GRINDHOUSE

[tabloid-]

I saw the trailor last night. For a second I thought Tarentino/Rodriguez remade escape from New York.

[Guest R@ndomH3ro]

I saw the trailor last night. For a second I thought Tarentino/Rodriguez remade escape from New York.

 

I thought the same thing too.

 

 

 

Snake is back!! :lol: :lol:

[boogie hands]

this sounds like some over hyped hipster shit. my friends who are all like fuckin into "indie" rock and hang out at fuckin dive bars and put out zines are all blabbing to me about this grindhouse shit. i dunno... kill bill dissapointed me big time so i've lost faith in this guy.

 

i agree on this one. as much as i liked how over the top kill bill was i think this movie is going to come off as a contrived, cheesy pseudo-homage to the original grindhouse genre. personally ill stick to the rated-x, banned in 50 countries, grindhouse o.g.s from the seventies and eighties. those are some seriously fun, twisted movies.

 

all that said, ill probably end up going to see it when it comes out. movies are so bad these days that when anything even remotely interesting comes out at the theatre i jump on it like a butterhead at the end of a winless night of partying.

[Some1]

This revamped my love of amputees...

[El Mamerro]

I thought the same thing too.

 

 

 

Snake is back!! :lol: :lol:

 

 

Actually yeah, he is. New Line is remaking Escape from NY with Gerard Butler (Leonidas in 300) as Snake, and the dude who wrote Black Hawk Down writing the screenplay.

 

I have no idea why the fuck they would even do this, but it doesn't surprise me. At least there's talent behind it.

[Drue_Down]

 

I actually own this poster.

[chainsaw party]

Rob Zombie is supposed to have a guest trailer in it for a fake movie named something like Wolf women of the SS or somewhere along those lines. At any rate, it's was described on the radio as a bunch of topless girls tied down with nazis stealing their blood and branding them with swazis. Wow!

[Torquemada]

too white to be black, too black to be white?.....what's that one about?

 

 

Grindhouse To Be Greatest Movie In The History Of The World

 

In an otherwise gossipy article about the rating woes waiting ahead for Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez's upcoming ultra-violent homage to 70's sex and splatter films, Page Six managed to somehow put together a mathematical proof that Grindhouse is going to be the greatest movie ever made.

 

Consider the formula...

 

"In one scene, a cute, topless girl is roughly tied down on a table by evil female Nazi experimenters who begin draining her blood and, as she screams in agony, they brand her like livestock with a coal-hot steel swastika," our source said. "And every girl in the Nazi concentration camp is topless."

+

 

"There's a part where Jordan Ladd [daughter of Cheryl Ladd of 'Charlie's Angels'] is in a car with her boyfriend and giving him [oral sex] when she lovingly reaches to stroke his hair and discovers his neck is just a bloody stump - some maniac had just cut off his head while she was in the act."

X

 

Later, a frisky cheerleader climbs onto a trampoline and begins stripping naked as she jumps up and down until she does a split and her skirt blows up without panties underneath

+

 

Another jolting scene shows a grossly obese man chewing on a baby.

= GREATEST MOVIE EVER.

 

 

 

 

 

i think this officially means it's going to be better than 300.

[blood fart]

I'll go.

Not at the drive-in though.

I don't think the city bus would make a 2 hour stop at the movies for me.

 

It might be a disappointment.

It might be a waste of money.

 

Hopefully not.

[fermentor666]

kill bill was Terrible with a capital T. that movie got so much hype and it sucked.

uma thurmans japanese was fucking terrible and the whole part about how she wanted to

get a japanese sword but then the whole film she is using a chinese sword style.

i know most people wont get that, well i did, and it was annoying to me because i

really like asian films and like memoirs of a geisha using chinese actresses, i dont like hollywood

gloss overs that underestimates the audiences intelligence.

