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My life according to me

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Grandpa, Nov 1, 2003.

  1. Grandpa

    Grandpa Junior Member

    Joined: Oct 14, 2003 Messages: 202 Likes Received: 1
    I'd like to begin this with saying that you can read this or you can not. It may be a waste of your time. If you don't like what I say, I really don't care.

    It may make it easier to see where I'm coming from if I give you a little background about myself. I live in an middle class neighborhood and went to public high school in a suburban town. My friends and I were all good students, yet grades didn't really accurately portray my study habits. Studying was never really a necessity to me. I could blow off studying for a test and still ace it. I didn't do homework. It all kinda came naturally. And when it didn't, I had a way out of it. My friends and I were always up to something in high school. We were always cutting class, and living it up. Always had a scheme, a plan, a prank, or a party. We would take the time to construct an elaborate scheme to steal a test for a class instead of studying for it. We were always those kids. We were smartasses, but never really assholes to anyone. We weren't dicks, but at the same time, we really didn't care what people thought about us. We did what we wanted to, and if you didn't like it, then that sucked for you. We would have a good time where ever we were. We were always joking around, and my senior year in high school was the best time of my life. I started dating the girl in january of senior year. When I say the girl, I mean THE GIRL. This was the girl I had wanted since my freshman year. Until then, she was always out of reach. So by mid senior year, I was having the time of my life. Winter turned to spring, and I got into the college I had wanted. Everything was great, and I couldn't have been happier. I guess the thing was that my friends at this point were exactly like me. We had all grown with eachother for 2 years or more by this point so all of our personalities were very very similar. Summer was even better. The only thing that I regret was spending such a small amount of time with my family during this time. I was never really home, but in retrospect, I don't think that was a good decision. I also have a very good relationship with both of my parents and my little brother (who is 15 now) and my little sister whos only 6. Leaving to go to college at the end of August was rough. I didn't want to leave my girlfriend or my family. Me and the girl decided to stay together, and see how things worked out. But I guess in the back of my mind I was excited to get to college and live it up. I wasn't worried about fitting in because I never really had a problem with it. My college has about 8,000 undergraduates. It's a private catholic school with no greek life also. All my friends went to large public colleges. After two months here, I realize I don't fit in too well. Everyone is much more conservative than I am. I seem like an asshole to everyone with some of the things I say, and the social scene is really lacking. I am doing really well in classes, but not nearly as well socially. People started to form their little cliques as people do, yet I am just not included. I'm not a shy kid, and don't really understand it. Me and my girlfriend fight more than we don't. I feel like our relationship is sometimes made up of just fighting and making up. I don't try to go out and meet a lot of girls as much as my friends because I have my girl from home. Even when I do meet a girl in general, I feel like she's on a different level than I am. The girls here are more mature, and serious than the girls at home. Most of the students had gone to private or private catholic schools for high school, and a good amount went to either all boys or all girls schools. I talk to all my buddies from home about one time a week I guess. They are all having such great times, going to great parties, and I feel like I made a bad decision. I'm pretty much miserable here, and it bothers me even more because I'm really not the kind of kid to be so upset about something like this. When I talk to my dad about transferring at the end of the year he gives me shit because he says I'm throwing away an oppurtunity to go to a great school. My girlfriend also gives me shit, and says that my parents are being unreasonable, and at times I feel like she is just trying to turn me against them. I spend most of my time on this computer sifting through threads, and wasting my time. A big public school is where I should have gone in the first place, and I'm so confused and depressed about my situation and what to do.
    To a lot of you my ridiculously petty social problems don't compare to your "real life" problems, and I know this. No one is asking you to respond to this. I know I'm lucky to be in college, and I'm lucky to have parents who care, and I'm lucky to be doing well. As I said before I'm just venting, and confused about what to do. I get really depressed about it sometimes. I'm homesick, and I miss my friends, and my girl. I miss high school, and I wish everything was as easy as it was then. I know it'll only get tougher and that depresses me too. I dont mean to ramble. I don't mean to come off like a greedy bastard. I don't know. Sorry about all this, I just don't have anyone to listen to me.
  2. i11igul

