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HANDS/INVALID IN 2004!!!


boogie hands

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ah yes dood vs dude....i guess it will not be a black and white issue...if there is intent on the mispelling for effect then yes it can stand, but of try to come in this piece talking shit with hack spelling then your gonna be LAWS grammar bitch...

 

however this can easily be side stepped with a dictionary or by putting (sp?) next to words you are unsure of....

 

i figured tess/zesto/mamerro would do some crazy shit.....

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if there is any question as to why mr. invalid was elected as my running mate i believe they have been answered.....on the ball as usual....

 

first off i have appointed zesto my presidential aid....he will be in charge of our ad champaign as well as rounding up strippers for the occasional late night booty call.....

 

i have also been informed that the public wants to know my stance on presidential mustache rides.....it is very simple, very cut and dry.....anna kournakova will be making weekly visits to my office where coupons will be redeemed and said duties will be carried out. "but what if she has a game overseas?" you say. i have also made the additions of halle berry and kelly ripa to the relief team in the event of an abscence. hopefully this aleviates any confusion or questions anyone may have had regarding the presidential mustache rides.

 

more updates as new issues come to light....

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Hey Boogie.....what is your view on "white trash" people who drive beat-up Firebirds and sport hockey hair.....

.....also rich kids who act like they are from south central.

Zima should banned....so anyone caught drinking that should ticketed and sent alcohol classes to learn how drink real beer.

---->Mandatory Brainwashing and corparate advertising should stop and companies fined for mental anguish to comsumers.

 

...I thought I should present these issues to the panel.

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^^^^nice one zesto....I agree.

 

...also......how about lifting the tax on cigarettes and making them affordable again.

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Originally posted by boogie hands

 

 

 

 

all males found guiltly of this act will be required to get breast implants and only wear baby tees with the words "i have no taste or class....please slap me for being a complete pussy".

 

[/b]

 

Ha ha ha this is funny shit!!

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Originally posted by boogie hands

if there is any question as to why mr. invalid was elected as my running mate i believe they have been answered.....on the ball as usual....

 

first off i have appointed zesto my presidential aid....he will be in charge of our ad champaign as well as rounding up strippers for the occasional late night booty call.....

 

i have also been informed that the public wants to know my stance on presidential mustache rides.....it is very simple, very cut and dry.....anna kournakova will be making weekly visits to my office where coupons will be redeemed and said duties will be carried out. "but what if she has a game overseas?" you say. i have also made the additions of halle berry and kelly ripa to the relief team in the event of an abscence. hopefully this aleviates any confusion or questions anyone may have had regarding the presidential mustache rides.

 

more updates as new issues come to light....

 

would you include Jessica Alba to the list for my own personal use. :)

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you know zesto...i know your my aid and all that but are you sure a venue such as "the lizard lounge" would be able to handle the extravagant balling of the president and his staff?

 

tt boy...your a presidential aid as well, you canadians know whats up plus i believe i need someone to keep zesto in line after his "lizard lounge" suggestion....

 

cigarette tax....still in effect, sorry smokers....

 

deto....youll have to refer that question to my aids or V.P. invalid

 

any protesters of my policy will immediatly be shot by rubber bullets from the machine gun i plan to mount on the front steps...yes, a machine gun and full bar on the front steps....

 

455-white trash does everything i dont want to do...they stay, silly white boys exist for my amusement...they stay, zima...refer to the initial statement regarding flavored/iced beer, corporate brainwashing...doesnt have any effect of me, as long as they slip me a few hundred thousand every once in a while theyre safe....

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Originally posted by mental invalid

drugs will be legalized, but only for the enhacement of the individual....i myself am a regular user of drugs, but have no patience for people who abuse and misuse them....;)

boogie, invalid.. appoint me as your new drug czar and you fellas got my vote for sure. i'll have none of this barry mccaffrey or john walters bullshit policy. it's time to end the drug war, and i'll be your motherfucking go-to man to get that taken care of. ps - under my plan, this frees up about 20 billion dollars in your budget every fiscal year... confer amongst yourselves and lemme know what you think.

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hold on!

