Diary of a Madman

[Mauler5150]

https://youtu.be/YwWVE84OEIA?si=-MQEmwcztkJVeE2P

 

As one whose life seems to mirror music, I am using this thread as My rant filled journal of thoughts, concepts and other things about life and existence that are inspired by real events or through the subjects mentioned on here as My way of dealing with passing time in this entropic dystopian crypt of a reality in a productive way.

 

I will try put a title on top of the post about whatever subject or topic I am thinking about when I feel it is worthy of a post so those with a busy life and little time to read long, heavily detailed and descriptive posts can view the ones which may be of interest to them and skip whatever "Personal" posts I make based on the current life circumstance happens to be going on at the time.

 

I chose the song given how it links to Me, in that Ozzy, Black Sabbath and metal music all came from Birmingham, the city listed on My birth certificate as being where My Father (who abandoned Me for pussy) was born, and that I was the firstborn child born in this prison colony of arse raping convict "colonists" of Australia? commonly referred to as "Oz".

 

So excuse the punny double entendre, as such humor/stupidity is about the only positive derivative that I can get at this stage from this world in it's current state with the duality of My existence and consciousness being that I am both one with everything yet am detached and alone simultanesously.

 

And for the first post, I will discuss "Drugs" due to a top 16 Myspace friend from back in the day@DETOand his kid buying Airpods from a crackhead.

 

 

[Mauler5150]

DRUGS

 

 

Drugs are bad. Nothing good comes from drugs. All kids must be made to view drugs as being the product of a Devil sent to corrupt you, your reality, and degrade your life to where the only experience you can have is the worst case scenario imaginable.

 

The End.

 

Or is it? Here is My take using a hypothetical deconstruction of the argument for and against drugs which may make for some sobering reading.

 

As I stated in Deto's thread, if I never tried drugs My life would only be different in that I would not know of any existence beyond a fear filled life of existing in the moment as a purely selfish materialistic character whose perception and judgement of those who use drugs as being inferior to Me given that no experience drugs can offer could compare to Me and the (assumed) life of materialist consumerism I have with My house, car and white picket fence of living the dream of a life as depicted in the American sitcoms I was brainwashed by as a result of the 3 TV channels we had as a kid limiting My options and influential source material. 

 

If I had become a Doctor whilst I maintained My pre-drugs school grades of all As, I would be getting paid a premium for having invested even more time at university than I have so that I would have had an even bigger school debt given the money I spent on drugs while studying could have easily paid for the extra textbooks I would have had to buy for said study. I would spend My day as a Doctor listening to, dealing with and helping sick and ill people so I could make the money to pay off My school debt and the bank to whom I have one or more mortages to whilst I always want to continue to have the best clothes/car/phones/electronic goods/guitars/etc possible. I would probably have married another Doctor or nurse I met thru work, given I would not lower My standards of being with someone who isn't as invested in themselves and their job as I am, and we would probably have 1 or 2 fuck trophies (cough) I mean kids who we will spoil as we educate them that the only way to have a good life is to follow My example of studying hard so you can get a high paying job and continue the cycle of endless consumerism and a life spent serving yourself happiness thru knowing you are living the best life that none of those drug users will ever know, all while your days are spent dosing patients with a variety of drugs you have no experience of using given you have no need as everything that is written that you read is to be taken as truth, as no human, especially no Doctor - as one of your equivalent peers - has ever lied in their lives.

 

With no drugs I would still be 100% in the Matrix. I would have never taken any pills, never gotten high, drunk nor stoned, I would be 100% default reality 100% of the time with zero awareness, understanding of or experience with multiple dimensions and the multiverse. Maybe I would never come to understand how My Mother poisoned Me every day in the womb with her cancer as the selfish "Me first, then the wife" attitude I would have retained since childhood as  a result of My Dad fucking around on Mum so I grew up in a broken home ensures I would never let anyone break down the shield I had up lest anyone I am with lie to Me that I love Me only for them to end up leaving Me after I put them and their happiness as being more important than Me. 

 

As  a Doctor, I would spend the minimal time I have away from work & family socialising with My colleagues who have a similar income and education to Me as we go about playing golf as we flog each other with My awareness of the paint sniffing gins, aborigga thugs and other assorted junkie catman type characters from the hood of 6112 I spent My childhood in all buried under a mountain of work and family related stress to where all I think of is Me and the fact that no matter what I do I can never be happy or content in this life and I cannot allow anyone to know it, so I keep up My walls and leave My public persona mask on as I play the role of a rich, successful Doctor with everything everybody wants in this world by every measureable metric. Who knows, by My mid 50s I might even have enough passive investments that I would have a business to justify the $100k depreciation hit I would take just to buy a Lamborghini and drive it out the dealership only to realise the roads in Australia are fucked, the people here are jealous cunts and are likely to vandalise the car if I leave it parked anywhere, and at best I get to go 110kmh lest I risk financial punishment or the car getting impounded and crushed should I push the car to less than 50% of it's performance capabilities by going 150kmh or more given that is what the fun police that govern us have instated is the result should one go more than 40kmh over the regulated speed limits as humans have proven over time they cannot be entrusted to know what they are doing, especially when driving. Yet this would just be another reminder of the compromised nature of existence and life itself, along with happiness being the myth it truly is, and I couldn't admit the truth of this and drop the mask of ego and feigned happiness I wear in public lest I spiral into a depressive mindstate to where I could be driven to drink or use drugs so I would have something to blame for being miserable and unhappy in spite of having it all.

