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vanfullofretards

The Perfect Crime

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This article argues that there is a 50-square-mile swath of Idaho in which one can commit felonies with impunity. This is because of the intersection of a poorly drafted statute with a clear but neglected constitutional provision: the Sixth Amendment's Vicinage Clause. Although lesser criminal charges and civil liability still loom, the remaining possibility of criminals going free over a needless technical failure by Congress is difficult to stomach. No criminal defendant has ever broached the subject, let alone faced the numerous (though unconvincing) counterarguments. This shows that vicinage is not taken seriously by lawyers or judges. Still, Congress should close the Idaho loophole, not pretend it does not exist.

 

http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=691642

 

Bread and butter of their argument:

"Say that you are in the Idaho portion of Yellowstone, and you decide to spice up your

vacation by going on a crime spree. You make some moonshine, you poach some wildlife, you strangle some people and steal their picnic baskets. You are arrested, arraigned in the park, and bound over for trial in Cheyenne, Wyoming before a jury drawn from the Cheyenne area.21 But Article III, Section 2 plainly requires that the trial be held in Idaho, the state in which the crime was committed. Perhaps if you fuss convincingly enough about it, the case would be sent to Idaho. But the Sixth Amendment then requires that the jury be from the state (Idaho) and the district (Wyoming) in which the crime was committed. In other words, the jury would have to be drawn from the Idaho portion of Yellowstone National Park, which, according to the 2000

Census, has a population of precisely zero.22 (The Montana portion—should you choose torampage there—has an adult population of a few dozen, which might nevertheless present Sixth

Amendment problems as well.23)

The Constitution entitles you to a jury trial and an impartial jury of inhabitants of the

state and district where the crime was committed. The U.S. Code steps on the rusty nail; it makes it impossible to satisfy both provisions in the case of the Yellowstone State-Line Strangler.

Assuming that you do not feel like consenting to trial in Cheyenne, you should go free.

 

 

 

Download and read (!!!) the whole paper if you're about to criticize. The absurdity of this does not make it untrue.

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YOUR LIL NIGGAS IS DIRTY MINES IS ZERO DARK THIRTY

 

MINE IS NIGHT VISION WITCH HUNT RIDE FOR PAC WORTHY (WOO!)

 

I'M COKE BOY LEANIN ON YOU NIGGAS

 

IF MONEY TALK THEN I MUST BE SCREAMIN ON YOU NIGGAS

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I don't care if I had the opportunity to shoot that pink-haired idol judge in the face with buckshot, there is no way I'd ever set foot in that region of the country.

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I don't care if I had the opportunity to shoot that pink-haired idol judge in the face with buckshot, there is no way I'd ever set foot in that region of the country.

 

You would never go to Yellowstone National Park?

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One of my friends beat a shoplifting case by demanding a jury trial. The store offered him a few deals and he kept turning them down, and it finally dawned on them that he had every intention of making them spend thousands of dollars on court fees over twenty bucks worth of merchandise.

 

Loopholes notwithstanding, one of my rules of thumb is to be on my best behavior when I'm on federal property of any kind. I was hiking in the GGNRA a few years ago and got searched by a couple of bored park cops for no apparent reason...when I told them I wouldn't consent to a search without probable cause they more or less said "You look weird and there's kids around." Huh, can't argue with that kind of logic. At least they didn't arrest me for obstruction of justice.

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The next time I go hiking there I'm going to wear a t-shirt that has the text of the Fourth Amendment printed on it...you know, just in case they need a gentle reminder.

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