    i11igul Senior Member

    Joined: Jun 5, 2003 Messages: 1,810 Likes Received: 0
    damn, don't worry about that shit, ive gone/am going through the same thing,
    when i decided to move in with my mom and leave my friends, my job, and my family behind, in retrospect, it was the worst possible thing i could have done, i too talk to my friends back home quite regularly and they have so much more fun together and shit, party, hangin out, even school is fun, and i just don't cut it where i am now, and i really don't feel like opening to anyone i have to face everyday, so i come here to the land of the faceless, and vent:(

    BIGBLUE Senior Member

    Joined: Jul 4, 2003 Messages: 1,667 Likes Received: 0
  4. S@T@N

    [email protected]@N Senior Member

    Joined: Sep 15, 2002 Messages: 1,998 Likes Received: 0
    Don't sweat Big Blue, he's never been a "friendly kind of guy." ;)

    I'm going through almost the exact same situation, with some better/worse parts. I've got the girl at home, and in fact, am in NY visiting her right now (I moved to Florida for school.) Anyway, I've come to realize something that kinda hurts, but oh well: This is worthless. Not the school thing, that's really valuable, but this whole "Not gonna find a girl 'cause I got one" bullshit. My friends that I've been able to keep in touch with tell me I'm missing out on the best part of college, which is meeting new friends and shit. I'm reaching the conclusion that having the girl at home is too strenuous to worry about. If you loved her like "THE GIRL" and not just hormones, you would've worked it out to still be with her right now. Don't get down on yourself about that, just accept that you had fun but now it's time to move along. ***Try to find a job or a common ground you can visit to see other kids, so you don't bore yourself to death.*** A club, bball court, coffee shop, a fucking library for christs sake... find someplace and talk to some people. 12oz is cool for finding a laugh now and then, but beside a select few people, you aren't gonna be taken seriously.

    In short......... (read ^^^ first lazy ass) tell your girl you love her but it's gotta stop, find some new friends, and be happier.
  5. Swiffer Jet

    Swiffer Jet Elite Member

    Joined: Jul 14, 2003 Messages: 2,669 Likes Received: 0
    this is my 2nd year in college. i still didn't make any friends of my own yet.

    i just stick to hanging out with my friends from highschool during class and sometimes before or after.

    other than that, i'm home.
  6. Grandpa

    Grandpa Junior Member

    Joined: Oct 14, 2003 Messages: 202 Likes Received: 1
    I go to school 6 hours away from home and all my buddies are over 8hrs away
  7. Swiffer Jet

    Swiffer Jet Elite Member

    Joined: Jul 14, 2003 Messages: 2,669 Likes Received: 0
    at least you're not on the other coast. don't be so pessimistic.
  8. S@T@N

    [email protected]@N Senior Member

    Joined: Sep 15, 2002 Messages: 1,998 Likes Received: 0

    I moved 23 hours from my home, and many of my friends live well over
    a day of travel away. There are people who have it worse... go paint or
    something to take your mind off of this.
  9. Vanity

    Vanity Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 11, 2000 Messages: 7,673 Likes Received: 6
    a) yes, they're petty
    B) your girl is prolly fuckin some other guy
    c) quit being a bitch and just transfer :idea:
  10. Grandpa

    Grandpa Junior Member

    Joined: Oct 14, 2003 Messages: 202 Likes Received: 1
    e martyr i feel you bro...idk im gonna stick it out for the rest of the year and if i really cant stand it, ill transfer...its not worth me being unhappy to get a better degree...u know? keep your head up tho dude, hopefully shit will get better...and vanity...smoke my dick
  11. Father John

    Father John Member

    Joined: May 18, 2003 Messages: 389 Likes Received: 0
    Try and meet some other girls anyway...

