Jump to content

The Nonsense thread


Overtime

Recommended Posts

Originally posted by CACashRefund@Jun 15 2005, 12:03 PM

more than a year and were not even halfway to 100 pages, taggers are among the laziest people ever...

 

Myself included.

 

The following is a guide to understanding help wanted ads.

 

What we say:Competitive Salary

 

What we mean: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

 

What we say:Join our fast-paced team

 

What we mean: We have no time to train you.

 

What we say:Casual work atmosphere

 

What we mean:We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

 

What we say: Must be deadline oriented

 

What we mean:You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

 

What we say:Some overtime required

 

What we mean:Some time each night and some time each weekend.

 

What we say:Duties will vary

 

What we mean:Anyone in the office can boss you around.

 

What we say:Career-minded

 

What we mean:Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

 

What we say:No phone calls please

 

What we mean:We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

 

What we say:Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience

 

What we mean:You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

 

What we say:Requires team leadership skills

 

What we mean:You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

 

What we say:Must have good communication skills

 

What we mean:Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it

 

 

yeah the requires leadership skills one..man, do I ever feel that..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This forum is supported by the 12ozProphet Shop, so go buy a shirt and help support!
This forum is brought to you by the 12ozProphet Shop.
This forum is brought to you by the 12oz Shop.

invasion of putrid lucrative mutants from corpus cristi having sex like mork & mindy, porky pig be a muslim therefore he can't be a cannibal, animals, urinals at funerals isolate hydration probes with strobe lights surrounding the globe, ignite neurotic concocted chemical legible medical levels, hetero rebels formulate underlying emasculate laxatives, vicarious aryans engage in alternate vortexes with robin hood and his merrymen, universal rehearsals, homicidal recitals, liable rivals support revival, schisms in rhythms of lizard tongues, defecation born in vicinities lacking elation, be patient, visceral entities purport enemies, crossin 7 seas and the tundra as women and children hunger, aristocrats hide behind authoritarian regimes and condescending schemes, dreams lie around higher ground than the empire state, burning down your whole house down leaving you with no fire escape, syntax error and child bearers exfoliate foliage sniffing porridge and hot dogs.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

HOW TO: EAT PUSSY LIKE A CHAMP

obviously, the majority of you foolz out there haven't a fucking boardgame CLUE?!?1?! on how to eat pussy... which just causes an increase in the already abundant population of bi[trendy]sexual females.. soooo here's a few SIMPLE (no it's actually very easy) methods i've had in my arsenal for quite some time..

 

FIRST.. it's easier to make a girl cum, from eatin' her pussy as opposed to fuckin' her... from what i know offhand... 95% of females can't cum from sex UNLESS, they're on top.. and they're on top why? so they can stimulate their clit.. by doin' their lil snake charm grindin' crap on our pelvic bones.. which... really does nothin' for us... so.. the key is.. eat pussy first.. make her cum a few times... numb her up... then hammer away however u like... so u won't have to endure that grindin' bullshit.

 

now once ur inbetween her legs.. don't just fuckin' dive in there like a bum at a thanksgiving charity dinner... take your fuckin' time! i know pussy is nearly irresistable.. but don't act like it is..

 

lick her inner thighs, kiss them.. kiss around her pussy lips.. kiss the lips etc etc... finally once u've got your tongue on her clit... this is what u do.. (u can use ur hands to spread her lips here if u want... that's all preference.. it's easier to make em cum w/ their lips spread... so u have easier access to their clit) now... roll the tip and somewhat flat part of your tongue around the clit in a circular motion... slowly... DONT STOP... the KEY is to hold your rhythm... listen to homegirls breathin'.. use this as feedback.. and react w/ your tongue accordingly.. you want her breathin' to be steady... at steady intervals.. kinda like a metrognome, clock.. whatever.. tick tock tick tock tick tock... it sounds lame but she should be breathin' on beat... no. not MOANING.. breathing... listen to her breathing... listen to the moans when ur on the phone or somethin'... now the key is... DONT STOP (i emphasize this, cuz it's important.. if u STOP GO STOP GO haphazard like, you're not gonna get anywhere)... DONT STOP..even if it's to pick a hair outta ur mouth... just hold your rhythm.. circle her clit... increase speed gradually... once u've got the speed up a bit...and her breathin' is tellin' u on target... use more of the tip of ur tongue... and move it less... but at a slightly faster pace... basically work ur way into... flickin' it back n forth like a punching bag.. it's hard to explain.. but it's kinda like vibratin' your tongue.. not swayin' it back n forth like a wreckin' ball.. slappin' her clit as you swoosh by... if u can keep this up for atleast 60 seconds.. she'll cum... if she's stubborn and won't bust... get a finger or two up inside her.. hook ur finger(s).. and kinda "scratch" "scrape" "tickle" "massage" her Gspot.. which feels like a lil sponge.. it's on the "ceiling" of her pussy.. inside.. and up top.. about an inch in.. consider yo fingers holdin' the harmony.. while your tongue works the melody.. and she'll bust before u know it..