 

i remer yall saying street racing is legal and mandtory at every stop light but no cars older then 8 years i most protest i under stand all the no scorts and neons... please add starlets ,any geo car , and remove the 8 year ban.. any real racer knows that the honda crx.. was made from (1988-1991) well the good years in the us of a and it is a hela fast car! im sorry but unless you change this you lost the vote of me (a newer 12 oz user) and the vote of many crx owners ! :mad:

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zestooooooooooooooooooooooo.....the shit is nice nizzie

 

do we really want some one who huffs glue while listening to OK computer to be or drug czar? i think it answers itself....hell fucking yeah

 

as for cigarette tax? hmmmm, it is a boogie house and therefore i have to tug the line...but to my fellow pack-a-dayers, know this...that when there are budget gaps due to times of conflict or due to inept accounting, there will be no picking on the smoking guy....im already outraged that taxes can be given to a smoker, but when the rich are gonna get taxed more they cry fucking foul...sorry, but your not taxing one group of individuals becuase your afraid to rasie taxes for the rest....this is not about smokers and healthcare, its for poilicies and laws that effect all of us!! its about fearful politicians who dont want to stand the fuck up, and say look! see this fucking country, well, its all of our responsibility, and thats why we are gonna raise taxes....you wanna be patriotic, then shut the fuck up, and put up.........

 

oh and mustaches rides are a must..........

 

oh and as far as the protesters go? well if you think for one second that this white house are gonna be the first ammendment butchers the white is, then your barking up the wrong tree....personally, protest is good...if people arent protesting, then either they dont give a fuck, bad, or no new ideas are being expressed.....duh

 

except for "graffing", seriously, im not even fucking playing....

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no i didnt mean you couldnt own a car older then 8yrs old...i mean hello, your talking to a guy who used to drive a beat up jetat that was tens years old....plus what about all the classic cars silly?!...nonono....really i just dont wanna see the crap shit hole cars with fresh crome and obnoxious mufflers and abusive tints...ride your crx amigo amigo to voting booth....

 

oh, while im on it and taking cheap shots....all you fuckers out there where with your so called booming systems that just sound like shit and make your whole car rattle and your trunk vibrate...well if your caught with that shit, your doing 5 to 20 easily, and be forced to buy a standard bose system......let it rump and let bump, just dont let it rattle the trunk....

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Re: hold on!

 

Originally posted by ~DeNtOnE~

i remer yall saying street racing is legal and mandtory at every stop light but no cars older then 8 years i most protest i..........im sorry but unless you change this you lost the vote of me (a newer 12 oz user) and the vote of many crx owners ! :mad:

 

sure, you can get those cars on the list but please believe when your silly little rice burner gets dusted by a flavor ass corrado it will result in a mandatory sentance of 5 years for the crime of "trying to hang with far superior automobiles".....

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

I am delighted to see this campaign shaping up the way it should. I must admit that I no longer feel offended by the placement of beer along the list of governmental priorites. I am now a firm supporter of this cause.

 

With that said, I would like to consult Mr. Hands and Mr. Invalid about the possibility of me running for Head of the Drinking on Boats and General Beach Mayhem Committee. Along with my Secretary, the Jesus Potato, and an office staff consisting of fellow DPC'ers Platapie, Uncle-Boy, and El Barto, I plan on heading this specific area of entertainment and making sure it is done right for the enjoyment of everyone. Following is a full outline of my proposals, and by full I mean "stuff I can come up with right off the bat":

 

 

Boats:

 

- An 80% price cut on all existing boats, both new and used. This does not apply to small wooden boats with 5 HP outboard motors, because they're damn well worth the money they cost, and the people who make them are major prop receivers. The price cut should be an initiative for people to join and experience the sheer bliss that is drinking on a large water vehicle.

 

- Boat owners will be subjected to an evaluation by the Committee in order to evaluate (duh) their boat party musical tastes. The highest placers will receive cash grants to make ther boats obnoxiously loud, and get to be the boat party hosts. Everyone else must turn their lousy music off, cause nobody wants to listen to fucking techno at a boat party. Also, every boat over 40 feet long and containing a large number of bikini-clad females is required to enter the anchoring area with "Big Pimpin'" by Jay-Z playing on the foghorn. Suffice it to say that their foghorn systems must be modified to allow such.

 

- All boats are required to bring 30% more alcohol than the crew can consume during the party period. This ensures that a a crucial element to boat drinking, tossing beers to random people in the water, remains firmly supported and encouraged. It also increases the possibility that the party last a lot longer than it should. In addition, a team of experienced divers will be assembled to retrieve all the beers that people in the water were too drunk to catch. The Committee will then collect these and distribute them to attractive women.

 

- In the case of deep sea fishing tournaments, all boats are required to bring along no less than twenty-four (24) beers per person. Fish brought in at the end of the day, in addition to weight, receive bonus points if it swallowed the hook and had its gut dragged out of its mouth, cause it looks gross. Wigs, funny clothes, drawn moustaches, and other additional items that make your fish look really stupid are also encouraged. In the sad case no fish are brought in, crews will be subjected to a breathalyzer test. The bigger the failure, the bigger the points.

