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Zack Morris

all the crude sexual acts your could ever ask for

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I got this in an email..if any you knw of were missed please add them

 

The Dirty Sanchez

When you're going at it doggy-style and just as you're about to spill your

load, you plunge a finger into her poopshoot and reach around to her upper

lip, where you proceed to paint on "The Dirty Sanchez."

 

The Wet Burrito

Similar to the Dirty Sanchez, only performed with your own ball sweat.

 

The Code of Silence

Anytime you fuck a girl that's so dirty or ugly that you rip off the used

condom, gag her with it, and tell her that you'll kill her if she tells a

soul what just happened between the two of you.

 

The Coyote

When you wake up the morning after sex with an absolute beast to find that

she's sleeping on your arm and rather than have to talk to her or, god

forbid, touch her again, you gnaw your own arm off and leave it there.

 

The Purple Mushroom

When your receiving a little oral pleasure from a girl and just before you

shoot your load, you whip it out of her mouth and try to impale her cheek.

The impression it leaves resembles a purple mushroom.

 

The Divot

A must for golfers! When you've got your hand below the belt on some girl

with a fair amount of bush, you grab on to as much of it as you can, scream

"Fore!" and rip every last pube out of her.

 

The Bronco

When you're taking a girl doggy-style and just at the moment of climax you

reach around, grab her tits as tightly as you can, scream out another girl's

name, and enjoy the sensation as she tries to buck you off.

 

The Rodeo

A variation of the Bronco where a bunch of your closest friends are hidden in

a bedroom closet prior to the sexual encounter. At some type of a prompt,

they all run out with a video camera and you try and see how long you can

stay on as she tries to get away.

 

The Pearl Necklace

When you are enjoying a fine blowjob or titty-fucking session and you happen

to leave a line of droplets resembling a string of pearls around her neck.

 

The New York Style Taco

Any time that you are so drunk that you go down on a girl and puke in her box.

 

The Stinky Pinky

When you're going at it from the back and you insert a pinky finger in along

side your member, reach around front, and plunge it so far into her nostril

that it tilts her head back.

 

The Gobstopper

When you're receiving a hand job and just as you're about to come, the girl

decides to squeeze your unit with all of her might and cap you off with her

thumb.

 

The Stranger

When the tedium of your nightly jerk off becomes too much so you sit on your

hand until it falls asleep, giving the sensation of someone else doing it.

 

The Donkey Punch (*EVERYONES FAVORITE*)

When you're attacking a girl from the back and at the moment of climax you

pull out, plunge it into her cornhole, let out a mighty "Hee Haw!" and punch

her in the back of the head. Note: In order to fully enjoy the Donkey Punch,

you must knock her out as this results in a tightening of the asshole.

 

The Hot Lunch (aka Cleveland Steamer, aka Hot Carl)

When you're receiving a blow job from a position where you're crouched over

her face on all fours and you drop a monster shit right onto her chest.

 

The Chili Dog

A variation of above where you proceed to titty-fuck her afterwards.

 

The Shocker

When you're fingering a girl and decide to give her a surprise so you insert

a digit or two into her asshole.

 

The Beetle Clip

You insert your thumb into the snatch and forefinger into the poopshoot and

try your damndest to make them touch each other.

 

The Six Pack

When performing the above and you attempt to carry the girl around (similar

to the way you would a six pack).

 

The Golden Shower (aka Watersports)

Any shape or form of urinating on or in a girl.

 

The Bismarck

When you've got your dick buried to the hilt in some girl's throat and you

pull out to sign her face, then belt her, and smear the blood and come

together.

 

Tossing Salad (aka Rim Job)

A common prison practice that could also be termed "eating asshole."

 

The Cave

When you blow your load into a girl's mouth and proceed to kick her teeth in,

making her mouth look like a cave.

 

The Bullwinkle

When you're entering your partner from the rear and you reach up front,

wrench her nipples as hard as you can, put your hands up to the sides of your

head like antlers, and wiggle your fingers and stick out your tongue while

emitting a high pitched turkey gobble.

 

Felching

A homosexual activity in which one fag fucks another and proceeds to suck his

own splooge out of his partner's asshole with a straw. This one's not even

popular in prison.

 

Major Tom

The act of hanging your partner upside down (typically by their ankles) and

swinging their mouth into your cock. This is a move that is often practiced

most unwillingly in prisons.

