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cause I can tell that we are going to be friends.......ROB

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by mental invalid, Nov 21, 2003.

  1. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    Free Will Astrology
    horoscopes for week of November 20, 2003

    Aries (March 21-April 19)

    To prepare you for your upcoming encounters with inexpressible mystery, I offer you the words of Alexander Solzhenitsyn from his Nobel Prize acceptance speech. "Not everything has a name," he said. "Some things lead us into a realm beyond words . . . to revelations unattainable by reason. It is like that small mirror in fairy tales -- you glance in it and what you see is not yourself; for an instant you glimpse the Inaccessible, where no magic carpet can take you. And the soul cries out for it."


    Taurus (April 20-May 20)

    "Do one thing that scares you every day," counsels novelist Kurt Vonnegut. That's easy for a risk-loving Scorpio like him to say, but is it good advice for you Tauruses, who typically thrive on peace and safety? At most other times, I would say no; I'd suggest you force yourself to face your fears no more than once a month. But the coming weeks are shaping up as a departure from your usual rhythms. You can do a lot to ensure your long-term peace and safety through regular encounters with unpredictable experiences that will scare up your hidden reserves of courage.



    Gemini (May 21-June 20)

    At one point in Steve Martin's novella, The Pleasure of My Company, the main character Daniel says: "The real me and a false one were competing against each other." San Francisco Chronicle reviewer David Kipen comments that "You could easily read the whole novella as the story of this competition between real and false Daniels." I think we can apply a similar description to your adventures in the coming weeks, Gemini: The deep, genuine version of you will be struggling for supremacy with the artificial, fragmented one.



    Cancer (June 21-July 22)

    "Dear Mr. Brezsny: I'm a feminist in a post-feminist era, a warrior poet when poetry is considered irrelevant in war, and a lone wolf amidst yapping coyotes. I've been a firefighter, journalist, and janitor -- and damn good at all three, not that anybody noticed. My questions are: Why is my success with men like that of a goat trying to herd trucks? Why is the only luck I ever have the 'avoided the falling piano at the last second' kind? Are there any cake raffle winnings in my future? -Anti-Heroic Crab"
    Dear Anti-Heroic: The mournful conditions you described will take a turn for the better when you devote a concentrated time to becoming emotionally self-sufficient. During that period, vow to draw all the love you need from either yourself or whatever passes for God or Goddess in your world. Now would be the perfect moment to begin.




    Leo (July 23-August 22)

    Clarissa Pinkola Estes is a psychotherapist and cantadora, "a keeper of the old stories." She believes that feeding the soul with nourishing tales is a great healing art. And what constitutes a "nourishing" tale? Her repertoire is filled with myths and fairy tales that "cut fine wide doors in previous blank walls, openings that lead to the dreamland, that lead to love and learning, that lead us back to our own real lives." I advise you to get some of this good stuff, Leo. Feast on unpredictable stories that replenish your innocence and rekindle your sense of wonder. Estes' book, Women Who Run With the Wolves, has some good ones. Try "Skeleton Woman" or "Sealskin, Soulskin."



    Virgo (August 23-September 22)

    "Charlie's Angels" star Cameron Diaz, born under the sign of Virgo, hates to give autographs to fans. She's so notorious that Autograph Collector magazine named her the least approachable celebrity entertainer. Another Virgo luminary, Shannon Elizabeth, was ranked right behind Diaz in her stinginess. To redeem your tribe's reputation, I urge you to give away your autograph to anyone and everyone in the coming week. Such a generous display would also dovetail nicely with the astrological omens, which suggest you should engage in playful acts that make you feel like a star.


    Libra (September 23-October 22)

    Many plants used for prescription drugs originate in tropical rainforests. Do their endangered ecosystems therefore harbor other healing herbs that are as yet undiscovered? Probably. But a recent study suggests that weeds growing in easily accessible places near human settlements may be an equally important source of medicine. The Journal of Ethnopharmacology reports that the Highland Mayans of Chiapa "rely almost exclusively on disturbed areas for medicinal plants, even in communities that are adjacent to stands of primary forest." I offer up this intriguing scenario as an apt metaphor for you in the coming days. The best goodies are more likely to be close at hand in the midst of familiar clutter, not in far-off enclaves of peace and plenty. (Thanks to www.eurekalert.org for this info.)


    Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

    To supply the newsprint for the average Sunday edition of the New York Times, about 63,000 trees must die. Is that a worthy sacrifice? Maybe. To keep your body fueled with caffeine for a year, upwards of a thousand plants must give up their lives. Is that a worthy sacrifice? Possibly. To make sure your freshly hatched dream will ultimately reach full bloom, at least three of your tired old illusions will have to croak. Is that a worthy sacrifice? Hell, yes. Let the mercy killing begin.



    Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

    You're not awakening from a coma or anesthesia; it's not quite that dramatic. But the effect will be similar. Events you've been blind to will suddenly become visible. You'll become a magnet for clues you've been repelling. Your emotional numbness will recede, allowing a flood of feelings to come rushing into your awareness. The net effect, at least initially, may be confusing: You'll be filled up with too much information too fast to make sense of it. But be patient and concentrate on digesting the glut, Sagittarius, and by this time next week the mess will have evolved into a web of fresh insights.



    Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

    "I go through the canned-goods department of my soul," mused columnist Jon Carroll, "and I write down how many cubes of spiritual bouillon I have left." I suggest you take a similar tack this week, Capricorn. In other words, add a touch of self-mocking frivolity as you make a profound inventory of your current relationship with the Great Mystery. And be sure to mix in a few wacky, winsome questions with your heartfelt yearning for deeper understanding. Here's how Carroll expressed it: "Who am I? Why am I here? Is there an entity greater than myself? If there is, how can I get it to like me?"


    Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

    "Satan is broke!" declared a recent article in the Weekly World News. "He's selling back souls at half price to avoid bankruptcy." On the face of it, this is an amusing riff dreamed up by one of the comic geniuses who writes for the notorious tabloid. But oddly enough, there is a metaphorical grain of truth in it. The astrological omens suggest that a huge window of opportunity has opened for those who need redemption. It is a favorable moment for lost souls to find themselves, for black sheep and prodigal sons to return to the fold, and for incorrigible troublemakers to mend their ways. I'm letting you know, Aquarius, because your tribe, more than any of the other signs, is in the best position to facilitate rehabilitations and restorations of all kinds -- both for others and for yourself.


    Pisces (February 19-March 20)

    "I've finally got my relationship problem figured out," wrote Melinda, a reader from Philadelphia. "It has been a lifelong, insidious misunderstanding of what I'm entitled to, combined with a fear of abandonment that has made me grab onto the wrong companions." I bring this testimony to your attention, Pisces, because I think it resonates with realizations you're ready for. The coming months will be a favorable time for you to discern the hidden karma that has been keeping you from getting the love you want. A good way to begin your search will be to take inventory of your fear of abandonment and your misunderstanding of what you're entitled to.
     
  2. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    "The deep, genuine version of you will be struggling for supremacy with the artificial, fragmented one."



    stay tuned, we will have live footage from the front lines of roe's ego....
     
  3. Dirty_habiT

    Dirty_habiT Administrator

    Joined: Mar 8, 2001 Messages: 18,100 Likes Received: 73
    Ok, awesome, I'm a Leo... still, yes. Anyone want to tell me some good stories?

    Btw, I like how these "Rob" horoscopes are, alot of the times, kinda abstract... like it's hard to just point out something in it that screams "bullshit".... good work, as always, Mental.
     
  4. afraidoflife

    afraidoflife Member

    Joined: Apr 13, 2003 Messages: 322 Likes Received: 0
    I hope you're right, Rob....


    ROE!
     
  5. !@#$%

    [email protected]#$% Moderator Crew

    Joined: Oct 1, 2002 Messages: 18,517 Likes Received: 621

    bitchez
    and hoez
     
  6. [email protected]#$%, i think rob is telling you to bo bombing tonight....autographs all over the place.
     
  7. !@#$%

    [email protected]#$% Moderator Crew

    Joined: Oct 1, 2002 Messages: 18,517 Likes Received: 621
    holla.

    those girls got nothin on me

    :D
     
  8. Word, theres this saying here "A man has to be carefull about where he puts two things, his signature and his dick" After i started writing it started sound really weird...
     
  9. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    if it aint abstract then i dont want nothing to do with it...


    shit shouldnt be handed to you on a platter.......


    there have been plenty of times when i either had to break out the dictionary or search the web for the references he makes...


    i like it that way....
     
  10. !@#$%

    [email protected]#$% Moderator Crew

    Joined: Oct 1, 2002 Messages: 18,517 Likes Received: 621
    how apropos.
     
  11. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    nice... I can buy my soul back for half price!


    Onionscope Rob




    ------------------

    Aries: (March 21—April 19)
    You fail to understand the primordial mystery of the funk: You can still have it no matter how many times you give it up.

    Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
    You'll win the lottery, but it's not one of those cool lotteries that decides who lives and who dies.

    Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
    Your theory that everyone looks good in pantsuits should probably be amended to include recent data obtained by your mirror.

    Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
    Your habit of falling back on arguments of constitutionality during every debate won't help decide whose turn it is to take the garbage out.

    Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
    It has been said that power is the ultimate aphrodisiac, but there are other reasons why Jenny is sleeping with her assistant manager and not you.

    Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
    You're aware that life isn't a nice, sweet fairy tale. That said, it's about time you get to the sex and drugs.

    Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
    There are some vital, useful ideas in Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged, but you shouldn't apply them to home decorating.

    Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
    You're proud to have been cited by several important scientists, even if it was as an example of the potential "gray goo" problems in nanotechnology.

    Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
    Everyone has potentially fatal flaws, but yours involve a love of soldiers' wives, an insatiable thirst for whiskey, and the seven weak points in your left ventricle.

    Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
    It's not too late for you to learn new tricks in the bedroom, but it's too sad and disgusting to even think about.

    Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
    All things considered, you have a hard time believing that on-base percentage alone could be the answer to success in baseball.

    Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
    There's no law that tells people whom they can and can't love in this world, but you're doing everything in your power to convince legislators to change that.
     
  12. beardo

    beardo Guest

    that doesnt sound good
    i really dont want to permanently move back to NM
    haha
     
  13. ~KRYLON2~

    ~KRYLON2~ 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Oct 13, 2001 Messages: 10,443 Likes Received: 191
    Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

    To supply the newsprint for the average Sunday edition of the New York Times, about 63,000 trees must die. Is that a worthy sacrifice? Maybe. To keep your body fueled with caffeine for a year, upwards of a thousand plants must give up their lives. Is that a worthy sacrifice? Possibly. To make sure your freshly hatched dream will ultimately reach full bloom, at least three of your tired old illusions will have to croak. Is that a worthy sacrifice? Hell, yes. Let the mercy killing begin.


    cool
     
  14. Swiffer Jet

    Swiffer Jet Elite Member

    Joined: Jul 14, 2003 Messages: 2,669 Likes Received: 0
    well i'll be damned..
     
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