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Women's top ten sexual complaints


Poop Man Bob

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Originally posted by Poop Man Bob

 

[*]He sticks his tongue in my ear to turn me on.

What movie made you think this was appealing? Sure, a gentle tongue lap dance on the earlobe can be nice. But don't slosh around in the ear canal. Women have q-tips for that, thank you.

 

 

 

 

I'm sorry i love when guys do that....fuck its up there in my top five ways to turn me on....

 

 

 

 

game on.

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Originally posted by Giving Tree

 

you can also fuck someone without giving them a facial.. but for some of us it's hard.

 

really?? do tell me more

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that list was gay.... wtf is that for old people sex??? clearly there not talking about the 16-28 range of sex...:rolleyes:

 

 

 

i please my lady to fullest!...then i hump away..that way when i want to finish cause im getting tired and wanna beer i can:D

 

 

oh and one more thing.... guys listen to girls ideas..if they have a new thing for sex..dont be scared to try it... if its dumb..let then figure it out the hard way...same thing for the ladys...

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sex is for the birds.....

I like to fuck..... which leads me to....

 

Dirty's top ten "fucking somplaints":

 

[*]If you get all hot and heavy, and then realise that girl's got a big mess of hair down there.

[*]Bad breathe.... I'd rather kiss the real fake tasting/smelling chewing gum breath.

[*]If she likes to just lay there and sulk in the enjoyment, jeez, what a chore for me.

[*]Doesn't know how to give head.... a big minus.

[*]Stops, just before I finish, to take her mouth off and say it's hurting her jaw.... ends up taking longer.

[*]Girl complains about her weight/boob size..... blah.

[*]Always wants regular old boring missionary position this is the way nuns do it sex.

[*]Exploring too deeply with the tongue when kissing..... :choke:

[*]Giving you that look when there's no way in hell you can be naughty. ie. chillin amongst alot of friends, or when you're in a long line at theme park.... etc.

[*]"I'm on my period...." Just punch me in the face next time so I know not to even try.

[/list=1]

 

Yeah, I'm a bastard, that's why.

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The best way to stop women complaining is a ball gag,

what was that honey? vru dsdsf djhsk kd! oh ok sure i will stick it in your pooper...

now see how handy a ball gag can be! i also advise getting handcuffs to that way there are no hands trying to remove the ball gag and you can leave it in all night!

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Originally posted by Dirty_habiT

[*]Giving you that look when there's no way in hell you can be naughty. ie. chillin amongst alot of friends, or when you're in a long line at theme park.... etc.

 

this one's ok to me, kinda gives you that feeling like ok, you asked for it girl, when i get the chance behind that dumpster, in the bathroom or in the car or whereever, your going to get what you looking for.....kind of builds up some sexual suspense...ya know?

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1. IF YOU WANT YOUR GIRL TO BE CLEAN DOWN THERE ALL NICE AND TRIMMED/SHAVED, THEN SHIT... CLEAN YOUR SHIT UP ALSO. IT GOES BOTH WAYS.

 

2. WE HAVE LIL CLITORISES... AND NIPPLES. THEY'RE NOT DICKS. DON'T SUCK ON THEM LIKE THEY WERE. INSTEAD, LICK. SIDE TO SIDE LICKS, UP AND DOWN LICKS, AND CIRCLES.. GO IN CIRCLES.

 

3. SOME OF US ACTUALLY LIKE TO BE FUCKED ON THE PERIOD. DON'T BE AFRAID OF A LIL RED JUICE... THE SHOWER IS GOOD.. OR PUT AN OLD TOWEL OR SOMETHING DOWN ON YOUR BED/FLOOR.

 

4. SOME GIRLS FAKE THEIR MOANS AND ORAGASMS TOO AT THAT, SO BE CAREFUL. IF SHE STARTS MOANING WHILE YOUR AT A CERTAIN SPOT OR DO SOMETING SPECIFIC... KEEP DOING IT... I HATE WHEN A GUY HITS THAT SPOT, YOUR ALL MOANING AND SHIT.. THEN HE BOUNCES TO A SPOT THAT I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT. AND BE AWARE OF BODY LANGUAGE... LIKE IF SHES SHIVERING OR MOVING HER HIPS OR SOMETHING.. MEANS YOUR DOING SOMETHING RIGHT.

 

5. IN ADDITION TO NUMBER 4. IF YOUR EATING YOUR GIRL OUT, AND SHE SHIFTS A LITTLE, UP DOWN, LEFT RIGHT.......... DON'T MOVE >>YOUR<< SPOT JUST BECAUSE SHE MOVED. SHES JUST MOVING HERSELF TO WHERE WOULD FEEL GOOD CUZ THE POSTION YOU BOTH WERE IN WASEN'T DOING IT FOR HER. SO JUST STAY PUT, SHE'LL POSITION THAT PUSSY FOR YOU TO MATCH WHERE EVER YOUR TOUNGUES AT.