 

the biggest thing that bugs me is that his ideas always have alot of potential.

so his stuff is not terrible like say a shaq movie but to me they are frustrating because

he does genres that i really like and i want to like his stuff but they always seem snobbish

like hey im a film geek and im going to rip off parts of an exploitation flick.

the people that know i ripped it off will see it as tribute and all those that didnt

see the film i ripped it off from will just think im the greatest director to have ever lived.

when i watch the behind the scenes stuff i just cant stand what a nerd he is.

i liked resevoir dogs, and pulp fiction but hes gone down hill from there.

 

with that said, im definitely going to see this because i like rodriguezs stuff and i hope quentins is just

as good.

 

 

Putting aside the fact that I think you're wrong about "Kill Bill", the man could make crap-to-mediocre movies for the rest of his career and still not be over-rated after making "Pulp Fiction" and "Resevoir Dogs". And despite what you think about the films, there is no denying that the high quality of his technique is indisputable.

[Theo Huxtable.]

kill bill was Terrible with a capital T. that movie got so much hype and it sucked.

uma thurmans japanese was fucking terrible and the whole part about how she wanted to

get a japanese sword but then the whole film she is using a chinese sword style.

i know most people wont get that, well i did, and it was annoying to me because i

really like asian films and like memoirs of a geisha using chinese actresses, i dont like hollywood

gloss overs that underestimates the audiences intelligence.

 

the biggest thing that bugs me is that his ideas always have alot of potential.

so his stuff is not terrible like say a shaq movie but to me they are frustrating because

he does genres that i really like and i want to like his stuff but they always seem snobbish

like hey im a film geek and im going to rip off parts of an exploitation flick.

the people that know i ripped it off will see it as tribute and all those that didnt

see the film i ripped it off from will just think im the greatest director to have ever lived.

when i watch the behind the scenes stuff i just cant stand what a nerd he is.

i liked resevoir dogs, and pulp fiction but hes gone down hill from there.

 

with that said, im definitely going to see this because i like rodriguezs stuff and i hope quentins is just

as good.

 

i liked kill bill, but i agree with memoirs of a geisha. that was so ignorant and innaccurate it's amazing. chinese actresses playing japanese women, and trying to speak english with a japanese accent but still sounding like a chinese accent. most people can't tell, but chinese and japanese look slightly different. and the mannerisms and attitudes are different from that of japanese people. chinese people are more "cold," "abrasive," and "mean." japanese tend to practice more humility and politeness and put any troubled feelings at bay. and yes memoirs of a geisha was written by a white guy. not saying white guys can't do asian (or asian-style) films, because like i said i've liked kill bill and clint eastwood's "letters from iwo jima," but memoirs of a geisha was repulsively innaccurate and ignorant.

 

what's up with that chinese woman playing a latina in miami vice (the new one)?

[fermentor666]

what's up with that chinese woman playing a latina in miami vice (the new one)?

 

 

You have to ask why Hollywood makes inaccurate casting? One word: "Blackface".

 

 

 

And a "Escape From New York" remake is such a bad idea. They already fucked up both "The Fog" and "Assault on Precinct 13". Carpenter must be desperate for cash or something.

[serum]

i agree. i just think that idea wise he is over rated. he gets alot of credit for things that he

ripped off from other people. and yes ill take his rip offs, and any other crap he has to make

because it will still be alot better than most of the stuff thats coming out. but i cant resist dogging

him because his stuff isnt as good as his first 2 features.

[fermentor666]

At least he's not re-making "Escape from New York". :scowl:

[serum]

whats with all the remakes lately?

the hills have eyes

texas chainsaw

hitcher

 

are they running out of monsters somewhere?

[Guest R@ndomH3ro]

yes.

[the_gooch]

I'll go.

Not at the drive-in though.

I don't think the city bus would make a 2 hour stop at the movies for me.

 

 

as a kid i saw almost every movie at the drive in. it closed in 94 or 96. they built a multiplex over it. it really sucks!

[the_gooch]

whats with all the remakes lately?

the hills have eyes

texas chainsaw

hitcher

 

are they running out of monsters somewhere?

 

 

 

they are running out of people with balls at the studios. people who are willing to take risks with films. all

[the_gooch]

Rob Zombie is supposed to have a guest trailer in it for a fake movie named something like Wolf women of the SS or somewhere along those lines. At any rate, it's was described on the radio as a bunch of topless girls tied down with nazis stealing their blood and branding them with swazis. Wow!

