Crimsøn Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Originally posted by vinyl junkie cheers to dusty and mamerro for making me laugh my ass off in class... :lol: Amen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S@T@N Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Originally posted by im not witty ^ hahaha, thats funny. this is a similar story, didnt happen to me but its funny. its not even awkward but its funny so just read it goddamnit. so my boy is having sex with this married woman right, on the regular. last week he goes over there cause her husbands out of town and shes havin a party. anyway, parties over people are passin out. they usually scrog in the guest room but tonight she takes him to her bedroom and starts givin him head. now there are 3 types of girls. a)those who swallow,b)those who spit and c)those who just let it go everywhere. Well shes the third type. so he blows and just gets the shit everywhere, all over her husbands side of the bed. hahaha. anyway they pass out and in the morning he leaves. she calls to tell him that she was cleaning the house up, roaches out of the ashtray and everything. so anyway shes cleaning the bedroom and discovers that my boy managed to land some squirt on their wedding picture by the bed! HA fucking HA. That's horrible, but extremely funny. Sorry but I hope the husband finds out and kicks your friend's ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrChupacabra Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 all of these stories are golden. Thank you all for brightening my horribly shitty day. Mams, any chance of there being a Mierda Tour thread? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abracadabra Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 dude, they're going to get an academy award when they make the movie of your life story. mams/consider the funk brung Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr.yuck Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Originally posted by S@T@N That's horrible, but extremely funny. Sorry but I hope the husband finds out and kicks your friend's ass. Damn. That's fucked up. I think the wife needs to be examined more closely than who is fuckin her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_El Mamerro Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Originally posted by MrChupacabra Mams, any chance of there being a Mierda Tour thread? Oh hell yes, there will be. Gotta get a pair of dispo's developped (hope to death they didn't get fucked up, cause the trip was intense) and I'll rock it. All of these stories are fucking amazing people, keep em coming. Dusty and Spike killin' it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VAITOMANOCU Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 man, i can't think of any stories like that at the moment but... my family and i were visiting my grandparents when i was about 10 (my brother being about 12 then)..where they used to live they had a nice swimming pool in the backyard, and we would swim there all the time. so my brother and i are in the water and he puts his arm around my neck and starts choking me real hard, to the point where i'm gasping for air. naturally, i get pissed, and before i know it we're both out of the pool, and i'm advancing toward him. he's laughing of course, because he thinks i'm amused by the whole thing, but what he didn't know was that he had fallen into a trap. i punched him right in the face, and he fell in the water and continued laughing histerically. my grandfather yelled at me and i was sent to the attic for the rest of the afternoon to think about what i had just done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GucciCondom Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 yeah i get shit like that all the time. like one time throughout the night i didnt feel like throwing up money for shit so i said i didnt have any but i had a 20..and then later on someone said they had a 20 missing and they wanted to search everyone pockets..who was the only person with a 20? the guy who said he didnt have loot. and my mom is always trying to do shit like that to me. i stayed up all night for 2 nights before christmas day and i was kinda weirded out from it and then after that my mom tells me my whole family thought i was on "ecstacy" hahahahaha fucking dumb fucks. and one time in like 7th grade me and my boy were trying to make a pipe and my mom found parts of it and insisted that it was a crack pipe. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swiffer Jet Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Originally posted by heavyLox $2 for a venti?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InnerCityRebel Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Dusty and El Mamerro your stories had me busting up good shit.Dusty the farting on the dog is fantastic.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rental Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Originally posted by El Mamerro Soo... anyone else had similar experiences? no, but man would i love to. can we arrange something? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_El Mamerro Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Hell yes. I'll bring the tube sock, you bring the spoon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VAITOMANOCU Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 I ran over my cell phone with my car at work last week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rental Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 alright, here's a problem. http://www.photobucket.com/albums/1003/ayhkat/scan0015.jpg'> + http://www.photobucket.com/albums/1003/ayhkat/18_avail-spoon.jpg'> = ??? and then of course theres the tube sock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEROJUANA Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Originally posted by Dusty Lipschitz how about the time i was supposed to meet my sister at the corner of 2nd & market at 2pm. at 210 i get there and see her white celica parked at the corner. i walk up to get in shotgun, and theres this big black ninja in the passenger side. so i open the backseat door and hop in closing the door. realizing that not only is the passenger this thugged out black man. so is the driver. i quickly apoligize and hop my little cracker ass out the car and call my sis to tell her to meet me a black away. :lol: :lol: :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
