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I Am the Patron Saint of Retards

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Weapon X, Apr 8, 2006.

  1. Weapon X

    Weapon X 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Sep 6, 2002 Messages: 14,905 Likes Received: 202
    Someone I know called me this a while back, and he was being serious.

    If you're a retard who nobody likes, I'll be your friend. I'll be seen at the mall with you, I'll argue with you, and I'll collect baseball players' autographs with you (that is, after all, the ultimate retard activity).

    When you need someone to roll your spliffs for you, I'll be there. And when you cut someone off retardedly on a major street, I'll be the one yelling "fuck you!" after they honk.

    I'll accept your collect calls from jail after you've been booked with possession of crack, and I'll make sure you don't choke on your own vomit after you're OD'ing on the carpet and everyone else has left.

    I'll listen to your retarded girl problems, and I'll give you peptalks when you're unemployed and not motivated to get a next job.

    I'll be the only one not laughing when you rip your shirt off, play with your nipples and run around the park, crying about how Rock and Roll is dead.

    For real. Should I stop being the Patron Saint of Retards?
     
  2. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113
    you, sir, are the human embodiment of all that's wrong with the world
     
  3. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113
    anyone who wouldn't laugh at that is a retard
     
  4. Weapon X

    Weapon X 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Sep 6, 2002 Messages: 14,905 Likes Received: 202
    It was pretty sad. The dude was literally crying about the fate of rock, and just going batshit insane. I don't know what the nipples had to do with anything, though, but apparently, he felt that nipple arousal has everything to do with rock n roll.

    The cops finally picked him up after he threatened to rape some old lady, or something like that.
    I give this dude more respect than his own brother.
     
  5. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113
    wait, so that actaully happened? awesome
     
  6. Hayabusa

    Hayabusa Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 7, 2006 Messages: 6,501 Likes Received: 209
    right on weapon X
    are you talking about actual retards here though, or normal guys who are just stupid?
     
  7. Johnny Blaze

    Johnny Blaze Member

    Joined: Jul 31, 2005 Messages: 572 Likes Received: 2
    stupid retards
    nice, but stupid...
     
  8. Weapon X

    Weapon X 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Sep 6, 2002 Messages: 14,905 Likes Received: 202

    A little from column A, a little from column B. Literally. I know a lot of people who were diagnosed with mental disabilities at an early age.
     
  9. Thought Wrong

    Thought Wrong Member

    Joined: Oct 15, 2004 Messages: 654 Likes Received: 0
    wow







    my reply was too short.
     
  10. 1/4FareMetrocard

    1/4FareMetrocard 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Feb 6, 2006 Messages: 12,962 Likes Received: 690
    so your like tease's father and
    your the godfather of porkchop
    and her cousin's kids.
     
  11. Grimes

    Grimes Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 11, 2004 Messages: 5,160 Likes Received: 193
  12. shameless self promotion

    shameless self promotion 12oz Legend

    Joined: Mar 7, 2001 Messages: 16,306 Likes Received: 104
    The google add says i should invest in anti graffiti coating...
     
  13. AyeBee

    AyeBee Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 7, 2006 Messages: 5,798 Likes Received: 29
    Listen to the almighty Google
     
  14. Weapon X

    Weapon X 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Sep 6, 2002 Messages: 14,905 Likes Received: 202
    So who's your favourite self-representing artist?
     
  15. Vanity

    Vanity Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 11, 2000 Messages: 7,673 Likes Received: 6
    are you happy?
     
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