate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyNapua Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Yeah, I have to agree with Pfffffft & Crave......some of these threads lately have been horriable....this one however is fucking wonderful! :haha: Hope your asshole is feeling normal again Iquit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zack Morris Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 don't worry iquit....I shit my pants on election day...while voting. I hope that makes you feel better about your tortured asshole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herbivore Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 i shit my pants once at a party.... i was just getting over a case of food poisoning... thought i had to fart... was gravely mistaken. got into my socks and everything...... terrible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drsev Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Imagine you were reading this thread at work while, obviously, you were supposed to be working... Then accidentally instead of pressing 'refresh' you press 'print' and dont notice. Any other thread may not have been that bad for someone to find on the printer.. but this was quite hard to explain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinup Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 HAHAHAHA. Herbivore wins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alure Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 hahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poop Man Bob Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Hahaha, this thread is filled with good stories. Zack - how did you shit while voting? iquit - may I suggest these. I use them on occasion: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DETO Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Originally posted by Pfffffffffft@Jan 23 2005, 11:47 PM this quite possibly THE funniest story i have read on 12oz in a loooong time...i can just picture the look on your face when you were hypnotized in the game and just chewing up those seeds.... then the look on your face when you tried to shit them out......ahahhahahahaha only a KNIGHTBAT^o^....good stuff!! Quoted post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GnomeToys Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Originally posted by mackfatsoe@Jan 24 2005, 02:41 AM Eating an entire bag of flaming hot cheetos in one sitting will give you spicy poo, which is damn uncomfortable. but iquit takes it to the next level. Quoted post Cheetos? Damn, I dump 1/4cup of Sriracha Chili Sauce or Maggi Chili Sauce on nearly any noodle dish I'll eat and I never get the fire ass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neskoner Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 i didnt expect this.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kr430n5_666 Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest willy.wonka Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 i make the same mistakes with girls all the time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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