Guest imported_Tesseract Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 So i return home after a long day and a longer traffic jam. Walk to the elevator and the fuckin thing is jammed, sometimes the door doesnt close properly on the first floor i think to my self and take the stairs up. I reach first floor i see the door closed but theres light coming from inside, i open the door and boom! A 70 year old lady, collapsed on the floor, puke all over the place and the most bizarre suffocating noise i've ever heard. I start talking at her but she doesnt respond at all. Now, i'm pretty tall, 26 years old and doing some sports but i never, never thought that carrying an unconsious body would be so fuckin difficult. There was this small old lady who felt like she weight a ton. I didnt get a good grip at first cause i thought it was gonna be easy to get her lying staright on the floor before i call somebody and because, dude, i didnt wanna get upclose and personal with all that vomit. After seeing that light grips dont cut it, i said fuck it, turned her a bit around, grabbed her full on under the armpits, her head came next to mine and my hands where now officially full of puke. That sucked, but it worked nonetheless. So there i had her, lying down, with the books i was carrying to lift her head a bit higher, when i remembered that theres a doc on floor 1. Poor lady was on the way to her doctor and she fuckin had a stroke or something in the elevator, so ironic. I run to the door, call the doctor out and to my surprise dude flips out bigtime, OMG! WHAT HAPPENED, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO!? WAIT! WAIT, NO NO WAIT, LET ME CHECK HER PULSE, LET ME CALL EMERGENCY...dude was totally hysterical, anyway he runs to get his stethoscope listens to the old ladies heartbeat and tells me to stay by her so he can call emergency. So there i was, sitting on the floor next to her, my hands in puke, she's a fuckin mess and she looks like she's sleeping and snorting really bad...it felt so weird, so really really weird being right next to her at that time. 1 minute later doc comes back, we grab her, take her in the office couch and wait for the ambulance. Those 3 minutes that the whole thing lasted where completely fucked. Hope you'll be fine old lady, what a great way to start a weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest im not witty Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 thats pretty fucked that the dr flipped out. good looking on the rescue mission though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuyorican Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 was everyone talking in greek at the time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 The lady was half eskimo-half japanese as it looked so we had to adjust when talking to her. *edit: you stupid cunt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 Originally posted by Tesseract@Dec 16 2005, 05:15 PM So there i had her, lying down Quoted post Was it good for you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tough Love Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 woah...ur a hero dude Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BURLAP Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 last year on the ferry some lady had a seizure right in front of me, in front of a shitload of people. she grabbed my arm when it happened and that shit was gripped tight. i stood there like a complete idiot. i'll never forget her fucked up seizure face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 Hahaa "seeizure face" amazing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 Originally posted by Jackson+Dec 16 2005, 12:42 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Jackson - Dec 16 2005, 12:42 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-Tesseract@Dec 16 2005, 05:15 PM So there i had her, lying down Quoted post Was it good for you? Quoted post [/b] I forgot to mention that the doc lifted her blouse to hear her heart, you know that thing right behind her left breast....need i say more? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 I was going to type something foul, but thn I thought. I hope that old lady who puked and had some kind of dreadful funny turn is OK and getting better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flatliner Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 Word to the collapsed body weighing a ton! I was once at a party and some anorexic girl had collapsed, and her friends said that when this hapoens, its some kind of fit and we should call and ambulance.. but she had collapsed outside the house, and my mates were trying to carry her (Bare in mind she was anorexic so very skinny and also only 17) and they were pissed and couldent do it. Now I was high, but I felt strong and able, and I aint weak. So I take her. FUCK ME she was heavy.. I had to carry her all the way into the house, where everyone was like "Just let her sleep she will be fine etc etc " so I just did it.. but shit hit the fan, they said fuck the ambulance call her perants they know what to do.. anyway a lot more happened I would rather not go into, but yeh.. unconcious people are HEAVY. Good moves man, a lot of heads would have kept walking and thats not on. Peace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BURLAP Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 so...no perveract shots eh bro? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 Called a dead weight. They are not very cooperative and you have to get em by the pits like tess did and maneuver the weight to your advantage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CACashRefund Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 did you cop a feel? i know you did. so how does a 70 year old greek snatch feel like? haha good job though, yeah the vomit must have been nasty i know you took a 2 hopur shower after that i know i would have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Some1 Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 good job!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gat Bush Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 the majority of people are scumbags. you are outside this majority. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THANKYOU Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 shoulda left your number in case she gave you some money for helping her old ass out, she might put you in her will... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dobsilla Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 Originally posted by THANKYOU@Dec 16 2005, 06:59 PM shoulda left your number in case she gave you some money for helping her old ass out, she might put you in her will... Quoted post only tease would help someone out in hopes of getting loot out of them. stay on the grind son! :king: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poop Man Bob Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 Nice job, Tess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy Jump Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 Originally posted by Tesseract@Dec 16 2005, 12:15 PM dude flips out bigtime, OMG! Quoted post ha. i would slap my doctor silly if he ever said OMG!. good story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahyoulose Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 a little girl (3) i was babysitting was prone to hvae seizures when she was sick. her parents explained what to do when it happened about two years prior to this situation. THey neglected to tell me she had a fever, (which promotes seizures), and halfway through the babysitting, she started shaking and spit coming out of her mouth and shaking and shit. really scary good job tesser Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T.T Boy Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 where is that a winner is you picture? good job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAR Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 In all seriousness this is the reason I feel that everyone should take some sort of basic life saving course in high school. Shit like this happens, we all should know what to do. And yeh good job. You did alright even though the doctor was a mess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villain Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 Squat lifting 100+ pounds is not as easy as one might think. Especially something as awkward as a person. They used to have us do medical carries for PT when I was at airborne school... goodness gracious that shit is hard. And they made you carry the heaviest people too... lol a good thing to do if someone vomited while unconscious is to turn them on their side so they don't choke. anyways, good work hero! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ego maniac Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 hahahahaa im still laughing at the "seizure face" thing.... hahahhaa hah hahahahaha edit** Tess- What a FUCKING hero..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 This hero talk made me all uneasy, i frankly dont think anyone would just leave her to die in a fuckin elevator, cmon. To squash some of me, i would not, i repeat, would not give her the kiss of life! fucked up friday afternoons have a limit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 and yeah, no jokes, fuckin doc said OMG!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theGOON Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 great story. seizure face. good job man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harvey Wallbanger Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 Dude... there's plenty of motherfuckers that would have turned and ran when they saw that shit. "Ferris Bueller, you're my hero!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomadawhat Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 you didn't check her purse for money? how'd you know she was half eskimo? kidding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.