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Guest imported_El Mamerro

Holy fucking awkward moment, Batman

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

Have you ever had an experience, when factors beyond your control (or which you were completely unaware of) converge in a single instant to make you look incredibly bad/stupid/guilty of something?

 

A similar moment just happened to me a few minutes ago. It was astonishingly incriminating.

 

I'd taken a little too much coffee this morning, and due to this I was substantially more jumpy than usual... between dowloading samba and blasting salsa on the headphones, and not working by being on 12oz, I got this incredible urge to dance in my underwear (I work from home). Even though I was listening to salsa and samba, I really wanted to try out some bboy moves I haven't done in a while, cause I was just too hyped.

 

So I clear the floor a bit and blast the music on the speakers, and start trying out stuff, for the most part failing miserably (haven't practiced in months). So I get ambitious and try to push off a one-hand airbaby (shitty picture of some kid doing a shitty one) into a one-hand handstand (which I've only been able to do a handful of times), and of course, shit isn't working out, but I almost got it, so I kept trying. A few tries more and the back of my elbow/tricep was starting to get pretty roughed up, cause I gotta push off it with my knee. I have no elbow pads, so I decided to sit down on the floor and tie a tube sock around my arm to protect it a bit. To do this, I obviously have to use my mouth to pull on one of the ends.

 

So guess what happens when I start to tie it around? Mom walks in out of nowhere, sees what I'm doing, looks at my desk, and proceeds to lose her shit.

 

 

So I'm wondering what the hell is wrong, and I look over to my desk and see three key items within inches of each other:

 

-The spoon I used to eat cereal with this morning

-My expensive jet torch butane lighter

-A huge pile of heroin

 

Well, actually, the last one isn't true, it was just the first two. But the spoon and the lighter, along with me on the floor, in my underwear, tying a tube sock around my arm with my mouth were more than enough to imprint a fantastically terrible impression on mom, and she was freaking out hardcore. As soon as I realized what she was seeing I started cracking up sooo hard, and this only further scared her, which made me laugh even harder, and so on... a screaming/laughing fest of escalating volume.

 

After a few minutes of calming her down and explaining (it was particularly hard to convince her why I was breaking to salsa) she finally regained her composure, and I rushed back to post this cause it was fantastic.

 

This is how innocent people get charged with crimes they did not commit... the universe just conspires to make them look shittily bad at the worst moment possible. All of a sudden, I feel a certain crumb of benefit of the doubt for OJ.

 

Soo... anyone else had similar experiences?

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dude, your mom is stupid, no one ties off with a sock!

tell her to get a clue for christ sakes!!

 

 

just kidding.

thats funny.

 

you're a barrel full of monkeys, with smaller monkeys in their pockets.

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holy shit thats great. i cant remeber if anything like that happend to me

good story.

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wait.. my girlfriend walked in on me wacking off, and i felt kind of weird for a bout 2 minutes.. then she got on the bed and we started to masturbate together so it kind of worked out.. not really the same but who cares.

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Guest

I'm suprised that your mom gets shocked at anything.

She had a drunkard piss on the bedroom fan right?

I figure it would take a hell of a lot to suprise that woman.

 

I could see her walking in, doing this :rolleyes: then walking out.

 

--------=+

 

Here's one that happened to me this morning.

I have a coffee in hand and head to the crapper to to my morning biz.

Well Buddy the Blunder Cat is getting WAY bigger and he's strong

enough to open doors now. Seing as this was pre-espresso, I forgot to

put the latch on the door. So doesn't the cat ram into the door and swing

it open only to take off leaving me, with pants around my ankles, in the

middle of cutting a turd. I figure 'what the hell' so I go back to the article

in the Economist I was reading. I'm not going to pause a bowel movement for this.

 

Now doesn't the roomate wake up and walk right to the bathroom.

"What the hell? Close the damn door you sicko!" and she slam the door shut.

 

So now I have to blame the cat, which wasn't a tough sell because as

I was explaining how he's a holly terror, he tries to climb a lamp and

bring the thing to the floor. Cat... caught in the act of being a brat.

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Guest Dusty Lipschitz

no offense, but i may with this one...

 

ok

here's how it went down.

 

so me, wifey and our dog are at her house in new mexico. just the three of us. its in the middle of the desert, and being just us, we walk around partially dressed, or not dressed at all, and do all our business with the door open. who cares, its just us, noone around to see.

so this one morning i am going to take a shower.

i start the shower, and completely nekkid, and i get this idea.

i dont know why, but i did. so i figured i would try it out and see what happend. so i am getting myself into position, which consists of me butt ass nekid squatting down like this, about to see what would happen...

when i look up to see my wife in the doorway, staring at me, mouth on the floor, a scared look of shock and horror across her face. i soon realized how incredibly bad it looked.

see, what i was wondering was what my dog would do if i held her nose to my ass while i farted. i was about to find out, but before i could break wind, i looked up to see her. it took a few minutes of explaining... can you imagine walking in to find your 27 year old husband, squatting nekkid in the bathroom as he held your dogs face and nose up to his ass?

sheesh.

she married me anyways.