 

 

ilsa shewolf of the ss???

 

that's a murphy's law song...

 

and:

 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071650/

 

 

[the_gooch]

let's not forget this great movie:

 

[fermentor666]

I watched that movie in high school, stoned, with two other kids who were probably the two worst people to watch that movie with.

[the_gooch]

which one? basket case?

 

 

[DA KID MERO]

THAT BASKET CASE SHIT LOOKS HILARIOUS. I WOULDA DEFINETLY SPILLED BEER ON YOUR COUCH AND KNOCKED OVER AN ASHTRAY LAUGHIN SO HARD.

 

IM NOT HYPE FOR THIS SHIT. I HAVEN'T BEEN HYPE TO SEE A MOVIE SINCE...EVER. I MIGHT GO SEE THIS SHIT UNLESS MY NIGGA OJ GETS THE BOOTLEG FIRST, WHICH HE PROBABLY WILL AND WE'LL END UP SMOKIN FLAKES AND WATCHING IT AND LAUGHING THE WHOLE TIME, THEN WHEN IT GETS MAD QUIET ILL JUMP UP AND BE LIKE "MUFASAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" AND MAKE A CRAZY FACE, EVERYONE'LL START LAUGHING ON SOME LAUGHING PARTY SHIT. WE'LL IGNORE THE MOVIE AND HAVE MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND UNTIL SOMETHING GROSS HAPPENS THEN WE'LL ALL BE LIKE "OOOOHHHHH!!!!!!" AND PLAY IT BACK IN SLOW MO AND BE LIKE "LOOK, RIGHT THERE MY NIGGA, UDDDD FIDIDAKE!"

[SUR X3]

Mero's pretty much got it all planned out.

[fermentor666]

which one? basket case?

 

 

 

 

 

Yup.

[Harvey Wallbanger]

Today at Wired.com ...

 

Grindhouse To Be Greatest Movie In The History Of The World

 

In an otherwise gossipy article about the rating woes waiting ahead for Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez's upcoming ultra-violent homage to 70's sex and splatter films, Page Six managed to somehow put together a mathematical proof that Grindhouse is going to be the greatest movie ever made.

 

Consider the formula...

 

"In one scene, a cute, topless girl is roughly tied down on a table by evil female Nazi experimenters who begin draining her blood and, as she screams in agony, they brand her like livestock with a coal-hot steel swastika," our source said. "And every girl in the Nazi concentration camp is topless."

+

 

"There's a part where Jordan Ladd [daughter of Cheryl Ladd of 'Charlie's Angels'] is in a car with her boyfriend and giving him [oral sex] when she lovingly reaches to stroke his hair and discovers his neck is just a bloody stump - some maniac had just cut off his head while she was in the act."

X

 

Later, a frisky cheerleader climbs onto a trampoline and begins stripping naked as she jumps up and down until she does a split and her skirt blows up without panties underneath

+

 

Another jolting scene shows a grossly obese man chewing on a baby.

= GREATEST MOVIE EVER.

 

 

 

 

And here's the article they were referring to:

 

 

March 15, 2007 -- THE people who dole out ratings at the Motion Picture Assn. of America just might flip out when they see "Grindhouse," Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez's tribute to the ultraviolent, nudity-drenched pictures that once screened 'round the clock in the grungy movie palaces of 42nd Street.

The Weinstein Company, which is releasing the picture April 6 through its Dimension Films arm, needs an R rating for the flick to get into mainstream theaters. But, "some of it is so graphic and outrageous for a major Hollywood studio, there's no question it's headed for an NC-17 without big cuts," says a Page Six operative, who got a sneak peek at the most over-the-top footage.

"Grindhouse" is actually two short movies - one directed by Tarantino, the other by Rodriguez - with an intermission between them. During the break, a series of fake trailers will be shown for such fictitious titles as "Werewolf Women of the SS," directed by Rob Zombie.

