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Swiffer Jet

Struggling for independence(?) part 2

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so yeah, i'm sure you all have seen my old thread about how my dad was being very strict with me and such.

 

november is coming up and there are so many events that i want to attend.

 

lets see...

 

i currently attend college.

 

i live with my parents

 

my dad says i lost all tradition and such because i hang out with my friends too much.

 

starting last night, i'm not allowed out unless i'm going over to a relative's house and talk to them for fun.

 

what fueled the flame?

 

well, he told me to print out pictures of his niece for him and for me to get a satellite system from ebay a few weeks ago. i procrastinated.

 

i waited almost three weeks to do both of them (i just got them done with earlier this week).

 

within that time period, he asks me why i tell my mom about anything and not tell him. he tells me that she's not in charge of the house and that i have to ask him for permission to leave the house.

 

he also tells me that i'm the reason why this house isn't happy. house as in my parents, me, and my younger brother.

 

he wants me to be more family oriented, talk to the relatives, sit next to the men and listen to the conversations during family get-togethers.

 

last week, he goes and grabs a wooden stick from the garage and starts poking me in the head asking me if i'm scared of him hitting me.

 

he also yells at me asking me why i don't do what he asks ASAP. i mean shit...getting (illegal) free satellite is important huh.

 

one night after hanging out my my best girl-friend's house, i walk in the door. he asks where i went. i told him i went out. then he says, "the next time you do this, fuck school. you won't live here anymore. you'll be going to be living prison." i don't know why he said i'm going to prison but whatever.

 

this past tuesday, i went to watch a movie with my friends (that are still in high school) afterschool with them knowing that i have to be at my grandmother's to eat at 5pm. i admit, it was my fault for not leaving a note. so i get there at around 5.40-6.00 because of traffic. that's cool, he didn't utter a word to me about going out without asking for permission. i find it slightly ironic...while i was sitting down in the living room, my aunt and grandmother both asked why i look depressed for the past couple weeks. "i don't know"

 

yesterday comes by. my dad eats dinner. i'm already done with dinner. i tell him i'm going over to 16's house to help her with her homework. he tells me to sit down. "if she wants help with her homework, she can come here." i tell him i offered to help her. "don't give me an attitude. pick up the phone and call her and tell her you can't go." i told him i don't lie to people. "then tell her your parents didn't let you go."

 

then he goes about telling me that in this world, people have to lie in order to get the job that they want. that may be true but i'm not like that. i said to him, i just got hired at ---- ---- and i didn't lie to them. what wrong with me?

 

"shut the fuck up. whatever i can get my hands on, it'll be thrown into your face." (i spy a bowl of rice, chopsticks, fish, bowl is soup in the corner of my eye)

 

so i just went in my room and called 16 and told her the story. she was also having a bad day. i tried to cheer her up but it seemed as if i was failing. with me not being able to help her, i felt bad...on top of what was happening in my home-life.

 

last night, my dad tells me that he'll let me go out again once he sees me "improve being good."

 

i really want to go to these shows and events so i'm thinking about saying fuck home and bounce the fizzle out. what sucks even more is that i told 16 about some of those events too. today she asks, "since you're not able to go, who am i going to go with?" i told her she could go with "hold the cup" & "sean daley." "but i want to go with you," she says. aWw i felt special. (she's my ex). but yeah, i just don't want this oppurtunity to pass since she's never seen aesop in concert or go to a kewl hiphop jam.

 

the original intention was to not make it into a poll.

 

anyway, i talked to friend and they said it's cool. they just have to talk to the owner of the place. since i just got hired at the new job, i can help pay some of the bills and give them discounts on items. i also plan to finish the rest of this semester. once i'm done with school (early december) i want to drop my the house and drop off the car.

 

god, i wonder if i left anything out.

 

well, thanks for taking a very long time to read this post.

 

any input is welcome. bad or good.

