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Devilush

I hate it so much I cry....

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gosh i really would hate to make this into a topic but i have no one to vent to right now and i am sick at home. my new job prolly hates me already. when you read this, keep in mind its no one on this board. its just random people that have blessed me with their presense through my life. and i just miss them.

 

but have you had a friend--such a good friend that under some circumstances, it didnt work right?? i have been though this same situation over and over again in my life and it makes me scared to make friends with anyone because i might become too attatched and something wrong might happen. i hate this. for all the people that i have been best friends with and it just wasnt right, i'm sorry. i had this great friend....we were seriously best friends and i could tell him everything and same for him. and what sucked was, that i became attatched to him a lot. when i lost him as a friend, i admit, i wasnt sad. but now when i dwell on it--he's even emailed me and imed me which means that he isnt mad at me or anything, i miss his friendship so much. it just wasnt what i really wanted it to be. i guess i just wanted things to work out so well, that i expected so much that he couldnt deliver. he taught me to love myself no matter what and everytime i spoke to him, he made me feel special and beautiful for who i am. he also be-friended my man...which was a big plus for me. i didnt know that he meant so much to me until now.

then there was this other guy who chose to be my friend for the wrong reasons. he offered his friendship whenever he can and so did i. but he was my friend so he can catch me when i was having problems with my man. and that is petty to me. when i told him that i wasnt going anywhere, that was the end. but that is besides the point....

 

both of the friendships arent here with me now. and i am sad because of that. its sad because these friendships meant so much to me. they were part of my heart at one point, and now they are gone. it wont ever be the same again.

 

**sorry to post this. i felt like i had to. and now i am emailing it to one friend.

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Guest imported_Tesseract

I really wouldnt want to get in opinions/theorys/ideas and recomandations here...i'm just checkin in to say that emotional overattachment has its ups and downs, its the reason why you're sad at the moment and the reason you're so sweet all times.

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im sorry to hear that, id give you some advice but ive become so indifferent towards "friendship" all i would be able to say is "thats growing up". thats what i honestly think, i just recently kicked someone to the curb that i had been friends with for 7 years, a really good friend and all of a sudden things just werent like they were and that was it...gone. ive had 6 or 7 instances of this between the ages of 17 and 20. some people get left behind, others move forward....i for one felt like i was moving forward and those that were draging behind got the boot....mabey im a dick, i dont know and honestly i dont really care....thats life, that was my choice and that how certain friendships turn out. right now i have my family, my girlfriend and one friend....i have 5 extrodinary people in my life and im happy....i keep aquaintances here and there but honestly, those 5 people are all i need. fuck, im ranting......the first sentance was really all that was relevant

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thanks tesseract....you're my hero.

 

i really wasnt looking for opinions/theories/etc...i was just hoping that i wasnt the only one that fucks up friendships. i may not be perfect (god forbid i am), but i just wanted to reassure myself that it prolly wasnt meant to go on. and i am hating myself for it. which i feel that i shouldnt but at the same reason, i feel that i am 100% guilty for the friendships that arent here with me anymore. and boogie...i too dont have many friends. which is good, but i meet that one person, and already i am bound to hurt them in some way. either it may or may not be their fault, i feel that i am the one to blame. i feel you on the 5 people in your life that you really need. because that is all that i need also.

but for some reason, i am wondering..."why are you forgiving me?" i have been horrible towards the end to this person, and he goes and emails me and wants to come to visit me and even im's me. it breaks my heart. it breaks my heart because i was so mean, and it breaks my heart because he forgives me in some way. but it wont be the same.

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Originally posted by Devilush

i have been though this same situation over and over again in my life and it makes me scared to make friends with anyone because i might become too attatched and something wrong might happen.

 

 

 

 

 

i go through this shit everyday...it fucking sucks and it hurts me everyday even though it is almost becoming the goal of my life not to have this happen.

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Originally posted by HESHIANDET

he$hy loves you baby

 

i edited the quote because i know heshy isnt perfect but i can always depend on him to be there.