 

- Sea cucumbers will become the official mascot of boat parties. Bring your own, get it drunk, put it in your pants, and shake it at women on other boats. Example:

 

Step 1:

http://newcamp.net/hector/images/beach/cucumber.jpg'>

 

 

Step 2:

http://newcamp.net/hector/images/beach/pipi.jpg'>

 

 

 

 

- You may drink anything you wish at boat parties. Beer, of course, is the most recommended choice, as well as simple mixed drinks such as screwdrivers and rum 'n cokes. In the case you decide to bring girlie drinks, be prepared to be ridiculed and scorned in general. To avoid this, bring said drink in a big milk gallon jug, drink straight out of it, and drink it ALL. In any case, you can share it with women:

 

http://newcamp.net/hector/images/beach/karla.jpg'>

 

 

- If you plan on drinking in the water, you must fashion yourself a floating cooler device. This is easily obtained by tying a couple of life savers around your traditional ice cooler, such as pictured on the bottom left:

 

http://newcamp.net/hector/images/beach/dumbass2.jpg'>

 

This gives you a place to drop your empties, so we don't have to be stepping on bottles and shit while walking around. Plus, you don't have to go all the way back to your boat to get another drink; you'd be surprised how fast a beer goes down at sea. *Added comment: Spilling beer on your head is only allowed if you have an Official Beer Hat like mine. And it must be shitty beer, no spilling Guinness or any of that stuff, although why you'd be drinking Guinness at the beach is beyond me.

 

 

 

 

These are general boat drinking rules. Beach drinking is a much more general and widespread activity, therefore I am still developing the proper rules. Needless to say, the rules to drinking real beach beer, which I have outlined before, apply here:

 

Real beach beer is drunk ghetto:

 

-They have no extraneous additives.

-They must be opened with a rock, some part of your beach chair, or your teeth.

-They must all be lukewarm by your third.

-They need to constantly have sand on the rim. You should be swallowing at least 15 grains of sand per sip.

-Extra points for no cooler. Your best bet is to buy a bag of ice, open up one side, and stuff your beer in it.

-You have to pee it right: A) You have to stand in front of the water, piss your pants in front of everyone, THEN go in the water. B) You can pee IN the water, but you have to do it next to a girl and you MUST announce it midway.

 

If two (2) or more of these rules are violated, then you may consider yourself NOT drinking beach beer.

 

 

I will get back to you when I have further guidelines prepared. I hope you will consider my proposal. Sincerely yours (beer),

 

El Mamerro

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Guest mikro137

the beer thing is dead on.

and shit tickets , my my yous funny as hell.

lil nukka

you have my vote.

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El M.....i would quote a whole bunch of shit, if i wasnt laughing so hard....

 

perhaps in order to fully engage in this policy and elect you to a position of power that im sure boogie will approve, me and the president should go on an "offical" tour of the boat as well as a beach party thrown by you.....you know just for an offical glimpse....i ofcourse will be subject to all your rules and will glady abide by them....

 

 

"You can pee IN the water, but you have to do it next to a girl and you MUST announce it midway. "

 

 

god bless america...........

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

http://www.shakadivers.com/Aloha%20cucumber%20700.JPG'>

 

Bump for tagged drunken sea cucumbers from Hawaii.

 

 

Hands and Invalid, as much as I'd love to take you on one of these fabulous boat parties, I regret to inform you that I don't have a steady income, therefore no money to return to Puerto Rico right now. I might head back on Labor Day Weekend for an insane-fest, but that's still up for grabs. I actually don't own a boat, I have to rely on my rich friends to provide one, cause boats are fucking expensive... thus the price drop proposal.

 

Upon being elected, the tables are turned so that I DO have a job, and hopefully the government money necessary to host you the most craptacular boat party you've ever shit your pants in... promise. If there's a specific kind of promise I'm very good at keeping, it's the kind involved with drinking yourself retarded on a large water vehicle. I hope this is ok with you. Beer,

 

El Boaterro

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As a presidential aid, and a canadian, i agree with all of said rules, i also am making the suggestion that it will be legal nay manditory for all presidential staff to make routine trips with me and zesto (providing he doesnt suggest the lizard bar) to montreal titty bars for "meetings" and such. these meetings will take place monthly unless we deem the meetings a nesassary on a weekly basis.

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