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0scarmire

BUM STORIES!!

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bums on south beach that will put their nasty fingers in your food if you dont give them money when youre eating at outdoor cafes..

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I ran into one last night.

 

bum: hey...can you help a brotha out...I just got off the train?

 

I hooked him up with some bacon.

 

bum: hey...do you have any change?

 

me: brotha...I can't do everything for you. I got you some bacon. damn.

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Here in south beach we got names for the bums theres:

 

Sweeper: she always stands on this one corner with a broom sweeping it even tho she never gets it clean.

 

Runner: Hes always running everywhere never stops and always with a fork in his hand.

 

Jesus: He walks around saying hes jesus and kind of looks like the pictures of him too

 

One armed willy: Hes got one arm and he still kicked my ass over a sandwitch

 

Dialer: He sits on payphones and dials away like hes trying to call another planet

 

Theres more but i won't go on if u ever come to miami try to find one of em there fun to watch

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adfadf

 

I went down to toronto to see cro mags and before we decided to walk around toronto and go to some stores, anyways this black dude in blue suspenders (i saw him at the 416 jam that year or last year trying to breakdance) starting approaching us and kinda dancing, and then he grabbed my buddy and starting poking with all of his fingers underneith my friends armpit and then as he started leaving he started yelling "you remember dat, REMEMBER DAT" and low and behold my friend will probably never forget it...................then after the show we stumbled upon a corner with some payphones (we had to use the phone) and there were the queen street natives smoking crack!!!!, it was crazy and there was this cracked out oooold black dude who was mumbling and we gave him like all the change we had, this is how the conversatino went

 

'excuse me, eexc cueesee me, do you boyos haveee aney chaiionge?"

"yeah sure man"

"oh my lord, tank yoo sooo much"

"no problem man"

one of the natives on crack comes and sits near us and cant stop laughing

 

crazy black dude "dont be like my sister,...ooooooooooHH! don, gugdauf, she was crazy!, we were crazy in the fifties

 

high native woman: HAHAHA YEAH WE WERe CRAZY IN THE FIFTIES

 

the rest i could not understand

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Theres a elementry school, on my way home from work, and I swear, every other day, I walk by, and theres this guy, just chilling on the swings. This dudes hardcore, hes out in the rain, the snow, you name it.

 

There was this other guy, who used to see me skating around a few years back, and always would talk to me. He was cool, and me and my buddies would always see him at like 3am at Tim hortons. He once asked a 15ish year old, fat native girl, if she like anal sex. We laughed.

 

Theres always some crazy people at the parks around here too. Its awsome, because they make shanty's, and sleep in this community garden.

 

The joys of living near a crazy house.

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I met this dude in a bus station last night, at first I just thought he was just the usual crackhead, but I was bored so I kept talking to him. Got talking to him about parliament funkadelic, I don't exactly remember how. Apparently he used to be a musician, he dropped some jewels on me, we talked about teaching the babies and shit, and the negative shit they're being spoon-fed. He even showed me the scar where he got shot in his abdomen somewhere. It seems odd but I felt quite blessed to have talked to him, hopefully he makes it to detox like he wants to, not like it'll make a difference but he'll get a week of clean-time under the belt or something, if nothing else he'll stay warm for awhile..

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One time me and this dude gore were at the liquor store buyin some GG when this crackhead pops out of no where (like they usualy do) and trys selling us mangos so me and gore talk to him about how he got to be a bum he said he started out fucking with hookers than got aids than lost his job and family at this point we had our knifes out and i guess he saw one of them so he signaled his friend to come over so he rode over on his bike and scratched the shit out of gores car so gore than stuck the bum took all the mangos and we rode out throwing the dirty ass mangos at hookers :lol: :lol: :lol: good ol times

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Originally posted by 0scarmire

Dialer: He sits on payphones and dials away like hes trying to call another planet

 

haha we saw one of these... me and my friend go to some coffee shop to wake up after a night of drunking and my friend keeps looking down the block at this guy on a payphone cuz he needs to use it when the guys done... we sat at the coffee shop for a solid 45 minutes and the dude never left, dialed a number, or put money in the payphone. so i guess he wasnt a dialer per se but whatever.

 

there's a lot of dumb annoying bums (i guess they're bums? crazy people in any case) that try to like preach or something as they walk around but its usually pretty obvious they just do it for attention. if you respond to them in any way it shuts most of them up pretty quick.

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I walked into an ATM and there was this bum that we dub as "The Cowardly Lion" cos he looks like ascared little lion cub, but anyways, I walk in and he starts ranting about how "I am the guy who rides on the water" so I went along with him, and he was reduced to tears, no fucking lie, he started to cry, and then I gave him an autogrpah, and left, becuase he had just shit himself.