 

good... you've succeeded.. now the worst thing u can do now..is STOP.. keep fuckin' goin... this is the good part.. if u ignore her pants, rants, and gestures for u to stop.. and keep goin' like she hasn't busted... (she'll initially want u to stop cuz she's all madd sensitive at the moment)... after 10-15 seconds, the sensitivity for her will fade... and about a minute later.. yes A MINUTE.. she'll bust again.. usually more intense than the first.

 

now find an ugly parter (easier this way, cuz ugly chicks will let any sloth eat their pussy) to practice on, since u don't wanna waste time tryin' to convince a worthy one to let u... and hone your skills..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

YOU NIGGAS WANNA PLAY THUGS/

ALL I NEED IS A OLD GRAY SNUB AND A OJ GLOVE/

IF IT FIT,YOULL GET TAGGED WITH THE MAG GET YO ASS WET/

SHOTS MAKE YOUR BODY BOUNCE LIKE A BAD CHECK/

I SLASH TECS , SO I AINT THE ONE GOD/

TRICKS IS FOR KIDS AND THAT WILL GET YOUR SON SHOT/

SO WE OUTSIDE THE ELEMENTARY WITH OUR GUNS COCKED/

LIKE "HI LIL MAN. ITS BLUES CLUES AND SPONGEBOB!"/

YEA I WALK WITH GAME/

CUZ IM A WALKIN FLAME/

THE BOYS IN BLUE, WILL HAVE TO COME CHALK YOUR FRAME/

CUZ IM SPARKIN THINGS/

ILL LEAVE YOU LIKE THE TINMAN AND THE SCARECROW/

NO HEART AND BRAINS/

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Originally posted by Theo Huxtable@Jun 19 2005, 03:45 AM

invasion of putrid lucrative mutants from corpus cristi having sex like mork & mindy, porky pig be a muslim therefore he can't be a cannibal, animals, urinals at funerals isolate hydration probes with strobe lights surrounding the globe, ignite neurotic concocted chemical legible medical levels, hetero rebels formulate underlying emasculate laxatives, vicarious aryans engage in alternate vortexes with robin hood and his merrymen, universal rehearsals, homicidal recitals, liable rivals support revival, schisms in rhythms of lizard tongues, defecation born in vicinities lacking elation, be patient, visceral entities purport enemies, crossin 7 seas and the tundra as women and children hunger, aristocrats hide behind authoritarian regimes and condescending schemes, dreams lie around higher ground than the empire state, burning down your whole house down leaving you with no fire escape, syntax error and child bearers exfoliate foliage sniffing porridge and hot dogs.

 

God your show sucks. Boo. Go away.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Originally posted by 455+Oct 22 2004, 08:10 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (455 - Oct 22 2004, 08:10 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-MOOGLE?@Oct 22 2004, 12:06 AM

woo 455's been diping into the winecoolers eh

 

 

ahhahahha...wine coolers?......nah,man....JAGERMIESTER!!!!!!......that's the drink of champion alcoholics.........lol.....I'm not ashamed at all......I'm twisted like a pretsel......and older than Andy Hetzel......

[/b]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Originally posted by Theo Huxtable@Jun 15 2005, 01:04 PM

fatboy.jpg

 

michelin mans kids.also regarding this"lick her inner thighs, kiss them.. kiss around her pussy lips.. kiss the lips etc etc... finally once u've got your tongue on her clit... " a clits an underveloped dick.thats y it looks like a mini uncircumsized one.also when males get sex changes they use part of the mushroom tip to form a clit cuz theyre made out of the same flesh.and regarding theo huxtables post,its cool that el-p posts here. :clown2:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

SO the other day i was walking across the road and i bumped into and octopus. His name was rodney, we went back to my house and on the way back we ran into an ant his name was tony so we all came back to my house and had a tea party.

Sue from next door shes a camel we saw her from the window and she decided to come over and make us some fairy bread.

It was such a good afternoon how it ended because

I ATE THEM ALLL

MOOOWAHAHHAHA MOOOOOO WAHAHAHAHA EEEORRR EEEEORRRRR!!!!!!!! :twitch:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

dear e-beef

 

 

 

although you somtimes make me laugh on 12 oz.. you recently made me kinda sad.. and now i wont get to meet a poodle and jam with it...

 

dear e-beef

 

i wish you got your shit together and settle your fractured mind..

 

dear e-beef

 

yo whats up with the boots on yer feet?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...