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Die Antwoord

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HE'S NOT FOR REAL.

 

 

Piel.gif

 

Die Antwoord And 'Zef' - South Africa's Biggest Non-Existent Scene

 

By Jaimie Hodgson

 

Posted on 02/09/10 at 06:52:41 pm

 

 

 

jaimienewblogpic.jpg The past week has seen blogland erupt in a flurry of giddy viralling, when it seemed it had stumbled upon the most mind-boggling scene discovery since

Die Antwoord leapt out our wildest dreams and into our hearts, a just-too-good-to-be-true South African rap-rave posse claiming to be the primary exponent of 'zef' (along with other local artists like Jack Parow), an indigenous Cape Town sound that fused early Nineties chart dance energy with an in-credi-tastic white-trash ghetto-rap attitude. In the space of 24 hours they'd become one of the most talked-about acts in 'existence'.

Quickly an avalanche of attention poured onto Youtube, discovering a whole library of videos all posted from what appeared to be different members of the group's dedicated fanbase. From slick promos to lo-fi live shots. The knee-jerk reaction was, of course, 'this has to be a joke.' A DJ that mysteriously morphed video-to-video between having progeria syndrome to being a silent tubby lad that lives with his nan? A helium-voiced, square-fringed goblinette hype girl and a frontman wearing Pink Floyd bermuda shorts that, well, err, we'll let 'Ninja' himself illustrate his 'flow':

continued...

As bizarre as it all seemed, there appeared to be plenty of evidence backing up the group's genuine career. Numerous blogs and magazines appeared to feature them as a real band at face value, take our pals at Stereogum and Vice, as well as label sites, fan sites, and of course there's that infallible portal of fact that is Wikipedia. Maybe it was just overwelming wishful thinking, but caught up in the hysteria, we went against our better judgement, ignored the lurking clues, and swiftly went out and got copy-cat tattoos to match Ninja's.

But as the world feverishly snuffled the vaults of virtual truth like escaped piglets at a spilling bin for more information on the history of 'zef', Die Antwoord and its various members, the plot thickened like curdling cream. Cross-referencing stories, the truth behind the band began to emerge. Tragically, the facts in this case not only turned out to be not quite as 'strange' as the fiction, but nowhere near as amazing.

Here's Ninja aka cult music/comedy svengali Watkin Tudor Jones with a familiar looking side-kick in their previous hip hop-themed incarnation, Max Normal TV, a video-comedy-sketch-troupe-cum-live-conceptual-rap-act helmed by WTJ that took SA's hipster-sphere by (mild) storm about a year-or-so ago. An SA-rap luminary of some time, having released two albums on Sony with his Original Evergreen clique (a kinda stoner frat-rap shindig) in the mid-90s, then going on to record under various solo and group aliases he began moving on to distinctly artier, more satirical territories, ending up in all-out performance-piece-ville...

Evidently WTJ's long-standing links with the Puma and Jagermeister brands have helped the realisation of this latest surreal shit-spitting brainchild in more explosive, extensive and generally high-budget fashion than ever before.

Whilst it's kind've ruined my week that neither 'zef' or Die Antwoord exist in this grey February real world, or at least if they do 'exist' technically-speaking, that aren't what they claim to be, it hasn't stopped me watching 'Enter The Ninja' at least five times a day, every day since Monday. The District 9 Ali G it may be, but like

you've got to take your plastic neon baseball cap off to a well-executed prank. WTJ is evidently, as they say, 'the man'. From what we've heard the Die Antwoord 'performance piece' is something they take very seriously indeed, with WTJ and Yo-Landi both spotted living and breathing their satirical roles on the streets of Cape Town, day-in day-out. They play shows, are releasing an album, and evidently recieve a massive response from a committed fanbase who know and follow WTJ's work. And most of all, at the end of the day, a big choon's a big choon, shall we have it just one more time? Yeah, why not...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

STOLEN FROM NME..FUCK A LINK

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Die Antwoord

 

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

 

Jump to: navigation, search

 

 

This page contains spoilers — Important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,



HOLY SHIT Ninja is college educated performance artist Waddy Jones, Yo-Landi went to art school, is married to Waddy, is his babymomma and YHBT!!!1

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LOL WUT

 

 

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Like tentaclepr0n for your ears.

 

 

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Is dat some TsimFuckis?