 

now i leave with with this: enjoy

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Guest krie

hit tha roaddddd

 

how old are you ?

my old man said "he owns me" i just ended up whackin him one in the face and fighting with him till i got the point through he dont own me :lol: then he kicked me out for a while.... but anyway, up and leave brother.. if ur at college you must be mature and old enough to be living independently.. got a job ? that will help out with paying bills, etc..

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there's nothing wrong with asking you to spend more time with family, but your dad sounds like a manipulative ASSHOLE. prodding you in the head with a stick? asking you if you're scared of him hitting you?? the guy is like, abusive or something, like totally.

 

and making youo perform dumb tasks for him like printing out pics of his niece? he can do that his fucking self as far as i'm soncerned.

 

GET OUT FAST. by the way, how old are you?

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do you have to ask? LEAVE. after a while the women in your family will be harrasing your father so much about pushing you away that he might cave in and stop being a complete asshole. he'll have to cave.....he's not the decision maker he thinks he is.

 

bottom line, that atmosphere is no good for you. get out at any cost.

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your dad's a dickhead and you should get the fuck outta there. you said you got yourself a job, so you got money. find someone to share a place with and jet

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Originally posted by Mr. ABC

your dad's a dickhead and you should get the fuck outta there. you said you got yourself a job, so you got money. find someone to share a place with and jet

 

 

yes do that, but get a band nerd pregnant

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Originally posted by Zee Zee

I think you're all being horribly mean

 

no swif's dad is being horribly mean

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I would say get out as soon as you feel you're ready to live on your own and have a job. Just don't become one of those dirty guys that ask me for spare change.

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sounds like me, except i'm too embarrased to talk about it. i guesss you could attribute it to the fact that my mom is a fucking nutcase, and i'm a minor. i think that if she still causes me problems when i turn 18, i would rather be homeless than stay here. maybe.

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that shits not cool

 

i'm tellingt you move out for a couple of months and make minimal contact, even if shits going really cadly, pretend like your having the time of your life and doing really really well...

 

then tell your parents you will move back in under some conditions and you have to compromise (if you want to move back in that is)

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first off... leave, dumbass.

 

second.. dating a highschooler? :nope:

 

third.. times are tough all around.. shit, my entire fam is unemployed, practically, no insurance, bro is suicidal, and i got madd legal and monetary probs...

 

if you're going to leave... make sure you can... don't go crawling back.

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I didn't mean for this to be so morbid but... it's the underlying psychology as I see it so...

 

your dad loves you swiff, he's just confused by his asian standards versus your american standards... he's not gonna learn.

 

You should figure out how to streamline the shit he wants done, illegal cable or whatever, just get it done... make it happen as soon as he asks, you'll impress him if you guage his 'need' properly and shove some stuff off to get other stuff done but still do it all... and keep your grades up in school.

 

What it is, he doesn't understand the world you're entering (meaning this big USA) OR the way you're entering it (meaning your personal style)... he's on the outside and worried. He worries about your future and he worries about his ability to raise you. He probably worries a bit about 'face' as well but I only say that because it's such a big thing in the asian community...

 

One thing you might want to understand... your family is EVERYTHING. I''m sure he tells you this constantly, but it really is. As you get older, you will reach a point where somebody you know or are related to gets seriously hurt or dies at least once a year. After that the rate of death/injury increases... When that happens, you realize how few relatives you really have, compared to the number of people you know. You really should set aside a particular hour or two, every week, to go hang out and chat with the fam, after that you could even go out...

 

Anyway, what I'm saying is, stay and figure it out. Your dad is being an asshole because he loves you, he just can't say that. I'm sure you love your dad too so it's your duty to understand what he can't say and just figure out how to reassure him without raising the issue.

 

If he dies, and believe me when I tell you that he thinks about it, at least some of his stuff will be yours. This is stuff that he's worked for and kept for a reason, he wants to think it will all stay the way he left it if he goes...

