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all that you cant leave behind...


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Things i have gaven up and can not get back:

The chance to go out with many girls.

Fucking things up when i try to talk to girls.

Fucking things up when a girl talks to me.

Also, i used to bmx everyday after school, it kept me out of trouble and depression, one day i crashed on my bike, and totally fucked myself up(woke up in a pool of blood, with my lip torn off my jaw) my mom freaked out and would not let me go bmxing for a while then once she let me go again, i was too paranoid to do shit, so i gave it up. And now i choose to do graffiti for my sources of fun, its the only thing that makes me happy. Bmxing kept me out of trouble.

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i regret ever trying to love someone for what they do for me, rather than love who they are. i had a bad experience w/ some chick i thought i loved, and that fucked me up bigtime for about half a year. before then i was a lot.....happier. i didnt look at shit cynically. now im up and down with depression and trying to figure how to love myself. that sucks. im beggining to realize what it means to REALLY love someone....and its nice. i also regret cutting off communications with my exgirlfriend before we ever went out. i basically was fed up that she wasnt catching my hints that i wanted to go out w/ her, so i stopped talking to her and got involved with the first chick i talked about. i regret those 6 months for that reason too. i hate knowing that i willingly lost 6 months of life with my ex, because i was being an idiot. after the bad experience w/ that one chick i basically just wanted to settle down, and be w/ my ex forever. but now.....shes gotta still be a kid and goof around so alas, its over for now. but we still wanna get married and all that fun stuff....just not right now, we gotta grow up....

 

sorry for the rambles...this thread got me thinking.....

 

edit.....its weird to read me calling her my ex....we broke up last tuesday...it wont ever seem right, i dont think......

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although i havent lived as long as a lot of your folks.....I regret taking psychedelics (only now do i realize they're shit you just dont fuck around with).......i regret making many decisions in Middle School leading to the demise of my Powers of Concentration and motivation, and the stunted growth of my social skills, which as serum said, because i cant figure out the quote thing, makes me wish i didnt have to be drunk to approach a girl. Hopefully people can understand this....my train of thought is rusty and slow.....fucking self destructive behavior.....

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I always felt that one should ever regret things that the do in life. Although I know that all the events and situations in my life have helped structure who I am, I can't help but think what couldn've happened if I had gone a 'different' route...

 

There are too many times when I have neglected the people that have cared for me. My mother, father, boyfriend and many friends. I am a very giving person but I can be very blind and selfish. I've hurt many people because of my immaturity. Certain events have altered my perception of things and mangled my emotions. I withdrew into myself and indulged in alcohol at the tender age of 13....

 

Psychedelics didn't help later on in life. Drowning myself in a plastic happiness and a chemically stimulated ecstacy. I knew what damage I was doing but I failed to realize how I'd be effected by it later. Not to mention what an ass I made of myself on so many rare occasions.

 

I've always ran away from things when I knew they would hurt. Little did I know that I was escaping into the realms of destruction by doing so. Keeping myself from people because of the damage that I was afraid they'd inflict kept me from making many meaningful friendships...

 

There's much more that I've done - that's only a rough outline. I don't know... so many random thoughts. I never make sense. It's just as well - I always talk to myself anyways. But yeah, good topic.

 

_______________

I love you marcio.

I really do.

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my short term memory...i forget everything...probably from the ketamine, herb, and alcohol....i quit that ketamine shit...im working on quiting herb...but shit, i love my alcohol....but anyhow...my short term memory is shit...sometimes i cant remember things i did or said 5 minutes ago...blah...

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if i could do alot over from my childhood i would. thats it. i really cant think of the exact things i lost but girls. i would have treated them better. really. i wish i could fix that shit and i miss my friends that moved away. i wish i could have them back. i wish i could have my childhood back for real. for real..........:(

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so what are you scared of? bearing your soul for a bunch of people on the internet that dont know you? you dont have to get that specific, and im not trying to coax any hidden childhood molestation memories out of anyone, just trying to have an honest discussion about something a little more important blow jobs and the simpsons.

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When I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, because I wanted to be with my friends more. I didn't realize what I had untill I lost it. She would do anything for me, and I just threw it all away, for what? I dont know.

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regrets....damn theres alot. . in my life i've made plenty a mistakes that could have easily been avioded but i didn't care for the concequences. i regret having tuning my self off from everything. i really didn't care much about anything or anybody so yea.i regret not participating in anything. who knows what i could have achieved, but i decided to say fuck it. i wish i'd put the time I had to good use. i regret that alot but its like whats done is done. Like they say,`~Time is a created thing. To say ''I don't have time,'' is like saying, ''I don't want to."~. I dont understand it either.

oh yea i regret setting fires when i was little.haeha:confused:

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Originally posted by Dirty_habiT

I think, also, I may not have taken so much LSD....I can only realize the effects now, if I could have only seen them then...I am permenately changed.

i feel you on that. doing LSD is not worth the perma trip.

i regret being a horrible kid to my parents and putting them through hell. i would love to be able to grow up again. i dont even know if id change anything...

