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problems on the home front

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by T=E=A=S=E, May 31, 2004.

  1. T=E=A=S=E

    T=E=A=S=E Elite Member

    Joined: Mar 27, 2004 Messages: 3,271 Likes Received: 0
    ok, so im hurting here.

    dont know where this latest depression feeling came from, but it hit, and it hit me hard.

    to start things off, my best friend, mainly my only friend, hasn't came by or called me up for like a week in a half or more, and we used to chill daily. what happened to him? he got a girlfriend.

    now, im not really mad at him, cuz i know if i had a dope chick that i loved and wanted to be with all the time, id probally do it to, but it just sucks because now i dont got any friend to kick it with, or shoot the shit with, and i dont got a girl either to occupy my time. and unlike you guys, im not cool enough to go out on my own to a bar or club or whatever other social gatherings you guys go to to meet people. i dont even like people 99% of the time.

    i have a dying urge to meet people, i know i dont want to be alone cooped up in my room all the time, but i dont know whats wrong with me, i just dont like being around people much. most people anyways. sometimes you'll run into nice, ginuwine people who are caring and friendly and all that other shit, and i love meeting them because i can look to them and gain wisdom, adivce, etc from them. which is always good i think.

    then im dealing with the facts that im not as smart as i wish i was, i mean street wise or common sense wise, im good to go, but as far as being well educated in book material, and history, and just interesting facts, im not as informed as id like to be. and i know you guys are thinking, "so do something about it, start reading..." which is true, but let me vent. plus not only that, i have a horrible memory for some reason, maybe because i havent pushed my brain in quite sometime. i dont know. but it bothers me that im not as smart as id like to portray.

    and ive come to realise, that im scared of fine girls. its pathetic. ive been trying to build up the balls to talk to them, and try to behave myself without thinking sexually, because after all, any girl who does put out or give me head in only a few days of knowing them, isnt the type of girl i want truely anyways. sigh.

    then, i feel like my life is the same shit every single day. all week long i wake up at 5:30 am, think to myself how much i hate my life when i really dont, but i hate waking up that early for work, then i go to work, come home around 4pm.ish, turn on the computer, jack off about 5 times to internet porn, then do something else of little importance.

    its like a never ending cycle. im working, not having much fun, aquiring a lot of shit i probally dont need but enjoy for the meantime, trying to pay of my car and credit card bill, which seems like they'll never be paid off, and so on.

    i guess the main thing im looking for in life right now is either a job i love going to and doing the work when im there, or something or someone to love. (either a girlfriend or a pet) im so tired of not having a girlfriend to do things with, or someone to care about, and getting that love in return. it sucks being single.

    another thing that bothers me is how expensive things in life are. shit seems like its impossible to get where i want to go. (nice cars, nice house, all that shit ya know?)

    i guess i need to get into some more involved hobbies that are crazy time consuming. (i just watched like 45 episodes of some hotrod car building show) and man was that cool how they got to work on things they love, see it come together, and have everything work out in the end. (they built a hot rod from scratch, and it was really cool).

    im tired of graffiti because i suck at it. :mad:

    people i know online (aim list) havent been on... i swear they musta all died or some shit.

    tired of always feeling like a fucking outcast, or that i dont belong somewhere, or that everyone hates me or dislikes me, and all that bullshit. its probally not ALWAYS the case but then again who knows. if i dont like myself most of the time im sure others wont either, isnt that how the saying goes? some shit like that...

    hmmmm, what else what else. im tired of complaining to. i keep thinking about "just do it" ... "dont put it off til tomorrow when you could do it today" and all kindsa bullshit sayings like that... i hate those. but they are so on point to. fuck.

    anyways, tired of typing, so ill stop here. thanks for not caring. thanks for not reading. bring on the bullshit replies. hahahaha. fuckers.

  2. Crookedline

    Crookedline Junior Member

    Joined: Feb 4, 2004 Messages: 173 Likes Received: 0
  3. Telo

    Telo Elite Member

    Joined: Jun 3, 2003 Messages: 4,164 Likes Received: 37
    Oh jesus... You just got 400 thousand extra pansy points for this one tease..

    Suicide would solve all this crap..
  4. EyeforAnEYE

    EyeforAnEYE Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 29, 2003 Messages: 4,199 Likes Received: 3
    You just gotta get out there and do what you want to do, you can't really jsut look around at other people and want what they have, becuase you could never live up to what other people .are, or at least in your mind. I'm the same way when it comes to meeting people, I really hate people, but how do I really know I'm gonna hate a person if I never meet them. It's hard to get over pre conceived images of people, jsut by how they look, or act, you know? I should reap what i sow, but it's a hard thing to get past
  5. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Nov 16, 2000 Messages: 10,259 Likes Received: 18
    That's quite a load. Why don't you just concentrate on solving one of those problems, give yourself a month, and see where you are?

