why write Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 lol props for da pics + stories that go with them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hotsauceinthedickholewastaken Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 ONCE ABOUT A DECADE AGO... GIRLFRIEND AT THE TIME, VIOLENT SMASHING OF THE VAGINUS, THEN WITHOUT WARNING, AND GREAT AIM AND PRECISION IF I SAY SO MYSELF, I PULLED IT OUT AND DRILLED IT IN HER RUMP. WELL AS SOON AS THAT HAPPENED IT WAS LIKE A SHOOTING PAIN FOR HER, SHORTY LOOKED LIKE SHE GOT HIT BY LIGHTNING, YOU KNOW THOSE SUDDEN MOVEMENTS THAT COME TO AN ABRUPT STOP WHEN .... WELL YOU KNOW THAT OLD ELECTROCUTION TYPE SHIT. I COULD NOT HELP MYSELF FROM LAUGHING. UNTIL THIS DAY, I MAINTAIN MY INNOCENCE AND CLAIM "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT" ANOTHER TIME (IRONICALLY THE SAME GIRL) SHE WAS JUST KINDA JOKING AROUND I GUESS, WE WERE DRUNK, SHE WAS LICKING MY TAINT/KNUTS WHILE I WAS LAYING ON MY STOMACH. WELL AN OPPORTUNITY AROSE HERE, I FELT A GASSER COMING, AND LET IT GO. WELL AT THIS POINT HER NOSE WAS BURIED BETWIXT THY CHEEKS, AND THIS FART WENT STRAIGHT UP IN HER NOSE AND SHE INHALED IT. HOMEGIRL STARTED DRY HEAVING AND SHIT, DIFFICULTY BREATHING AND ALL THAT. SHE ENDED UP RUNNING TO THE TOILET AND WRETCHING FOR A FEW MINUTES. I WAS IN A FRENZY OF LAUGHTER. THE TIMING AND POSITION WERE PERFECT, I WAS PROUD. WOULDA GOT MEGA BONUS POINTS IF SOME DIARRHEA WOULD HAVE CAME WITH IT BUT WE CANT ALL BE WINNERS. Why the fuck you yelling?...good story though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IRON CHEF Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 OLD STORY: 96' OR 97' DOIN THIS FINE FILIPINO GIRL, IN THE MIDDLE, HAD NO LUBE, I RAN TO THE BATHROOM ONLY FINDING THE UNDER-ARM DEODERANT "GEL" SO I SLAPPED SOME ON MY COCK, WENT BACK IN THE ROOM STARTED BACK WHERE I LEFT OFF, OUT OF NOWHERE SHE SAYS , WAIT A MINUTE I TOOK THE LOTION OUT OF THE BATHROOM AND LEFT IT IN MY CAR FROM TANNING, WHAT DID YOU USE, I SAY DON'T WORRY, SHE ASKS AGAIN, I FINALLY SAY WHAT I USED, SHE SCREAMS GET THAT OUT OF ME! I DON'T WANT THAT IN ME!!! PULLED OUT, HAD TO RUN IT MANUALLY! DAMNIT! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kant $top wont $top Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 i farted two seconds after i busted a nut on a chicks back. period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swindle Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 my girl laura laura as in your friend you kick it with or your girlfriend? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CannahMontana Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 DSD you are my hero (nh) the shit you say in the Detroit thread always has me dyin, once i seen you started this thread i had to peep game, and sure enough i almost pissed my pants in laughter, much love from cincinnati, im gonna put up some shameless stories on here, and like you said, hopefully none of my boys on here peep and call me up giving me shit, but its like almost 5:30 in the morning and i been playing the warriors all night long and my anxiety is starting to kick in and i have no blunt to calm it thanks to felony probation for graff so i think ill save it for another night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CannahMontana Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 fuck it here goes nothing. so much shit went down in like two hours. Okay, so i was dating this philipino broad when i was 18 she was 17 at the time, i think might of been 16 idk oh well, anyways real sexy ass girl, tan skin, kinda chinky eyed but not to chinky ya know, dark brown hair, most wetest pussy ever, well she was riding me one day in her bedroom, and like her mom would go to work (her mom hated me) and like she lived in this 2 family, and would sneak me up these stairs to her room cuz her little 4 year brother would be watching cartoons and shit below us, well were up in her room, buckey ass naked gettin it in and i hear her little brother coming up the stairs, (she has no lock on her door) so i jump up fully naked and run over by her closet, well her brother is banging on the door wanting her to come down and watch cartoons and shit with her, here she is butt ass naked leaning up against the door so he cant come in, she tells him shes doing her hair and stuff and shell be down in a bit, he goes back downstairs. she leans over onto the bed and i start hitting it from the back, man oh man does this bitch's pussy start farting like crazy, thats how wet this girl gets. after a bit i pull out and nut all over her hardwood floor. shes ass naked walking across the room pussy farting the whole way with every step she took, it seriously sounded like a duck, like somebody stepped on a duck and shit, she bends over to pick up her panties, and her pussy gives out this loud squishy fart right then and there i say out loud "AFLACK" (in the ducks voice) she turns and gives me this kinda pissed off smile, and im just dying laughing, after