 

The Dog in the Bathtub

The name given to attempting to drop your nuts into a girl's asshole. Aptly

named as it's about the only thing harder than getting a dog into a bathtub.

 

The Dolphin

When you're giving it to a girl from behind and you pull out to stuff it in

her butt when she turns her head around and whimpers, "Uh Uh, Uh Uh,"

sounding exactly like a dolphin.

 

The V-Plow

When you're muff diving and in order to look up at the girl you drag your

whole face through here snatch, nose proudly leading the way, parting that

nasty labia.

 

The Crimson Tide

When you're going down on some girl and, to your surprise, the lunar

alignment dictates that her monthly flow has just to begun.

 

The Free Willy

When you've worked up such a throbber that when some girl unzips your pants

to give you a hummer, you spring forth and poke her eye out harpoon style.

 

The Mudslide

After convincing some girl to give you a little ass munching action, you

proceed to unleash a massive flow of diarrhea and sit there and laugh as it

runs down her face and body.

 

The Fortune Cookie

After you're done banging some chick, you slip the condom off as you pull

out, leaving it in there for the next customer.

 

The Eiffel Tower

When you and a friend decide to work a girl over together. You get her down

on all fours with one of you in her mouth and the other going at it doggy

style. From this position you give one another a mighty, two-handed high

five, making the entire structure resemble the Eiffel tower.

 

The Angry Dragon

On the first round of the night, work up an extremely large load during a

blow job. Just before you're about to explode, grab the back of her head and

ram your unit as far down her throat as possible, causing her to gag on your

pint of fluid. The result? She spews it out of her nose, making her resemble

an angry dragon.

 

The Flying Camel

A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her

from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to

prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long,

shrieking howl, much like a camel in distress. Strictly a class move.

 

The Fishhook

A variation of the shocker in which you pull back towards the pussy after you

stick your finger up her anus.

 

The Ram

Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against

the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall against her head should

allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile

sensitivity.

 

The Fountain of You

While sitting on her face and having her eat your asshole, jerk off like a

madman, build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, and spew like

a geyser all over her neck, tits, and stomach (Better in her bed).

 

The Pink Glove

This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you

pull out to give her the money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog.

This is referred to as the pink glove.

 

The Houdini (aka The Phantom)

Going at it doggy-style until you are just about to come, then pull out and

spit on her back so she thinks that you have come. When she turns around a

blast is unleashed into her face and she is left shocked and amazed, wondering

how you did it.

 

The Zombie Mask

While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell

her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when

you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth

of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness

will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms

outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.

 

Strawberry short cake

Doggy style again. Before ejaculating, pull out and spit on partners back in

a manner which would convince them that ejaculation occured. When they turn

around to face you, then bust a nut on their face. and belt them in the face

to cause the blood and nut to mix together thus forming something that looks

like strawberry short cake.

 

The Fish Eye

Fucking her from behind, you shove your finger in her ass (or his if you are

in prison) whereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see

what the hell is going on back there.

 

The Fur Ball

You're chomping away at some trollop who has a mane between her legs the size

of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat

and causes you to beat the piss out of her.

 

Tea Bagging

When she takes your whole scrotum into her mouth and holds it there like a

tea bag in a cup of hot water.

 

The Hummer

While sucking on your rod, she emits a low humming noise. The vibrations from

her throat make it all too easy to bring her concert to a quick end.

 

Snow Balling

Occurs when some chick takes your load in her mouth and has the audacity come

up and kiss you while it's still in there.

 

The Screwnicorn

When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at

her partner like a crazed unicorn.

 

The Camel Clutch

When she's lying on her stomach with you giving it to her from behind and you

decide to emulate the Iron Sheik through his signature move, grabbing her

underneath the chin and pulling straight back with both hands.

 

The Rumpledforeskin

When some girl makes you stop fucking her because she somehow realizes that

you don't remember her name, causing you to go limp (like the fairy tale).

 

The Skull Fuck

The act of removing a person's eye (unless you really luck out and find

someone who's already lost one) and fucking the gaping whole left in its

place.

 

One in the Fridge, One in the Freezer

Another one that requires a partner, this simply refers to you and a buddy

putting one in her pussy and another in her butt, and simultaneously trying

to reach her uterus and large intestine.