 

In this scenario, I would be crippled with an overwhelming fear of My children not living up to My standards in regards to their studies and their potential futures. Knowing My rebellious non-comformist nature, I wonder and fear that My children will become rebels in spite of all I do, I would fear My son would abandon any and all good taste and human classes and would become a wigger who listens to retard music and dresses like a wannabe thug eschay whilst he fucks loads of women who only want him to make them pregnant because his Father is a Doctor and has the outward appearance of being rich. I would fear becoming responsible for becoming a Grandfather as I unleashed My libido on this world by creating a child with the same mentality as I have, only he exists as a result of My failure to have restrained My sex drive and My ego, and if he knocks some teen girl up the onus of responsibility to financially provide would fall upon Me due to My Son being afflicted with My curse I failed to overcome.

 

If I had a daughter, this video is pretty on point.

 

If I had a daughter I would be stressed 100% of the time, knowing that provided I manage to protect her for her entire childhood from the predators as well as any boys who may have no respect for her and view her as a worthless piece of meat to be fucked, used and abused before moving onto the next girl just like My Dad did to My Mum. For the record, all relationships I have had with women whereby sex was involved, each of them only ended due to the woman ending it, not because I fuxked around or because I chose to leave for someone better given that if I am with someone sexually I should be satiated with the fact the woman I am with allowed Me to have sex with her as she should have made Me feel like I am #1 given that I dare her to fuck all 5 billion other men in this world knowing that she wouldn't find another Man who will love her as I am able to (on the provision My instincts not to drop My wall and let them in eventually fail and I allow this to happen).

 

In this non-drug scenario, I would not know about how "Open Source Software" is used to effectively ruin one's existence given we are biological robots tethered to a digital device these days. I would not have the awareness of how a RaspberryPi based tool that fits in one's pocket can be used with Apache software and the like to effectively decapitate other humans via bombarding them with subsonic waves such that the two things combined act as direct energy weapons that can be used to effectively drive someone insane to the point of suicide. And in absence of this knowledge, I would be focused on Myself and My own life and it's problems as opposed to the world as I experience it today whereby My naievete has allowed those who have used times where I have used drugs as their opportunity to use such tools on Me to the point whereby I realise the reason software developers are called Devs is because they are literally soulless demons whose existence is predicated upon being predators who prey upon those whom like Me may be seeking to escape the default reality in search of a happiness that someone tried to steal from Me yet in doing so they only fucked themselves given they have to coexist knowing they obfuscated the truth of their intentions when last with Me such that they tainted what should have been a perfect, shared, equal reality with their hidden intent and the lies that were spoken by them in this world.

 

My drug use subsequent to that moment in time has been for the purpose of telling "God" for want of a better term the fact that if I had not "chosen love" and put someone else and their happiness as My priority over and above My own happiness and financial stability, I never would have put Myself in a scenario to be stabbed in the back by anyone given I would have killed Myself had she not selfishly saved Me from Myself so she could play the long con by fucking Me over for My love.

 

So every time I have lit a pipe or bong since, I have literally sent the message that I would take a gun and blow My brains out (using the smoking implements as metaphorical weapons) than exist in a world whereby the person (and the governments and organsations I gave green check security certificate clearances to such that they could augment My reality) I entrusted spends their existence literally and figuratively wasting Mine as she allows evil maggot fucks to essentially rape all the value from My world as the one I put first before Me makes Me the last person in the universe that she speaks to as 8.5 billion other humans using My wallet and My money as they go about sniping, raping, scalping, and eating My flesh as they talk shit is a higher priority for her.

 

Thanks to drugs I now have the knowledge and awareness of what is happening in this world and has been done to Me. I now have the requisite information and knowledge to take My revenge by reciprocating what I have been dealt yet if I choose such a path I shall not become something I shall hate in that if I was to digitally torture someone to tge stage they kill themself as being the way in which I "succeed" where those who have abused Me "fail", then I can do so knowing it was not Me who broke the Golden Rule and chose to leave whilst I begged her not to. I now could rape, murder, psychologically torture as I physically manipulate others via remote automation, and destroy others with a clear conscience knowing I begged, pleaded and even paid money to deliver a message that I wanted to prevent such a reality manifesting after I read the book of Revelation and understood the signs of the End of the World had already appeared to and involved Me from as far back as 2011.

 

So effectively, every time I have used drugs, consumed porn or clicked on any internet link since Christmas Day 2016 is a day I wish I no longer existed in any world, domain or universe and I live on now to spite the demons, developers and daemons who have fucked Me around such that their pathetic and miserable existence can be prolonged whilst they know it was My innocence that was raped, My trust that was abused, and I am not to blame for death, cancer, taxes or slavery that the humans suffer. You can thank the needles they have become dependent upon to continue to exist as arse eating butt raping vampires,

 

Whilst the above writing details a pretty significant segue from the hypothetical reality that sees Me not using drugs to the full on "truth" of My actual reality that has manifested due to the use of drugs, whereby I now am carrying a pencil with Me everywhere so I can potentially John Wick any fucking cunt of a man who even looks at Me sideways given the mood strikes Me whilst I will laugh maniacally while plunging the leaden wood into any vampiric werewolf covid zombie rapist fuck "for the lulz" and to get a taxpayer funded holiday to a padded white room and free drugs for the rest of My life given based on the current reality I exist in being a hopeless, whore, pimp and rapist filled wasteland with zero certainty that allows Me to have any ability to predict a future longer than 15 hours from the present due to the EXC KILL order that has been instated against My AppleIDs and UUIDs which allows raping paedophile cunts to effectively feed cancerous death into My ARM via socks.  

