aLBERThOFFMAN

Fiber, fruits and vegetables, home cooked meals, lots of water and easy on the beer. Tpbm ain't got time for all that.

Weird? Maybe. Hilarious? Definitely. The panty mix up is just icing on the cake.

Took my mom out for mother's day. Calamari, steak with mixed vegetables, sauteed mushrooms and red onion, and sweet potato fries with spicy mayo. Washed down with a pint of Bud, cheaped out on the beer.

Damn, this is some real shitty news. Haven't been on this site for long but dude seemed mad cool, chatted with him once or twice on tc. Thoughts go out to everyone who knew him personally. R.I.P. Ill

Leftover meat balls with mad tomato sauce and cheese biscuits.

Staring at flicks of my recent work and picking apart all the flaws, getting more and more frustrated. The hardships of dancing in the dark.

Bump. Votes?

Shrimp tempura sushi roll.

Wait til you get good enough. Don't tell them you did it. Ask for permission. /not trolling oner

Good to see this place bumpin again.

^Smash

^Shitty on my part. Potential plan spoiler, hope it clears up later.

When I dun goof.

^ Same, 1 hour left before day drinking commences. Bunch of my buddies' bands are playing a show tonight. Gonna be dope.

Do it, film it, post it.

I'd keep the mushroom only because it looks like McKenna's face, picked with tweezers and gloves. Would not consume.

Battle scars yo. There was this really nice and innocent girl who I worked with for like 4 years and I'd been down to fuck since I started there. Type of girl who everyone in the workplace fantasizes about when their bored. Anyway after tons of groundwork she finally caved and let me smash. Turned out she was a freak in bed, had a nipple ring. She asked me to choke her out during which I wasn't opposed to as I'd never done that before. Apparently I enjoyed it cause I didn't last much longer after. She went on about how good it was that night but every time I hollered after that she said she wasn't down, not that type of girl. Fuck is this, I got hit 'n quit yo. Ain't mad at least I smashed. Rubbed it in all the other guys faces who wanted to fuck her too when I quit.

Aw hell naw, never for anything. I'm still cringing the next day.

Cunt: Haha all that and you didn't even get to bust a nut. I would have been disappoint. And Classified, that's just downright hilarious. Dem little people having high standards these days. A K: gotta do what you gotta do. Brought the same chick with tongue metal home at my pop's house with my little brother and sister sleeping downstairs. I was wasted as fuck at this point, already puked and actually barely remember this but she told me the next day. Anyway I woke up with a gnarly bruise on my shoulder and I was like the fuck did I walk into something? Turned out she was being loud as fuck so I put my shoulder in her face and she bit down. Bruise lasted for like a week.

What the fucking fuck.