The power of positive thinking, meditation and crawling out of the pits of dispair

[morton]

I just wanted to second what I hear NOES saying, which is that life is a struggle and to pursue positive activities both major and minor. 

 

Physical fitness as part of a team or group has been a real revelation for me and my well being. I consider that to be major, a minor source of peace in my life is that I load and run the dish washer every night and unload it in the morning.

 

At other times in my life taking care of a chore like the dishes would be a major challenge, and at others I had no dishes or kitchen so there are stages to all of this as well. 

 

[fat ralphy]

3 years ago ended a 16 year relationship that was very unhealthy, at the time I thought it was the worst thing that  could have happened.

 

Now in hindsight its the best thing that could have ever happened to me - despite the fact I now only get to spend halftime with my kids.

 

I have a partner now that uplifts me, works with me and wants to work to make a healthy lasting relationship. At times it feels like I am in a whole new world.

 

@Tails0nEsounds like you are already putting the rubber to the road and starting to separate yourself from an unhealthy relationship- I applaud you and encourage you if its possible to do some counseling/therapy.

 

I did 18 months of therapy and going into it I thought I was the one who was unhealthy in my previous relationship - turns out she was gaslighting me hella and she had all kinds of personal problems that were affecting the relationship overall. 

 

I rely on affirmations and healthier lifestyle to help me when I  start to spiral. I also am communicating completely with my partner and that is new - being 100% vulnerable is scary but I will say that it helps us to keep everything in the open. I think that’s required to have real growth.

 

I put work in and I still have stuff to work on - my upbringing has led me to an “insecure attachment” type. I have anxious attachment but it is getting better and truthfully I am getting to the point with my current partner that I have secure attachment. 

Rambling a bit now but overall it really comes down to our happiness is our responsibility and takes work to cultivate. Props for starting that process.

[misteraven]

I’ve been pretty consistent these days with the Breethe App. I’ve also been listening to audio books on the subject of positivity and affirmation. I have to admit, it’s isn’t easy. In fact I’ve been struggling with stress and depression quite a bit since the holidays. My diet is literally as clean as can be… Essentially I only eat whole foods. I consume zero added sugar with anything and am still on the ultra low carb diet that falls half way between Keto and Carnivore. Supplements and even been testing CBD and micro dosing THC and some days (bonus especially), I feel like I’m getting crushed. Anyhow, just letting everyone know that if you feel the same, you aren’t alone with it. In my case, I think it was amplified after COVID and considering how off the rails the world has gone, it’s far more stressful than ever. Nothing to do, but try and embrace it. Seems like the harder you fight it or try and hide, the longer it lingers. 
 

Anyhow, just an update for anyone still following along. 

[fat ralphy]

Slow and steady.....

 

I have been using this daily journal for the year. It is geared to cultivate progress, positive thinking and reflection.

 

It is helpful and I actually try to put myself fully into the exercises, I can see how over time this type of structure and reflection gets results. 

 

There is a morning and nightly portion which gives a feeling of cohesion and purpose to the day. The exercises relate and draw upon your strengths and are progressive in nature.

 

Self-Mastery Journal - copped on Amazon (smh fucking amazon)

[Tails0nE]

hey all you kool katz and kittenz...

 

definitely has been a while since ive been on here, apologies for going ghost on here after my massive wall of text. After writing that i kind of fell into my own hole of despair and depression and while i do GREATLY appreciate the responses and dms from everyone, i felt kind of like a simp just wining about my problems. Granted, i know that's not the case but in my head re-reading it just seemed like a bunch of "waaaahhh poor me" but i know thats my head just fucking with me.. i guess its only right that i update ya'll with some things since you've taken the time to read my wall-o-text and actually take the time to give some insightful wisdom/advice as well as open up yourselves.

 

so me and the "room mate" now have been ok.. still called it off like right around last april-ish or so.. met someone at my job and slowly it became a big thing.. we definitely fell for eachother but recently she broke it off with me because she started going to therapy herself and with the passing of her dad whom she was extremely close to along with other things shes kind of burried deep inside she said she needs some time alone to process everything and figure herself out but left me with the promise of once she gets her mind right we can pick up right where we left off.. at first it sucked and i kind of slipped up by not giving her said space she asked for but recently we've began speaking again as friends and ive been not trying to bombard her in any way.. so i guess good progress..? at this point im just taking it day by day and put the trust and faith in her that everything will work out the way it should and not trying to put so much pressure on it.. i guess let it happen organically.. if not, it is what it is..