 

The Repunzel

When no amount of suggestion, persuasion, or begging will get a girl to go

down on you and you're forced to resort to simply pulling her head down there

by the hair.

 

The Boston Cooler

Any form of oral stimulation in which you cleverly conceal ice cubes in you

mouth to surprise your partner.

 

The Flaming Amazon

When banging a girl missionary-style right as your about to unleash the fury

grab the nearest lighter, pull out, set her pubes on fire and extinguish the inferno

with your load.

The Neopolitan

The creamy white, red, and brown substance that falls onto the bed after

banging a girl in the ass.

Pink Sock

The small flap of skin that will start to form and protrude from a girls anus

after repeatatively taking it in the bum.

The Triple Crown

 

Any three of the above events performed upon the same person.

 

The Hat Trick

 

Any three of the above events performed over the course of a single evening.

 

The Technical Knockout (TKO)

 

Any three of the above events performed upon the same person over the course

of a single evening.

 

The Clean Sweep

Any four of the above events performed upon the same person.

 

The Grand Slam

Any four of the above events performed over the course of a single evening.

 

The Rape and Pillage

Any four of the above events performed upon the same person over the course

of a single evening.

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Guest willy.wonka

yup

 

Originally posted by bug

its all about the houdini...

 

the blumpkin-getting head while taking a shit...

relief bumper-taking a piss while she eats your ass out

 

i like the houdini...

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Guest mind fuck

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. whew

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Guest serpent of the light

dude, a cleveland steamer and hot lunch are NOT the same as a hot carl. hot carl is where you put syran wrap over someone's face and poop on it.

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Originally posted by Santa Claus

if any of ya'll know what MUNG is....i'm sorry you have to know too.

 

its disturbing. [/quote

 

mung kiss!!

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two guys go to a morgue and find a freshly dead cunt. one guy spreads her legs..you put your face in her muff and he pushes on her stomach..whatever comes out is mung..the mung kiss..

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Originally posted by graffsurgeon

two guys go to a morgue and find a freshly dead cunt. one guy spreads her legs..you put your face in her muff and he pushes on her stomach..whatever comes out is mung..the mung kiss..

 

the version i know of involves a live pregnant lady......and not so much pushing...more like stomping. and..we all know what should be coming out.

 

i want to puke just thinking about it.

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i know what comes out santa claus...dinner

 

 

I don't think the arabian goggles was on the list so I will add it. Its a variation of the tea bag yet instead of dipping your nuts into someones mouth you cover thier eyes with your sack.

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Originally posted by Zack Morris

i know what comes out santa claus...dinner

 

ahahahahahahahahahaha

holy shit.

that sounds like a joke my friends would make. oh man....

 

so, we all thought of a couple good Mung Porno movie titles, the best being:

Breakfast Club

Exit Wombs

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Unusual Sex Practices

AGALMATOPHILIA: Attractions to statues or mannequins.

ANASTEEMAPHILIA: Attraction to a person because of a difference in height.

 

AXILLISM: The use of the armpit for sex.

 

CHREMATISTOPHILIA: Arousal from being charged for sex or robbed.

 

DACRYPHILIA: Arousal from seeing tears in the eyes of a partner.

 

DENDROPHILIA: Attraction to trees.

 

EMETOPHILIA: Arousal from vomit or vomiting.

 

FORMICOPHILIA: Enjoyment of the use of insects for sexual purposes. (Or the arousal from having sex on a cheap counter top)

 

NASOPHILIA: Arousal from the sight, touch, licking, or sucking of a partner's nose.

 

OCULOLINCTUS: The act of licking a partner's eyeball.

 

SACOFRICOSIS: The practice of cutting a hole in the bottom of a front pant pocket in order to masturbate in public with less risk of detection.

 

SIDERODROMOPHILIA: Arousal from riding in trains.

 

TAPHEPHILIA: Arousal from being buried alive.

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Guest --zeSto--

SIDERODROMOPHILIA: Arousal from riding in trains.

 

what do they call it when you get aroused painting trains?

 

FR8ROKOPHILIA ?

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SACOFRICOSIS: The practice of cutting a hole in the bottom of a front pant pocket in order to masturbate in public with less risk of detection.

 

is that a bad thing?

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