Re: Dear ________, - no homo
dear girlfriend's good "guy friend,"
I am really appreciative of the fact that you constantly hit on my girlfriend, when you are fully cognizant of the fact she is 1.) dating me. 2.) uninterested in you and 3.0 tells me what you say and how you ask her to "fuck you" when you're drunk. It's cool too, considering you live in florida now and we live in New England. I heard you are coming up here for a few weeks though. Next week I think? Be forewarned that I will probably knock you out and leave your body on the AMTRAK tracks.
PS.
Your stupid scenester look/act is exhausted
PPS.
It sucks you have HPV. No really, like STDs suck and I'm pretty happy you finally got one.