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_«_____Suggestions to God (or any higher power)_____»_

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Poop Man Bob, Mar 8, 2004.

  1. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Nov 16, 2000 Messages: 10,259 Likes Received: 18
    I was flipping through last month's Esquire and this jumped out. Numbers one through twenty were taken verbatim from the magazine.

    Add as you see fit:

    1. The Flaming Lips play at every wedding.
    2. Every employee at Home Depot knows where the two-inch nails are or their checks don't clear.
    3. More colors for pandas, less colors for peacocks.
    4. Anyone who uses the word absotively dies within a year.
    5. Elevators can go sideways.
    6. The only time we see a man's feet is during Flintstones reruns.
    7. Our penises are also felt-tip pens.
    8. Oil and water not only mix, they're best friends.
    9. Old batteries are edible ... and delicious!
    10. Bowel movements smell like lavender.
    11. The second line in a haiku has eight syllables.
    12. No more humming.
    13. No more of the appendix-bursting bullshit.
    14. It only takes one to tango.
    15. If people are talking too loud and you stare at them, they burst into flames.
    16. Piñatas yell "Ow!" when they're hit.
    17. All foods, not juts cereal, have prizes inside.
    18. You can put your nipples wherever you want on your body.
    19. Drinking too much makes you feel peppy and energetic the next day.
    20. A-list actresses have to have sex with anybody who can name all the Radiohead albums.
  2. BackSeatBebe

    BackSeatBebe Junior Member

    Joined: Jul 20, 2003 Messages: 129 Likes Received: 0
    Wear a pager, this praying thing just isnt working
  3. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113
    all women are born bisexual and are into threesomes.
  4. krie

    krie Guest

    Dogs 'meow'
  5. mr.yuck

    mr.yuck Veteran Member

    Joined: May 12, 2000 Messages: 6,952 Likes Received: 6
    Sunday service is moved to Monday during football season only. All churches will come equiped with Jumbotrons and all praying will involve teams playing. Beer is priced moderately. Everytime a touchdown is scored a giant mechanical jesus shoots fire from his mouth while who let the dogs out blasts over the organs.
  6. Gunm

    Gunm Banned

    Joined: Aug 31, 2003 Messages: 12,427 Likes Received: 2
    Afflict OunceAddict with AIDS or Sars. Maybe a combination of both?
  7. destroya

    destroya Senior Member

    Joined: Sep 30, 2002 Messages: 1,714 Likes Received: 2
    give me an array of badass superpowers.
  8. metallix

    metallix Elite Member

    Joined: Oct 7, 2001 Messages: 2,955 Likes Received: 1
  9. Dr. Dazzle

    Dr. Dazzle Veteran Member

    Joined: Nov 19, 2001 Messages: 8,147 Likes Received: 3
    Numbers 4 and 20 get my vote.....
  10. Dirty_habiT

    Dirty_habiT Administrator

    Joined: Mar 8, 2001 Messages: 18,136 Likes Received: 82
    Hey what are they talking about my penis IS a felt tip pen.... and that shit's not funny.

  11. 2ten

    2ten Member

    Joined: Apr 9, 2003 Messages: 385 Likes Received: 0
  12. Jackson

    Jackson Veteran Member

    Joined: May 21, 2002 Messages: 7,345 Likes Received: 122
    Powers of invisibility and flight to those who are very nice.

    Scabs taste more salt and vinegary.
  13. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    19 and 20 would rank far higher on my list.

    I'm sure I'll have more suggestions later.
  14. $360

    $360 Elite Member

    Joined: Oct 2, 2002 Messages: 2,600 Likes Received: 1
    hahahahah poop thats the funniest shit ive read in a long time

    its even better because all i can see in my head is you pulling a little army man out of a burger or something(17)

    i think this should be a photoshop contest, try and put PMB into any of these 20 situations
  15. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Nov 16, 2000 Messages: 10,259 Likes Received: 18