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blood fart

when is enough enough aka junkie friends are assholes

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its awesome when friends go to rehabs/detox and come out much worse than when they went in, or when they've been to rehabs over 4 times and still cant kick it.

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If you choose to use hard drugs daily, don't drag others into your mess

Anyone who does should be skinned

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its awesome when friends go to rehabs/detox and come out much worse than when they went in, or when they've been to rehabs over 4 times and still cant kick it.

 

I have a theory about that.

 

When I had to go to NA for a drug charge in the 90s, I was with a bunch of other people who used to do drugs or still currently did them. I was getting tested weekly for the first three months, so I just wanted to play it straight and get it over with so I could get off probation. However, two meetings in all I wanted to was go out and get fucked up afterward because it was all war stories, talk about sobriety and higher power this and working your program that. I didn't mind that it was helping everyone else there. It was driving me fucking insane because I was determined to to stay clean and the message I heard every night was that I was doomed to fail unless I did exactly what everyone else was doing. If you're stubborn like me, that's like a slap in the face.

 

But I kept my mouth shut because getting signed off by the secretary was more important than dropping the bomb, so I never participated in the meetings. I wanted to say that I wasn't mad at any of the people there since they were just doing what they had to do to stay clean and that was admirable....but I felt like they had traded one addiction for another and there were times where I felt like I was being brainwashed. I would introduce myself by saying, "My name is ***** and I'm here because the court wants me to get a signature" and sit down and not say another word till the meeting was over. Ironically, when it was all over and I got stoned for the first time in months I realized I didn't like it that much anymore.

 

Cut to a few years later. I ended up in a similar program but this time it was because I had ODed and ended up in the psych ward (long story). I talked my way out of a 72 hour hold by promising to go to group drug counseling for three months. After the first meeting and hearing the same shit all over again, I told the secretary that I wasn't coming back...she looked at my file and said "but this says the meetings are mandatory, you have to attend them" and I told her that was great and all, but I was through and if they wanted to try and make me go they could do their worst. And that was that...nothing came of it. I moved two weeks later, changed my number and never heard from them again.

 

Rehab/NA/AA definitely works for some people. The only thing that's ever worked for me is to get away from the dope scene, then get busy doing other shit so I won't have time to think about getting high. It may not always stick, but I feel a hell of a lot better about myself when I'm not constantly being told that I have to follow a program to stay clean. That just pisses me off.

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Damn i don't think i've ever had any friends turn into junkies i've seen em do rails and smoke tons of weed but i guess i been pretty lucky they haven't became full blown junkies.

 

your city does not have the raging dope problem with writers like a lot of other major metro cities due. everyone there is still on that hiphop smoking blunts wearing khaki polo hats tip. the first dope addicts i knew in those circles were people who moved from out of town.

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People are trash in one way or another and there isn't really any way around it.

 

It's been over a year since I stopped talking to all of my daily friends, once-in-a-while friends, and acquaintances.

 

I have one good friend, who has been through the same thing as me with quitting opiates and we've been boys for almost a decade - so we stick together. I had one other friend recently at work but I've decided to distance myself because he is kind of cheap and wants to hit my weed but not pay for it. I don't like people like that.

 

But basically I don't like people or need people. They are not focused on success, and will never go where I am going. I don't want friends, parties, bitches or anything really. I'll worry about all that in 5 years after I have a Maserati and a nasty ass crib and stacks for days. You need to sacrifice what you are, for what you will become. People talk a lot of shit about how they are dedicated to this and that, but it's just a front, My eye is on the prize, fuck everything else.

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cries for help are often welcomed by laughter emulating from the bottom of my stomach up towards my esophogus and out through my mouth accompanied by my right hand, slapping my right thigh.

 

*emanating

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I don't want friends, parties, bitches or anything really. I'll worry about all that in 5 years after I have a Maserati and a nasty ass crib and stacks for days. You need to sacrifice what you are, for what you will become. People talk a lot of shit about how they are dedicated to this and that, but it's just a front, My eye is on the prize, fuck everything else.

 

Enough said.

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2 years sober.

 

 

i got some friends that I thought were going to be life long friends but that I don't talk to anymore because they are only concerned about their fix...

 

it's fucked but I can't write them off completely only because I know how an alcoholic and addict functions...maybe one day they will come around

 

sucks about your friend BF

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I have a theory about that.

 

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah feel sorry for me blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

 

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah i want everyone to know about my life struggles blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

 

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah im like a lost puppy dog in a forest full of wolves blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

 

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah im not really an addict blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

 

 

cool story bR0.

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One of my best friends had a really bad oxy contin/heroin addiction. I helped as much as I could but it wasn't doing anything. I cut off contact with him for a year, he actually cleaned his shit up so we could hang out again. He knew I would never hang out with him when he was on oxy's. HE stayed sober for months, I lived with him and his girl for a few months this summer. We partied, drug free except for a few slip ups but he kept his shit in line. I got mad cause he slipped up one time to many and didn't talk to him for a week. Then he comes and finds me, sober, we hang out for a week straight had awesome last day together, I tattooed him we beat people up, destroyed shit, got hammered.

