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i think i'll grow a beard...


zorak

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my dads had a beard since he was 17 , he only ever shaved it off once when he was trying to get into thailland ( this was wayy back in the day) and they didnt even speak to him they just pointed to a newspaper article on the wall about hippys , so he shaved it off and went on into thai land ....just one of the many beard related adventures of my dad

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I had a similar experience in Mexico in 1971, except I was too dense to figure out the solution. We crossed the border at Calexico, CA, and were trying to buy tickets on the Mexican trains to Guadalajara. The Mexican customs regulations state that every tourist who declares their intent to stay more than seven days, or travel more than 25 miles into Mexico has to have both a Tourist visa and at least $300. We had that, but after we bought our tickets we were down to less than $300 a piece.

The Customs guy was a big, fat Mexican thug with a dirty uniform and a big Colt .45 automatic. He insisted that we could not enter the country without $300 apiece. (To anybody with any sophistication, it would have been painfully obvious that he wanted a "mordida" but I was too youing and stupid to catch on. In Texas if you offer a police officer money, you go to jail. The last thing I wanted was to be sitting in a Mexicali jail defending myself against a charge of attempted bribery of a customs officer.)

After a few minutes of a sort of Spanglish conversation that sounded vaguely like the Three Stooges "Who's on First?" routine, I finally threw up my hands in frustration and said "This is crazy!"

OOPS. What an error.

The customs guy suddenly went nuts, leaped to his feet and drew his .45 and pointed it right at my head! He started screaming in Spanish "Loco? Loco? Are you calling me loco you fucking hippie?!! GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY!" I immediately raised my hands in a gesture of surrender and said "Hey, I didn't call you anything--take it easy." About that time two little Indio soldiers in Ejercito Mexicano uniform, about 17 years old, armed with bolt action Mauser rifles with bayonets fixed, ran up and pointed them at me. Now I had three crazy-ass Mexicans yelling at me in Spanish, all pointing firearms at me. The tourists and train travelers were scrambling every which way trying to get out of the line of fire. They had enough experience to know that if they shot me, the bullets would go through me and into the bystanders behind me.

The Customs guy calmed down a little when the Army arrived to back him up. Smoothing his uniform over his ample bay window, he said in English, "You have one hour to get out of Mexico, cabron." The little Mayan behind me poked me in the back with his bayonet and ordered "Movale'. Autobuses." They marched me to the bus parking lane and up the steps onto a bus marked "La Frontera." Once I got on the bus, they lowered the rifles and bayonets, and one of them broke out a cigarette. "Adios, guerito (blondie)."

 

That was the last time I ever entered Mexico. A three-dollar mordida would have solved the whole problem. I was very grateful that I didn't get shot. An American with long hair and a beard, carrying an Army surplus backpack could easily be construed as a Communist infiltrator. (I was, in fact, an anarchist infiltrator.) The Customs guy hated beards, I think.

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Mexico's crazy like that. I was in Mexicali once (right by El Centro) and after a long night of drinking I was toungin' a fine senorita and about to be jumped by a couple of street thugs, and didn't even realize it...thank god for my friend danny. IT's the best and worst place at the same time.

 

matthewmemoriesthirteen.

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Guest SPLINTER

it helps to be mexican.

 

watch out now tho, some of these new customs officers dont take mordidas no more, they will throw your ass in jail.

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i went to boystown (can i get a what, what!) for the first time when i was sixteen and had a motherfucking good time in mexico. first brain i ever recieved... i remeber i almost got arrested there cause i started a fight with some older fucker who thought he was a big shot. i swung at him, then i see the green police men start running in my direction. i run as far as i can. i got lost and then i met up with my friends later...

 

 

mexico is fun.

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Guest --zeSto--

we had a mustashio-contestio at work once.

 

The bet was "Whoever lasts the longest wiith the mustache wins".

 

So first guy out had a fickle girlfriend who wouldn't kiss him.

I was out next, just because I couldn't talk to a girl without sliping into a bad French accent.

Then the married man went out because of his wife.

 

The last guy still has his. He wins!

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Originally posted by SPLINTER

it helps to be mexican.

 

your tellin' me...this nordic gringo sticks out like a sore thumb. This one guy was all askin' me 'bout my tattoos and if i was reppin' long beach or somethin'...I'm a stab victim waiting to happen south of the border.

 

matthewpisomojadothirteen.

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santa beat me with the sea lab quote.

"we'll get bucket-head wendy to sing her siren song..." heh..

 

ladies love the facial hair like they love making out with a doormat.

at school you'll go from "that asshole that sits in the front" to "that asshole with the beard that sits in the front".

go for it.

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