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HAL

Ask Dr. HAL

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For my loyal 12ozers, I'm offering my unparalleled wisdom regarding a myriad of subjects. Virtually any question may be asked. Relationship advice, predictions for the future, you name it. At least until I get tired of you fucking bastards.

 

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Guest nutsonmychin!

should i fuck my cousin?

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i got questions:

 

how will this season's 24 end?

 

is it ethically correct for both genders to wear thongs?

 

soup or salad?

 

who/what will eventually kill Chuck Norris?

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I'll field the Chuck question, OG.

 

Chuck Norris will without a doubt kill Chuck Norris since he is the only force alive capable of doing so.

 

It will most likely occur in a freak roundhouse accident.

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Q:

 

Is leaving a voicemail for a girl giving her the upper hand?

(i.e. one you are interested in)

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is it possible to get american accents buttercup?

(edit) and is it any good?

 

whats the signifigance behind your name?

 

where would you go if you could go anywhere? (on this world)

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i get off of work around 7:30ish should i rush to the galleria which closes at 9 to pick up my jeans that were being altered?

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Are you waiting for questions to pile up and then answer them or is this an elaborate scheme to make us all look like fools?

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Will this kid buy clothes that werent made for a 15 year old female?

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Should i

 

A) stack up my dough and be homeless and travel?

 

B) continue schooling even though i dont know what im doing

 

C) smoke a backwood junt

 

D) loc out (sort of goes with the backwood)

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Beefeater: Definitely gloss orange. Mango is not and never will be Indian Spice.

 

 

Porkchop: It will be the hottesat sex of your life.

 

 

CACashRefund: Spend that shit in one foul swoop, stat.

 

 

crispy: I believe 24 will end this season with Jack Bauer having a standoff atop a high building with Julian Sand's character, then they get in a scuffle near the edge of the building, but Chloe hacks into the microchip lodged in the bad guy's brain and they wind up in a gay love frenzy. Afterwards Jack and the blond chick he interrogated Monday night will push the guy off the building and have a base jumping wedding ceremony after he splats on the ground.

 

It is unethical for either gender to wear thongs. Girls should always wear the panties with the ties on the side. Buttfloss is hell-of gay.

 

Definitely soup, especially if it's chowda.

 

Chuck Norris will shrivel away after his newfound hipster irony fame blows over.

 

 

Lens: If you're worried about upper hands, girls are not for you. They don't care about that shit.

 

 

Deterrent: Shoot first, ask questions later.

 

 

Mar: Buttercup is alright. I once used 5 cans to fill a semi-large piece. I'd opt for Summer Squash or better yet, Painter's Touch Sun Yellow.

 

My name is in reference to old growth forests.

 

I would go to Japan.

 

 

Herbivore: Stop mocking me, you saucy twat.

 

 

Staccato: It's because you're a coward inside, although you put forth a tuff persona. You drink Guinness because you think it makes you appear tougher.

 

 

Yemmy: No, but my friend has some, and we smoked some in the car last weekend. It wasn't the best, but not the worst either. I decided my girl needs to get hooked on that shit, stat, and chill the fuck out.

 

 

Fatalist: I assume a galleria is what we on the east coast call a "mall". Unless your jeans have buckles, zips, snaps and chains, you should stay far, far away from the mall forever.

 

 

Lens: I was not anticipating this kind of response. I will be on my game next time.

 

 

Fatalist: Please make your response in the form of a question.

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