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_«_____Suggestions to God (or any higher power)_____»_

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Poop Man Bob, Mar 8, 2004.

  1. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

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    _«_____Suggestions to God (or any higher power)_____»_

    Discussion started by Poop Man Bob - Mar 8, 2004

    I was flipping through last month's Esquire and this jumped out. Numbers one through twenty were taken verbatim from the magazine.

    Add as you see fit:

    1. The Flaming Lips play at every wedding.
    2. Every employee at Home Depot knows where the two-inch nails are or their checks don't clear.
    3. More colors for pandas, less colors for peacocks.
    4. Anyone who uses the word absotively dies within a year.
    5. Elevators can go sideways.
    6. The only time we see a man's feet is during Flintstones reruns.
    7. Our penises are also felt-tip pens.
    8. Oil and water not only mix, they're best friends.
    9. Old batteries are edible ... and delicious!
    10. Bowel movements smell like lavender.
    11. The second line in a haiku has eight syllables.
    12. No more humming.
    13. No more of the appendix-bursting bullshit.
    14. It only takes one to tango.
    15. If people are talking too loud and you stare at them, they burst into flames.
    16. Piñatas yell "Ow!" when they're hit.
    17. All foods, not juts cereal, have prizes inside.
    18. You can put your nipples wherever you want on your body.
    19. Drinking too much makes you feel peppy and energetic the next day.
    20. A-list actresses have to have sex with anybody who can name all the Radiohead albums.
     
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  2. BackSeatBebe

    BackSeatBebe 12oz Junior Member

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    BackSeatBebe - Replied Mar 8, 2004

    Wear a pager, this praying thing just isnt working
     
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  3. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

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    Abracadabra - Replied Mar 8, 2004

    all women are born bisexual and are into threesomes.
     
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  4. krie

    krie Guest

    krie - Replied Mar 8, 2004

    Dogs 'meow'
     
  5. mr.yuck

    mr.yuck 12oz Veteran Member

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    mr.yuck - Replied Mar 8, 2004

    Sunday service is moved to Monday during football season only. All churches will come equiped with Jumbotrons and all praying will involve teams playing. Beer is priced moderately. Everytime a touchdown is scored a giant mechanical jesus shoots fire from his mouth while who let the dogs out blasts over the organs.
     
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  6. Gunm

    Gunm Banned

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    Gunm - Replied Mar 8, 2004

    Afflict OunceAddict with AIDS or Sars. Maybe a combination of both?
     
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  7. destroya

    destroya 12oz Senior Member

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    destroya - Replied Mar 8, 2004

    give me an array of badass superpowers.
     
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  8. metallix

    metallix 12oz Elite Member

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    metallix - Replied Mar 8, 2004

    [​IMG]
     
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  9. Dr. Dazzle

    Dr. Dazzle 12oz Veteran Member

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    Dr. Dazzle - Replied Mar 9, 2004

    Numbers 4 and 20 get my vote.....
     
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  10. Dirty_habiT

    Dirty_habiT Dirty Dozen Crew

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    Dirty_habiT - Replied Mar 9, 2004

    Hey what are they talking about my penis IS a felt tip pen.... and that shit's not funny.


    :lick:
     
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  11. 2ten

    2ten 12oz Member

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    2ten - Replied Mar 9, 2004

    :lol:
     
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  12. Jackson

    Jackson 12oz Veteran Member

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    Jackson - Replied Mar 9, 2004

    Powers of invisibility and flight to those who are very nice.

    Scabs taste more salt and vinegary.
     
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  13. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin 12oz Veteran Member

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    SteveAustin - Replied Mar 9, 2004

    19 and 20 would rank far higher on my list.

    I'm sure I'll have more suggestions later.
     
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  14. $360

    $360 12oz Elite Member

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    $360 - Replied Mar 9, 2004

    hahahahah poop thats the funniest shit ive read in a long time


    its even better because all i can see in my head is you pulling a little army man out of a burger or something(17)


    i think this should be a photoshop contest, try and put PMB into any of these 20 situations
     
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  15. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

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    Poop Man Bob - Replied Mar 9, 2004

    Poop Man Bob - Rank: Dirty Dozen Crew - Messages:
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