Seffiks Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 what did i just pay for???? ok this was the best day i have had in quite a long time so first off, i have some family and friends come into town for a little get together this weekend, so i have been busy and have had no time to clean up the house or anything like that (it is just a complete mess) so i hired one of those maid service dealies you know. Well she came this morning around 8:00 little before i left off to work. I never had a maid in my house before, so i did not know the customs of staying there to supervise her or what the fuck to do so i went to work and took a half a day (THANK GOD I DID!!!!!)so i get home open up the door and hear this mouning in my room? i walk down the hallway to my bedroom and guess what i find I find this chick fingering herself on my fucking bed (what the fuck am i suppose to do?????) so i take out my celly snap a pic of this bitch masturbating on my bed................. well damn i wasnt about to spoil this moment so i fumble around in the dresser for a condom and BAM . . . . . . . . .. 2 or 3 minutes later.. yer boy Seffiks just fucked the maid so after thats all done we talk a little bit watch some tv this bitch gets up and says goodbye ( and leaves my house a mess) so the question to this story is WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST PAY FOR??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deterrent Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 Blllllaaaaaaaahahhhhahahha, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soulkillers Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 herpes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deterrent Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 2-3 min in a rubber, i almost can't stay hard in those let anlone cum. raw or nothing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogie hands Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 from what it looks like you payed for a girl who has a vagina in her butt.... seriously though. i want to believe you. post up a good picture of that funky ass pillow so i can give you an internet high-five for a really funny story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
groyn shmoyn Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 bullshit. really? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlando Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 An Std. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IOU Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 What was the 'service' called?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruce_1nR Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 IOU coppin telephone numbers.... booty call? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IOU Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 IOU coppin telephone numbers.... booty call? Haha... No I'm wondering if the name gives the type of 'service' away... But you never know.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveboxcars Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 2-3 min in a rubber, i almost can't stay hard in those let anlone cum. raw or nothing im sayin. i thought i was the only one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
groyn shmoyn Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 shoveadusterinmyass inc.? vacuummahvagina maid service? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deterrent Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 Nope, I have a real issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
groyn shmoyn Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 im sayin. i thought i was the only one. i will also co-sign. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveboxcars Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 i have a real issue too. its called condoms do some fucked up shit to me. even if i have a condom on and take it off, it still takes a lot more effort to finish. but i also take a ridiculous amount of time in the sack as it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaolinmasta Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 Shit if that is true then damn good on ya Was she good looking though? Maybe you should hire her again but actually make her clean the house too brah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveboxcars Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 seriously fuck that. you need to call her right now and say "yo, you left my house dirty. are you a whore or did you just forget because of the seffiks power hour (well, i guess in your case its power couple of minutes)? come back and clean my house bitch" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puhfester Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 was this "maid service" found on craigslist? and was her price negotiated in terms of "roses"? and is your man-area covered in little jumping freckles ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BloodKlot Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 BS? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quaranta-Due Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 What the fuck are condoms? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
groyn shmoyn Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 do yer pillow cases have flowers holmes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveboxcars Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 What the fuck are condoms? Male condoms are usually packaged inside a foil wrapper, in a rolled-up form, and are designed to be applied to the tip of the penis and then rolled over the erect penis. They are most commonly made from latex, but are also available in other materials. As a method of contraception, condoms have the advantage of being easy to use, inexpensive, having few side-effects, and of offering protection against sexually transmitted diseases. With proper knowledge and application technique—and use at every act of intercourse—condom users experience a 2% per-year pregnancy rate.[1] Condoms may be combined with other forms of contraception (such as spermicide) for greater protection.[2] Some couples find that putting on a male condom interrupts sex, although others incorporate condom application as part of their foreplay. Some men and women find the physical barrier of a condom dulls sensation. Advantages of dulled sensation can include prolonged erection and delayed ejaculation.[3]; disadvantages might include a loss of the erection, or a loss of the pleasure of sexual actions. Most condoms have a reservoir tip, making it easier to leave space for the man's ejaculate. Condoms also come in different sizes, from magnum to snug. Mass produced condoms vary hardly at all in width, but vary significantly in length. Latex condoms are the most distributed type of condom in the world and there are thousands of variants in regards to size, thickness, and texture. The most popular variants of the standard condom are condoms with a ribbed or studded texture, those that come in different colors or scents, and those marketed as larger sized condoms.[4] There are also condoms available that are lubricated with a very small amount of Benzocaine (usually under 4%). The use of Benzocaine with the lubrication on the inside of the condom produces a slight numbing sensation for the man and is meant to help him prolong sexual activity before climax.