Tuff Tone Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 any of you heard of this Its about how dumb people kill them selves (9 December 2007, Indiana) Russell, 19, had a grudge against a semi truck abandoned on a rural property. And Russell was not the silent, brooding type. He was a man of action. He built a gunpowder/propane tank bomb, attached a timer, and planted it in the moldering truck. He retreated to a distant vantage point and waited for the fireworks. And waited. And waited, until he could wait no more. No boom? This was not right. Why was nothing happening? Russell approached the stubbornly intact truck--just in time for a close look at a cloud of rapidly expanding incandescent gas. Apparently the truck had a grudge against Russell, too. Detectives found bomb-making materials at Russell's mobile home, and believe he was responsible for two explosions the night before his death, one at the mobile home park and another at a hobby shop. Although Russell will be missed, we are all a bit safer now. (10 December 2007, Russia) As a child, Sergei promised his grandmother, "I will establish for you the elixir of immortality! I want you to live forever." As an adult, we find Sergei sitting in his college biology class, licking potassium cyanide off his palm. He had found the magic elixir: swallow poisons daily, to strengthen his body and protect him from death. He regularly consumed small quantities of toxic mushrooms, arsenic, and cyanide salts, and urged others to join him during daring night-time excursions. "I shall not die," he said. "I have long drank poison, and my body today, nothing can kill." After swallowing the KCN, he began to feel ill, and asked his comrades to fetch him some water. But instead of drinking plain water, he dissolved the rest of the cyanide powder in it, and consumed the solution. Sergei was an intelligent 18-year-old, interested in chemistry and anatomy. He earned "a gold medal" and was "easily accepted into two universities, the Medical Academy and the Ural State University." But Sergei's scientific premise was flawed. Instead of immortality, he had discovered the elixir of mortality. He suffered convulsions, slipped into a coma, and died without regaining consciousness. His father called Sergei a gifted chemist who died for the sake of science. Eighth Place: In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two Feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate While trying to retrieve his car keys. > > > > Seventh Place: A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker -- who > often bragged He was "totally-zoned when he ran" -- accidentally jogged off a 100-foot High cliff on his daily workout. > Sixth Place: While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8-foot hole for Protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom When it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach Used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a local hospital. > Fifth Place: Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the Ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the Long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed Into the base of his skull as he hit the floor. > Fourth Place: Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with Friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four cartridges Into his mouth and pull the trigger. > Third Place: After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the Front door, a man walked into H & J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the Store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing At the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a Hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a Clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and Fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics. Crime Scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The Subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds From seven different weapons. No one else was hurt. > HONORABLE MENTION: Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just Driving around at 2 A.M. So they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out The window to create some excitement. Apparently they failed to notice the Window was closed. > > > > RUNNER UP: Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends > when one of Them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in The middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men Trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the Midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee Rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that A coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's Leg and tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the Cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived His fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located. > > > > AND THE 2007 WINNER IS... > > Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn , Germany) fed his > constipated > > Elephant 22 doses of a animal laxative and more than a bushel of > berries, > > Figs and prunes, before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got > relief. > > Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give > the ailing > > Elephant an olive oil enema when the beast suddenly unloaded. The > sheer > > Force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. > Riesfeldt to the > > Ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant > continued to > > Evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one > of those > > freak accidents that once again proves..."Shit happens!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GLIK$ Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 shittin on niggas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CHARLESINCHARGE Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Dude tried to rob a gun store?pwned as you techies would say Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Mamerro Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 How the fuck did homeboy dig himself an 8 foot hole at the beach? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CHARLESINCHARGE Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 DUH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CHARLESINCHARGE Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Mamerro Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Impossible. You can't fit all that sand into that tiny bucket. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CHARLESINCHARGE Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 FOO I AINT HAVE NO PROB GETTINS OUT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tuff Tone Posted February 10, 2008 Author Share Posted February 10, 2008 haha funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skag Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 lulz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnny ballbags Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 can a nigga get a summarizationism? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Mamerro Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Niggas died real stupid like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnny ballbags Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 en la playa? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tuff Tone Posted February 10, 2008 Author Share Posted February 10, 2008 pretty crazy shit they got a whole book on this stuff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PerFuct Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Self Treated dawg, treeeeated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awkward eye Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Those are pretty funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DISTRACT Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Sixth Place: While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8-foot hole for Protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom When it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach Used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a local hospital. This shit happens all the time, you always hear about it on the news around summer. Dont know why it's in the darwin awards. My fav one is the guy who put all the weather balloons on his chair and flew to like 10,000ft and lived. I'll try to find the article Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DISTRACT Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Lawn Chair Larry 1982 Honorable Mention Confirmed True by Darwin 1982, California) Larry Walters of Los Angeles is one of the few to contend for the Darwin Awards and live to tell the tale. "I have fulfilled my 20-year dream," said Walters, a former truck driver for a company that makes TV commercials. "I'm staying on the ground. I've proved the thing works." Larry's boyhood dream was to fly. But fates conspired to keep him from his dream. He joined the Air Force, but his poor eyesight disqualified him from the job of pilot. After he was discharged from the military, he sat in his backyard watching jets fly overhead. He hatched his weather balloon scheme while sitting outside in his "extremely comfortable" Sears lawnchair. He purchased 45 weather balloons from an Army-Navy surplus store, tied them to his tethered lawnchair dubbed the Inspiration I, and filled the 4' diameter balloons with helium. Then he strapped himself into his lawnchair with some sandwiches, Miller Lite, and a pellet gun. He figured he would pop a few of the many balloons when it was time to descend. Larry's plan was to sever the anchor and lazily float up to a height of about 30 feet above his back yard, where he would enjoy a few hours of flight before coming back down. But things didn't work out quite as Larry planned. When his friends cut the cord anchoring the lawnchair to his Jeep, he did not float lazily up to 30 feet. Instead, he streaked into the LA sky as if shot from a cannon, pulled by the lift of 42 helium balloons holding 33 cubic feet of helium each. He didn't level off at 100 feet, nor did he level off at 1000 feet. After climbing and climbing, he leveled off at 16,000 feet. At that height he felt he couldn't risk shooting any of the balloons, lest he unbalance the load and really find himself in trouble. So he stayed there, drifting cold and frightened with his beer and sandwiches, for more than 14 hours. He crossed the primary approach corridor of LAX, where Trans World Airlines and Delta Airlines pilots radioed in reports of the strange sight. Eventually he gathered the nerve to shoot a few balloons, and slowly descended. The hanging tethers tangled and caught in a power line, blacking out a Long Beach neighborhood for 20 minutes. Larry climbed to safety, where he was arrested by waiting members of the LAPD. As he was led away in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the daring rescue asked him why he had done it. Larry replied nonchalantly, "A man can't just sit around." The Federal Aviation Administration was not amused. Safety Inspector Neal Savoy said, "We know he broke some part of the Federal Aviation Act, and as soon as we decide which part it is, a charge will be filed." DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2007 Submitted by: Ed Greany, Douglas Walker, Walter Hecht Reference: UPI, Stabbed with a Wedge of Cheese by Charles Downey Found Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awkward eye Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 "A man can't just sit around." :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T4M* Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 December 9 is my b day...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stresssack Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 The Enema Within 2007 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (21 May 2004, Texas) Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor... well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation. The machine shop owner couldn't imbibe alcohol by mouth due to a painful throat ailment, so he elected to receive his favourite beverage via enema. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party. Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address! When the rest of us have had enough, we either stop drinking or pass out. When Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out) the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead. The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. According to toxicology reports, his blood alcohol level was 0.47%. We love our booze down here, some more than others i guess... In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, a person must remove himself from the gene pool via an "astounding misapplication of judgment." Three litres of sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding. Unsurprisingly, his neighbors said they were surprised to learn of the incident. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest spectr Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 wasn't there just a thread about this last month? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GucciCondom Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 No there was a thread where I misunderstood what the awards were for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tuff Tone Posted February 11, 2008 Author Share Posted February 11, 2008 December 9 is my b day...... someone i once knew has the same birthday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
korokys Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA....shit happens!!hahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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