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Tips for not murdering your roommate

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by --zeSto--, Nov 5, 2002.

  1. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    just to keep things rolling forwards with the life advice...

    Tips for not murdering your roommatehttp://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb/icons/icon7.gif'>[/color]

    fist and foremost... make a carefull roommate sellection!

    [b]Negative qualities that should be avoided[/b]

    -emotional leach (these people will drain you soul)
    -lack of social skills (because you know they have no friends, and cant be introduced to yous)
    -inability to hold down a job (this should be obvious right?)
    -has issues with fidelity (you dont want a cock-blocking, girlfriend stealing asshole)
    -has only lived with mom and pop (because you become Mom#2)
    -is afraid to actually touch something 'icky' (because you will become the garbage man.)
    -seems to be too easily swayed (because you're supposed to pull the strings, not some crazed ex-girlfriend)
    -has crazed ex-grilfriend (you will have broken windows and a string of changed phone numbers)
    -anyone more into drinking, drugs and partying than you are (you really only need one bong per household)
    -a dork (you might need to count on the roomie to take her friend off you hands for an hour or two)

    [b]Living with the oposite sex?[/b]
    -a boy can live with a girl if he's already gotten over any sexual tension.
    -if she introduces you to a friend and you take the bait, expect a 3 month comittment at minimun.
    -most girls can be cleaner than boys around the house, but the biggest slobs of all time were women.
    -respect the privacy (do not open a closed door unless there's no answer when you knock)
    -keep your shit off the floor and demand that they to the same.
    -figure that not all tasks can be split 50/50 (guys have mousetraps, girls have dusters)
    -you might have to dust too sometimes (but may be rewarded with favors!)

    [b]Share and Share alike[/b]
    -a roommate can drink my beer, a roommates' girl can drink my beer,
    a girl friend of the roommates' girlfriend can drink my beer,
    a guy friend of my roomate has to personally ask my permission.
    -count your beers and dont let the mooching get out of control. (call them on it at the 12-pack limit)
    -if you absolutely have to mooch food, go for rice or pasta, not microwave dinners.
    -whoever uses the last roll of toilet paper needs to replace it. (it's like catching the bat to start a baseball game)
    -some items can be bought communally (dish soap, laundry detergent, papertowels etc.)
    -some items can NOT! (soap bars, toothpaste, beverages like OJ)

    so that's my current roomate ramblings...
    feel free to add any wise bits of life advice that you may have picked up on the way.

    [color=black]...and try not to kill your roommate [img]http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb/icons/icon7.gif'>[/color]
  2. fr8lover

    fr8lover Guest

    a funny shitty roommate story. first semester of college i was in a dorm room with a guy i got potluck. at first he seemed pretty cool, he drank and enjoyed partying and shit so for awhile he was a pretty fun dude to hang around. but then he turned into one of those shady, cracked out looking cats always trying to find bud or god knows what else. around the end of the semester 40 bucks wound up missing from my wallet and im pretty sure to this day it was him.

    the craziest part was one night i come home at about 3 or 4, and dude is sound asleep in his loft. i get into bed to pass out and i hear a noise, look over and he literally jumps out of his loft onto the floor and just pisses all over his books. i turn the light on and start saying "bro, what the FUCK are you doing?" and he looks back all lifted looking and says "its cool man, its cool." and continues to urinate all over his stuff. then he jumps up on the air conditioner and starts ripping away at the screen on the window, bending and almost breaking it in half whispering "its cool man, im just trying to get another nitrous hit. i just need another nitrous hit." he gets down after i tell him to stop, walks out in the hall and ends up in the RA's room, who luckily wasnt home and starts jumping on his bed! i yell at him again and he goes to bed.

    needless to say i jumped ship and ended up with a buddy of mine on another floor and had a kickass last semester. my old roommate later set off a fire alarm by using a fire extinguisher, walked around dazed out in the lobby in his underwear, and peed his bed a lot. no lies id wake up and hear a dripping sound off his bed.

    so yeah, some roommates suck ass.
  3. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    -anyone more into drinking, drugs and partying than you are

    that's one scarry roommate story man!

    here's another scarry college roomate story...
    So 2 buddies end up in a 4-split room with two other dudes. 1 guy was just your average kid, and he turned out to be a pretty cool guy, but the other guy turned out to be a compulsive liar. Some how we had all ended up cruising around in the liar's Jaguar, but he still needed me to pay to fill up the tank. Things seemd a little odd. Who drives a jag but doesn't have $30 in their pocket or even a working credit card? So eventually he pulls up next to a hooker. He ask if she suck five dicks for fifty buck. (I wonder where he planned on getting the $50). She tells him to piss off. Guy gets out of the car and runs down after the street after her. So the 4 of us are sitting in this jag, still running, on a hooker corner. Eventually the guy comes back and he's on the phone. The fucker actually called 911 to report a hooker. He claimed to be an offended tourist, but he was calling from a local cell phone. The 911 dispatch didn't think it was so funny.