 

6. AND GEEZ, CMON GUYS. MAKE YOUR WOMAN FEEL BEAUTIFUL. DIRTY TALK IS GOOD.... BUT TELL HER HOW SEXY SHE LOOKS WITH HER LEGS WIDE OPEN... OR TELL HER HOW GOOD SHE TASTES... OR TELL HER HOW YOU LOVE THE FEELING OF YOUR SKIN AGAINST HERS... OR HOW HOT SHE LOOKS WHEN SHES ALL SWEATING. MAKE THAT BITCH FEEL GOOD.

 

7. COMMUNICATION. YOU WONT GET TO SHIT WITHOUT IT. TALK ABOUT WHAT MAKES EACHOTHER FEEL GOOD... WHAT YOU'D LIKE TO DO NEXT TIMES, WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE... WHAT YOU'D LIKE TO TRY. HOW YOU LIKE THE DICK SUCKED... HOW YOU'D LIKE FOR HER TO LICK YOUR BALLS TOO AT THE SAME TIME. YOU KNOW.. LET HER KNOW. JUST BECAUSE SHES EXPERIENCED, SHE'S STARTING OVER FOR YOU.. YOU'RE A WHOLE DIFFERENT PERSON.. WITH DIFFERENT LIKINGS.

 

8. RESEARCH. DON'T BE AFRAID TO LOOK AT THOSE RELATIONSHIP HELP BOOKS LIKE KAMA SUTRA AND THE JOYS OF SEX. DON'T BE AFRAID TO READ UP ARTICLES IN THE MAGAZINES AND SHIT. THEY'RE ALL BENIFICIAL. DO YOUR HOMEWORK. MAKE IT A THING TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY WEEK. REASEARCHING IS COOL WHEN YOU DO IT TOGETHER ALSO.

 

9. PROPS. IF YOU HAVE TIMES.. PROPS ARE ALWAYS SUPER SEXY TO SET UP. LIGHT A CANDLE OR TWO. LIGHT AN INSCENTS. FEED HER MANGOS. PUT ROSE PETALS IN HER TUB. BITCHES LIKE THAT SHIT. MASSAGE OIL IS A PLUS TOO. YOU'LL LOVE HOW SEXY SHE'LL LOOK

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Originally posted by DEE38

1. IF YOU WANT YOUR GIRL TO BE CLEAN DOWN THERE ALL NICE AND TRIMMED/SHAVED, THEN SHIT... CLEAN YOUR SHIT UP ALSO. IT GOES BOTH WAYS.

 

2. WE HAVE LIL CLITORISES... AND NIPPLES. THEY'RE NOT DICKS. DON'T SUCK ON THEM LIKE THEY WERE. INSTEAD, LICK. SIDE TO SIDE LICKS, UP AND DOWN LICKS, AND CIRCLES.. GO IN CIRCLES.

 

3. SOME OF US ACTUALLY LIKE TO BE FUCKED ON THE PERIOD. DON'T BE AFRAID OF A LIL RED JUICE... THE SHOWER IS GOOD.. OR PUT AN OLD TOWEL OR SOMETHING DOWN ON YOUR BED/FLOOR.

 

4. SOME GIRLS FAKE THEIR MOANS AND ORAGASMS TOO AT THAT, SO BE CAREFUL. IF SHE STARTS MOANING WHILE YOUR AT A CERTAIN SPOT OR DO SOMETING SPECIFIC... KEEP DOING IT... I HATE WHEN A GUY HITS THAT SPOT, YOUR ALL MOANING AND SHIT.. THEN HE BOUNCES TO A SPOT THAT I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT. AND BE AWARE OF BODY LANGUAGE... LIKE IF SHES SHIVERING OR MOVING HER HIPS OR SOMETHING.. MEANS YOUR DOING SOMETHING RIGHT.

 

5. IN ADDITION TO NUMBER 4. IF YOUR EATING YOUR GIRL OUT, AND SHE SHIFTS A LITTLE, UP DOWN, LEFT RIGHT.......... DON'T MOVE >>YOUR<< SPOT JUST BECAUSE SHE MOVED. SHES JUST MOVING HERSELF TO WHERE WOULD FEEL GOOD CUZ THE POSTION YOU BOTH WERE IN WASEN'T DOING IT FOR HER. SO JUST STAY PUT, SHE'LL POSITION THAT PUSSY FOR YOU TO MATCH WHERE EVER YOUR TOUNGUES AT.

 

6. AND GEEZ, CMON GUYS. MAKE YOUR WOMAN FEEL BEAUTIFUL. DIRTY TALK IS GOOD.... BUT TELL HER HOW SEXY SHE LOOKS WITH HER LEGS WIDE OPEN... OR TELL HER HOW GOOD SHE TASTES... OR TELL HER HOW YOU LOVE THE FEELING OF YOUR SKIN AGAINST HERS... OR HOW HOT SHE LOOKS WHEN SHES ALL SWEATING. MAKE THAT BITCH FEEL GOOD.

 

7. COMMUNICATION. YOU WONT GET TO SHIT WITHOUT IT. TALK ABOUT WHAT MAKES EACHOTHER FEEL GOOD... WHAT YOU'D LIKE TO DO NEXT TIMES, WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE... WHAT YOU'D LIKE TO TRY. HOW YOU LIKE THE DICK SUCKED... HOW YOU'D LIKE FOR HER TO LICK YOUR BALLS TOO AT THE SAME TIME. YOU KNOW.. LET HER KNOW. JUST BECAUSE SHES EXPERIENCED, SHE'S STARTING OVER FOR YOU.. YOU'RE A WHOLE DIFFERENT PERSON.. WITH DIFFERENT LIKINGS.