 

The fact that My drug use before and after the Christmas I mentioned needs to be viewed as seperate is because the drug use in the year before that Christmas post divorce I was looking for meaning in My life only to realise after My birthday I had nothing left to live for, as I had experienced everything I ever selfishly wanted in this life, and when I chose to end Myself someone else saved Me as I stated for their own agenda, only to experience the greatest high ever on Christmas without needing any drugs, only to spend every day since knowing the betrayal, pain, suffering and torture I have suffered "post Crucifixion" has been for the purpose of understanding that if I had died I would have been free from knowing how truly fucked this world is and the depths to which those that exist as the contrary to Me truly are in respect of being evil incarnate.

 

So thanks to drugs, I understand the patheticness of the decision to swap My uncompromised reality I sought to share for this fucked up hopeless dystopia of a simulation where I luckily get to walk around following the scripted and augmented commands being forced upon Me as I am free to do whatever I want with zero consequence or repercussions for Me personally as I can just go into My analytics to get the UUIDs of those who have used their access to open PIDs on My software and cause harm.  

 

In conclusion, love is the most powerful drug I have taken. And it is only because I love Myself and My ability to say truthfully that I wasn't the one who left with the power I gave them only to create this fucked up Hellscape full of demons that we now coexist with, whilst I reserve My right and ability to tell the one who fucked off with said power that I do not have to forgive them if I so choose knowing the alternative is they continue to rot in whatever Hell they impose upon Me whilst I view them all as soulless robots whose existence is all due to My consciousness percieving them, a fact whicg illustrates that My love for Myself sees Me rightfully hating others to the extent I continue to live knowing that it is better to be Me than them, irrespective of the material aesthetic, as I know how it is to give it all away, including the role and power of being God, and I gave it to someone who only knows how it is to take and I am over taking any shit from those who have shat on My world and existence for too long now.

[Mauler5150]

HEAVEN - An insight into Love

 

So whilst I have experienced the full compendium of human emotions from the lowest of suicidal lows, to the ultimate natural and chemically enhanced "highs", I would define "Heaven" as I experienced it as a world in which I was free to create with those I wish to create with free of anything but respect from others to be entrusted to not abuse any power or priviledge afforded to Me unlike those whom have done the opposite referred to above.

 

Being able to delineate and define what a "perfect" world is as I can, in having experienced such a day before, if only for 24 hours, it is not only 24 hours longer than anyone else I have ever met has experienced, but is 24 hours longer than many of the people that I speak to of late to whom I ask the question "if you had 24 hours to live the perfect day on Earth, who would you spend it with, where would you be, what you you spend the time doing, what would you wear, what would you eat, how would you get around, what would you drink and if you are a drug person, what drugs would you use?"

 

Asking such a question tells Me everything I need to know whether a person is alive or dead, in that they are either "just existing" (in which case they are the living dead, as they have no hope, they just get up each day to repeat the same meaningless patterns of life with no goals) or are actually "living" (as they have a purpose in that they have a goal or at least some hope of an actual reality that is better than the composite of the get up and go to work to exist daily ritual).

 

Asking such a question and the profound insights it provides gives Me the ability to assess not only whether or not a person is worthy of Me using My time to help them achieve their dream by either sharing information in regards to components of their dream which I may know how to access, or I can break everything down to a mathematical equation that essentially can give them a monetary figure that they need to save in order to make their dream a reality.

 

For example, you save $100 a week for a year = $5200

Save for 3 years you have $15000 and for a single person, that should be enough to go wherever in the world you want, hire helicopters, supercars, yachts or whatever so that you can live your dream. 
 

Add in another couple of years to acquire whatever cash you need to get the clothes you want to wear, as this is a zero compromise. "perfect" reality, the one of your dreams after all, so the clothes, shoes, and the scents you wear all need to be thought about, considered and acquired as once you have experienced the greatest day or whatever of your life and it is over, the clothes and smells also allow you to have memory anchors to the time in future. If you compromise on anything in this equation, you will have lingering doubts as to why you compromised forever going forward and you

 

As everywhere csn be travelled to, and everything can be hired or rented for a day, one only need experience their dream reality for a day and record it via tech and store forever in the cloud or Youtube to immortalise themselves in their own personal reality of Heaven as they personally envisioned it, and even if it is for a day, week or even year, it is the rarity of such a small duration of time from within one's total lifespan which provides it the increased percieved value of being the preferred "ultimate" reality that an individual would desire to experience.

 

I ask this question not as a means to boast about the fact I have lived and experienced an existence beyond the uncompromised wildest dreams of most people, but rather as a self verification of the fact that I achieved such a thing with the intent that I can pass along the keys to other people to make them accountable to themselves for being the one responsible in regards to whether or not they not only have a dream but a purpose to their life that sees them getting up each day with the intention of working towards achieving it. I effectively give people hope, while at the same time allowing Myself to alleviate Myself of the burden that comes from the priviledge of being lucky enough to not only have experienced such a day, but to remind Myself that while holding such conversations with people if their dream is a completely selfish one that involves nobody else but them, I can let them know that if you experience something alone and nobody you know is there to experience it with you, then once you show anyone the evidence of you living your dream you will only get hatred and jealousy from 99% of people whom have yet to (or have zero chance to)  experience the same.