-cdz $0.02

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Regrets?

 

I used to have them

But all the dumb things, when i acted out of ignorance or desperation

id like to think ive learned from it

 

Haunted by my past? Very.

 

In the year that I thought i lost everything, my mother,my home, country, friends, way of live, freedom

 

Instead of trying to make the best of it, instead of looking around me and living

 

I locked myself up in my room, and drugged my brains to oblivion and almost died. I also learned more about myself, and people than i should have by now.

 

 

I choose to not accept the humerous saddness off life and constantly as why why why

always looking around

sometimes i feel like this, other days i shrug apatheticly and pretend not to give a fuck but i do

 

The streets ive walked on from Singapore to St. Lucy county Florida, the drugs, the violence, my screwed up family, my stubborness- always feeling i have to do things the hard way, the books, the coffee, laughter, inablilty to cry. the mango juice, the pens, the people and my mind that i cant explain

make me who i am

and shit. i still got along way to go , so i dont think ill give it up yet.

 

 

 

 

:rolleyes: sheeit..i went and wrote a novel....

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I regret...

a lot.

But I am happy with who I am today...I think

What if the things I regret didn't happen. Who/where would I be today?

 

I regret quitting soccer because I started smoking. I regret all of the time I've not practiced guitar, skateboarding, everything. I regret not caring about school until 12th grade. I regret all of my drug use...hallucinogens....I'm not the same..everything is paranoia..always. Maybe I don't regret all of this...I had so much fun doing what I did...

 

This is like timetravel talk...you touch one thing and everything changes

 

I used to dwell on this stuff...a lot

 

Now I am just struggling through everything trying to keep my head up.

 

I don't see my friends going through this...they can never relate to it. They just keep on destructing...fuck

so much to say....typing isn't working

good fucking topic

keep your heads up use your thoughts as a base for everything you do..Never let them slip

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Originally posted by cracked ass

Shit's too personal for sharing online, end of story.

 

I respect taht, but its weird people dont want to say shit on the net, I share everything on this board, things i would never tell my family or my best freinds, just cause its easyer to say shit on the net, and i dont know most of you, and i probably will never know most of you.

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Originally posted by suburbian bum

but its weird people dont want to say shit on the net, I share everything on this board

 

yeah but if you have physical contact with anyone on this board then it makes it kind of weird....hanging out and then out of the blue "so man, were you for real about molesting that horse when you were ten???"

its just an all around unsatisfactory result....

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hrmm....

 

i used to regret a lot of decisions i made in the past but i came to the conclusion that i needed to get beyond all that and put that part of me in perspective to learn more about myself. i've got some pretty wicked inner demons but i realized i'm the type of person that thrives if can just keep my head above water long enough to realize it's a damned nice day out.

 

i swear not more than 2 weeks ago i was having the craziest dreams/epiphanies about things i needed to get under control and in check to really "keep it moving" mentally. it finally occurred to me that nothing's fair and i can make my way through my entire life as an idiot. i don't know how or why it took so long but that's a lesson to be learned gents. life is short and it doesn't play nice.

 

that's the long and the short of a teeny tiny bit but there it is...

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Hmmm...seeking this is good.when I think of things that I cant leave behind.I think of all in my life that gathers in the space between sleep and awakening.you know that state of fuzzyness were reality and dreams are mixed.Not regrets but things that make me heavy.For example the fact that I know all the people that I have let pass without words or interaction(especiallybeautiful women) are opportunities I have missed out on to find new things and this reflects my lack of courage to take on the challenges set before me.the fact that i kow that i'll die alone and that no one will die with me it is a solitary experience for us all.the people I have witnessed dying of gunshots,crack over doses,and drunken driving.Knowing at any moment that I or any one of the people close to me could leave this place.

I cant leave behind that human life is precious and that our moments are always fleeting never to be recaptured.that my lack of recognition of the relevance of the moment and what was taking place has led me to make mistakes ,but threw em I learn to cope and realise while what is happening while its in my face cause it will never happen again.

 

It seems lately I havent been able to leave my ego behind lately.working on that though.But i feel like theres alot of my life that can change and will but thats what I'm here for to let go of these things and move on.the ones I dont let go of this life i'l have to work out next time.

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