"In one scene, a cute, topless girl is roughly tied down on a table by evil female Nazi experimenters who begin draining her blood and, as she screams in agony, they brand her like livestock with a coal-hot steel swastika," our source said. "And every girl in the Nazi concentration camp is topless."

Another trailer, directed by Eli Roth, of "Hostel" fame, is called "Thanksgiving," in which a town's celebration of Turkey Day is interrupted by a mad slasher.

"There's a part where Jordan Ladd [daughter of Cheryl Ladd of 'Charlie's Angels'] is in a car with her boyfriend and giving him [oral sex] when she lovingly reaches to stroke his hair and discovers his neck is just a bloody stump - some maniac had just cut off his head while she was in the act."

Later, a frisky cheerleader climbs onto a trampoline and begins stripping naked as she jumps up and down until she does a split and her skirt blows up without panties underneath. "You get the full 'Britney Spears-getting-out-of-the-limo view,' " our source says. Another jolting scene shows a grossly obese man chewing on a baby.

How much of these moviegoers will end up seeing is anybody's guess. "Some cuts definitely will have to be made. There's no question," conceded one studio insider. A Dimension rep declined comment.

[~KRYLON2~]

i guess the only thing you can do is go see the movie i hope its good

[society smells]

i dig zombie flicks, so I'm content

[El Mamerro]

Neill Cumpston from AICN writes:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remember, when George W. Bush was elected, and he said that thing about how, by 2008, we’d have “movies that would explode in our balls like a shotgun filled with handjobs”?

 

Well, that promise came true two days ago when I saw GRINDHOUSE in Hollywood. Except not only was it a shotgun full of handjobs exploding in my balls, but also my balls suddenly knew how to make fire using karate. All from seeing GRINDHOUSE, a movie that’s made of screaming car crash zombie boobs.

 

It isn’t even a movie – it’s TWO movies with some trailers and stuff at the beginning, and also between the movies. The directors – more about them in a second (there’s TWO!) – wanted to recreate the way movies were back in the 1920’s, when you could sell a script that was one page that just said, “TITS THEN A MONSTER THEN MORE TITS THEN AN EXPLOSION THEN BONUS TITS” and everyone knew what you were talking about.

 

Also, there’s zombies getting killed by a helicopter, which is not only cool to look at, but shows how the movie-makers did some research, to make things realistic.

 

First off, the movie lets you know you’re going to get your poop kicked out of you, formed into a set of brass knuckles, and now here comes a poop-punch.

 

Because they show a trailer for a movie I need to see RIGHT NOW with my eyes (I already saw it in my head when I was driving last week and Van Halen’s “Panama” came on the radio and I’d just started eating a Payday). It’s called MACHETE, and it’s got that Mexican guy who’s always in movies where there’s people who really need knives stuck into them, and he’s always, “Here, let’s get those knives in you”. Danny something.

 

Whatever his last name is, he should change it to, “Fuck-a-dilly” because everyone says that automatic when they see him, because he’s going to bring the fuck-a-dilly to the movie, which will probably involve a foot, a face, and foot-face-fuckup. Also, Cheech from Cheech and The Chong is in the trailer, and he’s a priest and he’s shooting people, which is ironic, I think.

 

Then the first movie starts. It’s called PLANET OF TERROR, and it’s about a planet (which looks a lot like Earth) that’s made of pure terror. Here’s how shit-scream terrorizing it is: there’s these mutated kill-monsters, but even BEFORE they show up there’s all this fucking terror. Like a doctor who wants to kill his doctor wife, and the doctor wife is always sticking these three needles into people which fucks them up, and there’s a sheriff who’s played by that Reese guy from TERMINATOR robot. The sheriff looks like he’s always going to kill someone by crushing a bunch of walnuts in his mouth and spitting the shells through their skull.

 

So, there’s a lot of shit like that, plus Fergie’s cleave, some bar-b-q, bad parenting, Bruce Willis turning into a monster, and Rose McGowan with a machine gun for a leg. I’ve never seen a woman I wanted so bad to rub one out to, but also kind of killed my boner in a way that gave me a bigger boner. Oh yeah, she almost-nude dances for the first three minutes of the movie and even though she doesn’t get totally naked I need to go buy three extra PAUSE buttons for my remote by the time the DVD comes out.