 

 

Nice Dark Side of the Moon shorts. Str8 gangsta amirite

 

 

 

Die Antwoord (aka The Answer) is a ninja rave/rap crew from straight outta Cape Town.

They are also the ideal rap group for EDiots and /b/tards since their sound is like your ears are getting tentacle raped and they feature a delicious loli with a foul mouth, (Yo-Landi Vi$$er), an XBox hueg basement dweller, DJ (DJ Hi-Tek), a methhead Chav with bad teeth and crap tattoos, (Ninja), and a scary, retarded TsimFuckis lookalike, (DJ Solarize).

Die Antwoord's Chav ghetto style can best be described as Cypress Hill on meth, a style they call "zef". Zef is defined by ninjas, zeffness, giftige cherries, sexy outjies, sooped style, vet klank, wat pomp, duk zak, yin-yang, niel blomkamp. In English: crap. But in a good way. Like bad meaning good not good meaning bad.

Zefness

 

Although black people claim that Zef was created by the CIA in a lab to holocaust the race, Ninja defines Zef as being a higher state of being and mind where you feel "full flex"; like reaching the next level of a video game. Meanwhile, rappers and white suburban teenage Americunts are already familiar with "zef" cos it's basically a ripoff of the ebonics word "def". However since Cape Town is a fucking shithole, it could never be described as "def", "dope" or "da bomb", so Zef it is. Plus, since Afrikaans is probably the world's most fucked up sounding language/accent, somewhat akin to a garbage disposal unit going to work on $20 in loose change, nobody wants to hear Ninja explain himself further.

 

 

 

You’ve been frequently described as "white trash." Do you accept that term? What does it mean to you?

—New York magazine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It means someone does not know what they are talking about. Our style is zef. We not trash, we are fuckin' fancy.

—Ninja

 

 

 

 

 

Having felt -nay- experienced Zefness, they decided to put it to music and disemminate it thru the Interwebs where boingboing discovered them.

The Crew

 

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Ninja: str8 gangsta.

 

 

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Yoyoma Visser

 

 

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Immortal

 

 

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Max Normal: Ninja IRL

 

 

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MAN THE HARPOONS

 

 

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Keeping it realz: courtesy PUMA

 

 

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Dicks everywhere

 

 

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Pumped yulle

 

 

Ninja

 

A culture warrior and self appointed spokesman for South African common man, this 50-year-old Eminem wannabe is primarily influenced by LOTR and has a tattoo of Ninja's secret fairy forest to prove it. But since this is most definitely not gangsta, he's planning on getting laser surgery to remove it and get an Avatard tattoo instead since that is way more gangsta. His other tattoos are (in his words) "pretty fucking self spoken" including IF YOU DON'T LIKE FUNERALS, DON'T KICK SAND IN A NINJA'S FACE and UGLY ON THE SKIN LOVELY FROM WITHIN. They are made of Sharpie and FAIL.

Ninja was previously rapper Max Normal and had a group called the Original Evergreens. He's also an art school dropout whose half-finished thesis paper was on post-Weimar Republic German performance art. To keep it real, Ninja still lives with his mum and dad.

Recently Ninja (aka Watkin "Waddy" Tudor Jones) presented his latest series of sculptures in his Fantastic Kill range at the Michaelis School of Fine Art in a one-night exhibition. The series of sculptures comprised small stuffed felt animals, mostly based on indigenous fauna, some of which have a definitely sinister undertone. There was also be a small series of digital prints on view. The exhibition moved on to a video screening in which two works by Jones were screened.

Now that's gangsta.

Yo-Landi

 

Yo-landi Visser is a very keen young girl with a zest for life. Although she is very professional, Yolandi also enjoys having fun. Besides her full-time job working as South African rap impresario Max Normal's personal assistant, she also writes romance novels. She has published 3 novels to date which are all doing very well.

Yolandi has a wild imagination and likes to think up strange erotic fantasies. Her boyfriend is the jealous type and he is certain that Yolandi has cheated on him several times although he cannot prove it.

An art school educated rich bitch IRL, Yolandi dresses like a truckstop prostitot and still lives with her mum who does her hair using a salad bowl and hedge trimmer. She is attracted to toothless men with tattoos but claims that her relationship with Ninja is strictly a working one despite being his IRL wife and the mother of his kid -a girl the call Sixteen.

tl;dr: even though she's prolly like 28, she looks like she's loli with decent tits and a nice arse and /b/ would hit it with the fist of an angry god.

