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MaxRoach

texts from last night.

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not bad. best is when you recognize people on it. i haven't but some of my friends have.

 

EDIT: gem

 

(712): I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.

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ahhahaha this reminds me of that site a long time ago where they have the IM readers for blind people...so funny.

 

 

:edit: wtf Blind Jew edited. I just posted....Im lost now wtf

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It's a pretty funny site, great time killer.

 

The wife really enjoys it.

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(617): I would do horrible things to your vagina.

(978): Prove it.

 

 

(570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

(1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

 

 

 

 

:lol:

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" (802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made. "

 

 

"(910): wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars

(910): IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT ''

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" (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. "

 

 

i could go on for days

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(703): Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'

Replies (35) Good Night (264) Bad Night (3440) More from 703

 

 

(614): She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?

Replies (30) Good Night (319) Bad Night (3321) More from 614

 

(407): I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"

Replies (48) Good Night (493) Bad Night (2863) More from 407

 

(310): Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.

Replies (20) Good Night (640) Bad Night (2552) More from 310

 

(901): After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?

Replies (73) Good Night (1502) Bad Night (2099) More from 901

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(901): After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?

Replies (73) Good Night (1502) Bad Night (2099) More from 901

 

 

 

sounds like a party.

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epic site

 

(225): I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.

(504): Who won?

(225): All of them.

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(617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

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(603): not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her

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:lol:

 

(727): He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.

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(216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

(440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

(216): Holy shit r u serious? How?

(440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

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Just read this one, and it kinda sums up my life.. :

 

(314): Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.

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Guest 50million

old news is great.

 

 

 

my life is average is better imo.

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(734): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

 

(423) 2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place

:lol:

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