    Now here's where he really gets strange.
    The Liar guy told his 3 roomates that his father had invited them down to spen the vacation in South Beach. Now this guy through around a ton of cash so we always figured that he had a rich dad. We found out later than he scammed over 400k from various credit cards. So anyways... my 3 buds head down to Florida. The Liar says that his dad will pay for eveything including airfare. He also says that Nicki Taylor is his dad's neighbour. So eventually they get to the father's place. There's a giant christmas family party going on and the guys just walk in. now here's the shocker...
    the Father hadn't spoken to his kid since his was 6 years old. He had a whole new family and had pretty much bought off the Liars Mom. So these guys were NOT wlecome at this party. Then they had no way to pay for the crazy expensive hotel that the Liar said would be covered by his Father. In fact, the liar disapeard after trashing the hotel room and was never seen again. On of my buddies had to call home and get his folks to put 3 1-way tickets on the credit card and get them home.
    If they ever see this guy again, he's in for one hell of a beatdown.

    *phew* now that's a fucked up roomate story!
  4. Dr. Dazzle

    Dr. Dazzle Veteran Member

    Joined: Nov 19, 2001 Messages: 8,147 Likes Received: 3
    A friend of mine's roomates were total prudes and eventually kicked him out because we would always be too loud early in the morning.....

  5. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    early in the morning?

    dont most prudes pop out of bed at 7:00am ?
    That's bizarre.. it's usually the guys who make noise after 2:00am
    that get kicked out by the moral majority. blah!
  6. Weapon X

    Weapon X 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Sep 6, 2002 Messages: 14,905 Likes Received: 202
    that's a good point on the slob thing. i've met some women who are some serious, serious slobs. i don't get it.
  7. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    one of my former roommates looked like the campbells soup kid and was about just as tall. What this kid lacked in actual heighth he made up for with his incredibly huge ego. He was always bragging about how much better he was than me. One day, he felt it was necessary to brag about how many incredibly hot women he was jocking. One of them happened to be a girl I was seeing. I'm like, you think ***** wants you? Really? You're sure? Funny thing is, I (obviously) knew what she thought of him (nothing good). I'm like, man...I hate to break it to you, but I'm dating her. Look on his face was pretty priceless. Just to add a little insult to injury...I used his toothbrush to clean up the from unda.
  8. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    he's crafty!

    I think you should have kept it a secret...
    untill he walked in and saw the two of you going at it in his bed.

    mmm...mmm...good !
  9. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    It was all I could do to keep from beating the shit out of him. Cocky little mother fucker. Another funny thing is that one of my other friends was dating another girl he mentioned as having on his tip. I think he found out about her the day after. He came crashing down to reality rather quickly.
  10. nomadawhat

    nomadawhat Veteran Member

    Joined: Aug 24, 2001 Messages: 5,001 Likes Received: 2
    live alone..... thats how i keep from murdering my roommate.
  11. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    ^ no doubt.
    That is what I had to do. Best fucking therapy on the planet.
  12. fr8oholic

    fr8oholic Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 23, 2000 Messages: 9,256 Likes Received: 2
  13. evokester

    evokester Junior Member

    Joined: Oct 27, 2002 Messages: 132 Likes Received: 0
    That Liar Story is pretty Nuts!!!! Im stuck at my parents house - I really need to move out - im at the point i dont care who i live with
  14. !@#$%

    [email protected]#$% Moderator Crew

    Joined: Oct 1, 2002 Messages: 18,517 Likes Received: 623
    could it be another roommate thread?

    and this one's a bazillion years oldwith only 13 replies!
  15. I.C.Shadow

    I.C.Shadow Senior Member

    Joined: Apr 9, 2004 Messages: 1,190 Likes Received: 1