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Elite: A Trip Down Memory Lane with Mamerro


Guest imported_El Mamerro

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jesus mams....this shit is fucking dope.....

 

 

i swear, the jesus potato idea is fucking killer.

and i knew someone would come up with something funny for that mirza painting.....ah the memories of teaser......i almost miss the little bastard.

 

 

and ricers arent examples of poor engineering.

:P

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

Haha, I knew you'd mention the car thing...

 

 

About the Jesus Potato... now that I'm part of the Elite ranks, I feel that it is time to shed some light on the mystery behind everyone's favorite veggie religious icon.

 

It may come as a dissapointment to you that the Jesus Potato was not entirely an original idea. Those of you who have ventured to right-click the JP pictures and follow the link to its origin have probably found out the truth. The Jesus Potato, known officially as The Spud O' Christ, is the creation of the people behind the Glen Lachart Star, some mock Scottish online newspaper. Their site is under reconstruction, but a mirror of the old site can be found at www.bogwomen.com.

 

I came across it when doing an image search on the word "potato", so I could respond to a thread by the defunct Ms. Bombastic with a completely random and unhelpful picture. It appeared on page 2 of my search, and I nearly crapped myself. I went over to the site, and found an amazing idea completely butchered and rendered absolutely unfunny by these guys, starting with the name they gave it. I thought it was my moral obligation to resurrect (no pun intended) this concept from the stangnant pool of lameness it was currently residing in, and so, I went back to Ms. Bombastic's thread and posted the first ever Jesus Potato post. You can witness the miracle here. You'll find a red X where the JP is supposed to be cause I was sourcing it from the original site.

 

Later they dedicated an entire page to the Spud O' Christ, along with a bunch of hilarious pictures that became immediately stupid when accompanied by their captions and stories. I twisted them to fit a better storyline here on 12oz. And slowly but surely, the Jesus Potato rose to fame.

 

I advise to tread with caution when visiting the site where JP came from. It might destroy your image of the Jesus Potato to watch how fucking stupid His origins and the people responsible for Him were.

 

I'm sorry if I disappointed any of you, but the truth had to come out one day or another. Beer,

 

El Mamerro

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

The Corsair: Final Chapter

 

They all got up to get their duffel bags, and for the first time in the last week, Alex felt afraid. Jonathan gave him a gentle but uncomforting squeeze on the shoulders, and said "Let's go."

 

On the way there, the weekend visitor routine flourished. They walked in silence, letting Alex go in front like a sacrificial lamb. In the few minutes it took to get to the Corsair, Alex tried to reclaim and reconstruct all the thoughts that had never come about in his mind during the week. Before he knew it, he was standing next to the cliff and the spray of the water licked at his feet. Jonathan motioned for him to join the group, which had gathered together in a circle shoulder to shoulder, heads bowed down.

 

"Oh Lord," Jonathan began, "we bring to You our brother Alex, who wishes to receive your gift of Eternal Life. Please forgive him of his sins and protect him through the journey he's about to undertake in search of you, my Lord. Cleanse his soul with your Spirit, and take him into your Embrace. Alex, do you wish to say something to the Lord? We understand if you don't have anything to say, it's hard the first time. But God is listening in case you want to."

 

Alex remained silent. His heart had begun to stomp on his chest and the stone beneath his feet felt cold under the midday sun. "No," was all he could come up with.

 

"Very well, then, Alex. You will dive after the third wave that comes in after I give you the signal. Remember, lean back when you land, relax once in there, and when you feel you're being pulled through the channel, point your body as straight as possible. Let God do the rest. Are you ready to let God into your life, Alex?"

 

Alex heard a wave crash underneath him, the vibrations traveling through the rock and up his feet. "Ye... Yes," he mumbled.

 

"Ok, then come here to the edge and stand on this spot," Jonathan continued. "As soon as I tell you to, count the next three waves, and jump as soon as the last one hits. Don't hesitate, Alex, God is here to protect you and so are we."

 

Alex stood at the edge of the cliff, and Jonathan placed his hands on his shoulders to reassure him. Looking down, he felt the Void slowly creep in through the cracks in the rock and the bubbles in the water. The stillness of the sky swallowed all the sounds and the movement of the water, and the crosses came to life, if only for a second, before everything went completely still.

 

"Now, Alex. God be with you."

 

The first wave thundered at his feet. It thrashed around in the pool before withdrawing itself through the channel, the spray leaving no ethereal rainbows behind. Alex could no longer see the rocks below, or the algae twisting in the currents. He could not feel the hands of Jonathan on his back, trying to exert his confidence on Alex. He could not hear the voices of the boys behind, chanting and praying to the lord for his safety.

