seeking Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 how could i forget? the trick is making sure you don't forget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villain Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Saturn Returns, redux.... Again I find myself pouring over these very same questions. I am so alone. My life is my work. My best friend, my girlfriend is gone. It was nice to know that I could just call her up whenever.... talk to her whenever. Just to have her there. Life, so cold, empty. I can't afford not to work. "I live to work, I work to live..., they want it all, and I have no more to give. It's a ritual and it's, it's all the same!" Cubicleland is the promise land where I come from. Where the most you have to look forward to is working for one of the big three.... or ford really. But the reality of it all is that you have to know someone to work there. Nepotism.... Destroying ambition. Stagnating progress. I care not for material gain. I have no interest in baller status. My money goes almost solely to idealistic and utilitarian purposes. I am a goddamn pariah messiah. I don't know if I shall ever know happiness. Since even my love was tainted by this world of darkness. I look at people like Tesla.... he, who so accomplished, could not stop to love. And he was not the only one. Is there a balance? Can one balance career and relationship successfully? Or more specifically, can I? Can I for one second forget about trouble abroad, a bleak future, impending doom, harbingers of the apocalypse, stockpiling weapons, studiously pursuing arts of practicality, can I stop for one second and enjoy life... without feeling as though I'm indulging a vain, selfish pursuit? Can I have a happiness, untainted by obligation.... not set by myself, nor any man.... but obligation to this higher cause... so demanding? Do I envy the carefree, or pity them? Do I love to hate? "Can it be cause it was all so simple then?" My girlfriends family... a different kind of people, in their own words. A different kind of culture. A society still, with the family as the cornerstone, the home as it's foundation, and god at it's spires. Not with television heads, and dollar sign eyes, hands for taking and mouths full of lies.... This culture, the american dream.... a house, a two car garage, a white picket fence, 2.5 kids, a puppy, processed, packaged happiness.... soulless, colorless, mass produced blissful ignorance. Our matrix, and personal prison, the realization of the dream, also an illusion, as the world around us crumbles.... we still live this lie. I cannot find comfort in a lie. I fear I may never know the truth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milton Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 "the .1% that are actually doing exactly what they want to be doing all hang out with eachother in some secret back room reaping the rewards of manicured upbringing and nepotism." Seeking you just made my AIM away message, congrats... Giving Tree I keep hearing you say "I thought life was bigger than this." Believe me, it is, you're 23 and about to graduate college, you're on the verge of a huge opportunity. As soon as you have that paper in your hand, you can do what it is you want to do, in theory. I had the same experience as you probably my last year of college. I broke up with my long term girlfriend [who turned into a crackhead], I was doing the same things with the same people that I had been doing since highschool. And you just sort of look at it all and it makes you feel sick. And you say to yourself, "What the hell am I doing with my life, I thought there was more to it than this." It's not your job, or your apartment or your car, its the PEOPLE you surround yourself with. If you have good friends, thats enough to balance a boring job etc. I think what xen said is true, you have to figure out who your friends are. The thing is, you will get through it, and what happens, or what happened to me at least, was that you realize that you need to recognize people for what they are. Or not even what they are but what they are to you. And then you have to seperate out the people that you honestly care for, the people that you hang out with when need be and people you honestly dislike. Then don't associate yourself with the third kind of people and associate yourself more with the first type. That state of disenfranchisement [is that a word?] gave me the attitude like life is short I'm not going to waste my time on people and their bullshit, and I'll only deal with you if you're worth it. It's very easy for people to move from "people you hang out with" to people you dislike, and once that happens remove yourself from the situation and move on. This has made infinitely healtier as an individual. To do it you need to take account of what you're doing in life. Who are the people that genuinely make you happy, that you can relate to. Maybe you've misplaced some of these people, but find them. It's not about your job or your car, its about who you are and who you associate yourself with. As a side note: I have recently returned home for a vacation after about 4 months and realized how badly my previous accounting was. People who I had in the first category were honestly there for necessity only, because I had known them for so long. But now people are rapidly moving from 2-3 from 1-2 etc. We'll see.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giving Tree Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by MESTHREE@Dec 28 2004, 06:13 PM stuff Quoted post haha. shit you probably don't even remember but i was going to stay a few months with you up in the icy cold north about 2 years ago? around that.. for you people reading this as "i want money" then you are clearly not getting what i'm saying. it's not about money.. it's actually the opposite. i'm saying i DON'T like this game, life is MORE than this, and i would LOVE to get out of it. fuck a bmw.. i can CLEARLY see how worthless that is. fuck prada boots. fuck ralph lauren khaki pants. life is more than this. at least that's what i thought when i was six. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giving Tree Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 and again, i'm not even saying that it's hte perticular job i will do or things i will see.. it's the whole system i want out of. i don't want to join the circus, regardless the role. