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Holy fucking awkward moment, Batman

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by imported_El Mamerro, Jan 15, 2004.

  1. Holy fucking awkward moment, Batman

    Discussion started by imported_El Mamerro - Jan 15, 2004

    Have you ever had an experience, when factors beyond your control (or which you were completely unaware of) converge in a single instant to make you look incredibly bad/stupid/guilty of something?

    A similar moment just happened to me a few minutes ago. It was astonishingly incriminating.

    I'd taken a little too much coffee this morning, and due to this I was substantially more jumpy than usual... between dowloading samba and blasting salsa on the headphones, and not working by being on 12oz, I got this incredible urge to dance in my underwear (I work from home). Even though I was listening to salsa and samba, I really wanted to try out some bboy moves I haven't done in a while, cause I was just too hyped.

    So I clear the floor a bit and blast the music on the speakers, and start trying out stuff, for the most part failing miserably (haven't practiced in months). So I get ambitious and try to push off a one-hand airbaby (shitty picture of some kid doing a shitty one) into a one-hand handstand (which I've only been able to do a handful of times), and of course, shit isn't working out, but I almost got it, so I kept trying. A few tries more and the back of my elbow/tricep was starting to get pretty roughed up, cause I gotta push off it with my knee. I have no elbow pads, so I decided to sit down on the floor and tie a tube sock around my arm to protect it a bit. To do this, I obviously have to use my mouth to pull on one of the ends.

    So guess what happens when I start to tie it around? Mom walks in out of nowhere, sees what I'm doing, looks at my desk, and proceeds to lose her shit.


    So I'm wondering what the hell is wrong, and I look over to my desk and see three key items within inches of each other:

    -The spoon I used to eat cereal with this morning
    -My expensive jet torch butane lighter
    -A huge pile of heroin

    Well, actually, the last one isn't true, it was just the first two. But the spoon and the lighter, along with me on the floor, in my underwear, tying a tube sock around my arm with my mouth were more than enough to imprint a fantastically terrible impression on mom, and she was freaking out hardcore. As soon as I realized what she was seeing I started cracking up sooo hard, and this only further scared her, which made me laugh even harder, and so on... a screaming/laughing fest of escalating volume.

    After a few minutes of calming her down and explaining (it was particularly hard to convince her why I was breaking to salsa) she finally regained her composure, and I rushed back to post this cause it was fantastic.

    This is how innocent people get charged with crimes they did not commit... the universe just conspires to make them look shittily bad at the worst moment possible. All of a sudden, I feel a certain crumb of benefit of the doubt for OJ.

    Soo... anyone else had similar experiences?
     
  2. seeking

    seeking Dirty Dozen Crew

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    seeking - Replied Jan 15, 2004

    dude, your mom is stupid, no one ties off with a sock!
    tell her to get a clue for christ sakes!!


    just kidding.
    thats funny.

    you're a barrel full of monkeys, with smaller monkeys in their pockets.
     
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  3. Telo

    Telo 12oz Elite Member

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    Telo - Replied Jan 15, 2004

    funny stuff man .. nam ffuts ynnuf.
     
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  4. caL

    caL 12oz Senior Member

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    caL - Replied Jan 15, 2004

    holy shit thats great. i cant remeber if anything like that happend to me
    good story.
     
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  5. Telo

    Telo 12oz Elite Member

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    Telo - Replied Jan 15, 2004

    wait.. my girlfriend walked in on me wacking off, and i felt kind of weird for a bout 2 minutes.. then she got on the bed and we started to masturbate together so it kind of worked out.. not really the same but who cares.
     
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  6. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- 12oz Veteran Member

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    --zeSto-- - Replied Jan 15, 2004

    I'm suprised that your mom gets shocked at anything.
    She had a drunkard piss on the bedroom fan right?
    I figure it would take a hell of a lot to suprise that woman.

    I could see her walking in, doing this :rolleyes: then walking out.

    --------=+

    Here's one that happened to me this morning.
    I have a coffee in hand and head to the crapper to to my morning biz.
    Well Buddy the Blunder Cat is getting WAY bigger and he's strong
    enough to open doors now. Seing as this was pre-espresso, I forgot to
    put the latch on the door. So doesn't the cat ram into the door and swing
    it open only to take off leaving me, with pants around my ankles, in the
    middle of cutting a turd. I figure 'what the hell' so I go back to the article
    in the Economist I was reading. I'm not going to pause a bowel movement for this.