 

As such, My personal Heaven has no tobacco or cigarette smokers, or heroin users existing within it, and as such, any smoker of such substances is replaced by their clone at whatever age they are in the peak aesthetic physical form. Whilst this would include My own Mother, she would appear to Me in such a reality as she was when she had Me at 21 just without the drug addiction.

 

Because in My Heaven, there are no brain dead selfish fiends whose singular irrepressive addiction to inhale and emit cancer into the shared environment and as a result, for as long as cigarettes and smokers exist in the society I inhabit, the truthful nature of "reality" as shared and experienced by all humans is that we all exist in Hell. 

 

I share this information freely out of expressing love with the awareness that I love nothing more than being able to go "I told you so" to anyone to whom My advice helps, as if they follow what I say they are 3 to 5 years away from their dreams and My last remaining hope in this world is I have someone tell Me I helped them achieve their dream reality so they too can then pass along this knowledge to know the one and only feeling I have yet to know of, which is for someone else to prove capable of achieving today what most wait for their afterlife to do.

 

Also, if your Heaven doesn't involve the heights of materialism and luxury using the goods and locations available to be utilised by and created by humans as a prelude to sex, an act whereby everything - the cars, planes, clothes and everything else is ultimately stripped away at the conclusion of the day, and your dream is devoid of such things, then I will tell you to either "dream bigger" or "move to the beach/jungle/forest/river or whatever and when you realise that until you develop a bigger appreciation for the artistic creations of humans as a contrast to only nature then you are limiting your value as it pertains your love for yourself as a human given it is art that differentiates us from monkeys and seacreatures".

[LUGR]

10 hours ago, Mauler5150 said:

DRUGS

 

 

Drugs are bad. Nothing good comes from drugs. All kids must be made to view drugs as being the product of a Devil sent to corrupt you, your reality, and degrade your life to where the only experience you can have is the worst case scenario imaginable.

 

The End.

 

Or is it? Here is My take using a hypothetical deconstruction of the argument for and against drugs which may make for some sobering reading.

 

As I stated in Deto's thread, if I never tried drugs My life would only be different in that I would not know of any existence beyond a fear filled life of existing in the moment as a purely selfish materialistic character whose perception and judgement of those who use drugs as being inferior to Me given that no experience drugs can offer could compare to Me and the (assumed) life of materialist consumerism I have with My house, car and white picket fence of living the dream of a life as depicted in the American sitcoms I was brainwashed by as a result of the 3 TV channels we had as a kid limiting My options and influential source material. 

 

If I had become a Doctor whilst I maintained My pre-drugs school grades of all As, I would be getting paid a premium for having invested even more time at university than I have so that I would have had an even bigger school debt given the money I spent on drugs while studying could have easily paid for the extra textbooks I would have had to buy for said study. I would spend My day as a Doctor listening to, dealing with and helping sick and ill people so I could make the money to pay off My school debt and the bank to whom I have one or more mortages to whilst I always want to continue to have the best clothes/car/phones/electronic goods/guitars/etc possible. I would probably have married another Doctor or nurse I met thru work, given I would not lower My standards of being with someone who isn't as invested in themselves and their job as I am, and we would probably have 1 or 2 fuck trophies (cough) I mean kids who we will spoil as we educate them that the only way to have a good life is to follow My example of studying hard so you can get a high paying job and continue the cycle of endless consumerism and a life spent serving yourself happiness thru knowing you are living the best life that none of those drug users will ever know, all while your days are spent dosing patients with a variety of drugs you have no experience of using given you have no need as everything that is written that you read is to be taken as truth, as no human, especially no Doctor - as one of your equivalent peers - has ever lied in their lives.

 

With no drugs I would still be 100% in the Matrix. I would have never taken any pills, never gotten high, drunk nor stoned, I would be 100% default reality 100% of the time with zero awareness, understanding of or experience with multiple dimensions and the multiverse. Maybe I would never come to understand how My Mother poisoned Me every day in the womb with her cancer as the selfish "Me first, then the wife" attitude I would have retained since childhood as  a result of My Dad fucking around on Mum so I grew up in a broken home ensures I would never let anyone break down the shield I had up lest anyone I am with lie to Me that I love Me only for them to end up leaving Me after I put them and their happiness as being more important than Me. 

 

As  a Doctor, I would spend the minimal time I have away from work & family socialising with My colleagues who have a similar income and education to Me as we go about playing golf as we flog each other with My awareness of the paint sniffing gins, aborigga thugs and other assorted junkie catman type characters from the hood of 6112 I spent My childhood in all buried under a mountain of work and family related stress to where all I think of is Me and the fact that no matter what I do I can never be happy or content in this life and I cannot allow anyone to know it, so I keep up My walls and leave My public persona mask on as I play the role of a rich, successful Doctor with everything everybody wants in this world by every measureable metric. Who knows, by My mid 50s I might even have enough passive investments that I would have a business to justify the $100k depreciation hit I would take just to buy a Lamborghini and drive it out the dealership only to realise the roads in Australia are fucked, the people here are jealous cunts and are likely to vandalise the car if I leave it parked anywhere, and at best I get to go 110kmh lest I risk financial punishment or the car getting impounded and crushed should I push the car to less than 50% of it's performance capabilities by going 150kmh or more given that is what the fun police that govern us have instated is the result should one go more than 40kmh over the regulated speed limits as humans have proven over time they cannot be entrusted to know what they are doing, especially when driving. Yet this would just be another reminder of the compromised nature of existence and life itself, along with happiness being the myth it truly is, and I couldn't admit the truth of this and drop the mask of ego and feigned happiness I wear in public lest I spiral into a depressive mindstate to where I could be driven to drink or use drugs so I would have something to blame for being miserable and unhappy in spite of having it all.