26SidedCube Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Alright. Here's a long one. So one night after a party involving 20-some people locked in an apartment consuming copius amounts of hard liquor and psychedelics I find myself crashing at this kid's house who I was loosely associated with (by being friends with the older brother; older brother was out of town but the brother who was a year younger than me had a fridge full of booze and a place to bash so I brought peolpe and hallucinogens). Keep in mind this kid's a year younger than me, so obviously there's a couple kids at the party who are a year or so younger than him. One such kid had been caught by his parents being fucked up on various substances... and because his older friends knew me the parents were under the impression their son's older friend's older friends were getting their kid fucked up. Translate 'older friends' to 'Me'. So anyway, I stay up the entire night becomming one with the original SSX while everyone else around me either passes out or goes home. 9 in the morning rolls around, the two kids I mentioned (owner and drug kid) wake up and ask me if I want to go to breakfast with them.. I decline being hypnotized by electronic snowboarding and wanting to leave soon anyway. Deptart Mike and Mike. Mike's mom is a space cadet. Years and years of using coke, being married to a rich guy who's known around town for growing insane amounts of dub and having his hands in all sorts of 'questionable' things. Mike's mom is the type of lady that has to tell you 4 times in her ever-so-shaky voice 'I'm gonna go watch my Melrose, take a shower, then read a little before I lay down for the night' before she remembers she told you the first time. Mike's mom wants to clean the living room in her robe and underwear while I'm playing video games. So here I am, 9 am, head full of Hunter S. Thompson... in a living room immeresed in video games and this okay-but-aged woman cleaning the room in nothing more than panties and a black silk robe. Am I supposed to make some sort of advance? Am I missing something? Is she looking at me? Nah... couldn't be... *BING BLONG* Doorbell rings. Mrs. Mike's Mom is spacey as fuck so a minuet passes before I realize she didn't hear her door ring. I get up, against my better judgement, and decided the potential caller needs love too. Door opens. Enter: Father of kid who'd been caught on drugs and knows me specifically as 'the kid not to let your kid be around'. He asks where his kid is, I ramble out some 'trying too hard to sound like a good kid' nonsense before this guy asks to speak to the kid who lives there. I explain he's not there either and that they bother 'went out for breakfast' (I realiize now my knowing what he thought of me being coupled with my condition probably made everything I said seem like a half-truth based on the looks I must have been giving him.) By now he's obviously confused as to why I'm hanging out in a place his son's supposed to be in the first place... and why I seem to be the only person in this house that is obviously not mine. He asks if anyone else is there. "Uhm...," I hesitate. "Mrs. Mike's Mom... if you want." Yes. Let me speak with her." I go, get Mrs. Morris, she talks to him. I return to my video games. A minute passes and I realize I'm thirtsty. Get up, go to kitchen, get coke. As I'm walking back a glance from Mr. Dad sends me spiraling into the reality of what exactly was taking place. Oblivious ass me, who just so happens to have been up all night licking toads, who just so happens to be known his area as 'the kid that gets into things he shouldn't', just so happens to be in a grown-ass-womans house at 9 in the morning without any trace of anyone my age around. She's in her underwear. I look like hell, obviously, and on top of that my jaw- clenching-cigarette talk didn't do much to make it seem like I wasn't up to anything... I'm a home wrecker. I'm a home wrecker? Needless to say... ever since I've made ammends with that dad who saw me that day. Even up until I moved though I notived he'd always give me straaange looks around his wifey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_El Mamerro Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Yo, I'm good with math!! Obviously the problem you are presenting deals with combining my heroin spoon story with Dusty's ass-in-dog's-face story. I assume the dog has been cropped out of the picture. The natural solution would be to fart into the spoon, cup it, then present it to the dog's face. Now, if we could only figure out how the sock fits in the scenario... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milton Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 I'm affraid my story doesnt compete with some I've read here, but I thought it was good for a laugh anyway: I was in my friends kitchen making lemonaide when his new cat dives through the kitchen knocking dishes food and my lemonaide on the floor and procedes to dive under the kitchen table and begins crying. They crying was not like a cat it sounded like a baby or something, so I try to get it out from under the table and by this time another friend of mine walked in from the room where the cat came from in his underwear and was helping me try to coax the cat out from under the table. Now my friend whos cat it was came into the room and saw me bending down trying to grab his cat with another guy in his underwear and the cat crying like it had been shot. Then the cat runs into my friends bedroom and hides and now it cries everytime the underwear friend comes around. Supposedly the cat had been clawing at the bathroom door and when he tried to open the door to shoo it away its foot got stuck in the hinges and when he