 

8. RESEARCH. DON'T BE AFRAID TO LOOK AT THOSE RELATIONSHIP HELP BOOKS LIKE KAMA SUTRA AND THE JOYS OF SEX. DON'T BE AFRAID TO READ UP ARTICLES IN THE MAGAZINES AND SHIT. THEY'RE ALL BENIFICIAL. DO YOUR HOMEWORK. MAKE IT A THING TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY WEEK. REASEARCHING IS COOL WHEN YOU DO IT TOGETHER ALSO.

 

9. PROPS. IF YOU HAVE TIMES.. PROPS ARE ALWAYS SUPER SEXY TO SET UP. LIGHT A CANDLE OR TWO. LIGHT AN INSCENTS. FEED HER MANGOS. PUT ROSE PETALS IN HER TUB. BITCHES LIKE THAT SHIT. MASSAGE OIL IS A PLUS TOO. YOU'LL LOVE HOW SEXY SHE'LL LOOK

 

Dee you are a genius!!!

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Originally posted by Poop Man Bob

[*]After he climaxes, it's over.

Just because you're satisfied doesn't mean she is. Keep stimulating her until she's also satisfied.

 

um no. he knows how to work it good and over and over again.

 

[*]Foreplay? What foreplay?

Think of a woman as a crockpot that needs to be warmed up. You may be ready to go from the beginning, but she's not. If she moves your hands to a specific area of her body, take that as a clue that you should concentrate on that area. Chances are that when you think she's ready, she's not. Keep going at it.

foreplay is the best and he does it all the time! he knows what i like. sometimes we'll watch porn, sometimes we'll act like we just met again. making out is the best.

[*]We only kiss before sex.

Women feel like the romance is gone when you only kiss her as a prelude to sex. When she least expects it -- as you watch TV or do laundry -- lay a big one on her. And don't try to get anything else.

he kisses me when i am on top, when he is on the bottom, he kisses me no matter what. he loves to bite my lip and suck on it. that is the best kisses that make me all hot.

 

[*]He seems hesitant to perform oral sex on me.

If she gets the impression that you think oral sex is gross, she won't loosen up and enjoy herself. She might also be hesitant to return the favor. Even if performing oral sex on a woman isn't your favorite thing to do, do it. Remember, it can be made more pleasurable by using whipped cream or chocolate syrup.

gahhh. i agree with roo. no food in the fucking bed. i think thats a little bit gross and there are health effects. oral sex.....he never hesitates. of course i have nothing down there, so there arent any surprises or anything. and oh yes, please men....trim down there at least. it is not very attractive when a girl is sucking some dick and she has to stop to take out a pubic hair out of her mouth.

 

[*]He can't find my G Spot.

It's not a myth. Take some time to explore her body. Ask her over and over if you've found it.

been there...keeps doing it. once you find it, you will never have to search for it again.

 

 

[*]We're in the mood for sex at different times of the day.

She may like to have sex at night. You may like it in the morning. Sometimes you have to compromise and do it when you're not 100% in the mood. We bet you'll get into the mood pretty quickly.

sure sometimes we are tired, but i think that we have the same sexual desires and same sexual time clocks. we can't get our hands off of eachother.

 

 

[*]He sticks his tongue in my ear to turn me on.

What movie made you think this was appealing? Sure, a gentle tongue lap dance on the earlobe can be nice. But don't slosh around in the ear canal. Women have q-tips for that, thank you.

i like that. i like it when he also licks the bottom of my ear lobe softly. that turns me on.

 

 

[*]All dirty talk, all the time.

Sure, women know you like to talk dirty. And we know how to do the job right. But that doesn't mean that every time we hit the sheets, we want to talk dirty. Sometimes a woman needs quiet sex. Or sex that only involves groans.

what can i say? i'm a slut when i am in bed. i like the dirty talk. i love it when its super dirty. he doesnt have to tell me i'm hot or pretty or anything, it's all in his eyes and his hands that show me that he loves the way i look. you just have to know it. his actions and the way he is looking at me is a sure sign that he appreciates the body that he is holding.

 

 

[*]He orgasms too quickly.

She doesn't care about your size nearly as much as you think. What she cares about is your ability to keep going. If you feel that you may orgasm, stop what you're doing and concentrate on her.

no i dont give a fuck about size. girth baby girth. girth is where the climaxes are, girth is doing the fucking.

 

 

[*]We always do it the same old way.

Women need variety. Have sex in new places. And most importantly, learn some new positions. Check out an illustrated guide to the Kama Sutra.

ha! you havent seen anything yet. and you guys prolly wont see anything. ;)

outdoor sex is fun. we used to do it all the time when i lived at my mom's. quite romantic and dirty. positions? got that on lock. being in a relationship for 4 years, you have nothing else to do except be creative. hence all the other stuff that i will not heed to explain.

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