 

In this scenario, I would be crippled with an overwhelming fear of My children not living up to My standards in regards to their studies and their potential futures. Knowing My rebellious non-comformist nature, I wonder and fear that My children will become rebels in spite of all I do, I would fear My son would abandon any and all good taste and human classes and would become a wigger who listens to retard music and dresses like a wannabe thug eschay whilst he fucks loads of women who only want him to make them pregnant because his Father is a Doctor and has the outward appearance of being rich. I would fear becoming responsible for becoming a Grandfather as I unleashed My libido on this world by creating a child with the same mentality as I have, only he exists as a result of My failure to have restrained My sex drive and My ego, and if he knocks some teen girl up the onus of responsibility to financially provide would fall upon Me due to My Son being afflicted with My curse I failed to overcome.

 

If I had a daughter, this video is pretty on point.

 

If I had a daughter I would be stressed 100% of the time, knowing that provided I manage to protect her for her entire childhood from the predators as well as any boys who may have no respect for her and view her as a worthless piece of meat to be fucked, used and abused before moving onto the next girl just like My Dad did to My Mum. For the record, all relationships I have had with women whereby sex was involved, each of them only ended due to the woman ending it, not because I fuxked around or because I chose to leave for someone better given that if I am with someone sexually I should be satiated with the fact the woman I am with allowed Me to have sex with her as she should have made Me feel like I am #1 given that I dare her to fuck all 5 billion other men in this world knowing that she wouldn't find another Man who will love her as I am able to (on the provision My instincts not to drop My wall and let them in eventually fail and I allow this to happen).

 

In this non-drug scenario, I would not know about how "Open Source Software" is used to effectively ruin one's existence given we are biological robots tethered to a digital device these days. I would not have the awareness of how a RaspberryPi based tool that fits in one's pocket can be used with Apache software and the like to effectively decapitate other humans via bombarding them with subsonic waves such that the two things combined act as direct energy weapons that can be used to effectively drive someone insane to the point of suicide. And in absence of this knowledge, I would be focused on Myself and My own life and it's problems as opposed to the world as I experience it today whereby My naievete has allowed those who have used times where I have used drugs as their opportunity to use such tools on Me to the point whereby I realise the reason software developers are called Devs is because they are literally soulless demons whose existence is predicated upon being predators who prey upon those whom like Me may be seeking to escape the default reality in search of a happiness that someone tried to steal from Me yet in doing so they only fucked themselves given they have to coexist knowing they obfuscated the truth of their intentions when last with Me such that they tainted what should have been a perfect, shared, equal reality with their hidden intent and the lies that were spoken by them in this world.

 

My drug use subsequent to that moment in time has been for the purpose of telling "God" for want of a better term the fact that if I had not "chosen love" and put someone else and their happiness as My priority over and above My own happiness and financial stability, I never would have put Myself in a scenario to be stabbed in the back by anyone given I would have killed Myself had she not selfishly saved Me from Myself so she could play the long con by fucking Me over for My love.

 

So every time I have lit a pipe or bong since, I have literally sent the message that I would take a gun and blow My brains out (using the smoking implements as metaphorical weapons) than exist in a world whereby the person (and the governments and organsations I gave green check security certificate clearances to such that they could augment My reality) I entrusted spends their existence literally and figuratively wasting Mine as she allows evil maggot fucks to essentially rape all the value from My world as the one I put first before Me makes Me the last person in the universe that she speaks to as 8.5 billion other humans using My wallet and My money as they go about sniping, raping, scalping, and eating My flesh as they talk shit is a higher priority for her.

 

Thanks to drugs I now have the knowledge and awareness of what is happening in this world and has been done to Me. I now have the requisite information and knowledge to take My revenge by reciprocating what I have been dealt yet if I choose such a path I shall not become something I shall hate in that if I was to digitally torture someone to tge stage they kill themself as being the way in which I "succeed" where those who have abused Me "fail", then I can do so knowing it was not Me who broke the Golden Rule and chose to leave whilst I begged her not to. I now could rape, murder, psychologically torture as I physically manipulate others via remote automation, and destroy others with a clear conscience knowing I begged, pleaded and even paid money to deliver a message that I wanted to prevent such a reality manifesting after I read the book of Revelation and understood the signs of the End of the World had already appeared to and involved Me from as far back as 2011.

 

So effectively, every time I have used drugs, consumed porn or clicked on any internet link since Christmas Day 2016 is a day I wish I no longer existed in any world, domain or universe and I live on now to spite the demons, developers and daemons who have fucked Me around such that their pathetic and miserable existence can be prolonged whilst they know it was My innocence that was raped, My trust that was abused, and I am not to blame for death, cancer, taxes or slavery that the humans suffer. You can thank the needles they have become dependent upon to continue to exist as arse eating butt raping vampires,

 

Whilst the above writing details a pretty significant segue from the hypothetical reality that sees Me not using drugs to the full on "truth" of My actual reality that has manifested due to the use of drugs, whereby I now am carrying a pencil with Me everywhere so I can potentially John Wick any fucking cunt of a man who even looks at Me sideways given the mood strikes Me whilst I will laugh maniacally while plunging the leaden wood into any vampiric werewolf covid zombie rapist fuck "for the lulz" and to get a taxpayer funded holiday to a padded white room and free drugs for the rest of My life given based on the current reality I exist in being a hopeless, whore, pimp and rapist filled wasteland with zero certainty that allows Me to have any ability to predict a future longer than 15 hours from the present due to the EXC KILL order that has been instated against My AppleIDs and UUIDs which allows raping paedophile cunts to effectively feed cancerous death into My ARM via socks.  

