You're right. It is ultimately up to me. But I need motivation. I can't get there by myself. I can only sit in this room for so long without being restless. With no prospects on the horizon, it seems it doesn't matter if I get drunk or not, and i look for the temporary satisfaction the feeling gives me. Even a week sober, while somewhat empowering, doesn't change the fact I'm a loser who 'aint got shit on his plate. If I had somewhere to direct that, it would not solve my alcoholism, but greatly change my priorities I think. I couldn't drink like I did when I had a 9-5, it really helped keep me away. I think I need something that feels better than the feeling alcohol gives me. know what i'm saying? But I hear you too, at the end of the day all you have is yourself, and you gotta do what's right. I need a boost to get there though.