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I hate it so much I cry....

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Devilush, Feb 18, 2002.

  1. Devilush

    Devilush 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 1, 2001 Messages: 17,035 Likes Received: 2
    gosh i really would hate to make this into a topic but i have no one to vent to right now and i am sick at home. my new job prolly hates me already. when you read this, keep in mind its no one on this board. its just random people that have blessed me with their presense through my life. and i just miss them.

    but have you had a friend--such a good friend that under some circumstances, it didnt work right?? i have been though this same situation over and over again in my life and it makes me scared to make friends with anyone because i might become too attatched and something wrong might happen. i hate this. for all the people that i have been best friends with and it just wasnt right, i'm sorry. i had this great friend....we were seriously best friends and i could tell him everything and same for him. and what sucked was, that i became attatched to him a lot. when i lost him as a friend, i admit, i wasnt sad. but now when i dwell on it--he's even emailed me and imed me which means that he isnt mad at me or anything, i miss his friendship so much. it just wasnt what i really wanted it to be. i guess i just wanted things to work out so well, that i expected so much that he couldnt deliver. he taught me to love myself no matter what and everytime i spoke to him, he made me feel special and beautiful for who i am. he also be-friended my man...which was a big plus for me. i didnt know that he meant so much to me until now.
    then there was this other guy who chose to be my friend for the wrong reasons. he offered his friendship whenever he can and so did i. but he was my friend so he can catch me when i was having problems with my man. and that is petty to me. when i told him that i wasnt going anywhere, that was the end. but that is besides the point....

    both of the friendships arent here with me now. and i am sad because of that. its sad because these friendships meant so much to me. they were part of my heart at one point, and now they are gone. it wont ever be the same again.

    **sorry to post this. i felt like i had to. and now i am emailing it to one friend.
  2. I really wouldnt want to get in opinions/theorys/ideas and recomandations here...i'm just checkin in to say that emotional overattachment has its ups and downs, its the reason why you're sad at the moment and the reason you're so sweet all times.
  3. boogie hands

    boogie hands 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 15, 2001 Messages: 16,059 Likes Received: 13
    im sorry to hear that, id give you some advice but ive become so indifferent towards "friendship" all i would be able to say is "thats growing up". thats what i honestly think, i just recently kicked someone to the curb that i had been friends with for 7 years, a really good friend and all of a sudden things just werent like they were and that was it...gone. ive had 6 or 7 instances of this between the ages of 17 and 20. some people get left behind, others move forward....i for one felt like i was moving forward and those that were draging behind got the boot....mabey im a dick, i dont know and honestly i dont really care....thats life, that was my choice and that how certain friendships turn out. right now i have my family, my girlfriend and one friend....i have 5 extrodinary people in my life and im happy....i keep aquaintances here and there but honestly, those 5 people are all i need. fuck, im ranting......the first sentance was really all that was relevant
  4. Devilush

    Devilush 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 1, 2001 Messages: 17,035 Likes Received: 2
    thanks tesseract....you're my hero.

    i really wasnt looking for opinions/theories/etc...i was just hoping that i wasnt the only one that fucks up friendships. i may not be perfect (god forbid i am), but i just wanted to reassure myself that it prolly wasnt meant to go on. and i am hating myself for it. which i feel that i shouldnt but at the same reason, i feel that i am 100% guilty for the friendships that arent here with me anymore. and boogie...i too dont have many friends. which is good, but i meet that one person, and already i am bound to hurt them in some way. either it may or may not be their fault, i feel that i am the one to blame. i feel you on the 5 people in your life that you really need. because that is all that i need also.
    but for some reason, i am wondering..."why are you forgiving me?" i have been horrible towards the end to this person, and he goes and emails me and wants to come to visit me and even im's me. it breaks my heart. it breaks my heart because i was so mean, and it breaks my heart because he forgives me in some way. but it wont be the same.
  5. rental

    rental Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Jul 1, 2001 Messages: 7,641 Likes Received: 1

    i go through this shit everyday...it fucking sucks and it hurts me everyday even though it is almost becoming the goal of my life not to have this happen.


    heh$y loves you baby
  7. ASER1NE

    ASER1NE Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 15, 2001 Messages: 7,578 Likes Received: 3
    did you spell your own name wrong hesh .......
  8. Devilush

    Devilush 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 1, 2001 Messages: 17,035 Likes Received: 2
    i edited the quote because i know heshy isnt perfect but i can always depend on him to be there.
  9. strizzy

    strizzy Banned

    Joined: Feb 7, 2002 Messages: 84 Likes Received: 0
    i dont really know where to go on this one, but when good things come to and end, then you just gotta move on, fereal.. and you really cant depend on fate, i dunno if you believe in that shit or not, but i dont believe in fate. one thing is you gotta take the initiative to set shit straight, shit never falls into place and you dont wanna be the one left behind cuz you was waitin for things to get good and what not, im jus sayin... dont dwell on the past... do what you can now so you dont have to regret it later. but you already know this. but i'm in a fucked up situation so i should take my own advice but i'm also human, so fuck it...

  10. ASER1NE

    ASER1NE Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 15, 2001 Messages: 7,578 Likes Received: 3
    i just thought it was funny :D
  11. Vanity

    Vanity Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 11, 2000 Messages: 7,673 Likes Received: 6
  12. Wilt

    Wilt Guest

    i hate friends.its like having a bunch of girlfriends..not that women aren't splendid..but everone is too fucking fragile..since ive moved i lost lots of friends..its refreshing...im just me..out here..painting..loving it.oh and devil..is that magazine shit still going on?can i still send my 100 pennies?
  13. I Luv Roo

    I Luv Roo Member

    Joined: Aug 20, 2001 Messages: 733 Likes Received: 0
    Friendship is wierd

    I used to hang out with a bunch of these east bay kids alot and I was pretty good friends with them...but I don't really hang out with them anymore because they are 'rock stars'. Anyway, I passed one of them on the street the other day, and he held his head down to avoid eye contact with me - basically he tried to pretend not to notice me and my boyfriend walking past him.
    It made me bummed that I never see those guys anymore, and now it's gotten to the point where its awkard.
  14. I Luv Roo

    I Luv Roo Member

    Joined: Aug 20, 2001 Messages: 733 Likes Received: 0
    So basically, I feel you there. Certain things just make me sad.
  15. Tofu

    Tofu Senior Member

    Joined: Sep 23, 2000 Messages: 1,230 Likes Received: 0

    BTW everybody, I turned eighteen 3 hours ago!!