 

I let this mother fucker borrow my car to go to the store one night and he crashed it and died. Sober too. He had a kid on the way too.

 

So, I don't know. I guess if she was really your friend she would have stopped for you. It seems fucked to turn your back on a best friend but it actually works.

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ya shai, i've been to a couple meetings for various shit and i feel what your saying, i think just sitting around talking about being all fucked up and shit all the time can make it worse on some people. i mean if it helps some get shit off their chest or whatever thats good for them, but i know if i was trying to kick something i'd be like you, i couldnt sit around that shit all the time, it would lead to me getting fucked up again. i'd just have to do my own thing and stay as far away from shit and people that would get me back into it.

 

actually saw one of my best friends growing up last night for the first time in a couple years cause hes been all fucked up on heroin, and just kinda secluded himself from anyone that wasnt also fucked up. hes one of the dudes i was talking about who went in blowing OCs, and came out shooting heroin, and i found out he got out of a rehab a month ago again and has been clean so far.

 

dude took my number and i told him to call me whenever he wants and that i'll kick it day or night, i wanna see this dude actually kick this shit and start hanging around again. hes one of the best dudes i've known, the type of dude that would kick in the gates of hell to save your ass.

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So I offered the Western Union to another friend, as I said a few days ago.

Turns out that when she went to pick it up, it had already been picked up.

I guess the junkie friend's dude picked it up and didn't feel the need to tell me about it.

 

This entire thing just has me annoyed and aggravated.

One of the reasons I cut off all my friends that are still using is because I don't want to have to deal with shit like this.

 

I've worked hard to get to the place in life that I am at now, and have my own shit that I have to deal with.

To have other people try to come along and want me to help them take care of the problems that they bring on themselves is just pissing me the fuck off.

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I had quite a few friends growing up that I had to drop. I had a really hard time doing it, but in the long run I think I made good decisions, as alot of them never changed. I've found that people get so self centered on drugs, they can sense even the slightest bit of empathy/sympathy coming from you and see it as an opportunity to get something for themselves out of it. I'm to the point where I will flat out ignore some of them when I see them, because even acknowledging them by small talk leads to "hey, can I crash at your house for e few days", or "you got like $5 I could borrow? How about a cigarette? Beer?" etc....I see one of my best friends growing up that lived across the street from me now and then, and he has perpetually been clean "for 2 weeks" for the last five years. I've even seen him walking around with the empty gas can. Shit sucks, there is only so much you can do before you have to decide on giving up on people.

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I lost a friend to heroin, she died a year ago. It was incredibly surreal, I'm not sure I really believe it happened...

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Im glad i have always kept clear of these kind of people.

 

 

I dont have time for scum bags.

 

Never had a friend that was a good person then they started hanging with the wrong crowd and things went downhill from there?

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My friend sent me some messages last night saying she accepted a deal to get out of jail that if she fucks up again, she can get up to 12 years in prison.

She is entering a 18-month rehab today and says she is serious about getting her life on the right track.

I want to believe her and be supportive, but in my heart...I know she will probably fuck up and end up in prison.

 

It wasn't really the money part of it, although I ended up having to borrow money from R@ndom until Friday because I didn't have enough...the main thing is that I just am over the entire drug drama bullshit and don't want any part of it.

I have worked too long and too hard to get where I am at, just to have all sorts of people messaging me talking shit about each other and me not being able to believe any of them because they are all active addicts.

 

Lesson learned the hard way.

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Guest Ginger Bread Man

this is life.

 

i had a ituation happen although the dude wasn't a friend.

 

i knew this guy back when i first started getting into writing and started seeing his sister<she was a fox>.

 

we hung out for couple years and then went our own ways for the last 8 or 9 years. one day dude shows up to my house all cool and im in the shower so i open the door and tell him to give me a second. i go to my room to put on some clothes and by the time i came out dude was gone. i knew he was into drugs these days so i immediately began looking for any missing items. long story short the cunt bag stole my cell phone from my house while i was there. shit was not cool.

 

i was visible upset but i knew id catch him slipping.

 

one day the homie spots him with at the bus stop at like 9 am. i roll over there in flip flops and bermudas and check the little bastard. he shat bricks, cried and begged for mercy as i paraded him down the street like the miserable rat he is.

 

what im getting at.

 

i've never understood how someone who calls himself/herself would rob me, by definition they can not be called friends. i veer clear of this type of person as he/she is the most vile on the planet, the scum of the sewers.

 

i guess the love of ones self<selfishness> drives you to get your fix and worry about consequences later, all the while thinking deep down inside that it was necessary, there is justification in ones actions.

 

i understand all this but refuse to allow someone of this sort in my life.

 

guess we can say a good lesson learned is one you learn on your own.

 

fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me. \end rant

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It wasn't really the money part of it, although I ended up having to borrow money from R@ndom until Friday because I didn't have enough.

 

I find the concept of "borrowing" money from your husband extremely weird

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