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Originally posted by Kilo7-

the article in the Economist I was reading.

 

oh my... he's doing it again

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Dusty, that is fucking priceless man... how on earth did you explain that? Hahahahaha, it's not like you had a perfectly logical explanation for it, you were ACTUALLY TRYING to get your dog's face in your ass!! Hahahahahahahaha.....

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i was waiting for some topost a thread like this:

 

 

So I get my STARBUCKS coffee the Vente(biggest). I wrap the cup in a bunch of napkins so as to keep any spillage off my hands, as its really brick out. I go to light a cig with my free hand. Its windy and the lighter keeps going out. So I pump the flame up higher and use the coffee cup hand to shield the wind. Like the genius I am I light the napkins on fire. In a moment of "fuck im on fire' i twich my wrist, clench the cup, shoting the lid off of the coffee.Hot Hot Coffee on pants, coffee on ground, leg gets burned then turns to ice as I walk back to work; i finish the last 4 hours of work with coffee pants. 2.04$ down the drain. and all my precausions for not. Sometimes i am an idiot.

 

I earned my short bus parking spot today, did you

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El mammero...thank you for giving me my first funny moment of the day. Actually, the first funny moment was watching a film in my language and society class where people were making all sorts of mongloid sounds but your story definately comes in a very close second.

 

Telo....uhm...whoa, your little story is not helping me deal with a week's worth of no sex.

 

As for me....

 

One day after getting out of the shower I applied some vaseline on my lips because they were wicked chapped. I place said vaseline on nightstand and then i notice "Hmm, bed is a little crooked, better get it back into place."

 

I bend over (still naked as I just got out of the shower) and begin pushing the bed back into place.

 

My gf comes into the room. Sees me naked, bent over the bed. Looks to the dresser, sees the vaseline. Says to me "SO babe, getting all set and ready for me?"

 

lol, i thought the whole situation was pretty funny

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holy shit...dusty's story actually topped mamerros. god damn thats funny shit. I can't believe you were able to explain that. She probably just chalked it up to one of those weird guy things.

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Guest Dusty Lipschitz

lol

i dont know which was worse

the look on her face as she caught me

or the look on mine as i realized what she saw and prolly thought

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All of these moments are priceless :lol:

 

Dusty, I want the conclusion of that experiment. You need to try it again sometime when the wife isn't in. I have money that the dog would just collapse, or bite your ass off.

Oh, and, at the time, you shoulda just asked your wife whether she would have prefered you trying fart experiments on her.

 

Mine isn't as classic, and I didn't see it as awkward at the time, but...

 

Once, when I was 8, I was getting fucking bored in detention. At this point the teacher had gone out somewhere to get some papers or something, so I decided to destroy things to pass the time. I dismantled a couple of ball points, and was using the hollow tubes to blow spitballs all over the place (I was the only one in detention). I even got bored of that, and I had a packet of Polo's in my pocket... so I started eating them. Even that was fucking boring, so for a lack of anything else to do, I just started crushing them into powder. So I have these little stacks of white powder on my desk, and hollowed out ball points.... and I start to write out my name on the desk in the white powder, in neat little lines. I'm just done doing the downstroke of the first letter when the teacher comes in, sees me and just starts screaming. Another teacher comes in just behind her and starts yelling his head off, and dashs off to get a whole army of teachers. I get told to sit in the corner with my hands where the teachers can see them until the they're are done sweeping all of the crushed Polo into a little bag which they then take away. I'm fucking shitting myself, cuz I dunno what the fuck is going on (I was only 8 and didn't know the first thing about snorting), and then I'm sent home and suspended.

 

After two days we get a phone call from the headteacher apologising for the misunderstanding. I figure they got the bag tested, and the police musta shit themselves with laughter when they found out it was crushed pieces of mint. When I get back to school, the first two teachers who saw me had been fired, I mean for fuck's sake how many 8 year olds have a cocaine habit? Aaaand that's my story, apologies if it sucked.

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Guest Dusty Lipschitz

how about the time i was supposed to meet my sister at the corner of 2nd & market at 2pm. at 210 i get there and see her white celica parked at the corner. i walk up to get in shotgun, and theres this big black ninja in the passenger side. so i open the backseat door and hop in closing the door. realizing that not only is the passenger this thugged out black man. so is the driver. i quickly apoligize and hop my little cracker ass out the car and call my sis to tell her to meet me a black away.

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nice dusty...

 

I was trying to get into my car and was having problems with the lock...when some dude came up and asked what the fuck I was doing trying to break into his car. I was like...uh..oh shit...that explains why the key isn't working. mine was like a row over.

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Originally posted by Dusty Lipschitz

i quickly apoligize and hop my little cracker ass out the car and call my sis to tell her to meet me a black away.

 

interesting typo. (for the story)

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Guest Dusty Lipschitz
Originally posted by Kilo7-

interesting typo. (for the story)

 

 

holy shit

i had to reread that three times to catch that

totally unintentioniggeral

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they calculate the price of cheese steaks in 'blacks' as well.

 

philly be mad racist, son.

 

 

 

seeks/holla back

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