    ..if your gut tells you to transfer then transfer....you dont have to be a peacemaker and try and keep everyone happy with your decisions....just worry about what makes you happy....
  12. Vanity

    Vanity Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 11, 2000 Messages: 7,673 Likes Received: 6

  13. Father John

    Father John Member

    Joined: May 18, 2003 Messages: 389 Likes Received: 0
    More I read what your saying the more I can relate....I live with my dad...my parents are divorced...but I never have been social at all where my dad lives...

    This is how it is at my dads....I grew up with people and they view me in a false way....

    Anyway later on in my childhood my parents split and my mom moved away...I started visiting my mom later on and made one of my best friends as kid to this day there...

    It seemed like I started growing up and experiencing things at my moms place, neighborhood, and city...rather than my dads even though I spent most of my time at my dads....everyday during school for years now I couldnt wait until the weekend because I knew i'd be seeing my friends...

    Anyway everything was going smoothe until my mom brought up that she is moving to florida and I'd have to live with my dad and make do...she's moving in 5 months...and im graduating in 5 months.....

    problem is I didnt do too hot in school during my early years...so my gpa is shit....that and my dad doesnt have much money at all...and I dont know if my dad could afford anything right now...

    my mom has money but is dedicated to move to florida so I know she's not pitching in.....and im glad she's doing what she wants because she needs it and she shouldnt worry about me....

    i've been talking to my counselor about scholarships and grants...but my gpa is shit...

    Im thinking im going to be living at my dads for a year with a full time job and going to community until I can afford a school near where my friends are...or near a place that I enjoy....Just keep pushing....or change it if you can..
  14. Grandpa

    Grandpa Junior Member

    Joined: Oct 14, 2003 Messages: 202 Likes Received: 1
    father, thats a rough situation too...it makes me feel better to know im not alone in the boat...it seems like to everyone here, going to school here is a step up in thier lives socially...theyve never really experienced anything like it...and to me its like its a step down...to be honest, ive been to better parties in high school before i could drive...ive done crazier things when i was 15, and to these kids who have gone to private schools their whole lives...theyre almost sheltered to those kind of things...like kids i live with havent drank since they came here...its a different kind of life in boarding school, or catholic private schools..and everyone here comes from that kind of different background.
  15. cam

    cam Junior Member

    Joined: Mar 3, 2003 Messages: 125 Likes Received: 0
    Hey i understand what you're going through. Forget the people who are giving you heat for it man, just listen to the important bits.
    When i started year 8 i got this scholarship to this private all-boys school. . .thought i'd get a mad education with all their brilliant expensive shit. Instead I ended up in this narrow, money-driven, prejudiced society and it ripped me apart. I hated it, quit after a semester and went to a public school.
    With your college it may be a similar deal. You're not used to the lifestyle, a lot of the people there would be really money and career-driven with a lot of pressure on them to be rich and succeed, and it doesn't sound like that's your bag.

    Now you have to ask yourself the important questions:
    - Is the education you are getting at the private college one of a kind, or do you think you could do just as well if you went to a public college?
    - Do you really feel as though you have NO friends on campus, or is it just that it's not the same as before?
    - Are you just pitying yourself because all your mates seem to be having a great time and that's making it seem worse than it is?
    - Are you in love with the girl you're with? Are you just fighting because of the distance, or would you be having these arguments anyway?

    Now after pitching all that stuff to yourself and answering them as honestly as you can. . .try this. Do you just _know_ that the private college isn't the place for you, and you would be much happier somewhere else. Cos if this place is making you bloody miserable, then there is no way you are going to learn, and get the education you're there for. Most of the kids there will get jobs because of their parents, and the name of their college. If you know you will kick arse where-ever you go, then you will be able to geta job anyway, and that's the important bit.
    Don't be discouraged man. Do what is right for YOU and forget what people might think of you or say to you, because it simply isn't important. In the end, the only thing that matters is if you are happy.