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JESUS KILLS

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Stapler, Aug 16, 2002.

  1. Stapler

    Stapler Guest

    Dashboard Jesus Kills Ohio Teen

    CINCINNATI (EAP) - A Cincinnati teenager was killed yesterday when her plastic Jesus dashboard figure was driven into her chest by her car's airbag which inflated during an accident involving two other vehicles.

    17-year-old Darlene Fulps of Cincinnati was apparently holding her Jesus figure close to her chest when she ran through a red light and collided with two other vehicles in a busy intersection.

    "The air bag inflated and pushed the head of Jesus straight through her heart," said Tom Young, medical examiner at the scene of the accident. "If it wasn't for the plastic Jesus, Ms. Fulps would still be alive today."

    "Air bags have saved thousands of lives, but in this case it actually took a life, thanks to Jesus," said police officer Graham Pryor, first officer at the scene.

    Robert Fulps, Darlene's father and devout Christian man said "It was just our daughter's time to go, and we can't question the actions of God. My daughter loved Jesus and worshipped Him, and I think she's probably talking to Him in heaven right now."

    "We gave our daughter the dashboard Jesus for her birthday last year, and she really liked it," said Mrs. Gladys Fulps. "It's too bad that Jesus ended up killing her, but we believe she's in heaven now, and we're happy for her, and hope to re-unite with her when we get to heaven."

    "We're just glad our daughter had Jesus in her heart when she died," said Mr. and Mrs. Fulps.
     
  2. jah

    jah Elite Member

    Joined: Dec 30, 2001 Messages: 2,705 Likes Received: 2
    shes with him now....

    rip
     
  3. Dirty_habiT

    Dirty_habiT Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Mar 8, 2001 Messages: 18,057 Likes Received: 44
  4. IM2LOW4YOU

    IM2LOW4YOU New Jack

    Joined: Jul 24, 2002 Messages: 50 Likes Received: 0
    Walk away me boys...

    wipe the golden tear from your mother dear,
    and raise whats left of the flag for me...
     
  5. duffman

    duffman Guest

    thats horrible..
    rip
     
  6. dirtysicks

    dirtysicks Senior Member

    Joined: Jun 5, 2001 Messages: 1,203 Likes Received: 0
    Thats a gill..........who remembers gills??? LOL
     
  7. Hahahahaha, holy fuck, that'd be ridiculous. Almost certainly not true, but if it ever happened... Beer,

    El Mamerro
     
  8. serpent of the light

    serpent of the light Member

    Joined: Sep 22, 2001 Messages: 650 Likes Received: 0
    now i only read the first paragraph... but is it only me that thinks thats fucking hilarious??? the irony is beautiful. mm mm good.
     
  9. ElectricitySucks

    ElectricitySucks Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 13, 2001 Messages: 6,395 Likes Received: 24
    for some reason the way that was written didnt seem true....is this just me?
     
  10. REGULATOR

    REGULATOR Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 6, 2001 Messages: 3,383 Likes Received: 0
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHHAH
     
  11. Mr. Mang

    Mr. Mang Elite Member

    Joined: Feb 27, 2002 Messages: 2,901 Likes Received: 1
    NO PUN INTENDED. HAH .. HAHAH .. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
     
  12. Grandola

    Grandola Senior Member

    Joined: Jul 16, 2002 Messages: 1,773 Likes Received: 0
  13. suburbian bum

    suburbian bum 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Jan 30, 2001 Messages: 14,673 Likes Received: 3
    YOU FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I BET THAT SHIT ISNT True. GIVE US A LINK.
     
  14. Wilt

    Wilt Guest

    im sorry....im no fan of religion...didn't "moses" say you can't worship false idols?hmmmmm...interesting...well...if she was such a devout christian why is she doing the wrong thing by running red lights?and why the fuck was she holding some doll to her chest while driving?whatever...
     
  15. juggernaut

    juggernaut Member

    Joined: Nov 12, 2001 Messages: 414 Likes Received: 0
    haaa!!! where'd you get that? sounds like some grade-A onion journalism to me.

    anybody else read survivor"? Tender Branson bobble-headed dashboard doll to the brain. Jesus is more blatanly funny, though.
     
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