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How to make Love. New Sexual Positions

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by E-DubleSkilZ, Apr 12, 2002.

  1. E-DubleSkilZ

    E-DubleSkilZ New Jack

    Joined: Jan 30, 2002 Messages: 0 Likes Received: 1
    U have probably seen this but its funny as hell.



    "How to Make Love."New Sexual Positions

    The Teabagging: The all time classic manoeuvre of tapping your cock on a chick's forehead while she is sucking on your balls, and =uttering the timeless phrase: "Who's Your daddy?"

    The Houdini: Going at it doggy-style until you are just about to come, then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks that you have came. When she turns around a blast is unleashed into her face and she is left shocked and amazed, wondering how you managed it.

    The Angry Dragon: Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back =of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look =like an angry dragon.=

    Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch: The once in a lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load down the back of a girl's throat and then proceeding to give her a large cold bottle of your favourite carbonated drink, making her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.

    Dirty Sanchez: A time honoured event in which while laying the bone doggy-style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip, leaving a thin shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.

    The Donkey Punch: Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.

    The Flaming Amazon: This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz!

    The Flying Camel:A personal favourite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her on your knees, you very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vertical seafood taco. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl, much like a flying camel. Strictly a classy move.

    The Screwnicorn: When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.

    The Zombie Mask: While getting head from your favourite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.
    :D
     
  2. platapie

    platapie Guest

    i wonder how many guys have actully tried doign these stupid things to girls? sure fire way not to score with her or anyone she nos ever again.
     
  3. me IS cool

    me IS cool Guest

    haha these are fuckin hilarious! I love: "The Flaming Amazon".... that shits too funny. So is the dirty sanchez. :p
     
  4. Dr. Drew

    Dr. Drew Guest

    i'll try the houdini tonite
     
  5. High Priest

    High Priest Elite Member

    Joined: Jan 1, 2002 Messages: 4,928 Likes Received: 3
    The Zombie Mask: While getting head from your favourite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.


    hahaha
     
  6. Pistol

    Pistol Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Jul 12, 2001 Messages: 19,363 Likes Received: 299
    Yeah giving the girl your "making love" to the "Dirty Sanchez". nice.
     
  7. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Guest

    overdose

    shoot your nut up her left nostril....
     
  8. Mr. Mang

    Mr. Mang Elite Member

    Joined: Feb 27, 2002 Messages: 2,901 Likes Received: 1
    The Flying Camel:A personal favourite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her on your knees, you very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vertical seafood taco. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl, much like a flying camel. Strictly a classy move.

    The Screwnicorn: When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.

    The Zombie Mask: While getting head from your favourite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.




    hahahahahahahahhaahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahah! those are great
     
  9. ledzep

    ledzep Guest

    this is what you get when you combine sex and extreme sports.

    Houdini <- sounds like fun
     
  10. WHOSPANK

    WHOSPANK Member

    Joined: Jun 11, 2001 Messages: 294 Likes Received: 0
    i like to choke a bitch until she's about to go out.then i shove my tounge down her throat,flip her over and raw dog it to the third eye.
    i also love it when they beg me not to slit their throats.....
     
  11. footsoldier

    footsoldier Senior Member

    Joined: May 23, 2000 Messages: 1,885 Likes Received: 2
    man shit must be crazy in oakland
     
  12. WHOSPANK

    WHOSPANK Member

    Joined: Jun 11, 2001 Messages: 294 Likes Received: 0
    "oakland california is the city of dope...couldn't be saved by john the pope"..too short
     
  13. rip

    rip Elite Member

    Joined: Nov 10, 2001 Messages: 2,667 Likes Received: 0
    the houdini is called tha david copper field in daygo an ive dun it, the bitch wasnt that happy but she got over it.i thought it was hilarious an laghued so hard i fell off the bed good shit.
     
  14. blink_ATX

    blink_ATX Guest

    i laughed so hard while jackingit while shtting that i blew my load in my mouth.
     
  15. vinyl junkie

    vinyl junkie Elite Member

    Joined: Jan 17, 2002 Messages: 4,725 Likes Received: 0
    [​IMG]
     
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