 

!!!WARNING, MAJOR SPOILER!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rose McGowan will make you cluster-spooge in your pants.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

!!!END SPOILER!!!

 

PLANET OF TERROR is directed by Robert Rodriquez, which is all I need to say. In fact, instead of his name on poster saying, “Directed By”, he can legally change his name to a picture of a naked Viking woman on a snowmobile with flamethrowers out the back and the flamethrowers are killing a Yeti. That’s the level of guaranteed quality his name brings to stuff.

 

Then there’s three other trailers – one by Rob Zombie that involves Nazis and werewolves (more factual research), one by Edgar Wright that made me laugh harder than seeing an old man give the finger to a fat kid, and then one by Eli Roth that Eli Roth should make.

 

Actually, the fake trailers are kind of a bummer, because I really wish they weren’t fake. Maybe the government will put some “don’t be a pussy” drug in the water supply, and everyone will go see this instead of PILLOW FIGHT AND SCENTED CANDLES AND BOREDOM, or whatever Sandra Bullock movie’s coming out, and they’ll make more of these.

 

Then the second movie started. It’s called DEATH PROOF. You know what it isn’t-PROOF? Boner-inducing proof.

 

This one was directed by Quentin Tarantino, who’s been an actor in stuff like RESERVOIR DOGS and PULP FICTION (he’s also in PLANET OF TERROR and DEATH PROOF). This is his first directing job and the dude KICKS ALL SPECTRUM OF ASS. He kicks ass that isn’t even in the ass area. Like, his director skills are so stripper-with-chainsaw good they make you grow asses on other parts of your body that he then kicks. I hope he directs more movies. I would see them, burn down the theater, and then call the fire department so I could tell all the fireman about what a kick-ass movie it was. When they started to attack me with axes, I’d fly away because Quentin’s movie would have given me ninja flight.

 

DEATH PROOF is about this dude, Driver Mike, and he’s played by Kurt Plissken, and goddamn but that dude just gets more bad-ass as he gets older. You know how Sly Stallone kind of looks like Bea Arthur now, and Jean-Claude Van Damme looks like Ally Sheedy? Well, Kurt Plissken looks like a dumpster full of drop kicks. He could fuck a bulldozer into eight Mini Coopers. Fuck, I should pitch that to someone.

 

Anyway, he’s this crazy dude who gets off by killing four girls at a time in cars. Like, he’s got this car, this death proof stunt car, and he kills women by either

 

1. Giving them a ride in the car, and bashing them around in this special seat so they feel like they’ve watched the PINK PANTHER remake twelve times or

 

2. Going all Mad Max meets Humungous head-on dead-on kill-crazy.

 

!!!WARNING, MAJOR SPOILER!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The title, DEATH PROOF, refers to Kurt’s car being “death proof”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

!!!END SPOILERS!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We get to see Kurt fucking up these four hotties with a car crash, but then – and this is where, if you’re with your girlfriend, she’ll realize how sensitive you are – he fucks with the wrong women, and let’s just say the audience I saw it with almost gave the ending a standing ovation. But their boners would have knocked over popcorn and sodas, so they just happy- screamed instead.

 

First 300 and now this? I think the summer of 2007 just went, “Hey, let me take you to a free taquito buffet” and you eat all these taquitos and then the summer goes, “Here comes a foot to your stomach”, but you go, “It’s full of taquitos” but it’s too late – there’s a boot in your stomach only the boot is really a motorcycle and you puke up a bikini girl who blows you and then kills your boss with a hammer.

 

That’s what GRINDHOUSE is. It’s a taquito buffet that you puke up after getting hit with a motorcycle, and it turns into a bikini chick that blows you and kills your boss with a hammer.

 

Rodriguez and Tarantino probably don’t read this site, but someone should tell them they can use that last paragraph as a quick blurb.

[boogie hands]

im more stoked for the uncut DVD than the theatre release at this point.....an R rating on a movie like this is on the same level as a comedy with at pg-13 rating.

 

 

gay city...