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Originally posted by Smart

I didn't mean for this to be so morbid but... it's the underlying psychology as I see it so...

 

your dad loves you swiff, he's just confused by his asian standards versus your american standards... he's not gonna learn.

 

You should figure out how to streamline the shit he wants done, illegal cable or whatever, just get it done... make it happen as soon as he asks, you'll impress him if you guage his 'need' properly and shove some stuff off to get other stuff done but still do it all... and keep your grades up in school.

 

What it is, he doesn't understand the world you're entering (meaning this big USA) OR the way you're entering it (meaning your personal style)... he's on the outside and worried. He worries about your future and he worries about his ability to raise you. He probably worries a bit about 'face' as well but I only say that because it's such a big thing in the asian community...

 

One thing you might want to understand... your family is EVERYTHING. I''m sure he tells you this constantly, but it really is. As you get older, you will reach a point where somebody you know or are related to gets seriously hurt or dies at least once a year. After that the rate of death/injury increases... When that happens, you realize how few relatives you really have, compared to the number of people you know. You really should set aside a particular hour or two, every week, to go hang out and chat with the fam, after that you could even go out...

 

Anyway, what I'm saying is, stay and figure it out. Your dad is being an asshole because he loves you, he just can't say that. I'm sure you love your dad too so it's your duty to understand what he can't say and just figure out how to reassure him without raising the issue.

 

If he dies, and believe me when I tell you that he thinks about it, at least some of his stuff will be yours. This is stuff that he's worked for and kept for a reason, he wants to think it will all stay the way he left it if he goes...

 

give this man a talk show for fuck's sake

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I gave you my reply in the last thread. I think you guys need to karate each other. Just like in a real life kung-fu movie. A lot of times on here i say stupid things and made retarded jokes, but this is serious.

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man wtf just beat your dads ass and put him in his place. i did that with my dad then he threatend to call the cops on me everyday and tell them about my unregister firearms and shit unless i joined the military, so here i am.

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man, you're already out and away into the big wide world and there's no reason for you to look back. If you have to live on hard times for a while, so be it. i moved out when I was twenty to get away from my old man and seven years later. I've been through the military, ghetto housing, hard times, a world of shit and back again but my head is high and I soar on my own wings man. Independence is a mothertfucker sometimes but it's better than being under the shadow of your parents wing.

 

Seriously, are you going to bring a girl home and tell her "Shhh, be quiet, i don't wanna wake my parents up." that shit'll get ya kicked to the curb in no time. Unless your dad is cool as fuck and smokes pot and bought up for you when you were under 21....I'm guessing he wasn't.

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Originally posted by Smart

 

all of what you said is true. i just didn't want to point it out because it would have made my post even longer.

 

i'm 19.

 

and she's my ex.

 

a state of mass confusion once again, i am in.

 

thanks for the replies.

 

"gotta flex them nuts sometimes."

 

haha that's dope

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damn dude. sucks about not being able to go to your raves with your ex.

 

i woulda just walked out and went to go help her with her "homework".

once you start doing shit and not let them intimidate you they'll either ease up and realize your not 12 anymore or kick you out.

 

if you can handle them i would try to stay in school cause you dont want to be cleaning toilets or working at mc donalds your whole life.

 

it's tough to find a good job with no education unless you got connections.

 

go listen to some RATM!

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Smart, that shit is abusive. Period. You don't show love by being an asshole. There's a line between being strict and being abusive!

 

He is parenting the only way he knows how, which is the way everyone learns, from their own parents. Some people learn the wrong way.

 

Mental/emotional abuse can really fuck you up for life if you don't have any outside support. Just because he's not physically hurting you doesn't mean it's not abuse.

 

At least you have your girlfriend to talk to, outside support means a ton in these situations.

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I forgot about the poll. Maybe try to stick it out at home for the semester and then if you can move out. I think moving out is in your best interests.

 

Nothing wrong with dating a girl in high-school if you're beginning college! :confused:

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