work dumps

i got this idea from key's thread ''fuck monday!''

i got a ton of stories i will post but right now im sleepy

i know 99% of u got them, so let them roll

i think i understand the theory of this thread, talk about how your job sucks right?

well, my income is through financial aid.

so theoretically speaking my job is school. at least until i find a real job.

so ill tell you about that.

i ride the bus 5 hours a day for school (2.5 each way sometimes more depending on connection times). and the worst part is on tuesdays im only there for an hour.

yep...school dumps!???

:rolleyes:

Originally posted by haunts@Feb 1 2005, 10:21 AM

i think i understand the theory of this thread, talk about how your job sucks right?

 

 

well, my income is through financial aid.

so theoretically speaking my job is school. at least until i find a real job.

so ill tell you about that.

i ride the bus 5 hours a day for school (2.5 each way sometimes more depending on connection times). and the worst part is on tuesdays im only there for an hour.

yep...school dumps!???

 

:rolleyes:

Quoted post

damn dude, i thought i had it bad commuting a 35 min drive (1.5 hours w/

traffic) to get to school.....sux2bu

i take shits at work on the regular.

great way to waste time...

yeah, the thread is about takin poops at work, not how bad your job is..dumbasses...

I am at work taking a healthy shit, or as we call it, an unauthorized coffee break, smoking a cigarette. generally fucking off, when Carl comes in. Carl is the guy that walks across the plant with a newspaper under his arm announcing that he is going to go take a shit. Carl has a fondness for Old Milwaukee beer in mass quantities and he has the generic drips. He picks this point to interrogate me on how the shift is going. His asshole is playing Louie Armstrong and the bathroom is just foul, even by factory standards. I had to pinch that shit off and get the fuck out. Don't talk to a man while he is shitting, especially if you have to speak up to be heard over your own ass.

Originally posted by sneak@Feb 1 2005, 08:49 AM

i take shits at work on the regular.

 

great way to waste time...

Quoted post

Also an easy way to feel productive.

Great thread!! hahaha

There's this hidden bathroom in the basement that

used to be my full time dumping grounds. See I have

a bit of a problem with the booze and I would often have

to sneak down there for one of those terrible 'day after shits'

that would just explode out of my ass like someone was dumping

a can of chunky stew right into the frying pan. My sanctuary.

now.. there's new offices RIGHT ACROSS THE HALL and they

have glass doors. Plus there's a hottie receptionist sitting right

there looking out and I cant use that bathroom anymore.

There's no way I can walk in there after making eye contact

with this girl and dumping some nasty biz like 10 feet from her.

^desperate times call for desperate measures man!

yeah... I just wandered around the building untill I found another 'hidden bathroom'

gotta love working in loft conversions.

i havent worked in like 5 months. I dont know what to do

Im about to start lying on my applications because the

truth isnt working

i went to use the bath room at my work...i pulled a UFO for thos that dont know what a ufo is, its when u like float above the seat...i mean who wants to sit on a work tolet...so anyway i end up missing and shiting all over the floor....i had to clean it up to cuzs they boss knew i was the last one to be in there...it sucked even tho i cleaned my hands wicked good they still stunk like shit and my freind later at lunch pointed out i has a drip of shit on my leg...

good old days

i knew this thread was gonna roll around sooner er later

taking a dump anywhere besides ur house is mad weird

i always curtisy flush when im forced to drop one somewhere other than my house ..... theres no bathroom like your own bathroom

Originally posted by Coffie Crave@Feb 1 2005, 08:40 PM

i went to use the bath room at my work...i pulled a UFO for thos that dont know what a ufo is, its when u like float above the seat...i mean who wants to sit on a work tolet...so anyway i end up missing and shiting all over the floor....i had to clean it up to cuzs they boss knew i was the last one to be in there...it sucked even tho i cleaned my hands wicked good they still stunk like shit and my freind later at lunch pointed out i has a drip of shit on my leg...

 

good old days

Quoted post

Some of you guys are fucking weird. If you have an issue about sitting on a foreign toilet, why not just put paper down on it, for fucks sake. Otherwise you got no one to blame but yourself when you shit all over your shoes.

i heart the work dump.

i take about 2-3 a day.

Originally posted by iquit@Nov 5 2004, 10:00 PM

do i have any special rituals when it's time to take a shit?

 

well yes, as a matter of fact i do.

 

private and public shitting rituals can differ greatly.

 

for now, lets focus on the steps involved in dropping the kids off at the pool in a public location.

 

STEP 1- step one basically involves surveillance and intelligence gathering. who else is shitting in this bathroom? does their shit stink so bad that it will disturb me and interfere with enjoying my own personal aroma? do i want to sit directly next to this dude and totally freak him out with the ferocity of my dump? chances are i do. especially living in asia, i generally feel the need to rep for americans, in that we do everything bigger and better than they do. i want that old chinese man to be in AWE of the atrocity that is my white american ass.

 

STEP 2- flush first. after selecting my throne, i flush first. even if the water looks clean, how do you know someone didn't spit in it? maybe someone drank a lot of water and took one of those transparent pisses that can go completely undetectable and didn't flush. i don't want this nasty pisswater splashing up into my asshole when i drop the goosebombs.

 

STEP 3- the third step is what i like to call, "building the goose nest". i remove ALL the toilet paper from the roll. all of it. yes, you heard me correctly, take the fucking TP roll off of the dispenser, and i take ALL of the TP off of the roll. i start layering my TP around the bowl, creating a nice fluffy nest to perch on. then i decide how much TP i'll need for asswiping and hold on to that. i leave a generous supply, as you never know what the hell is going to happen once we set the wheels of poo in motion.

 

STEP 4- now i take the empty toilet paper roll and put my penis inside of it. sitting carefully on to the nest, i place my cardboard protected penis onto the edge of the bowl, making sure there is absolutely no penis to toilet contact. i get comfy. maybe light up a cigarette. take a deep breath...

 

STEP 5- bombs away. hold nothing back. take no prisoners. make it loud. nothing wrong with a little grunting, tennis pro style, too.

 

STEP 6- wipe.

 

STEP 7- flush.

 

STEP 8- wash hands. this is when i'm hoping my crapping neighbor will finish at the same time as me, so i can see the fear in his eyes after witnessing my ass in all of it's glory.

 

STEP 9- try to get home for a shower asap. i usually need it.

 

 

but this is all pretty standard stuff, right?

Quoted post

I've got enough Streetrucks/Maxim/Stuff magazines to keep me occupied for months at the john..Good reading material is a must while releasing turds from the trunk.......

I dont know how people can read while theyre dropping bricks. It distracts me from the task at hand. Not only that but when i do read i often take longer than i should.

*Useless fact of the day-Thomas Crapper did not invent the toilet. The "Silent Valveless Water Waste Preventer" was a siphonic discharge system that allowed a toilet to flush effectively when the cistern was only half full. British Patent 4990 for 1819 was issued to a Mr. Albert Giblin for this product. There are a couple of theories on how Thomas Crapper came to be associated with this device. First, is that Giblin worked for Crapper as an employee and authorized his use of the product. The second, and more likely theory on the matter is that Crapper bought the patent rights from Giblin and marketed the device himself.

I used to think like that...Then I realized...I'M PAID HOURLY!

I ripped the loudest ass of my life the other day in the dorm bathrooms.

BRRRRAAAAAAAAAPPPPP!!

fog horn status, for serious.

I should start leaving work early and taking an hour of vacation time to shit.