DJ Hi-Tek

 

Little is known about the Silent Bob of Die Antwoord, but Ninja credits him as the music genius of the crew since he is the only one who had a PC computer to make next level beats. Hi-Tek is currently fucking up the crew's plans to tour and spread the Zef for world domination (thank god) by going MIA from his gran's house. He is thought to be off on another drug binge living in District 9 due to being a fat cunt.

Leon aka DJ Solarize aka Immortal

 

See main article at: TsimFuckis

DJ Solarize is actually Leon Botha, the world's longest surviving progeria case and a world renowned painter. He is rich but not beautiful.

In January 2010 he hosted the first exhibit of "Who Am I? ...Transgressions", a photo collaboration with Gordon Clark, at the Joao Ferreira Gallery in Cape Town. Botha said of the exhibition, "I am a spiritual being, the same as you, primarily. Then I'm a human being and this part of the human being is the body, which has a condition."

Now that's gangsta.

Blowin Up

 

After their first single, Beat Boy appeared on YouTube in early 2010 it went viral and soon had the world clamouring for moar of Die Antwoord This led for the local meeja going batshit insane for the Zefness. Die Antwoord dropped the science in a YouTube called Take No Prisoners for a local news network.

 

1

 

 

Trolling IRL

 

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fandom stuff

 

 

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Ninja's str8 gangsta

 

 

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Trolling Antworms on Facebook

 

 

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See also, cocks

 

 

Wiser than you thought.

 

 

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Ninja with his black friend. This proves that Die Antwoord is legit

 

 

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Die Antwoord action figures

 

 

The best thing about Die Antwoord, however, is that they are awesomely 1337 subtle IRL trolls. That's right, the whole thing is an elaborate hoax courtesy of South African performance artist and troll Watkin "Waddy" Tudor Jones. There's no doubting that "Ninja", formerly known as Max Normal can genuinely rap his arse off and write decent -if somewhat bizarre- rhymes (something that Ali G could never pull off) but once you get past that, everything else about Die Antwoord is way too retarded to be taken seriously.

Granted, wiggers, chavs and 110% of rappers are fucking retarded by definition and so it could be argued that this retardation is the default setting for any given white rap crew and that they are super serial. After being exposed to decades of MTV vidyas from the likes of ICP to Li'l Wayne it is somewhat plausible that backwards wigger South Africans would embrace and embody crap tattoos, grillz, bowl-cut hairdos, drugs, ebonics and make videos featuring bouncing cocks in their white ghetto hood populated entirely by rednecks and amputee alcoholic gypsies in wheelchairs.

And therein lies their greatest strength for pwning rap fanboys, however trying too hard has painted Die Antwoord into a corner that -having already accumulated thousands of rabid fans who will no doubt buy a shitload of their music and merch- will lead to hardcore RAAAGE and butthurt when the jig is up and they are eventually told "LOL YHBT" and "IDIFTL" by Die Antwoord.

The fallout should rival The Emperor's New Clothes for morality tale lulz. We at ED, wait with baited breath -for someone to put a cap in Ninja's arse and see him cry like a little girl.

 

When you talk about your gang $O$ you seem to use a lot of Cape Gang references, phrases like bloed in, bloed uit and other symbols in your style. Is that just bad ass gangster rap posturing. Or are you guys really connected to gangs in and out of prison?

Mahala

 

 

 

Ask no questions hear no lies.

—Ninja

 

 

 

Word on the street is that your use of certain elements of Cape Gang culture has upset some gang members. How do you deal with that? Does it scare you that these bad fokken naaiers want to get you?

—Mahala

 

 

 

My blaar, we all in the same gang.

—Ninja

 

 

 

 

 

Can anyone explain why they needed to do this whole fake image thing? I get that he is super creative but people tend to get turned off fake shit, when they dont know its fake. Why lie about being married? Why lie about being gang affiliated. Why does Yolandi say she used to be a poor girl when she comes from a wealthy family. I know a lot of rave MCs, professionals. They are who they are. They dont fake shit because it is too dangerous to do so. Does Waddy roll with body guards? Or does he stay away from the really bad areas. Because I feel like the guy is going to get shot.

mahala

 

 

 

 

How To Troll Answertards

 

 

My friend Jon thought they were for real. Now he owes me 100 bucks.