 

The second wave rumbled in without making a single sound. Tongues of water leapt at out him from the pool, and the bony hands emerged from the turmoil to welcome Alex. He did not notice how his own mouth slowly curled into a smile, and he did not notice Jonathan remove his hands and step back. The water below disappeared in a spiral, and the chanting of the boys rose into its climax. The words of the priest were the only sounds he heard as the third wave crashed in. "Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence." Alex took a deep breath, and placed himself at God's mercy.

 

The Void swallowed everything while while Alex dropped through the air. His eyesight dissolved, and all his thoughts vanished into thin air. He had the faint feeling of everything turning white, but eventually, white became an imperceptible visual image that disappeared along with everything else. Above him, Jonathan watched in disbelief as Alex's body leaned back in perfectly straight form, then go completely limp in mid-air. His arms floated out to his sides, and his body tilted backwards much more than it was supposed to. Jonathan watched Alex bodily smash against the water at an unnatural angle, and instinctively began to mutter under his breath "Oh Lord, oh Lord..."

 

The violent smash tore Alex away from the Void. He felt like he'd been sleeping for a while now, and was very confused at waking up in such a bizarre place. He breathed in a small amount of water, and the searing pain in his lungs snapped him back to attention. Panic seized his every nerve before his brain reacted according to the instructions it had stored. He kicked frantically, smashing the top of his foot against a sharp bottom rock, the jagged edge tearing deep into the bone. He never felt the pain, but the way his leg stopped moving all of a sudden triggered a feeling of control and order, and Alex relaxed his body. The chaotic trashing of water around him began to organize itself into a circular motion that surrounded his limp body, and he felt the hand of God wash away the confusion. Slowly, his body began moving forward, and all the fear faded away. A barrage of images and ideas erupted in his head, as all the thoughts that eluded his mind the past week and all the unanswered conversations with God materialized in an instant. The Void that seemed to suck out his spirit and render everything around him immaterial now bristled with energy and life, as he understood that God was composed of this emptiness, that the Void was the mind of God Himself. He could never talk with God at nights because He was Nothing, His very Essence was the complete opposite of physical being. There was no way to experience God but to place your soul at the edge of physicality and stare down into the emptiness ahead. He immersed himself into this emptiness, and felt the most intense surge of love any human being had ever received. His body stopped moving, the water around him streamed by. The hands of God lifted him away from the dark waters to place him against a warm surface, and he began to cry.

 

Alex never remembered his shoulders lodging between the edges of the channel at the bottom, where it closed off as abruptly as it widened from the top down. He never remembered being set free from the vise of the reef by the stream of water of the next wave. He never remembered the priest, or his mother at breakfast, or the Abe Lincoln. He never remembered having seen the faces of the dead boys smile at him as his body entered the same cavern where their bones lay encrusted with barnacles. He never knew Jonathan and the rest of the boys dove in after him, he never knew they prayed for his soul and painted another cross on the Corsair. All of this, every single image and memory he ever had in his life was erased from his mind. He lay empty, naked and wet, confused at the brightness of the lights, but grateful at the warmth of the body next to him offering a pale breast to quench his hunger.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The End.

 

 

And that's it for tonight, folks.

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Originally posted by El Mamerro

 

 

About the Jesus Potato... now that I'm part of the Elite ranks, I feel that it is time to shed some light on the mystery behind everyone's favorite veggie religious icon.

 

It may come as a dissapointment to you that the Jesus Potato was not entirely an original idea. ........

 

I went there and actually thought you had something to do with the creation of JP, as the first article discussing the Savior Spud had a character with the name Hector in it.

 

Ah well, my hopes are dashed.

 

When's that CD headin' down souf?

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Guest imported_El Mamerro
Originally posted by Poop Man Bob

I went there and actually thought you had something to do with the creation of JP, as the first article discussing the Savior Spud had a character with the name Hector in it.

 

Ah well, my hopes are dashed.

 

When's that CD headin' down souf?

 

Haha, yeah, the whole Hector thing was pure coincidence. I guess we were just meant to be, you know?

 

About the CD, it heads down as soon as my stupid friend gets off his ass and actually looks for it. I remind him every time I see him, which is almost every night, and he always says, "Oh yeah, I'll get that for you tomorrw", and never does. I'm looking into alternate sources now, but trust me, it'll get to you. I owe that to you big time. Beer,

 

El Mamerro

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Guest uncle-boy

chee-hee

 

congrats mams

you've given me many a good laughs on this board. and i thank you dearly for that. 12 oz has been slow as fizzuck lately and i was happy to see this thread pop up to entertain me. the robo illustrations are fucking blingpants. i right clicked and saved all those bastards and with your blessing i think i might try to paint one this weekend. well keep up the e-tom-foolery. and i'll seriously make an attemp to revive the 808 DPC chapter.

 

 

 

http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml86/86070b.jpg'>

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