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- No matter what traffic lane you're in, the other one always moves faster.


- Fuckin' like a pornstar only to look down and see the rubber all the way at the bottom of your dick - probably broken for an hour.


- Order a drink and realize the clear wasn't liquor; it was water.


- Order a burger "no onions" and I get huge raw onion slices on my shit.


- Rush to your car late for work, turn it on, and shit's on 'E'


- Eating at a restaurant and the bitch waitress is M.I.A after I get my food.


- Toilet splash.





















Keep it movin'

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