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Poop Man Bob

_«_____Suggestions to God (or any higher power)_____»_

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I was flipping through last month's Esquire and this jumped out. Numbers one through twenty were taken verbatim from the magazine.

 

Add as you see fit:

 

  1. The Flaming Lips play at every wedding.
  2. Every employee at Home Depot knows where the two-inch nails are or their checks don't clear.
  3. More colors for pandas, less colors for peacocks.
  4. Anyone who uses the word absotively dies within a year.
  5. Elevators can go sideways.
  6. The only time we see a man's feet is during Flintstones reruns.
  7. Our penises are also felt-tip pens.
  8. Oil and water not only mix, they're best friends.
  9. Old batteries are edible ... and delicious!
  10. Bowel movements smell like lavender.
  11. The second line in a haiku has eight syllables.
  12. No more humming.
  13. No more of the appendix-bursting bullshit.
  14. It only takes one to tango.
  15. If people are talking too loud and you stare at them, they burst into flames.
  16. Piñatas yell "Ow!" when they're hit.
  17. All foods, not juts cereal, have prizes inside.
  18. You can put your nipples wherever you want on your body.
  19. Drinking too much makes you feel peppy and energetic the next day.
  20. A-list actresses have to have sex with anybody who can name all the Radiohead albums.

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Sunday service is moved to Monday during football season only. All churches will come equiped with Jumbotrons and all praying will involve teams playing. Beer is priced moderately. Everytime a touchdown is scored a giant mechanical jesus shoots fire from his mouth while who let the dogs out blasts over the organs.

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Originally posted by mr.yuck

Sunday service is moved to Monday during football season only. All churches will come equiped with Jumbotrons and all praying will involve teams playing. Beer is priced moderately. Everytime a touchdown is scored a giant mechanical jesus shoots fire from his mouth while who let the dogs out blasts over the organs.

 

:lol:

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Powers of invisibility and flight to those who are very nice.

 

Scabs taste more salt and vinegary.

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hahahahah poop thats the funniest shit ive read in a long time

 

 

its even better because all i can see in my head is you pulling a little army man out of a burger or something(17)

 

 

i think this should be a photoshop contest, try and put PMB into any of these 20 situations

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give me a helmut lang tree to plant in my back yard

give me cigarettes that prevent cancer

let me change my weight by simply wishing it

give me a university that doesn't admit ugly, fat, and/or geeky people

when i poo make money come out

when i piss make vodka come out (wait that happened last weekend)

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hahahaha...

 

yo poopmaner....

 

the funniest thing in that entire issue was the article on pirates. 'Are all american football teams named after pirates?' 'No.. it's not like we're the canadians who call every single team the roughriders for no apparent reason'.

 

 

I wish that the [supreme power] would lighten up on the gravity rules once in a while.

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Please, no more local commercials on daytime T.V. As a matter of fact, I would love to see daytime T.V. done away with completely. Thank you, I love you.

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