 

 

 

Tell them their favourite new group is fake and that they have been trolled. Most will respond by flaming you for stating the obvious whilst simultaneously displaying hueg amounts of butthurt as if you were attacking their integrity by suggesting they're stupid and have been taken in. Of course they knew it all along and -besides- "so what?" They will go on to claim that Die Antwoord are still great entertainers with great music and/or great artists like Sacha Baron Cohen for bringing thought-provoking 'theatre of the absurd' that merits conversation as to the cultural implications of their agitprop 'guerilla art'.

You can call bullshit on this by pointing out that Die Antwoord are like latter day Elvis Presleys exploiting black culture and profiting off the misery of poor blacks in the ghetto at best and are condescending, racist rich kids who are mocking 'ignorant' and poor blacks, wiggers and chavs who don't know any better at worst.

The Video called "Hilarious 'Die Antwoord' Rap Video Blowing Up"

 

There are many things in life that can be decribed as "hilarious" including jokes, Uncyclopedia, retards and the Egyptian Pygmy Jerboa. However if your idea of hilarious is watching a smug fat cunt and a vanilla bitch who is probably a born-again Christian "critiquing" Die Antwoord in the style of Emergency Science Fiction Theatre 9000, then this video is for you. (An especially good bit is when the female reviewer sniggers at the lovely, gorgeous and talented Yo-Landi shaking her perfect little booty. The reviewer herself probably has a colostomy bag held in place by faeces-coated strips of cellulite.) If, however, you'd find it funnier if these two motherfuckers were duck-taped together with his cock down her throat and set on fire whilst a chorus of dwavres dressed as Mickey Mouse chanted "Death To Whitie America", then this video may not amuse you quite as much.

 

 

Trolling The Music Business

 







 

 







What is this...I don't even

 

 

After almost completely purging their blog archives of anything that might give the game away, Die Antwoord recently pulled off an epic Sex Pistols style Great Rock 'n' Roll Swindle on the music business by entering the US market and sparking a bidding war between the four major labels who -in their usual clueless fashion- went batshit insane tripping over themselves to throw millions of dollars and multi-year recording contracts at the fake group, 100% convinced that Ninja and co were the real deal. Rumour has it, that Die Antwoord have demanded that should the winner fail to sell 1 million albums of their debut, the band get to walk away from the contract with their $1,000,000 normally recoupable advance check intact and go elsewhere with no strings attached.

Interscope (the label of Eminem, Snoop Dogg and Dr Dre) appear to have won this particular lottery but in fact, have lost the game. It remains to be seen how much raaaaage will ensue when the perpetually volatile Eminem and co find out they are working with a bunch of trolls who are taking the piss out of American gangsta rap and the serious business culture of "keeping it real".

 



I know that shit was fuckin fake.. New Yorkers don't fall for that shit.



NME

 

 

After getting signed, Die Antwoord spent a fucking shitload of Interscope's money on a new video, which features more cocks than Elton John's house on a Saturday night, as well as bewbs from delicious Yolandi. GG, Die Antwoord. GG.

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I tried pointing out the lameness in VIP when somone posted a download link.

TPW moderators stepped in and dismissed my claims of wackness and said that shit is good music.

Then they jerked each other off using mustache wax as lube, and all got matching ironic tattoo's and rode off on their fixys.

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met that dude in new orleans thought the shit was funny till i realized the dudes some kinda wanna be rockstar fag with midget bodygaurds str8 wanted to smack that fool

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hate to sound like the consumate hipster but, we have known about this shit for months, where the fuck have you been?

 

also, search function, i feel like i made a better version of this thread almost a year ago

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i think i just propped you honkylipps.

dont get too cocky,

i meant to neg you.

 

but im drunk soooo...

 

fuck you bitch(hiccup)

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normal conversation:

 

anyone with hipster tendencies: "do you like Die Antwoord?"

 

me: "no, not really. no i dont, its not my thing"

 

anyone with hipster tendencies: "oh but you know its a joke right, they aren't serious?"

 

me: "oh, does that make the music sound better?"

 

anyone with hipster tendencies: "......theres something...i have to blog about..i have to go..."

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