 

The fact that My drug use before and after the Christmas I mentioned needs to be viewed as seperate is because the drug use in the year before that Christmas post divorce I was looking for meaning in My life only to realise after My birthday I had nothing left to live for, as I had experienced everything I ever selfishly wanted in this life, and when I chose to end Myself someone else saved Me as I stated for their own agenda, only to experience the greatest high ever on Christmas without needing any drugs, only to spend every day since knowing the betrayal, pain, suffering and torture I have suffered "post Crucifixion" has been for the purpose of understanding that if I had died I would have been free from knowing how truly fucked this world is and the depths to which those that exist as the contrary to Me truly are in respect of being evil incarnate.

 

So thanks to drugs, I understand the patheticness of the decision to swap My uncompromised reality I sought to share for this fucked up hopeless dystopia of a simulation where I luckily get to walk around following the scripted and augmented commands being forced upon Me as I am free to do whatever I want with zero consequence or repercussions for Me personally as I can just go into My analytics to get the UUIDs of those who have used their access to open PIDs on My software and cause harm.  

 

In conclusion, love is the most powerful drug I have taken. And it is only because I love Myself and My ability to say truthfully that I wasn't the one who left with the power I gave them only to create this fucked up Hellscape full of demons that we now coexist with, whilst I reserve My right and ability to tell the one who fucked off with said power that I do not have to forgive them if I so choose knowing the alternative is they continue to rot in whatever Hell they impose upon Me whilst I view them all as soulless robots whose existence is all due to My consciousness percieving them, a fact whicg illustrates that My love for Myself sees Me rightfully hating others to the extent I continue to live knowing that it is better to be Me than them, irrespective of the material aesthetic, as I know how it is to give it all away, including the role and power of being God, and I gave it to someone who only knows how it is to take and I am over taking any shit from those who have shat on My world and existence for too long now.

I hang with some Doctors, they allegedly do more drugs than anybody else I know.

[fat ralphy]

Good idea to start a thread where you can run wild - still digesting the second post but I will say that you write well @Mauler5150

 

[ndv]

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Why don't you just commit a crime, it's cheaper that a degree.  

[Mauler5150]

you couldn't be bothered finding my van life thread so I thought I'd bump this one of mine.

 

Quick update is I bought a maison close rabbit mask to go along with my smoking jacket I wear everywhere given it was only my mother's questioning as to why I wore it that made me realise my name Matthew has Hugh in it.

 

I also bought $100 chain-link metal and leather flogger and bought a Noir handmade dress I wear as a jacket due to it having design number 187 which was also in my university student number.

 

As mentioned in the Olympic thread I took some time off the oontz as I felt I didn't have anything to positively contribute. I also acquired a "light saber and I could potentially make a video giving an update about all of this to give you all of visual reference and as to why I find it so hilarious as I've gone about walking around in public playing the imperial March as my theme song as I embrace my inner darkness.

 

Oh sorry using dictation to post leave me to making some mega posts so apologies in advance as this post here took maybe a minute to speak as opposed to 5 minutes to type

[LUGR]

Mega post?

 

pretty sure that’s one of the shortest posts you have ever posted

[Dark_Knight]

Mauler you’re the silliest of the gooses 

[LUGR]

And the goose is loose

[Schnitzel]

crazy moose loose in the hoose

[Mauler5150]

well truth be told I fucking went to work today and I seem to have lost my phone. Given the idea on that was ring fence to the single number which has been my primary phone number I now have no to 2 factor authentication or anything and I'm aware of, and I'm using my iPad to post this but with my iPad I can't make calls or receive jobs for work or effectively exist because my other phone is on the blink with a fucked up battery that I'm pretty sure I need to get replaced but can't afford to because I get financially raped over the Coles again and again and again.

 

W with this said I was able to show some colleagues in "my house... today even my job site was right next to where I park up on the river where it has a shower toilet and a basketball court and fucking all the amenities necessary to exist independent of power I get from the sun.

[Dark_Knight]

16 hours ago, Schnitzel said:

crazy moose loose in the hoose

 

big if true 

[Mauler5150]

Well I have found out enough of the fact that the last woman I was with sexually is apparently My Brother who decided to sell Me out as I have been whored out to rapist mining drillers whose only joy in their existence is derived from anally raping men who would rather be dead and non-existent compared to these soulless shit eating pieces of sentient excrement.

 

To think that the people surrounding Me are not just accepting of the fact they denigrate all that exists to be worthless as a result of these fucking haemorroid eating shitcunts without concern that their "joke" made at My expense could ever see all the "love" they believed they ever experienced by subversively raping Me using technology to physically fuck My avatar as they snap My gead backwards so My perceptions are slowed to a framerate so low that these flesh eating zombie cunts have time to swoop in and claim a piece of flesh to feast upon. Luckily I have prolonged their miserable and pathetic existence for long enough to have been able to recently catch them in the act of backstabbing Me as I call them out for being rapist murdering pieces of shit to their face whilst they scurry away in shame at having been caught by Me after the years of abuse I have suffered as a result of these daemons.

