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Guest Stapler

JESUS KILLS

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Guest Stapler

Dashboard Jesus Kills Ohio Teen

 

CINCINNATI (EAP) - A Cincinnati teenager was killed yesterday when her plastic Jesus dashboard figure was driven into her chest by her car's airbag which inflated during an accident involving two other vehicles.

 

17-year-old Darlene Fulps of Cincinnati was apparently holding her Jesus figure close to her chest when she ran through a red light and collided with two other vehicles in a busy intersection.

 

"The air bag inflated and pushed the head of Jesus straight through her heart," said Tom Young, medical examiner at the scene of the accident. "If it wasn't for the plastic Jesus, Ms. Fulps would still be alive today."

 

"Air bags have saved thousands of lives, but in this case it actually took a life, thanks to Jesus," said police officer Graham Pryor, first officer at the scene.

 

Robert Fulps, Darlene's father and devout Christian man said "It was just our daughter's time to go, and we can't question the actions of God. My daughter loved Jesus and worshipped Him, and I think she's probably talking to Him in heaven right now."

 

"We gave our daughter the dashboard Jesus for her birthday last year, and she really liked it," said Mrs. Gladys Fulps. "It's too bad that Jesus ended up killing her, but we believe she's in heaven now, and we're happy for her, and hope to re-unite with her when we get to heaven."

 

"We're just glad our daughter had Jesus in her heart when she died," said Mr. and Mrs. Fulps.

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

Hahahahaha, holy fuck, that'd be ridiculous. Almost certainly not true, but if it ever happened... Beer,

 

El Mamerro

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Guest Wilt

im sorry....im no fan of religion...didn't "moses" say you can't worship false idols?hmmmmm...interesting...well...if she was such a devout christian why is she doing the wrong thing by running red lights?and why the fuck was she holding some doll to her chest while driving?whatever...

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haaa!!! where'd you get that? sounds like some grade-A onion journalism to me.

 

anybody else read survivor"? Tender Branson bobble-headed dashboard doll to the brain. Jesus is more blatanly funny, though.

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Originally posted by Stapler

Dashboard Jesus Kills Ohio Teen

"We're just glad our daughter had Jesus in her heart when she died," said Mr. and Mrs. Fulps.

 

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhahhaha....i smell onions...

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"Air bags have saved thousands of lives, but in this case it actually took a life, thanks to Jesus,"

 

a sentence id never thought id hear.

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Originally posted by Stapler

 

"We're just glad our daughter had Jesus in her heart when she died," said Mr. and Mrs. Fulps.

 

i was on the fuckin ground laughing when i read this...ahahahhahaha stupid asses

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Guest Stapler

That is one of the best punch lines if it was true. Anyone from that area remember if it were true I am sure it would be all over the news. JESUS the MURDERER

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Damn some people on here are so gullible! That is so funny though, i read it and started cracking up, "We're just glad our daughter had Jesus in her heart when she died," CLASSIC!

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"Air bags have saved thousands of lives, but in this case it actually took a life, thanks to Jesus," said police officer Graham Pryor"

hahahahhaahahahhaahhahahahaa

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