_nightcrawler Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business and one of the hookers said, "Yep, it's gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air". The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped." ------------------------------------------ Two friends, a white guy and a black guy, both work together. The white guy came in late one morning and his black friend asks where he had been. The white guy says, "My wife gives me good s** every night and she kept me up really late last night". The black guy says "I can't get my wife to have s** with me, no matter what! How do you do it?" The white guy says, "I read her poetry every night." His black friend then asks, "What kind of poetry?" The white guy replies, "Blondie, blondie, eyes so blue, how I want to make love to you." Then the white guy tells his friend to go home and try it - it's a sure thing! The next morning the black guy was about 2 hours late. When he comes in, he has a black eye and his arm is in a sling. The white man asks, "What happened?!" The black man says, "Man, don't ever speak to me again!" The curious white man asks, "Well, what did you say to her?" The black man replies, 'Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog, bend over b****, and take it like a dog!!" --------------------------------------------------------------- A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die." As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?" "No!" she shrieked, aghast. So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked. "Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her, too. The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic. "Slut!" he said, and dropped her. ----------------------------------------------- What's the best form of birth control after 50? Nudity -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 lbs. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why does the bride always wear white? Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when you're really ugly? Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life? When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day, what do single guys have? Palm Sunday. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts? Her navel. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies? Bingo machine. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why did God create alcohol? So ugly people could have s**, too. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madsencarl Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Can't resist: How many men does it take to open a can of beer? None. It hould be open by the time the bitch brings it to the couch. What do women and a hurricane have in common? They both come on wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and your car with them. Why did the women cross the street? Why the fuck did she even leave the kitchen? Why do women have shorter feet than men? So they can stand closer to the sink. What do you do when a woman throws a grenade at you? Pick it up, pull the pin and throw it back. Wanna hear a joke? Womens rights. What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, she's already told, twice. Why do women wear white? To match rest of the kitchen appliances. This bloke is happily driving along in his car when he's pulled over by the police. A policeman approaches him and asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Why?" asks the man, "Was I all over the road?" "No" replies the policeman, "You were driving splendidly. The ugly fat bird in the passenger seat gave it away". A man is at the bar chattin yo another man. The posh man says "I bought my wife a bentley to go to the horse races in, a rolls royce to go to dinner, and a mercedeez for going around town in". The other man replies "I bought my wife a dildo and a pair of slippers, so if she dont like the slippers she can go fuck herself". A husband and wife are celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night the wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy little negligee she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her husband and says, "Honey, Do you remember this?" He looks up at her and says, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married." She says, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night." He nods and says, "Yes dear, I still remember." "Well, what was it?" she asks. He responds, "Well honey, as I remember, I said, "Ohhhhhhhhh Baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big tits and screw your brains out." She giggles and says, "Yes honey, that's it. That's exactly what you said. So, now it's 50 years later, I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?" Again he looks up at her and looks her up and down and replies, "Mission Accomplished." A man comes home after a hard day's work, and is looking forward to relaxing. He pours himself a glass of wine, eats a delicious home-cooked meal prepared by his wife, and goes up to his bedroom, where he and his wife have separate beds. His wife follows him up a few minutes later. "Honey-woney," the man says, "I just want to thank you for fixing me such a delicious meal. I am blessed to have such a wife as you." He then turns out the light and tries to sleep. After several minutes he finds he can't nod off. "Sweety pie," he calls out, "I'm lonely." His wife gets out of bed and makes her way accross the room, but she slips and bangs her nose. "Did my little bunny fall and hurt her nosey-wosey?" the man asks, as his wife climbs in bed with him. There follows a three hour session of sex. When the couple have finished, the wife heads back over to her own bed, and as she goes she slips up a second time. "Clumsy Bitch," the man mutters Two cowboys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first cowboy says his favorite position is the "rodeo". The other cowboy asks what the position is, and how to do it. The first cowboy says, "You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggy style. Once things start to get under way and she's really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear : "Your sister likes this position too. Then try to hang on for 8 seconds". A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when she's touched there. So they go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Anything is worth a try, the husband thinks so he finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor shows a flatline... no pulse...no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked." It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day and at closing time they walked past the gorilla cage and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife. "That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your tits," he said. "Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?" At first she declined but finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started grunting and jumping up and down. "Hey," the husband said, "let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we'll see what he does." Again she said no and again he persuaded her. This time the ape really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles and tossed his food all over the cage. The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and pushed his wife in. "Now," said the husband with an evil smile, "tell *HIM*, you have a headache!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_nightcrawler Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 Wanna hear a joke? Womens rights. GOLD! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madsencarl Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 /no sexist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Issac Brock Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Wanna hear a joke? Womens rights. Freshman year my math teacher was the girls basketball coach and we asked her "Wanna hear a joke? The WNBA." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_nightcrawler Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 it was much more funnier the first time around.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Man with the Answers Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business and one of the hookers said, "Yep, it's gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air". The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped." ------------------------------------------ A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when she's touched there. So they go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Anything is worth a try, the husband thinks so he finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor shows a flatline... no pulse...no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked." the two best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hayabusa Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 THERES LIKE A MILLION OF THESE THREADS ALREADY oh wait, make that a million and one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirtydoses Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 2 pigs fell in the mud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madsencarl Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 what a dirty joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ODS-1 Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 Why didn't you just type sex? Afraid mommy's gonna see it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rushawn wuan Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 wuts a woman doin outside the kitchen? waitin for the floor to dry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transparent Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 what did hillary clintons pussy say to monica lewinksys pussy????????????????????i'd fuck wit you but i cant get wet.........................ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CACashRefund Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 Yo momma said she liked seafood so I gave her crabs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
viperface Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 Q: U KNO WHAT SMELS REAL BAD ? A: OLD DICK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
furioussnake Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 what's the difference between an apple and a dead baby I don't cum all over an apple before I take a bite out of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool Water Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 Does anyone remember . . . . How do u make a little girl cry twice???????????????? wipe your bloody dick on her teddy. that one makes me cringe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inhalant Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 tell a fat bitch to SUCK ON A FAT ONE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
defyoner Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 i need some participation on this one.. Knock Knock Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hayabusa Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 i need some participation on this one.. Knock Knock WHOS THERE? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
defyoner Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 WHOS THERE? I eat mop... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thinksucks Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 so can i tell some racist jokes or what, im not racist but theyre still funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Quickwood Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 http://www.12ozprophet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=60335&page=24&highlight=jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hayabusa Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 I eat mop... I EAT MOP WHO? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bruno Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 What do a tumbleweed and a homosexual have in common? They both blow around until they end up on a fence post in Wyoming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
defyoner Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 I EAT MOP WHO? HAHAHAHA YOU EAT YOUR OWN POO!!! LOLOLOL PW3ND Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KniggazInDemStreetz Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 "Why do women have periods? BECAUSE THEY DESERVE IT!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bokals.. Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 :o im not laughinnggggg....^^^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
defyoner Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 whats the oppisite of christopher reeves.. christopher walken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bokals.. Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 :) someone respond to hayas, joke....:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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