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i dont really know where to go on this one, but when good things come to and end, then you just gotta move on, fereal.. and you really cant depend on fate, i dunno if you believe in that shit or not, but i dont believe in fate. one thing is you gotta take the initiative to set shit straight, shit never falls into place and you dont wanna be the one left behind cuz you was waitin for things to get good and what not, im jus sayin... dont dwell on the past... do what you can now so you dont have to regret it later. but you already know this. but i'm in a fucked up situation so i should take my own advice but i'm also human, so fuck it...

 

peace.

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Guest Wilt

i hate friends.its like having a bunch of girlfriends..not that women aren't splendid..but everone is too fucking fragile..since ive moved i lost lots of friends..its refreshing...im just me..out here..painting..loving it.oh and devil..is that magazine shit still going on?can i still send my 100 pennies?

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Friendship is wierd

 

I used to hang out with a bunch of these east bay kids alot and I was pretty good friends with them...but I don't really hang out with them anymore because they are 'rock stars'. Anyway, I passed one of them on the street the other day, and he held his head down to avoid eye contact with me - basically he tried to pretend not to notice me and my boyfriend walking past him.

It made me bummed that I never see those guys anymore, and now it's gotten to the point where its awkard.

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Originally posted by Vanity

there there

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Fucking hilarious as shit.

 

BTW everybody, I turned eighteen 3 hours ago!!

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Guest willy.wonka

oh my.......

 

guy and girl friendships are tricky....

i have a little trouble feeling comfortable around my homegirls,but i feel so comfortable with them....if that makes sence.

a good majority of all the girls i know asked or clued me to sex...

or a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.its flattering....:D "but"

 

some of my "girl friends"...i would never want to have sex with them,but i sometimes find myself looking at thier boobies and butt if they have any...............to me,this is a terrible thing.i feel like an asshole.sometimes they catch me too,but they say nothing or show little emotion...i know that they are thinking something about it though.some get flattered,i guess.

 

in my everyday life i try to avoid that "little fucked up thing" between us,but it is there.what can i do?i try to check myself constantly.this maybe one reason why im such the loner.i dont like how humans think sometimes...they bullshit too much.

 

if you feel that these guys want more than a friendship,they probably do....or did.i know i felt that way with some women.dont hold it against them.unless they just want sex.well,it throws an erie vibe to the whole situation...so i stop hanging around them or they stop hanging around me.i try to avoid that type of stuff..its very heartbreaking.

 

i dont know what you should do.maybe its just a learning lesson for them to remember and for you....

im pretty sure you'll be able to handle...

take care and dont do anything that i would do..;)

:D!!shoots!!:D

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i have many girlfriends that well... with some i have an unspoken hands off policy which is sometimes for the best. others i have had sex with or hook up with at random times but we are still great friends, i think it all depends on the person whom you are friends with. i get attached to some of my girls but its not like a scary bad attachment where as with others there is no attachment whatsoever for various reasons, this is making no sense im sorry, i guess what im trying to say is that it all depends on the friend and what you ultimately want out of the friendship

friends make the best lovers right?

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awww. devilush is such a fragile little marshmellow. i think i know the second guy you're talking about, and you shouldn't stress about him. being the lovely lass you are, there will be guys who will try to steal you away from you b/f. it's to be expected. but from what you told me, that guy fucked up on a few levels, so he's the one to blame for being a butt-wipe.

 

you're not the only one to cock-up friendships, don't worry. i've made a mess of a few relationships, and there are a few folks i wish i still had around. but the way my life is at the moment (as you know) my main problem is with friends moving to different countries, so eventually the friendships fizzle off. it really sucks. but i know how you feel. and at our age, it gets harder to find good friends, so the ones we have we want to hang on to. unfortunately it doesn't always work that way.

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I've somehow managed to isolate my self from alot of old aquaintances, and have 4 friends i see on a very regular basis where i live now.

I'm just tired of meaningless friendships, relationships, and conversations.

 

dlush..thats how it always is i think..sometimes people just move apart, grow up, move away, move in different circles, do different drugs,and go to different bars.

too early in the morning t o thinkkkk.

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thanks guys

 

i really do appreciate the advice though. i dunno. all those relationships has made me numb to any other friendship that i have. its made me feel so isolated to other people because of the fact. i love roo...i feel ya!! the second guy that i mentioned, i saw him at an art show opening and he would not look at me. i know he saw me too. i was going to say something to make amends and all, but i decided not to, even my man was telling me to at least say hello. he knows i'm a stubborn person. but i decided not to. its such a shame that things like that have to happen the way it happens.