 

as far as the "room mate" situation, we had to renew the lease out of nowhere since management changed and we only had a month to decide on what to do.. she tried saying we can slowly work on us or just stay as "room mates who occasionally fuck" to which i replied we'll see.. tried going with her to her companies holiday party just to be nice, which turned into her getting extremely drunk and trying to fight me in the hotel room along with spitting in my face and bringing up bullshit from 4 years ago. to which brought out the old me and i ended up calling her out on the dude she slept with behind my back that i never mentioned to her that i knew of.. called it from there that we are never working it out anymore.. and since i was seeing the other girl i never slept with her while me and the other one was involved.. shes still lazy and doesnt clean or anything which is hella annoying but at this point its whatever.. im doing what i gotta do to get out and focus on bettering myself she can do whatever she pleases..

 

but now for the more positive aspect of everything.. i did recently buy a used car finally.. had to pull some strings which im beating myself up over but at the end of the day, i bought it on a tuesday, got everything situated by wednesday, insurance on thursday, cashed out no car payments or anything.. as everyone has told me, "pretty baller move", as well as not going for broke as far as savings.. work is stoopid and everyone there is whack.. with them trying to only give me 3 days these past two weeks ive been looking for part time gigs here and there on the side to make that patio season money along with actually following through with this voice over demo reel ive worked on but procrastinated on finishing.. already looked into some agencies to send this reel to so they can start finding work specifically for my type of voice so that way i can slowly make that a more primary source of income yet still have a couple bartending/serving gigs on the side and not have to worry about what restauraunt i will be at next.. cause honestly, the service industry is still fucked but thats an entirely different conversation..

 

all in all i have been journaling alot almost every other day when i do remember or have the time to.. recently got into fountain pens like the nerd i am which makes me want to write even more.. im trying my best to stay positive and take things day by day and not overthink every single negative case scenario that i make up or imagine in my head.. now that i have a car i feel alot more relieved and better about myself.. im pushing myself to stay creative and use that as its own form of therapy although i am looking on going to actual therapy since my recent partner started her journey it kind of gave me the ambition to follow through myself.. im actively picking up extra shifts at work for now to save up more money to hopefully move out on my own within the next couple of months along with trying to have a side gig to help facilitate everything..

 

 

not to create another massive wall-o-text, all in all i guess im doing somewhat better and trying to improve my thought process and actually being proud of my recent accomplishment.. getting back to music has helped me block out the world around me and stops my brain from overthinking like it likes to do.. the living situation is whatever but im doing what i can to get out of it and better myself in any way that i can.. Just wanna give a shout out and thank you to everyone who reached out and actually read and responded to my last post however long ago it was.. I genuinely, truly, whole heartedly appreciate it with everything in me for your responses as well as all of the advice and knowledge you all have given me.. dont think i can thank you guys enough for listening to me ramble on..

 

 

 

love you oontz 🖤

[LUGR]

4 hours ago, nicklesndimes said:

been thinking a lot. springtime is upon us, i really need to try and get in a positive mindset and enjoy life more. it's like my mind is on a loop, focusing on the negative all the time, when there's so much good to live for.

I think realizing that and putting it out there into the world is a step in the right direction and I’m glad you did. When I read your comment, it also made me take a moment to think about things and say hey, @nicklesndimesis right, “there’s so much good to live for”.

[Tails0nE]

Doing my best as well to keep in a positive mindset.. these past two days have been difficult though.. the whole separation from the girl I was recently talking to sucks but it is what it is at this point so whatever.. but the loss of my friend hurts alot deeper than I thought it would and the only person I'd actually wanna talk to or even be around is them but I can't bother them so I just say fuck it and keep it moving..