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Originally posted by 0scarmire

One time me and this dude gore were at the liquor store buyin some GG when this crackhead pops out of no where (like they usualy do) and trys selling us mangos so me and gore talk to him about how he got to be a bum he said he started out fucking with hookers than got aids than lost his job and family at this point we had our knifes out and i guess he saw one of them so he signaled his friend to come over so he rode over on his bike and scratched the shit out of gores car so gore than stuck the bum took all the mangos and we rode out throwing the dirty ass mangos at hookers :lol: :lol: :lol: good ol times

 

i heard gore ate towlie

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bum: excuse me miss you dropped something!

i turn around to see what hes talking about

bum: you dropped my heart.

 

what the shit?

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Originally posted by SteveAustin

I ran into one last night.

 

bum: hey...can you help a brotha out...I just got off the train?

 

I hooked him up with some bacon.

 

bum: hey...do you have any change?

 

me: brotha...I can't do everything for you. I got you some bacon. damn.

I hate that shit. You hook them up and then they ask you for more. That's why I never, ever give money to homeless people. Except for the occasional cute punker chick on telegraph in berkeley

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bumssss

 

when i was in San Fran a while back we were staying in this motel....the cleanest one and best security we could find but the room we were in was up stairs...these bums sat like out across the road from us with a view write in to our room.... we had to have our curtains shut cause they would continually scream shit over to us...one off them walked around with one shoe and im pretty sure he hocked his hole for $$$ cause all he seemed to scream was "do u want me ...cheeepp cheeepp..."

.....i could tell u numerous run-ins all through America and this is NOTHING to some of the stories that i have up my sleeve on that holiday!

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Re: bumssss

 

Originally posted by meateater

when i was in San Fran a while back we were staying in this motel....the cleanest one and best security we could find but the room we were in was up stairs...these bums sat like out across the road from us with a view write in to our room.... we had to have our curtains shut cause they would continually scream shit over to us...one off them walked around with one shoe and im pretty sure he hocked his hole for $$$ cause all he seemed to scream was "do u want me ...cheeepp cheeepp..."

.....i could tell u numerous run-ins all through America and this is NOTHING to some of the stories that i have up my sleeve on that holiday!

 

so how much did you have to pay him? ;)

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i swear i told this story already....

 

but yeah...ok there was this dude...not exactly a bum but a wierdo/crazy/probably a buma t oen time type guy that was always around adn everyoen knew this guy...even people that were five or six maybe more years older than i knew him for the same thing....but nayway....he was a crazy guy that when you saw him and if you were wearing shorts he would harrass you and say " ooooooo yer wearign shorts....shame shame...".....and so on and so on and he would always talk to you all crazy if about soemone he made up as if you really knew them....and i dotn know but everyoen in the neighborhood knew him and just not too long ago he was hit by a drunk driver...i wont say he was a loved character but it seemed so wierd to hear it....adn the homies mom works the hspital where he was at....and she saw him die...talking like alil baby and shit.....i dotn know man...it was wierd hearing it.....kinda made me think......about htigns....i wont mention....but it did non the less.....

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heh.. at first glance i thought it said 'bum stores' and i thought, "i could use a piece of ass right now"

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I remember this one bum....his name was Iam. Iam the Lords. Anyway he didn't believe in money and he told my dad this, and that he needed an eye exam in exchange for physical labor. Believe it or not he actually came through on his end of the deal. Then he disappeared for years, and then one day we were doing some shit in the yard and he comes rolling up on this bike with a fuckin kayak on a trailer behind him. Apparently he found his way out of his hole, got married and raises a shitload of pure bread pit bulls.

 

Oh yeah, there was another bum, who liked to wear a helmet made of tinfoil and dance wherever he went. Strange MAn. He disappeared...

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Guest spectr

one night i am walking with my girl and i see this crackhead and feel like fucking with him so i ask him if he wants to smoke crack of course he is like yeah, so i tell him he has to come with us then i get into this whole conversation about smoking crack and worshipping satan this dude is down until i tell him he has to sacrafice my girlfriend she is playing along this entire time i am telling him about how i worship the devil and sacrafice girls to the devil then fuck their dead corpses and shit and how were on our way to meet all the other devil worshippers this dude flips out and just falls on the ground praying to god so i tell him i am going to kill him right there unless he agrees to worship the devil, instead this crackhead gives me all the money he has and runs off.

it was some funny shit.

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Originally posted by spectr

one night i am walking with my girl and i see this crackhead and feel like fucking with him so i ask him if he wants to smoke crack of course he is like yeah, so i tell him he has to come with us then i get into this whole conversation about smoking crack and worshipping satan this dude is down until i tell him he has to sacrafice my girlfriend she is playing along this entire time i am telling him about how i worship the devil and sacrafice girls to the devil then fuck their dead corpses and shit and how were on our way to meet all the other devil worshippers this dude flips out and just falls on the ground praying to god so i tell him i am going to kill him right there unless he agrees to worship the devil, instead this crackhead gives me all the money he has and runs off.

it was some funny shit.

 

:rolleyes: uncool. :rolleyes:

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