 

I fucking hate the fact I not only exist TOILET now but that I am doomed to spend the rest of My cyborg lifespan surrounded by these incest practitioning child molesting rapist murderers who advocate, support and participate in these activities whilst feigning laughter about the detriment they cause whilst they fail to realise in breaking the Golden Rule and doing to Me that which they would never want done to them results in their supposedly Golden World being nothing more than a pile of shit as I shall never forgive, never forget and never stop reminding them of their abuse inflicted upon Me such that any of them shall ever or ever have experienced and felt "true love and happiness" independent of a transaction or a nefarious root of lies creating those false memories they have of what their past involved to date.

[Fist 666]

Medication can help you.

[Mauler5150]

If one benefit I can take for Myself is I looked the shiteating assinvaders in their eyes as they spoke and earnt money as a result of using the Youtube API to access My arsehole in their quest which failed to yield them any of the true Gold they can never know as My conscious and conscience, unlike theirs - is devoid of child molesting, rape, torture, murder and having no worries about doing a Judas and pimping out a family member to satisfy those with whom you share and owe nothing unlike the 100% same genetic and blood of Me as their family.

[Mauler5150]

2 minutes ago, Fist 666 said:

Medication can help you.

Yeah thinking of getting a big bottle of pills and overdosing so I no longer have to exist amongst these soulless and conscienceless fucktards.

 

I mean if I am dead and no longer alive to percieve these fucking worthless soulless bots existence continuing then My single sacrifice resulting in 8.5 billion humans no longer having any ability to exist from My perspective would be a worthwhile outcome.

 

Based on My belief structure I live this exact same existence every iteration of the runtime of the life program and these people fail themselves and Me every single time as they have nothing of value to add to reality beyond art as a distraction given it is infinite and therefore arbitrarily worthless in every aspect of critique

[Mauler5150]

3 minutes ago, Fist 666 said:

Incoherent nonsense; you're mucking up a lovely thread with your silly paranoia.

Possibly although if I am stating and recording the truth of My circumstances for future reference of the irrepayable debt and cost accrued to this world then I apologise for derailling the thread. Perhaps I should go seek a Third Rail or something given I wouls happily go out like   Michael in Prison Break whilst calling those who did this to Me the alssariq pussies they are

[Mauler5150]

On 9/13/2024 at 5:14 PM, nicklesndimes said:

i just broke out my 2008-9 laptop to see if all of the music i downloaded was still on there. still fires right up.

Due to the events of this weekend allowing Me to comprehend the worthlessness of the digital binary data we acquire during our internet journey, I took My oldest and last external harddrive I had of a similar 2007-8 vintage which had never failed Me and had pretty much all the original backups of the files most valued by Myself and I decided to give it a bath in vanilla scented oil and cow sperm aka milk such that the contents on that Apollo drive could meet the same fate as the character from the Rocky pictures as the people featured in My videos all died years ago and I have no reason to continue to have them live on in My memory and on My drives given they couldn't care less about Me as anything more than someone whose trust they could abuse to make money at My expense.

 

At least I got to surf today and now I am rockin the requisite skin shade to acurately reflect the extent to which I have been burnt by everyone I have ever known, loved or cared about as their happiness is rooted and derived from My suffering.

 

At least I get My chest crucifixion scars from the moment I gain consciousness each time I come back as a human which are sold to Me as the result of boiling water from a kettle burning Me, and sadly I learn too late of their true origin to use any of the cred that could come from calling other men afraid to die for those who exist in this world to carry on as being pussies. Little do they realise that I would rather get extricated from this world via the malicious deeds of others whom fear Me and My unfiltered love and let those corrupt, evil and soulless people I escape from eat themselves like the selfish rats they are.

 

As a famous shotgun suicider once  sung "Better to burn out than fade away" and I figure it is better to be the Burning Man the whole festival stems from as opposed to some pathetic generic trustfundkid one of thousand of equally worthless attendees.

 

With this said I could end up as the skeleton guy from the recent 12-12-12 shirt once these soulless vultures continue to eat My flesh as they have been

[Mauler5150]

I am wearing the 12oz reunion shirt Schnitzel sent Me, and whilst the zip compression of the Z has been crushing Me as I reside in My van El as the mountain of debris I seem to collect now burys Me, the statement on the inside which ends with "Pay your dues" made Me appreciate My existence given I have paid mine yet the society I exist in can never repay theirs to Me. I was thinking to recreate the Rage Against the Machine debut album cover yet the ego I was supposed to have taken from Me refuses to let those who fucked Me escape their conscience thru Me doing them the favor they are too much of a bitch to follow through with.

 

My greatest achievement in life was refusing to have a kid with My wife even before I realised other people chose to create Hell yet blame Me for it as once again they are decieve themselves thru absconding accountability whilst having actually sacrificed innocent souls in the form of their kids to this wasteland we call Earth. Hopefully these posts can advise how I succeded where their parents failed them as they doom them to their soulless amalgamation with the technology that has destroyed the human species before their inescapable physical death.