got it out it started crying and running. To this day we call him the cat molester... Holler Forward Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cutlips Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 in no way can i compete with these stories and mine isnt funny just a very close call...one of my good friends lived on the third floor in an apartment building.. we had just smoked and he jumped in the shower i was at the kitchen table reading a magazine and the doorbell rings i open it and its the landlord my friend hasnt paid rent in like 4 months so the guy just walks in i didnt know what to do this guy is fuckin mad saying hes gonna call the cops so he starts looking around and he looks at the kitchen table and he sees little pieces of the buds we just smoked i tried to wipe it off but he was sticking his face right up to the table meanwhile i notice the dog push the bedroom door wide open now my friend had 4 metal halide lamps and his room was glowing like yankee stadium. luckily the landlord was to fixated on the remnants of a bud to notice that there was a growroom about 8 ft away. i managed to get the door shut and he left.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SleepAnDream Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 shit i was painting some highways spots when i was in high school. it was during one of those "my girl dumped me, im a depressed teenager" timeframes and the moms definetly knew all about it. so im sitting there, painting this spot, i put a fatcap on a can of cherry red to outline and the fucker exploded all over everything, hands, clothes everything. i cursed the gods that be and went about my buisiness. i hit a few more spots and went home. i walk in the door and my mother was like, oh my god, what happened!? due to the blood red all over my face, clothes and hands, she thought i got my ass kicked or something. i was like, nono, dont worry its just spraypaint...like that effen helped. she then proceeded to flip the fuck out. accusing me of huffing spraypaint to escape my problems...threatening to "get me help"...lordy lordy. i thought it was funny because ive never really considered huffing spraypaint....i kinda thought that nobody really does that shit. i thought it was hilarious. that is all, thank you for your time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cutlips Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 ^^^ thats funny that you mention huffing.. evertytime i bought paint thats what the old ladies at walmart thought i was doing. my mom accused me of that shit a few times before she knew the deal i thought that would be the last thing anyone would think.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VAITOMANOCU Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Originally posted by El Mamerro: Now, if we could only figure out how the sock fits in the scenario... Maybe you could use the sock to blindfold the dog so he has no idea what's going on, and your plan can be carried out successfully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
When Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 mams and dusty just made my late night all that much better ill abstain from posting stories Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dusty Lipschitz Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 paging mr. mental invalid... i know you are here somewhere Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BUCK FUSH Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 alright so my friends family just got home from a vacation in aruba. My friends mom was all about showing pictures of thier vacation. several of which were the family on the beach including my friends 12 year old adopted korean sister. so anyway myself and my friends mother were in my friends bedroom looking at pictures and she decides she has to leave. anyway an hour later my girlfriend came over for a booty call. afterwards i go for a postsex shower. upon leaving the shower and entering my friends bedroom to change i began to reminisce on what said booty call and of course i got a boner. so i threw off the towel intending to get changed onto the pile of pictures. realizing that i might be ruining the pictures i go to move them away from the towel. as i picked up a stack with a picture of my friends little sister on top in a bikini, my friends dad walked in to see me ass naked with a huge woody holding a picture of his 12 year old daugher in a bikini. i tried to explain but ya he still thinks im a fucking perve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overtime Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Originally posted by S@T@N Sorry but I hope the husband finds out and kicks your friend's ass. me too, they punches the wife in the face too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_El Mamerro Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Buck Fush, that's what I'm talking about... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Green Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Originally posted by VAITOMANOCU Maybe you could use the sock to blindfold the dog so he has no idea what's going on, and your plan can be carried out successfully. tie the snout..so you dont have to fear for your testicles being nipped Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dusty Lipschitz Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 i have a smililar experience... i came back from vacation and met my sis at the mcd's at broad & girard. we are sitting in there and i give her a stack of vacation pics to flip thru. as we are sitting there and she's goes through them, its not untill the sex pics and pics of my cock i realize i never went through them to remove the sensitive pics. talk about an awkward family moment.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mental invalid Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 you're a barrel full of monkeys, with smaller monkeys in their pockets. hahahaha.....yup and yup Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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