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villain Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 where do all our friends go? they say in times of crisis, you find out who your true friends are. Well what if you don't have any? What then? I miss my girlfriend..... I need a nap. I'm cranky... :sad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 hell.... in kindergarden we all had 30 best friends. too bad it changes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seeking Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 hahaha. mes, you're a total couch whore! ha. i'm gonna have to review your file and see which one of villians catagories you really fit in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giving Tree Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by seeking@Dec 28 2004, 07:28 PM hahaha. mes, you're a total couch whore! ha. i'm gonna have to review your file and see which one of villians catagories you really fit in. Quoted post haha yeah, she and i used to talk alot, but then i got caught up in other things.. whatever.. she probably doesn't even remember. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seeking Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 maybe you had 30 best friends. i had two kids with weird hands, a girl that peed herself, a fat girl that looked like miss piggy and ate paste, and several other kids who werent even noticable enough to be rememberd (you know, 23 years later. ha). friends are definitely harder to come by as you get older though. as much as i hate the sewing circle of graff, it's been wonderful for supplying me with cool people to hang out with all over the world. there aren't too many 'subcultures' that can guarantee you a couch just about anywhere you go, just based on the fact that you share a similar interest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 and it's better than raving because you wont catch the deto Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seeking Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 ravers are really gross. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giving Tree Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 ^ if that is directed at me, I apologize. I was young and naive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MESTHREE Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by Giving Tree+Dec 28 2004, 11:32 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Giving Tree - Dec 28 2004, 11:32 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-seeking@Dec 28 2004, 07:28 PM hahaha. mes, you're a total couch whore! ha. i'm gonna have to review your file and see which one of villians catagories you really fit in. Quoted post haha yeah, she and i used to talk alot, but then i got caught up in other things.. whatever.. she probably doesn't even remember. Quoted post [/b] hah! no I remember. I have a good memory. Yes the days of couch whoring are over (um mostly haha) I learned from my naieve mistakes :scowl: not that that applies to either of you. haha um my file? catagories? ... hahha what are these catagories you speak of? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T=E=A=S=E Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 i need and want to learn how to make more girl "friends"... kinda like girls always say they dont get a long with girls, and they got nothing but guy friends, i want that, except i want the girls as friends and forget the guys. im tired of most the guy friends that i kick it with, all they talk about is stupid shit that's proablly half lies and all the "hoes" they pull, which i know they're either lying about or banging ugly hoes. either way im not trying to hear about it. plus girls are better to look at, obviously. another thing about the whole friends bullshit, ive come to the point that ive decided im either totally wrong about a lot of shit and im the asshole, or people are just really insecure and willing to do damn near anything to fit in, which is also true, and that makes them losers in my eyes. ive had to spend a lot of time by myself over the past 2-3 years because of losing friends or cutting them off to better myself, you learn alot about yourself when youre alone, and now, ill try to give someone a chance and not look at their faults and try to gain something positive from them, but they always seem to piss me off or ignore me to the point where i'd rather be on my own anyways... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T=E=A=S=E Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 ps- it is worth it though when you find a few ginuwine people out of the thousands you discard... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pistol Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 dude i thought this was about the band? dope band out of Los Angeles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatalist Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Giving Tree: your epiphany hit the spot. i feel ya on alot of points, i myself am going through a mid- life crisis, being 22 i can't lose hope though... my advice to you is a little meditation: The Buddha talked of himself as living a very luxurious life before he became aware of sickness, old age and death.... This lead him to realise that he couldn't depend on the world to bring him real satisfaction or lasting happiness. It was this very human problem of suffering that drove him onto the spiritual quest. He simply wanted to know why we suffer and if there was a way of being in the world without suffering - indeed without any disatisfaction whatsoever...... The Buddha's solution After six years of various spiritual practices, he experienced what later became called the Enlightenment. He discovered that the real problem lay in our relationship to the world. We indulge in what pleases us and we reject what does not please us. Naturally enough you may say. But this means that we are either dependent on the world for our happiness and unfortunately sickness, old age and death are always there to ruin the feast; or we are in conflict with the world and therefore unhappy. Discovering the cause of suffering also meant that the Buddha discovered the means to bring suffering to an end. The end of suffering means that the enlightened person lives in the world in contentment and happiness. This is the state of Nibbana (Nirvana). Nirvana simply means no desire, no dependency, contentment. He said the way to achieve this was to look within. To investigate our physical, emotional and mental life. And to help people do this, he devised various methods. These techniques are known as vipassana which means 'to see things as they