a nit of chillin, and letting me tag her booty and catch the ol cell phone flick of it, we start to fuck again, this time shes begging me to put it in her ass, and again shes bent over onto her bed, so i pull out and take a cruise up the ol hershey highway, ya know parking the beef bus in turd town, after a bit of ramming her cinnamon hole i bust a nut all inside her, as i pull out, she shits all over the place, like that half turd half watery kinda shit, it hits her hardwood floor and splashes all over my feet and legs, and man this shit stunk, she apologizes right away and her face was red as hell, and no lie these were her exact words "i knew i shoulda took a dump before you came over" she tells me shell be right back, goes downstairs to get some stuff to clean it up with, so here i am, all by myself sitting on the edge of this chicks bed looking down at my shit covered feet thinking WTF and she comes back up with a wet rag and i clean my legs off (not like i can just go shower with her little bro right down stairs and all) so i clean my legs off and bounce, and thats pretty much it. next time ill tell you guys about the story of the 45 year old married milf sucking me up in her livingroom after i had met her on a phone chat line, that one really has an amazing twist to it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swindle Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 i been playing the warriors all night long and my anxiety is starting to kick in and i have no blunt to calm it thanks to felony probation for graff so i think ill save it for another night. you seem like a cool guy, tell us more about your life story Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chopsticks Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 letting me tag her booty and catch the ol cell phone flick of it Post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CannahMontana Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 my kids mom was pregnant. but I aint ever ate her out while she was. that's my son in there son! I aint trying to lick the little niggas forhead. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CannahMontana Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Post. shit that was three years ago man, that cell phone is long gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CannahMontana Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 you seem like a cool guy, tell us more about your life story no need to be a smart ass homie, im sure dsd told us alot about his more then i ever will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toiletseat Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 some time ago i hooked up with this jewish chick and she mentioned she liked role playing, so the first thing that came to mind was the adolf hitler anne frank skeme. evening was off tho 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightmareOnElmStreet Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 fuck. someone in oontzville was just saying how they tried doing the anne frank thing... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMdoubleXL Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 i told my girl i want her to dress like anne frank and hide in our house, and i would dress up like hitler w/sharpie marker 'stache, n hunt her down. and if she could make me cum, i would free all the jews from the concentration camps. shes didnt think it was as funny as i did since shes jewish n all but i still think its one of the better ideas ive ever had in my entire life i clearly remember, cuz this had me dyin 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toiletseat Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 ah the joys of antisemitism bringing 12oz together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UPS! Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 It pales in comparison to some of the stories in this thread, its not that nasty, dosent involve poop or period blood but I thought it was kind of amusing in hindsight. Back in high school I use to date this girl whom I had taken her virginity so she was attached at the hip. Everyday after school she would come over and we would have sex, occasionally shed dress up for me or wed do some mildly freaky shit. Well one day during school we had a blood drive or sum and she was always trying to drag me along to charitable shit like that and that day was no diffrent. I declined but she had went ahead and I had gone to my last class of the day. After school that day just like any other we met up at my house and went straight upstairs to my room. It was her bright idea that instead of just fucking we take a shower together becuse no one was at the casa. So we get ass naked, turn on the hot water all the way becuse thats how I like my showers, basically like a sauna. Well for starters I fingerbang the shit out of her and were making out and all that steez, and after about 5mins of that she drops to her knees and starts topping me off. Then