    AREANKAY Senior Member

    Joined: Oct 9, 2001 Messages: 1,183 Likes Received: 39
    listen to iron maiden and do hard drugs
  7. EyeforAnEYE

    EyeforAnEYE Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 29, 2003 Messages: 4,199 Likes Received: 3
    to tag along with what PMB said, sit down and make a list of thing you want to accomplish and just set out and do one thing at a time. you are still young and have tons of time to accomplish tons of things. Stick with your job, pay off your car and credit card bills, and save enough money, maybe take a night class, you seem to know and like cars, do some night course of mechanics or something.

    THEWORD New Jack

    Joined: Dec 25, 2003 Messages: 8 Likes Received: 0
    no...someone who sucks at life as much as this fella obviously does has no business listening to Maiden.
  9. T=E=A=S=E

    T=E=A=S=E Elite Member

    Joined: Mar 27, 2004 Messages: 3,271 Likes Received: 0
    pansy points eh? i guess... im not scared to say how i feel, its like telling a friend except most of you guys dont like me. haha.

    i could care less.

    and yea PMB, i guess i could do that, try to solve one thing at a time an shit in said amount of time. but ever time i solve one thing, it seems like 10 more add to the list, ya know?
  10. crave

    crave Veteran Member

    Joined: Jan 20, 2002 Messages: 6,728 Likes Received: 10
    my pops has always been real big on the whole, "Do it now" type of attitude. i was the fuck it, it can wait, tomorrow, next week. . . you get the idea. but my point is, do it now. like pmb said, pick something out about yourself, your life, situation, whatever and work on making it better. it's important to have small goals.

    imagine your life is an arrow headed for a target. if the arrow is slightly off when it was first shot then by the time it gets to the target then it'll be way off. but if slight adjustments are made along the way then you're that much closer to ending up on that bulls eye.

    perhaps that made sense, maybe not. . .
  11. TPSR?

    TPSR? New Jack

    Joined: Feb 13, 2004 Messages: 55 Likes Received: 0
    Ever think about going back to school? You can gain whatever knowledge you desire, and meet new interesting people aswell. I'm the same way with people for the most part, 85% of people don't stack up to what i'd call a friend..

    About the female thing.. What are you going to lose by just saying ''hi''?

    EyeforanEye has it right.. How can you dislike people without knowing them? Trust me, I ask myself the same question.. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, until i'm proven otherwise. Sometimes I just feel like, what's the fucking point?

    Point is, find out what you like doing, and do it..

    Ever think to ask you friend if his girl has any hot friends? I've had plenty of flings start that way...
  12. T=E=A=S=E

    T=E=A=S=E Elite Member

    Joined: Mar 27, 2004 Messages: 3,271 Likes Received: 0
    yes, i need to go back to college. i have about 2 - 2 1/2 years left depending on what i try to get a degree in. but, as ive mentioned before, i dont know what exactly i want to major in, and im to the point where all my basics are taken care of, and i need to get into my "major" required classes. so once i know more of what i want to get into, and i get some money for college saved up, and i decide im responsible enough to go back and not blow my shot, ill return to college.

    and i had the same trouble meeting people at school as i do everywhere else. half the time i dont feel like putting up the effort, or i judge them based on shit i see them do and disreguard them, or im not comfortable or confident or whatever else to go up to them and strike up a conversation.

    i couldnt get girls in college really either, because i didnt have any friends to go out with, or goto parties with, and im honestly not confident enough i guess to go to such things by myself and feel comfortable. i also probally have severe anxiety problems.

    sounds easy enough i know, but like i mentioned above, i dont feel like trying half the time, or im not confident, or im just wanting to have sex with them, not really make friends or date them, so that fucks it up as well. i havent gotten any action in a couple of months, so its like im fiening for crack i want some pussy so bad, so that also clouds my thoughts when i see a girl im interested in.

    i try to give people benefit of the doubt SOMETIMES, but im also very observant. ill sit back and observe them with their friends, or what theyre doing period, and see how they act and talk and so on, and base my decision on whether or not id care to kick it with them on that. and most the time, they arent the type of people im interested in hanging out with. honestly, id like to hang out with an older crowd, that likes to maybe drink, no drugs (or atleast not base their whole evening around doing lines, or smoking pot, or popping pills to be cool) , some people about making money, responsible, and going somewhere with their life. someone i can learn from and look up to types...

    my best friends black, and his chick is black, and all her friends are black for the most part, somewhat ghetto, and have kids... aka no thanks. but come to think of it, none of my friends really hooked me up with a girl before... (i got shitty friends in some reguards i guess).
  13. T=E=A=S=E

    T=E=A=S=E Elite Member

    Joined: Mar 27, 2004 Messages: 3,271 Likes Received: 0
    ive downloaded some of their songs, pretty kickass stuff.

    what are some of your favorite songs of theirs?

    i like these so far:

    -running free
    -wasted years
    -be quick or be dead
  14. EyeforAnEYE

    EyeforAnEYE Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 29, 2003 Messages: 4,199 Likes Received: 3
    tease, get two minutes to midnight.
  15. T=E=A=S=E

    T=E=A=S=E Elite Member

    Joined: Mar 27, 2004 Messages: 3,271 Likes Received: 0
    downloading now...

    what are some more bands/groups like these guys? this some good stuff.