[5] Natural latex condoms have a minimum thickness of 0.046 mm. Latex condoms used with oil-based lubricants (e.g. vaseline) are likely to slip off due to loss of elasticity caused by the oils.[7] Some latex condoms are lubricated at the manufacturer with a small amount of a nonoxynol-9, a spermicidal chemical. According to Consumer Reports, spermicidally lubricated condoms have no additional benefit in preventing pregnancy, have a shorter shelf life, and may cause urinary-tract infections in women.[8] In contrast, application of separately packaged spermicide is believed to increase the contraceptive efficacy of condoms.[2] Nonoxynol-9 was once believed to offer additional protection against STDs (including HIV) but recent studies have shown that, with frequent use, nonoxynol-9 may increase the risk of HIV transmission.[9] The World Health Organization says that spermicidally lubricated condoms should no longer be promoted. However, they recommend using a nonoxynol-9 lubricated condom over no condom at all.[10] As of 2005, nine condom manufacturers have stopped manufacturing condoms with nonoxynol-9, Planned Parenthood has discontinued the distribution of condoms so lubricated,[11] and the Food and Drug Administration has proposed a warning regarding this issue.[12] Latex has outstanding elastic properties. Tensile strength exceeds 30 MPa. Condoms may be stretched in excess of 800% before breaking.[13] In 1990 the ISO set standards for production (ISO 4074, Natural latex rubber condoms) and the EU followed suit with its CEN standard (Directive 93/42/EEC concerning medical devices). Latex condoms are tested for holes with an electrical current. If the condom passes, it is rolled and packaged. Batches of condoms are tested for breakage with air inflation tests.[14] Polyurethane condoms can be thinner than latex condoms, with some polyurethane condoms only 0.02 mm thick.[21] Polyurethane is also the material of many female condoms. Polyurethane can be considered better than latex in several ways: it conducts heat better than latex, is not as sensitive to temperature and ultraviolet light (and so has less rigid storage requirements and a longer shelf life), can be used with oil-based lubricants, is less allergenic than latex, and does not have an odor.[22] Polyurethane condoms have gained FDA approval for sale in the United States as an effective method of contraception and HIV prevention, and under laboratory conditions have been shown to be just as effective as latex for these purposes.[23] However, polyurethane condoms may be more likely to slip or break than latex,[22][24] and are more expensive. Condoms made from one of the oldest condom materials, labeled "lambskin" (made from lamb intestines) are still available. They have a greater ability to transmit body warmth and tactile sensation, when compared to synthetic condoms, and are less allergenic than latex. However, conventional wisdom holds that there is an increased risk of transmitting STDs compared to latex because of pores in the material, which are thought to be large enough to allow infectious agents to pass through, albeit blocking the passage of sperm. Lambskin condoms are frequently called ineffective with regards to preventing sexually transmitted diseases. [25] Nonetheless, hard data regarding the alleged lack of efficacy are lacking. Although a search of the "pubmed" database of medical literature does not demonstrate any clinical trials demonstrating that lambskin condoms have decreased efficacy, at least one study does suggest that use of non-latex condoms is associated with higher rates of breakage and slippage. [1] While it may make sense to portray lambskin condoms as simply "ineffective" for the sake of simplicity in educational settings, it is more accurate to state that there are solid scientific reasons to expect lambskin condoms will be less effective in preventing STDs than latex and poluyrethane, though the degree of such presumed decreased efficacy is not known. It is unlikely that lambskin condoms would be "ineffective" in preventing STDs; for example, the risk of transmitting a disease through depositing 1.5 to 5 mLs of ejaculate directly into a partner's body cavity without the use of any barrier protection would be anticipated to be greater than the risk involved in depositing such ejaculate into a lambskin barrier within a body cavity, with the barrier subsequently removed from the body cavity along with all or virtually all of the ejaculate. Because the degree of efficacy of lambskin condoms has not been rigorously investigated and because there exists a solid rationale to expect them to have decreased efficacy, it is prudent to treat them as not effective. If one has concerns about the possibility of STD transmission, it is prudent to use latex or polyurethane condoms, rather than lambskin condoms. The Invisible Condom, developed at Université Laval in Québec, Canada, is a gel that hardens upon increased temperature after insertion into the vagina or rectum. In the lab, it has been shown to effectively block HIV and herpes simplex virus. The barrier breaks down and liquefies after several hours. The invisible condom is in the clinical trial phase, and has not yet been approved for use.[26] As reported on Swiss television news Schweizer Fernsehen on November 29, 2006, the German scientist Jan Vinzenz Krause of the Institut für Kondom-Beratung ("Institute for Condom Consultation") in Germany recently developed a spray-on condom and is test-marketing it. Krause says the advantages to his spray-on condom, which is reported to dry in about 5 seconds, is that it is perfectly formed to each penis.[27][28] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 i need more proof? a receipt or something Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
^ . ^ Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 from that pic it looks like you paid for some gross beef curtains. jesus christ dude. :yuck: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaolinmasta Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 If it's not on, it's not on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*PROTOCOL* Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 Holy shit invisible and spray on condoms?? Absurd!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveboxcars Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 vaginas are good in all shapes and sizes. theres still some that are a no. like chyna's "clitoris" (i put clitoris in quotations because she actually has a fucking childs penis. theres a little timmy somewhere missing something and he wont realize till he's older.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deterrent Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 Dont forget buuttts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
^ . ^ Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 you sir are wrong. butts can be pretty funky. especially cottage cheese ass/thighs (mega cellulite) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
10 Dollar Blowjobs Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 wow thats amazing. craigslist erotic section for the win! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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