 

But the past two days the room mate has been purposely stirring up shit just to get a rise out of me during the middle of me grieving.. I've been in tears on and off this entire week over my buddies passing yet she feels the need to jump to accusations about who I'm gonna be with Saturday during the service.. just cause.. then the other day told me she text my ex from 5 years ago to ask if we were still talking.. just cause.. so because I'm upset at her for starting shit and don't wanna talk to her right now since im still grieving, now I gotta move out because her feelings are hurt over something she created yet I'm still apparently the one in the wrong..

 

Doing my best to stay positive but it's just like everything around me is super negative at this point.. I can barely sleep 4 hours a night if im lucky, no appetite, just surviving off weed water and coffee.. at the same time I'm relieved in a sense to know I have a chance regain my peace and solitude by leaving albeit being so abrupt and sudden at the worst possible timing ever all because of their hurt feelings...

 

Shit sucks right now... but at the same time I know I'll be ok.. things will work themselves out as they should.. just gotta keep pushing forward and keep doing me.. trying to keep that positive mindset were talking about here.. wish me luck on the apartment hunting 🤞🏼

[LUGR]

On 4/5/2024 at 7:09 AM, Tails0nE said:

Doing my best as well to keep in a positive mindset.. these past two days have been difficult though.. the whole separation from the girl I was recently talking to sucks but it is what it is at this point so whatever.. but the loss of my friend hurts alot deeper than I thought it would and the only person I'd actually wanna talk to or even be around is them but I can't bother them so I just say fuck it and keep it moving..

 

But the past two days the room mate has been purposely stirring up shit just to get a rise out of me during the middle of me grieving.. I've been in tears on and off this entire week over my buddies passing yet she feels the need to jump to accusations about who I'm gonna be with Saturday during the service.. just cause.. then the other day told me she text my ex from 5 years ago to ask if we were still talking.. just cause.. so because I'm upset at her for starting shit and don't wanna talk to her right now since im still grieving, now I gotta move out because her feelings are hurt over something she created yet I'm still apparently the one in the wrong..

 

Doing my best to stay positive but it's just like everything around me is super negative at this point.. I can barely sleep 4 hours a night if im lucky, no appetite, just surviving off weed water and coffee.. at the same time I'm relieved in a sense to know I have a chance regain my peace and solitude by leaving albeit being so abrupt and sudden at the worst possible timing ever all because of their hurt feelings...

 

Shit sucks right now... but at the same time I know I'll be ok.. things will work themselves out as they should.. just gotta keep pushing forward and keep doing me.. trying to keep that positive mindset were talking about here.. wish me luck on the apartment hunting 🤞🏼

Good luck with the apartment hunting and RIP to your friend, my condolences.

 

Lean on your Oontz fam when in need, we uplifting spirits in 2024.

 

 

[diggity]

I fell off on this thread so I'm gonna do a personal dump now that the work day is closing out and I can actually focus on my response- found this thread againt his morning and its been on my mind.

 

Apps.

If you are looking for a free mediation app, Google has one called Balance and its free for the first year and then you can purchase if you are interested. I used it for a bit but honestly I dont think sitting in a room by myself breathing yields results for me. I'm working from home most days so its more important for me to change my scenery. 

 

If you are dealing with depression/anxiety/feeling lonely, theres another app called WoeBot that is free. its pretty much an Ai therapy where it will check in on you through out the day and does things in a conversational manner. I did this for a while because I was interested in seeing what it was/how it responded to things. this might be worth looking into if you dont have the money for therapy, dont want to talk to a real person or if you have a schedule thats not flexible enough to work appointments into.

 

Almost a year ago, things were starting to come to a head for me at my job. I work in television on the network side promoting shows/content. I've been in this industry for around 20 years. I left my last gig at a small design shop/post house for the promise of stability. When I left that gig, I knew had a decent amount of contacts I could fall back on should I want/need to slide into another role else where. The whole reason I took the gig was because the spot I was working on hadnt ever really have big layoffs so my thinking was this was a pretty safe bet. 3 years into the job, it gets sold to Discovery and there are lay offs but we arnt effected. fast forward a couple more years and the CEO works out a deal with ATT to absorb their mistakes and we merge with Turner/Warner Brothers and then we are hit with rolling layoffs and also SEP packages. Seps are where they offer people who have been at the company for several years money to leave and no one positions get filled after people depart from the seps or the layoffs.