after about a minute of head she looks up at me and says she dosent feel so good, but starts trying to suck me still and all of a sudden passes out mouth still wrapped around my dick and all. So I pull her off and start shaking her, yelling her name, slapping her and all that thinking shed fainted from the heat, then it dawned on me she had given blood and that you're not suppose to engage in strainious activity until hours after you have donated. She eventually came around right before I was about to drive her ass to the Hospital which is good, becuse that would of made the story in itself im sure. Cliffnotes: My girlfriend in high school gave blood, comes home and starts blowing me in the shower and faints on my dick. The end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool_Hand Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 CLIFFNOTES. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lambmeet Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I guess i will contribute to this wonderful thread. This is kinda a dickhead move on my part, fuck it though, this bitch is crazy and in prison at the moment anyways. About 7 or 8 years ago. Started dating this lebanese bitch in high school, took her virginity, had a kid with her, the whole nine yards.. Anyways one afternoon we had some friends over for drinks, blunts and lines of oxy and she wanted to head to the bathroom to fuck. We get down to business on the bathroom floor, so i'm hittin' it from behind and within my reach inside the cabinet under the sink is a bottle of suppositories and I had this brilliant idea to slide one of them puppys up her ass, she had no idea. Anyways, fucking is over, get dressed and head back to where the party's at, everything's good. Minutes pass & she decides to head out with one of her friends. She calls me about an hour later telling me she was just at the mall and had to RUN to the bathroom, thats when i broke the news to her. She didn't care one bit & though it was funny at the time. "Shitty" story oh well, move along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool_Hand Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I start typing but they are so fucking lame compared to Detroit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
opentop Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 "had a kid with her, the whole nine yards.. Anyways one afternoon we had some friends over for drinks, blunts and lines of oxy and she wanted to head to the bathroom to fuck." quality people 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Cliffnotes: My girlfriend in high school gave blood, comes home and starts blowing me in the shower and faints on my dick. The end. Should have taken the opportunity to stick it in her butt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 i clearly remember, cuz this had me dyin Well next time you should go along with it & help him to free those Jews! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lambmeet Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 opentop eats cockmeat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swindle Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 this girl was giving me head on a bunk bed, back when she had braces, she got a little excited and went for a big gulp, cutting my dick with her brace thingy. i thought nothing of it and she clearly didnt notice coz she kept going for a minute or two then stopped and said "i think i bit my tongue or something i can taste blood" she sits up and we both notice a semi large puddle of blood on my stomach, she screams, jerks upwards, hits her head on the roof and goes face first into the blood. shes spluttering and half crying and im laughing. things didnt work out between us :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newer Bigger Better Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 It's okay she's kinda weird looking anyway... like an anime character Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sausage party Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 QUESTION: any of you ever do a stand up 69? my friends and i had a conversation about how we know nobody who has done it before and since then i keep trying to get my girl to do it. shes not really feeling it. fuck it, shes a faggot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newer Bigger Better Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 I don't know any girl who can do a pullup so im assuming they can't stand on their hands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DSD666 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 I got more stories for yall, I just wanted this shit to run on it's own for a few. thanks to all that contributed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMdoubleXL Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 you dont really need to stand on your hands to do a stand up 69. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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