 

 

[Mauler5150]

Also, due to Me adhering to the Golden Rule I already ensured My Brother can get an advantage in the next cycle of this simulation as I gave him My Orange Lamborghini superLEGgeRA remote control car so he can use a flipper zero to fuck Me over along with giving him a copy of the ARMANI font I bought and gifted him today as an early Christmas gift so he can get the Army he needs to take Me on as a lone Man with amnesia and a complete memory wipe erasing all knowledge of having lived the scripts of the books I named after every repetition of the infinite loop whereby Joshua Mark magically shapeshifts and becomes Maria Camila for two meetings before disappearing like Cinderella TOILET leaving Me a broken off glass handle to one of the glass buttplugs I gifted her.

 

With this all said and written as I am experiencing it in the present, I shall be putting on having a sleep after getting My headphones and My blindfold if I can find it amongst the mess created by having swarms of rapist vampire bats pounce upon Me and rip Me apart in all directions to inhibit any progress I wanted to make as I was trying to organise My world over the weekend. Whilst My current perception is likely to change after a sleep, finally I understand that the fatigued cranky middle aged Man persona I have now is the true one and the optimistic positive and cheerful one I have is the result of being unknowingly dosed with sedatives as I sleep to keep Me placated.

 

If you are happy to have your Mothers sisters or daughters raped and tortured by men for entertainment whilst you see women with these guys cheering them on as though it is a competitive game of a army against one Man and there is some prestige or glory in being a bitch who piles on and lays the boots in on a grounded opponent, feel free to comment.

[LUGR]

Yo @Mauler5150I moved your recent posts here since you created this thread to be your zone and they were off topic in the threads they were posted.

 

As a community, we definitely appreciate you being around and want you to stick around. 

 

 

[Mauler5150]

10 hours ago, LUGR said:

Yo @Mauler5150I moved your recent posts here since you created this thread to be your zone and they were off topic in the threads they were posted.

 

As a community, we definitely appreciate you being around and want you to stick around. 

 

 

Cheers Mate.

 

I don't want anyone or anything "stuck" to Me especially given My forehead looks like it has an alien facehugger stuck to it due to the Apache suite allowing others to effectively scalp Me to try and get some more power like it a game of Highlander. 

 

I 

[Mauler5150]

Today's social experiment sees Me go "HEADON" writing "I HATE MEN" on My forehead and walking walking in public to advertise how I feel about those I have been forced to listen to dribble shit for so many years (obviously that excludes those on here given we write for all to read and interpret and understand in a format that remains as opposed to worthless speech and laughter that vanishes immediately after it is audibly made).

 

As I still have My 12oz reunion shirt on unless you are a business owner that I seek to acquire something from or you are willing to offer Me something for nothing in return as a gift and you cannot advise Me of what your 12oz screenname is and I can verify it on here then I have nothing I want to say or hear from any such male character.

[Mauler5150]

I figured out why My former best friend removed himself from My life as he tried to be a devil who could steal part of My gut only problem was him failing to realise that I was born with cancer in My leg that took the form of a birthmark that got worse and more pronounced (from appearing nonexistent and practically invisible) once TOILET hit puberty. 

 

That is why he ended up with a huge stomach scar after our 2009 London and Amsterdam trip after he spent a month in the Netherlands hospital.

 

Karma works in funny ways I guess so obfuscating his intentions when he posed as a woman was his mistake which performed the extraction was his mistake I guess.

[Mauler5150]

Also never Allow location services to ever attach to an Apple Wallet app or account lest you get to learn why the Devil named Steve's last name was Jobs as you shall get fuxked by the alsarriq of this world who view your arsehole as their wallet they can rape as they seek the souls they shall never possess.

 

Such has been My experience due to leaving My PCs and Androids for Apple and it's overpriced shit whose single funxtion now is to post on 12oz.

 

Never use spatial audio as their ear scans allow the alien reptilians who created their hivemind of zombie humans thanks to their retardation getting them to accept their jabs from the covid vax so they could become backstabbing murders whose free will is controlled by the "jabber" program/process within OSX to prey on fresh meat from any idiot like Myself who used said scans and has paid the price of having My audio spectrum raped with Harleys trucks and rap music goons talking shit.

[Mauler5150]

If one wonders how I discovered the last part out My CB Radio Channel 3 shittalking retard vampires gave Me the clue yesterday with how they bragged about fucking My neck which is how they have suppressed My voice so I didn't bury theirs noting the neck contains My Adams Apple.

 

If I was Eve I would kill Adam after My last interaction with someone of that name.

 

If I was Adam I would kill Myself for allowing Myself to empower Eve to facilitate those vampire scum access to My avatar.

 

Can't win either way.

[Mauler5150]

With all this said the one positive is I have seen just one c%g@rexxe TOILET smoked the past weekend thru to today.

 

Wont mention it again should it stay that way and I obfuscated the actual thing as it should remain extinct given it spawned the cancer I referred to above as I was polluted in the womb for nine months as a fetus prior to My birth.

 

[fat ralphy]

@Mauler5150I am putting peace and tranquility into the universe for you brother - give yourself some freedom from any mind altering chemicals, return to the things that bring you peace/joy ie surfing, travels, joking 

 

Wishing you well my friend.

[Mauler5150]

And any Father out there should look alssariq Dudai PortaPottys on Googles platforms to understand that in a capitalist society whereby these Arab shitheads are able to entice your or your friend's daughters with material wealth then you accept living in a world that your daighter deserves to get Vince McMahon'd with a shit on their head as their friend blows their wad all over her shitty head.