 

The chaos of not having enough staff, uncertainty and living amoungst others that are fearful of getting laid off and burnout really takes a toll over time. Next our design group gets hit. When I started here there were 12. now there are 2 and for management we reported to design management thats on another brand.  So at somepoint around now one of the editors reports abuse in our group and HR does a big investigation/interviews with everyone. Well I kept shit honest and at the end of the interview, the HR person told me I should take a leave of absence and walked me through what to get my doctor to say and what not.  I was so busy with work/late nights and managing the chaos that I didnt realize I was burnt out and depressed. I had 3 health professionals tell me I needed to quit the job. Well throughout these mergers and layoffs, all of my contacts at other networks had been axed or were in the process of having their teams cut down to 1/3 of what they were.  The whole industry is just folding in on itself. 

 

During those 6 weeks I started seeing a therapist through work once a week. Her suggestions werent really life changing by any means but I found that going for walks was far better than meditating for me.

 

What helped me the most during all of this was taking a trip to see friends. for the first 2 weeks I was off work, I was pretty much a body in the room. indecisive about everything. I had not drawn or done anything creatively for myself in what felt like a life time. After I got back, shit was way different. I've been drawing far more than before and since I was out, work made some management changes that greatly helped and its alot better place to work now. 

 

Outside of work, around 2020 during the pandemic my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer. Doctor swore it was a textbook open and shut case. this past year she found out that it had spread and she was having difficulty breathing because fluid was filling her plural cavitiy - it sits behind your lungs and when it fills with fluid your lungs cant really expand. she just finished treatment from this but I was expecting the worse. also recently had a former co-worker/friend die of a heart attack at the age of 39. He was in shape and biked everyday, no drug use, just a big surprise.Graffiti world sees alot of folks pass before their time due to drugs or other situations but when its someone younger than you dies of natural causes like that, its hits different. These two things made me think about trying anti-depressants but the last couple of months have been better so I'm hoping that shits in the rear view for a bit. Feeling noticably better does make me wonder if its possible to feel better than this. I still find it difficult to enjoy things and I dont think I was ever really prepared for how lonely it can be as you get older and how difficult it can be making new friends later in life. 

 

I still really need to leave the job but im not anxious about it and know I'll find freelance or a remote gig when I'm forced to. I keep trying to build out a side hustle for myself but I've yet to really nail down what that would be.

[diggity]

Heres bullshit life grind.

 

Tuesday of last week my wife gets a screw in her tire.

Wednesday I get it repaird.

Saturday she loads the van for a craft fair that she has on sunday.

Sunday Morning - While backing out of the driveway, she scuffs the tire on a retaining wall and it blows out the side wall of the tire -same tire that was repaired

I unload the van so we can access the spare, get out the jack and the tire iron doesn't fit the lugs that are on the van -original rims and tires that came on it. load everything into a friends van and send her off.

Bought a 4 way wrench, threw the spare on.

Monday - while driving the van to the shop...spare tire blows out, pulled into a church parking lot and left it. went back and changed the tire on my lunch break.

This whole experience feels like some shit from college.

 

WTF

[Schnitzel]

some days I'm SCHNITZEL and 

 other days I'm schnitzel

 

today is a schnitzel  kind of day

 

 

 

 

[diggity]

The other day I was watching Hack Your Health on netflix. quick summary is that is about your gut bacteria being more like a rain forrest (microbiome).

 

One person nuked their gut bacteria with antibiotics and now has problems eating anything at all. She does procedure where they take someone elses poop and transplant it over into her. she used her brother as a donor and had good results but also inherited his acne problems. the next time she did it, she used her boyfriend and that with that came his depression. The show evidence that this process can also reverse parkingsons disease in rats so they are finding theres a lot more to whats going on in your gut and how that affects the rest of your body and mind.  

 

I found the whole show pretty interesting, they also saw encoraging results for treating autism, adhd and weight loss. 

 

The other side to all of this is that they dont fully understand it yet and worry that while you can bring over good with these transplants, you could also bring over something very bad so they only use it in extreme cases for now. I'm relating it to bringing in a foreign plant or species into an unfamilar ecosystem and it runs unchecked. 

