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RumPuncher

now that Michael Jackson has turned himself in..... TIME FOR JOKES!

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Michael Jackson Jokes

 

Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book?

A: It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing

 

Q: What do Michael Jackson and the New York Mets have in common?

A: They're both walking around with one glove on their hand for no apparent reason whatsoever!!

 

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and

the other you carry your groceries in !!

 

Q: Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart?

A: He heard boys' pants were half-off !!

 

Q: What's brown and in a baby's diaper?

A: Michael Jackson's hand !!

 

Q: What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

A: Get out of my sun!!

 

Q: What's white and in Michael Jackson's pocket?

A: His other hand !!

 

Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?

A: Throw him a buoy !!

 

Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?

A: There's a big wheel parked outside his house!!

 

Q: Heard about Michael Jackson's new songs?

A: I'm forever blowing bubbles!

 

Q: Did you hear that Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding have decided to

begin training racehorses together?

A: Yeah, she's gonna do all the handicapping and he's gonna ride all the

three-year-olds!

 

Q: Why does Michael Jackson arrange for private shopping?

A: So his guests won't be accompanied by guardians!

 

Q: What do Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common?

A: They're both 30 year old meat between 10 year old buns!

 

Q:Why isn't all the controversy bothering Michael?

A:He doesn't mind reaching bottom.

 

Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a Perfect "10"?

A: Two 5 year olds.

 

Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?

A: Because they aren't his!

 

Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?

A: From a catalogue.

 

Q:What does Michael Jackson reminisce about when he gets nostalgic?

A:Blowing his first nose.

 

Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??

A: He thought it was a delivery service.

 

`Why was Michael Jackson relieved of his Cub Scout Leader duties?

~He was up to a pack a day.

 

The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson. If he hears

any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no

choice but to make him a priest.

 

I understand that Micheal decided to have a boy of his

own because it's too expensive to rent them at $2 Million

a pop.

 

`Did you know they're putting out a Michael Jackson stamp?

~Fans get to vote for the white or black Michael Jackson.

 

`Why doesn't Michael have orgasms?

~The big payoff comes a couple of months later.

 

`What's the worst stain to try to remove from a little

boy's underpants?

~Michael Jackson's makeup.

 

`Hear about the new "Michael Jackson" candy bar?

~It's made from white chocolate, and contains no nuts.

 

`What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

~Got two fives for a ten?

 

`Did you hear about the duet by Michael Jackson and Elton John?

~It is titled "Don't let your son go down on me."

 

`What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?

~Michael Jackson has had more noses.

 

`Did you know that Michael Jackson just turned 35?

~Yeah, but he still feels like a 13 year old.

 

`Why does Michael own a theme park?

~He's always been into children's shit.

 

`How does Michael like to party?

~He sips a couple of Tall Boys.

 

`What's the difference between Nixon and Michael Jackson?

~One was a consummate asshole, the other a consummated asshole.

 

Tuck the end of a jacket sleeve into your pants crotch. Hold the

jacket off to the side. Then ask, "What's this?" "Dunno."

"Michael Jackson helping a kid put his coat on."

 

What are Michael Jackson's favorite sayings?

1) There's a sucker born every minute.

2) Kids do the darndest things.

3) Tricks are for kids.

A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother

and asks, "Is God male or female?"

After thinking for a moment, his mother responds,

"Well, God is both male and female."

This confuses the little boy so he asks, "Is God black

or white?"

"Well, God is both black and white."

This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay

or straight?"

At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers

none the less, "Honey, God is both gay and straight."

At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding

and he triumphantly asks, "Is God Michael Jackson?"

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lisa Marie's Divorce Allegations

Against Michael Jackson

 

1) Wouldn't drink beer, watch football and break wind with

her during Thanksgiving with Mom at Graceland.

2) Refused her pleas for separate make-up mirrors.

3) Unwilling to try new things in bed...like her for instance.

4) Elephant Man bones...fine. Oxygen chamber for eternal

youth...well okay. But what's with the Groucho head on

Jayne Mansfield's body thing?

5) In all their months of marriage not once did he charter a

jet to get her peanut butter sandwiches or fly a mime troupe

in from France like Poppa did for Momma.

6) Had her favorite noses (June 1994 and September 1995)

done over.

7) She was shocked to discover that the glittery uniforms were

not actually part of any real military organization.

8) He started hanging out with Madonna's dancers to toughen

up his image.

9) Everywhere you turn, Elizabeth Taylor's supporting you

through some sordid allegation.

10) Stood in the way of her film career when he refused to

bankroll her debut performance in 'Jailbait Rock', the

story of her Mom and Dad's courtship.

11) The all-night Kool Aid and Twister marathons with his little

friends left him too tired to do that 'hee-hee-hee' thing she

fell in love with.

12) She felt pressured to buy hundreds of thousands of dollars

worth of LaToya's Amway products for the sake of family peace.

13) Jermaine and Tito were constantly asking her why Elvis didn't

have kids THEY could marry.

14) Swears she thought she was marrying Michael Keaton.

15) She grew tired of scouring every Chucky Cheese's within a 50

mile radius only to find him slumped over a table in yet

another chocolate milk and Pez stupor.

16) He told her to "just beat it" one too many times

17) He's a plain spoken "Hoosier", and she had clearly gone

"Hollywood".

18) She wanted someone more like her father, and though he was

already a pathetic parady of his former self, he was just

unwilling to gain weight.

19) He kept forgetting to put the top back on the mascara.

20) Irreconcilable similarities.

 

http://www.laughnet.net/archive/jokes/jackson.htm

 

hate me now!

 

:lol:

 

* edited some of the crap out

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Guest sneak
Originally posted by Kilo7-

 

hate me now!

 

:lol:

 

okily dokily..

 

some were funny, some were just terrible.

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yes sneak..... I would like to apologise for not editing this first post.

 

I'll go back and do it now. maybe.

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i read about half of em...almost ;)

 

 

Knock Knock!

Who's There?

Little boy blue!

Little boy blue who?

Michael Jackson!!

:lol:

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Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and

the other you carry your groceries in !!

 

^^this cracked me up though!

you know im playing k7, much love. etc etc

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yeah sneak, that one was too funny!

 

so was....

 

 


  • Tuck the end of a jacket sleeve into your pants crotch. Hold the
    jacket off to the side. Then ask, "What's this?" "Dunno."
    "Michael Jackson helping a kid put his coat on."

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Guest sneak

`What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?

~Michael Jackson has had more noses.

 

^funny aswell.

i may quote this thread in 500 odd posts time, a farewell if you may.

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Guest
Originally posted by sneak

a farewell if you may.

 

wha? you going somewhere sneakers?

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just too damn silly....mj himself is one big, fat, plastic joke himself...has anyone seen that part where the torturer in 3 kings was asking his pow what the fuck was wrong with michael jackson? ha funny stuff.

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Guest

This also just in: Michael Jackson accused of reaching in Billie's Jeans so he could Beat It!

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Jermain defending his brother said " i hate the fucking media for what they are doing" on Live tv. Nice Nice Mouth their buddy

 

 

 

 

On a side not its cool to see jermain, its like seeing michael should look like.

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nasteeee!!!!!

 

now I know what he meant when he said,"..It dosen't matter if ur' black or white,HEEEEAHY!!!! He was talk about the children. That man needs help.

 

:nope:

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it is now the second allegation against him, i mean really, i think that he did it, sorry to say, but that british documentary from the beginning of the year just wierded me out.

who of you think that he did it, who of you think that he is innocent?

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im pretty confidant that if he turns hiself in for molestation that he is guilty of it. too many kids have came forward for them all to be lying

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