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MeroSeis

funny stories about retards.

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One time I was on vacation in the Dominican republic and the town retard walked by eating a banana and laughing, and singing incoherently, then he looked at me with his big retard eyes and said "EEYUUUUH...HUMMSUHHH!" while simultaeneously throwing his arms up and stomping the ground like a rabid chimp. Then he walked away like nothing happened. Retarded people are hilarious. Fuck you if you think I'm mean.

 

 

KILLA

MERO

ROCKSPOTS

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Guest The Dictionary
Originally posted by MeroSeis:

retard

 

Main Entry: 2re·tard

Function: noun

Date: 1788

1 /ri-'tärd/ : a holding back or slowing down : RETARDATION

2 /'rE-"tärd/ often offensive : a retarded person; also : a person held to resemble a retarded person in behavior

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oh man, this is bad, but in high school there was this kid named rodney.

he used to spazz out hard if you touched him, apparently it got him...'excited'...yea.

anyhow, for some reason we all called him 'rodney the bone lickin' tard'...i have

no idea where it came from but at the time it was a good laugh http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//confused.gif'>

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Yeah, at my high school there's this well-dressed, large and very muscular disabled kid. He repeats everything you say to him. Once his "tardmaster" allowed him to change in the boys locker room. He removed all of his clothes and ran around, scaring jocks and freshmen. Eventually, his tarmaster grew weary of waiting and began to yell for him. After about a half an hour, he comes running out with his pants down to his ankles and he's pleasuring himself. He tries to pull his pants up at the same time, he's jerkin' it. You can imagine what it all looked like. Anyway, I have a LOT more stories if you wanna hear. BUT in all honesty, these "tardmasters" at our school seriously mistreat their children. I've seen kids with extreme cognative disabilites left unatended, some crying, some have gotten hit or cursed at. In all fairness, many of these children do attack their tardmasters... eh, well, whatever.

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Originally posted by Seym1has2no3fiends:

Yeah, at my high school there's this well-dressed, large and very muscular disabled kid. He repeats everything you say to him. Once his "tardmaster" allowed him to change in the boys locker room. He removed all of his clothes and ran around, scaring jocks and freshmen. Eventually, his tarmaster grew weary of waiting and began to yell for him. After about a half an hour, he comes running out with his pants down to his ankles and he's pleasuring himself. He tries to pull his pants up at the same time, he's jerkin' it. You can imagine what it all looked like. Anyway, I have a LOT more stories if you wanna hear. BUT in all honesty, these "tardmasters" at our school seriously mistreat their children. I've seen kids with extreme cognative disabilites left unatended, some crying, some have gotten hit or cursed at. In all fairness, many of these children do attack their tardmasters... eh, well, whatever.

 

Tell us more...i'm intrigued

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yo here's one...

since i was a wee little kid...about 7...i went to a day-care at the ymca during summers. i work there now. but cut to the chase: there is this retard named tracy that has been going there for EONS....she walks with one arm horizontal placed in front of her chest with a flailing wrist and walks with a too short limp with both feet pointed inward. she sports a flat top in front to a long mullet in the back. it's fuckin hilarious. she likes to yell at kids calling them "hawt dawg!" and "goobahead!" and "pooh bee gone!"...fuckin shit...and when she's talking to you she is facing either right or left of you but and makes eye contact 50% of the time. everyone's been asking her age and she keeps saying 17 (she said it years ago, im thinkin she's 22 maybe..) When she laugs it's like Sha Nay Nay from Martin with Charlie Horse teeth mane...

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oh yea there was this other one from the same place (no longer at the YMCA tho) her name was erin and prolly tracy's best frient....walked around sporting a "Camp I AM SPECIAL" t-shirt and she drooled alot....but here's the catch. the FUNNIEST shit she does is she'll just wander into a corner or something and just start spinning herself in circles while looking up at the ceiling or sky chuckling...sometimes she fell. her eyes were out of proportion

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my friend was telling me this story about a "slow" deaf kid who came to his house one day. (he just lived down the street) and my friend answered the door and the kid said "hey charwie, wanna go dwon to CBS (cvs) and get a joda (soda)? Ben (then) we could go my house and pway nigntendo sicty foura" ahhahaha good times....ill have more

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there used to be this one at my highschool that would go around picking up change off the ground..it got to the point where kids would bring extra change to throw at him at lunch to watch him scramble for it.....hehehe

 

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we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars--oscar wilde

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There's an indian guy at our school who has outbursts of hindu or english. He will stand in the hallways and if you have cookies or donuts or other sweets, he'll grab them from you. He also punches his tardmasters. During events in the auditorium, especially serious ones, he'll all of a sudden stand up and say, in a loud voice, "No, you shut up!"

--

More? Okay, there's a girl who talks to imaginary friends. She carries on large conversations in which she argues with herself and shares her day with herself, with gestures and everything. A year or two ago, I went to see the movie superstar with some girl. The next day, I see this girl who talks to herself standing in front of a stop light and talking to it. I thought it was a little ironic. I got more too...?

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At my school as punishment they make you be a 'tardmaster' like my friend came into school drunk so they made him be a tardmaster for a week. They have to whip drool. I had to help him one day because I kept yelling random things.

 

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[O!][:_:][O!]

