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not drinking is hard (and other tales of self sabotage and failure)


seeking

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I'm fine when I drink, it's the day after that kills me:

 

It doesn't matter how much or how often I drink anymore. I can have 5 drinks or 25 drinks and can expect to deal with the same reprocussions: trembling, delirium (seriously... I'm talking ill dizzy-spells and hearing shit), a pink face, cold sweats and completely neurotic thoughts until late the following day.

 

Either my body doesn't know how to metabolize alcohol effectively anymore or I seriously inhereted all the makings for a true-blooded alcoholic from a gene-line dotted with old Finnish fucks that drank themselves blind via kerosine.

 

So, since I lack the willpower to completely sidestep the addictive/self-destructive personality I've been dealt, I fuck with other stuff that doesn't make me feel as shitty. Bleh.

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ive had the whole 'need for some kinda buzz' thing goin on as long as i can remember.... and its taken me to a lot of fun, and some not so fun,but always interesting places.... its gotten seriously out of control a few times... and ive had several peiods of abstinence for different reasons... for 3 or 4 years now i have been experimenting with moderation, and have been successfull enough that i havent caused anything to go tragically wrong in my life... when i was young my constantly altered mind kinda set the tone for my life as it is now, cuz there was no planning or expecting anything for a future... ive had real similar thoughts to what ebph was talkin bout in his die young thread... i definitely believe there is some kind of mental similarity between a lot of writers.. (one of you college types should do a thesis paper on it or something)....

but seeks, stick with what you really think is right for you, and only because you think its right for you.... i wouldnt call resisting temptation for 12 years failing...

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I love to drink, it's a fact, after sexing it may even be my favorite thing.

 

But I’ve had nights when I swear to myself I will not drink and just cant go through with it, it's a worry but I guess that has something to do with motivation or self control issues. Most of my friends being total booze hounds doesn’t help either.

 

fuck my freinds.

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consider this seeking,

 

whatever problems you see in your life rigth now, would be worse if you were a drinker.

All the bad decisions you've made over the past 12 years would have been made for you,

by the bottle, and it would be out of your control. You have the advantage of knowing that

all the fuckups and mistakes were just bad decisions, but you still got to make them youself.

With me on the otehr hand, I know that booze led to almost all of my mistakes and bad

memories over the past 12 years, and that I never got to 'own my choices'. You dont want to be there.

 

i agree with this

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Halloween of 2001 was a motherfucker for me, with a little help from my friend C2H6O (ethanol).

 

It involved me, an ex-girlfriend, and a girl I met at a party and made out with. All in the same place at the same time...but, I didn't chill out until May of 2002, when I ended up in bed with a female friend and realized that I was probably going to keep making bad choices until I got myself in check. So I did...and, had a good nine months of clarity to consider what I had been doing with myself and where I wanted to be.

 

That lasted till March of 2003, when a really good friend of mine was killed in a motorcycle accident. I got over it, but found myself getting into similar predicaments with the ladies shortly after I started drinking again.

 

Since then, I've taken the occasional one or two month break from the bottle, but I try to be moderate when I do drink...fortunately, being of Scottish and Russian descent means that my tolerance is somewhere between that of Charles Bukowski and Hunter S. Thompson...oh, wait...bad examples. But, hey, they lived the life most people dream of (okay, Bukowski still isn't a good example...).

 

I don't know, Seeking. I support your decision, and know how hard it can be to make that choice and stick to it. Some people never get the chance, and some people never even have to worry about it. I think you have the self-awareness that it takes to make it stick, but it's times like the one that you mentioned when it seems so easy to have it both ways.

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