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Dear ________,


suca

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

dear porcelain,

 

I think you're a swell dude and all, but you really need to check your bitch; also, be sure to let her know I won't be replying to her rambling private message she sent to me, as I have better shit to be doing with my life.

 

Thanks in advance,

^ . ^

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

DEAR SICKNESS OF ALL SICKNESSES,

 

ITS TIME TO GO ON YOUR SICK ASS WAY.

STOP MAKING ME COUGH AND SPIT OUT NASTY SHIT.

I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH OF TEH MED'S.

BATTILIN; YOU FOR 6 DAYS NOW.

FEELING BETTER, BUT PLEASE DO NOT RETURN.

YOU FUCKER.

 

THANKS, CANT DRUNKPUNCH, BECAUSE I CANT DRINK.

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

Dear BMX,

I am glad you are coming back to me.

I've missed you.

Things were always so excellent between us.

I won't let any hood rats steal you away from me this time.

We're going to have night-time adventures, just like old times.

I am stoked we're going to be together once again.

Love,

Bombing All City

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

Dear Stomach,

 

d00d, I'm having surgery today at 5. We can't eat anything. I know we missed breakfast, lunch, and will be missing dinner...but come on. I really don't want to shit myself in my sleep.

 

-Br1R

 

Dear Porce,

 

We wear the same size pants. I don't feel that I need a diet...why should you?...

Well, I'm also 6'2...maybe the weight distrubution has something to do with it.

 

-Bruceoneupski

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

Dear money,

I wish I didn't need you for everything and I wish I wasn't your bitch.

 

Dear 2000 Chevy Prizm,

You're dirty, outdated and your AC is broken. I appreciate the warmth you give me in winter though. In the summer time we're lucky that I couldn't care less about the state of my hair. We're a good match. You get me where I need to go and I can always rely on you because you haven't screwed me yet. I think I'll always love you no matter how old you get.

 

PS Sorry for scratching your rims.

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

Dear sister-in-law,

Why'd you have to go to answer your cell phone while driving and run into a curb and flatten your tire.

I don't feel much like walking to meet you so I can change your flat tire.

You should keep calling other people to come help you.

Love,

Hasn't left the house in days.

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

Dear dude that plays drums in my brother's band,

I know you want to make out with me.

So we should just cut the act.

And I should come over and smoke your weed and listen to metal.

No need to take things slow.

You are a romantic, I am a romantic.

We should do just fine being romantic together.

No need to tell my brother about this.

Love,

Booze And Carnality

 

Dear dude that plays bass in my brother's band,

We used to make out.

Until I went and OD'ed on one of our dates.

I know that was traumatic having to see me getting carted off on a stretcher.

You know I feel horrible about that.

I am sorry the last time I came to your bar, I ate too many pills and drank too many beers and talked shit to dudes.

I won't do that tomorrow night.

I am looking forward to smoking your weed.

We don't have to tell my brother about this.

Love,

Blastbeats And Cuddling

 

Dear blood fart,

You should try to date dudes that aren't in a band with your brother.

And stop being so lazy.

Love,

Barely Any Couth

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