 

The only thing that was really actionable is that we really need to have a diverse group of foods that we eat and in industrialized countries are suffering the most from not getting a big enough variety of foods.

they says said that even though our suggested amount of fiber per day is 25-30g, what they are seeing suggests it should be more like 50g.

[LUGR]

On 5/6/2024 at 4:02 PM, diggity said:

Heres bullshit life grind.

 

Tuesday of last week my wife gets a screw in her tire.

Wednesday I get it repaird.

Saturday she loads the van for a craft fair that she has on sunday.

Sunday Morning - While backing out of the driveway, she scuffs the tire on a retaining wall and it blows out the side wall of the tire -same tire that was repaired

I unload the van so we can access the spare, get out the jack and the tire iron doesn't fit the lugs that are on the van -original rims and tires that came on it. load everything into a friends van and send her off.

Bought a 4 way wrench, threw the spare on.

Monday - while driving the van to the shop...spare tire blows out, pulled into a church parking lot and left it. went back and changed the tire on my lunch break.

This whole experience feels like some shit from college.

 

WTF

that all definitely blows

[LUGR]

On 5/7/2024 at 8:27 AM, diggity said:

The other day I was watching Hack Your Health on netflix. quick summary is that is about your gut bacteria being more like a rain forrest (microbiome).

 

One person nuked their gut bacteria with antibiotics and now has problems eating anything at all. She does procedure where they take someone elses poop and transplant it over into her. she used her brother as a donor and had good results but also inherited his acne problems. the next time she did it, she used her boyfriend and that with that came his depression. The show evidence that this process can also reverse parkingsons disease in rats so they are finding theres a lot more to whats going on in your gut and how that affects the rest of your body and mind.  

 

I found the whole show pretty interesting, they also saw encoraging results for treating autism, adhd and weight loss. 

 

The other side to all of this is that they dont fully understand it yet and worry that while you can bring over good with these transplants, you could also bring over something very bad so they only use it in extreme cases for now. I'm relating it to bringing in a foreign plant or species into an unfamilar ecosystem and it runs unchecked. 

 

The only thing that was really actionable is that we really need to have a diverse group of foods that we eat and in industrialized countries are suffering the most from not getting a big enough variety of foods.

they says said that even though our suggested amount of fiber per day is 25-30g, what they are seeing suggests it should be more like 50g.

How do the transplant they poop into her body?

[diggity]

@LUGR

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/treatment-tests-and-therapies/fecal-transplant#:~:text=The procedure works by taking,be performed with upper endoscopy.

[LUGR]

That’s pretty wild.

[fat ralphy]

I got a promotion at work, it might be temporary but it gives me more influence to improve things for our clients and that is rad.

 

But with that has come more stress - feeling burnt out I have been training less and not lifting at all. 

 

My brother who was in the coma last year has been having some seizure issues and my pops is pretty much unable to care for anyone because he barely cares for himself.

 

My other brother has been homeless and just got locked up last week, which is  good thing in his case. 

 

Similar to @diggityI got fucked by a series of unfortunate events over the last two weeks - blower on the AC goes out, boom 1k! then the next week a nail in the side wall so I have to replace all 4 tires, boom 1k.

 

Two days ago the OG died - Scott B a Sunset legend. 

 

On the up side - I have so much to be grateful for and it takes perspective sometimes.......way more to be thankful for. 

[Schnitzel]

On 5/7/2024 at 11:03 AM, Schnitzel said:

some days I'm SCHNITZEL and 

 other days I'm schnitzel

 

today is a schnitzel  kind of day

 had a colossal argument with my son on the way to school today

said something horrible and now I have 6 hours to stew in how fucked I feel about it.

 

and it was all over me jokingly putting a bananarama song on spotify during the school run.

I have no idea how it went so far.

 

some days man..

seriously fuck some days.

 

 and also partly my son needs to learn to take a joke and not run his mouth.

need a school bully to rough him up a little teeny tiny bit

Not to hurt him but to deflate the ego a touch.

 

[fat ralphy]

@Schnitzeli have been there dude 

 

said some things I regret, best thing I did was completely own it and apologize to the kid. 

 

I grew up with wild verbal abuse at times and sometimes it just seems like I want to go off - dont get it twisted I have never said anything super brutal but definitely some things I regret.