 

but the thing is willy, i have never wanted something else with the guys. nothing except a friendship. and they knew that...but the second guy wanted to make my decisions for me.

 

I'm just tired of meaningless friendships, relationships, and conversations. -- Ink Lunatic

 

basically is what i am saying. tired of it, but i somehow dwell on it and even miss it. like i am missing out on something.

 

mr. abc.....ding ding ding...you've guessed right. gosh you know me well!! i am a fragile marshmellow.....this would never ever show up on a board like hifi when i have to act all tough.

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You are definitely not alone on this one...

 

During the last half of my senior year in High School I became friends with this girl. We've known who each other where since freshman year because she was an ex-girlfriends friend, and an ex-girlfriend of one of my friends. We never talked for the whole 3 and a half year's until I started visiting her art class to see a now former friend of mine. He left the class and I kept going, and her and I became unbelievably close.

I have never, ever, felt so comfortable around a female in my whole life. I let her into my world, and she knew things that I would never tell another soul. We would spend hours at a time, sitting in her car after school talking. On weekends we'd drive to what became "our spot" and would sit at the beack talking. I was there for her through a lot, including the passing of her father and the break up of her long time boyfriend. She was there for me all the time as well.

Eventually graduation came, and that was the last time I saw her. She ran up to me and gave me a quick hug before I could even realise she was hugging me and that was it. I talked to her once on the phone during the first week's of summer and now she's off in College in some other state.

It hurt's me all the time to think that someone that I was this close with could just go away without even a goodbye. I thought maybe I did something wrong, or all the time was a waste, but she was a sincere girl, and I knew it was all time well spent and am thankfull for it all.

 

Sorry about all the crap above, it's just that I can relate, and I think I needed to finally get all that out. Sorry.

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Re: thanks guys

 

Originally posted by Devilush

mr. abc.....ding ding ding...you've guessed right. gosh you know me well!! i am a fragile marshmellow.....this would never ever show up on a board like hifi when i have to act all tough.

 

 

tough? you were a teddy bear on there too. haha :crazy:

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I think Boogie had it right. Growing up ruins a lot of good friendships. I have lost many friends over the years for a variety of reasons, the most common however is that we have just grown in different directions. I had some friends who couldn't convert to the fact that I have kids and I can't just drop everything and go whenever I want. Others are still doing all the same old self-destructive crap from back in the day. I used to do all that stuff, but I have kids and responsibilities now. Besides that I want to make something of my life, not cycle in and out of jail. I even have some friends who "grew up" even more than I have and feel that my lifestyle is too upsetting for them to deal with. They all hurt, some more than others, but I wouldn't change anything about them. All those who have been my friends in the past have made a contribution to who I am as a person and for that I am thankful.

 

At this point I don't have all that many friends. Usually the other "grown-ups" that I have contact with are boring and I just can't hang with the wild ones anymore. So I waste my time on 12oz like the rest of you.

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Guest Are2

i didn't read any posts..

 

i don't have much to offer in the way of friendship advice, but i have been through what seems like a million failed relationships..

 

i sort of have an interstate metaphor for relationships now..

 

people's lives, and interests, and goals converge to put them on the same path, in the same directions..you have companionship, and ohter good stuff, but then sometimes the weather gets rough...or your pace, or their pace changes, or you decide to go a different direction, or off on a differnet road..

change can be painful, but it really is the most natural thing in the world..

 

i have learned to appreciate the people i have while i have them, chances are the relationships i have now will not last forever, but i will have my memories and maybe a new part of myself to take with me..

 

i have bascially no friends at this point in my life, which is ok for me right now..i can be totally focused on me, and i guess sometimes my boyfriend..uncomplicated..and lonely..

 

but i have my memories of good times past, and plenty to still lokk forward to..

 

with 6 billion people in the world, it'll be tough to get to know all of them

 

hang in there.. everything changes..the less you resist it, the easier breakups and stuff will be..

plus, you've always got your 12oz mystery pals :)

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