really are'. So insight (vipassana) meditation is simply a way of training us to look inwardly and investigate ourselves dispassionately. It is a simple method, open to all. TAKE IT IF YOU WILL..... Other people cannot give us truth. They can only stir us up to find it for ourselves. We have to receive and perceive and believe.....because the time comes when we have to walk by faith and not by sight. Life is really quite simple when we stop believing that money and fame is the essence of truth. ^O^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatalist Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 this little song reminds me of myself at times... MODEST MOUSE LYRICS - Talking Shit About A Pretty Sunset Oh noose tied myself in, tied myself too tight Looking kind of anxious in your cross armed stance Like a bad tempered prom queen at a homecoming dance And I claim I'm not excited with my life anymore So I blame this town, this job, these friends The truth is it's myself And I'm trying to understand myself And pinpoint where I am By the time I get things figured out I've change the whole damn plan Oh noose tied myself in, tied myself too tight Talking shit about a pretty sunset Blanketing opinions that i'll probably regret soon I've changed my mind so much I can't even trust it My mind changed me so much I can't even trust myself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MESTHREE Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 I think youre mising his point. Its not about money. Its not about wanting material things. Its about feeling a lack of reason for being. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seeking Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 tease spelled it 'ginuwine', like the shitty RnB artist. fucking awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T=E=A=S=E Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by seeking@Dec 28 2004, 10:55 PM tease spelled it 'ginuwine', like the shitty RnB artist. fucking awesome. Quoted post i thought it looked funny... oh well. one more thing to laugh at i assume. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr.yuck Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Tease. If you want to have a lot of girls as just friends and that only, take your drama level and boost it times ten. Chances are, there are no more than 5 genuwinely (I dont know how to spell it either):lol: cool girls per city. Searching them out is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest -MOE LESTER- Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 you should have like a backup plan or something.....my backup plan is to move to japan and live with my grandparents and work over there if life in the US isnt cuttin it for me or maybe you shuold move to California....theres hella bitches over 23 that are single and not retarded...the midwest sucks balls man im only 18 but for almost my entire high school life i was a depressed pussy deprived drug user. after a bad shroom trip junior year of high school i found myself hating life and not feeling satisfied with it. i found it to be fake, robotic, and human interaction bullshit. i had so many regrets its wasnt funny. i leftt high school and vowed to change shit up in college in my first semester of college ive found a girl i love, quit all drugs except alcohol, cleaned up my act a bit and have set a few goals for the next few years. i might sound like a young buck but thats all i can offer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villain Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 Seeks, I was unaware that I had developed categories. If so they are null and void because Tease defies all convention. Buddism is cool.... I'm just trying to reconcile the idea that the end of suffering is also the end of pleasure. Emptiness. Hmm... Isn't that what I'm feeling? Is this enlightenment? In other news, I had a good nap.... Except I woke up next to this!!! This must be a shark in the sport of couch surfing.... I'm about to slap her ass and ride the wave out of here! SURF'S UP! I'm off to the Gwar show so we can take a shit on the world together.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
!@#$% Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 i don't know why i'm still living. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatalist Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 ^^^villian she's pretty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
26SidedCube Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 I'm coming up on 22 and I talk to a lot of people from all walks of life. I've recently been recording a homeless guy's poetry out of good will, talking to him about life and taking what he has to say into account: no surprise, he's got his profundities and flaws; as do the millionaires I converse with. So I'm left with... Surround yourself with people who realize there's always room for betterment of self. Those who speak in salesmam rhetoric and think that monetary gain is the first step in this direction, however convincing, do not care about you and do not understand what you are striving for. Success is subjective, there is no cookie-cutter answer. The most fulfilling answers I've gotten in my short time have been run-on sentences and mush-mouthed disorganized thoughts from the common-man. Perfection does not exist, all systems are flawed, life is a whirlwind and, unless you end yours, you will be caught up in it. The childhood ideals we cling to stem from being carefree and oblivious to discomfort, unless you can revoke your physical 'cushions' you will never experiance this level of 'security/freedom?' again; so unless you can live in the moutains off berries and water; forget it. Convictions are diving boards, once bent (slightly compromised) they can project towards what's worth striving for. But please, if you're going to remember anything I said just now let it be this: Avoid the hollow rhetoric. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mackfatsoe Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 the early twenties sound really emo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T=E=A=S=E Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 ive been thinking about when i move out, whether or not i should keep my cell phone on, and the same with cable tv and internet, or should i avoid all of them to not only save money but force myself to be more productive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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