    Now doesn't the roomate wake up and walk right to the bathroom.
    "What the hell? Close the damn door you sicko!" and she slam the door shut.

    So now I have to blame the cat, which wasn't a tough sell because as
    I was explaining how he's a holly terror, he tries to climb a lamp and
    bring the thing to the floor. Cat... caught in the act of being a brat.
     
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  7. imported_Tesseract - Replied Jan 15, 2004

    hilarious, hahaha
     
  8. Dusty Lipschitz - Replied Jan 15, 2004

    no offense, but i may with this one...

    ok
    here's how it went down.

    so me, wifey and our dog are at her house in new mexico. just the three of us. its in the middle of the desert, and being just us, we walk around partially dressed, or not dressed at all, and do all our business with the door open. who cares, its just us, noone around to see.
    so this one morning i am going to take a shower.
    i start the shower, and completely nekkid, and i get this idea.
    i dont know why, but i did. so i figured i would try it out and see what happend. so i am getting myself into position, which consists of me butt ass nekid squatting down like this, about to see what would happen...
    when i look up to see my wife in the doorway, staring at me, mouth on the floor, a scared look of shock and horror across her face. i soon realized how incredibly bad it looked.
    see, what i was wondering was what my dog would do if i held her nose to my ass while i farted. i was about to find out, but before i could break wind, i looked up to see her. it took a few minutes of explaining... can you imagine walking in to find your 27 year old husband, squatting nekkid in the bathroom as he held your dogs face and nose up to his ass?
    sheesh.
    she married me anyways.
     
  9. Pinup

    Pinup 12oz Senior Member

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    Pinup - Replied Jan 15, 2004

    oh my... he's doing it again
     
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  10. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- 12oz Veteran Member

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    --zeSto-- - Replied Jan 15, 2004

    ^ oh man. that would make my head a splode.


    I found this image and figured mamerro would like it.
    so please excuse the semi-random image post.

    [​IMG]
     
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  11. imported_El Mamerro - Replied Jan 15, 2004

    HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Dusty, that is fucking priceless man... how on earth did you explain that? Hahahahaha, it's not like you had a perfectly logical explanation for it, you were ACTUALLY TRYING to get your dog's face in your ass!! Hahahahahahahaha.....
     
  12. heavyLox

    heavyLox 12oz Veteran Member

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    heavyLox - Replied Jan 15, 2004

    i was waiting for some topost a thread like this:


    So I get my STARBUCKS coffee the Vente(biggest). I wrap the cup in a bunch of napkins so as to keep any spillage off my hands, as its really brick out. I go to light a cig with my free hand. Its windy and the lighter keeps going out. So I pump the flame up higher and use the coffee cup hand to shield the wind. Like the genius I am I light the napkins on fire. In a moment of "fuck im on fire' i twich my wrist, clench the cup, shoting the lid off of the coffee.Hot Hot Coffee on pants, coffee on ground, leg gets burned then turns to ice as I walk back to work; i finish the last 4 hours of work with coffee pants. 2.04$ down the drain. and all my precausions for not. Sometimes i am an idiot.

    I earned my short bus parking spot today, did you
     
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  13. Gunm

    Gunm Banned

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    Gunm - Replied Jan 15, 2004

    El mammero...thank you for giving me my first funny moment of the day. Actually, the first funny moment was watching a film in my language and society class where people were making all sorts of mongloid sounds but your story definately comes in a very close second.

    Telo....uhm...whoa, your little story is not helping me deal with a week's worth of no sex.

    As for me....

    One day after getting out of the shower I applied some vaseline on my lips because they were wicked chapped. I place said vaseline on nightstand and then i notice "Hmm, bed is a little crooked, better get it back into place."

    I bend over (still naked as I just got out of the shower) and begin pushing the bed back into place.

    My gf comes into the room. Sees me naked, bent over the bed. Looks to the dresser, sees the vaseline. Says to me "SO babe, getting all set and ready for me?"

    lol, i thought the whole situation was pretty funny
     
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  14. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin 12oz Veteran Member

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    SteveAustin - Replied Jan 15, 2004

    holy shit...dusty's story actually topped mamerros. god damn thats funny shit. I can't believe you were able to explain that. She probably just chalked it up to one of those weird guy things.
     
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  15. ubejinxed

    ubejinxed 12oz Veteran Member

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    ubejinxed - Replied Jan 15, 2004

    AAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA


    oh jebus i think that's the first time i laghed out loud at work... 3x

    ahahah dear lord
     
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