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Guest Ginger Bread Man
Originally posted by MisPantalonesEstaEnfuega:

At my school as punishment they make you be a 'tardmaster' like my friend came into school drunk so they made him be a tardmaster for a week. They have to whip drool. I had to help him one day because I kept yelling random things.

 

hahahahaha..whats that all about?

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this one time me and a bunch of friends were in an A&W restaurant and we sat down next to this downs syndrome girl with a special olympics jacket on, she was eating with her helper or mom or something..for some reason our conversation turned to retards and one of my friends says to me whats wrong with retards? i said something like well their retarded whats right with them and the special olympics girl heard me and started crying

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in highschool, there was this retard who ate all the potato puffs he could get, he'd go around grabbing them off people's plates, or off the floor.

i have a friend that worked with retards he tape one talking to himself it was funny as hell to listen to 'i told him, 5 hundred for the trailer,' they love food,.

one of em is some kind of pervert, he's all into porn, and he used to shove pencils up his ass and he's bleed all over and stuff, so the people that worked there got him a butt plug.

i heard storie of my friend(s) getting high and beating the fuck out of these guys..

one time when they were smoking chronic on the porch one of the tards, came out and said. Cheevghe(steve) i smoke marywanta. how cute..

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I dont know about reatrded people..But I used to dabble in fucking with schizophrenics.

That was kind of fun. so the the kid went to our school, And hes always talking to himself, agreeing to someone who isnt even in the room and asking questions and what not. It was apparent the kid was hearing voices, by kid I mean he was the older guy in the class, I think he stayed back a year. He wasnt like some 12 year old. Anyways we used to fuck with him, a lot of us - Wed be whispering his name like ghosts and what not and he was never sure if he wasnt hearing the voices, he was also extremely religious and wanted to be a priest so we'd tell him things like":This is your savior, Christ, You need a girlfriend."

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There was this retard at my school in 7th grade and one day she shit her pants in the hallway and started to eat it. it was the grossest thing i have ever seen. she also used to bite huge chunks of skin off of her hands and bleed all over the place. she is the most disgusting human on earth. another retard in my school had muscular problems and couldn't control her electric wheelchair and would lean on on direction for a long time and would spin around in circles until someone stopped her. it was always funny to see that. another tard in my school used to flip out and beat people up when they called him joseph. he used to kick the shit out of tons of kids until someone beat his face into oblivion. that was in 7th grade and i haven't seen that kid since.

one of my friends has a job at a center that helps tards find jobs and help they function in society and stuff. he has tons of stories about the tards.

 

 

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xxxstraightedgexxx

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this fat punker kid named beefhawk, who was the only kid i liked talking to in highschool had names for all of ours.

1.Bagelhead-nuff said

2.chomper-this girl with like one big tooth sticking out and a huge overbite.he has a story about his sister having to changer her diaper. ewwww.

3.shuffles.this kid would constantly shuffle around the halls and bob his head

4.spider monkey. you wouldnt belive it if i told you but this kid was the embodiment of a spidermonkey. i liked watching him play basketball.

theres more but i forget them

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give me one girl and i'll work it all night

gimmie another the next and i'll cause a fright

they'll be trippin off my under the covers skills

they're saying fuck those condoms playa im on the pill

so just put it in and make feel good

work it back and forth like you know you should

then pull it out and straight nut on my chest

cuz mc milkshakes humpin feels the best

i got a big hard dick and its hella clean

these girls be jocking my shit inbetween

i gots two now not just one

one is for real and the other is for fun

the fun one is what im rappng bout tonight

she the type a girl who can fuck me right

she wants me to ride her then pull it and bust nut

the turn her around and put it in her butt

the bust one more all on her titties

she is only 18 and mutherfucker im in my twenties

she look hella good and she's a freak

the type a girl you could fuck for a whole week

straight bust about 100 nuts and still want more

she gots me wantin to hit on the floor

maybe in the shower all wet and naked

any other way she's willing to take it

in car and in her house even at her work

all take her in the shower room and take of her shirt

and straight up tittie fuck

then let her go down and just suck

until i bust my first nut into her mouth

she wants more though so ill go down south

with this big dick inbetween them legs

hittin it hella hard, and i dont wanna brag

but i know i got skills to say the least

from north to south to west to goddamn east

ill tour with my skills and have this girl by my side

and well take a 15 minute break and she just rides..

 

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283 pig bunisher

sugoi desu ne

das facha

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has anyone ever seen the movie the Idiots....its a german film about a bunch of young proffesionals who live at this house. they have a short bus and one pretends to be the "tardmaster", as you guys put it, and the others run around basically acting like retards. its kind of funny but kind of stupid and at the end for one of the guys birthdays they have an orgy except the whole time their fucking they are acting like retards....that parts just weird......its a german movie.....

 

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brick, brick ,brick...thats how i be up against your girlfriends ass...

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once, i was at safeway, and this retarded guys walks up to this girl and goes "HEY MARIE HEY MARIE, OHHHH DONT STOP MARIE OH MARIE" amd then he danced over to the peps1 machine and bought a dr pepper

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Originally posted by shyster:

there used to be this one at my highschool that would go around picking up change off the ground..it got to the point where kids would bring extra change to throw at him at lunch to watch him scramble for it.....hehehe

 

 

ahhhhhh did we go to the same school??? there was this kid we used to do the same exact thing to it was saw awesome

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