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Clever Name

Bon Jovi, 80's Fashion, Premarital Sex...

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An internet conversation between me and "Joe" (names have been changed to protect the guilty):

 

Joe: i have a bon jovi cd

 

Me: which one?

 

Joe: the one with living on a prayer

 

Me: haha .. "take my hand, we'll make it i swear"

Me: the best part of that song is the computerized "whoa whoa whoa's"

 

Joe: if i ever went to prison id just act so crazy that nobody would mess with me

Joe: smear my poop all over myself

 

Me: haha yeah ... establish yourself as "unclean"

 

Joe: get some chocolate pudding during lunch and act like its my own shit and start eating it

Joe: "cause if youve got shit aint nobody gonna fuck with you"

 

Me: haha, or just use actual shit ... wait...

 

Joe: hmm

Joe: i downloaded this video off of morpheus and its a bunch of girls eating each others shit straight out of an ass

 

Me: ugghh god

Me: hey, you could spraypaint yourself grabber green and see if any locked up writers jock your fill

 

Joe: hahah

 

Me: shit eating is just so 5 minutes ago

 

Joe: i know..back in 8th grade i was eating piles, but now

 

Me: haha

 

Joe: im going to go to *****

 

Me: oh for real ... whats the occasion?

 

Joe: i talk to a couple writers there and trade fliks

 

Me: oh ok ... cool scene over there?

 

Joe: yeah

 

Me: you should go there and write really tiny

Me: make that your gimmick ... pieces with fine lined paintbrushes up in the top right corner of the backside of trains

 

Joe: im going to say to ***** after he paints a piece next to me "*****, buddy..you’re really not grasping this whole graff thing are you..but youre making me look better, ill give you that"

 

Me: but tie his shoelaces together so when he comes after you he falls

Me: haha then dis his piece

 

Joe: he wears barrettes i heard

 

Me: barrettes were hot in the 80's

Me: that guy from uncle buck

 

Joe: uncle buck was such a good movie

 

Me: yeah ... those pancakes were next level

 

Joe: his lunch was a pickle in a bag and milk in a jar..ahahahaah

 

Me: haha

 

Joe: i want to start painting pieces that are so gay that when any writer sees them they have to question their sexuality

 

Me: hahahaHAH

Me: pieces to promote homophobia

Me: "prohomophobia" ... if you will

 

Joe: haha

 

Me: how about a piece with pink flowers for letters and hearts in the fill

 

Joe: writers are going to look at each other when they see my pieces and say "man..do we like guys?"

 

Me: hahah ... it will be a close, bonding experience

Me: or you could play with the conventions of stereotypical gay expectations ...

Me: have a rainbow over your piece crashing into a severed head bleeding into a pool of fruit juice

 

Joe: ahahhahah

 

Me: this needs to be a production ..

Me: the quote could be something like: "2 snaps up in a circle for these hardcore niggas"

 

Joe: hhahaha

 

Me: "sweatin to the oldies: life within the metaphysical realm of subconscious prohomophobic graffiti"

 

Me: the other day I saw this guy wearing some sort of headgear

 

Joe: i saw a flick of ***** wearing a tye dye beret with matching socks and boxers

Joe: i dont need braces but would like to get headgear you know?

 

Me: i give him credit for originality

Me: headgear would be tight on a stripper

 

Joe: haha

Joe: lets not get gayness and originality confused

 

Me: picture your hair getting caught in the stripper's teeth during a lapdance

 

Joe: picture her vaginal hair getting caught in your teeth during a lapdance

 

Me: hahahah

Me: it just gets STUCK

Me: "eckshcuse shme ... mish shtrippersh"

Me: "shmy teesh are shtuck in your crosh"

 

Joe: "your vagshinal hairsh"

 

Me: hahaha

 

Joe: "shtinky"

 

Me: someone was telling me about a trick his friend plays on girls when he has sex with them ...

Me: this guy puts a penny in every girl's pussy after he fucks them ...

 

Joe: why?

 

Me: they take a shower or douche or whatever ... and just "notice a penny"

Me: like "hey where'd that come from"

 

Joe: put one of those little pills in there that turns into a 2 foot dinosaur when it gets wet

 

Me: hahaha ... that would be great "america's funniest home videos" material

Me: the penny thing seemed crude, obnoxious and borderline disturbing when the notion was first presented to me ... but as time goes on it becomes funnier and funnier

 

Joe: to actually successfully place a penny in there each time without getting caught is worthy of praise

 

Me: yeah, there's something admirable about such a feat

Me: you have to wonder what the hell a girl thinks when she pulls a random coin out of her crotch ... ?

 

Joe: yeah..a 2 foot dinosaur growing out of a screaming girls vagina would really get the family laughing

 

Me: i'd throw a twenty up in there ... make things interesting

 

Joe: haha

 

Me: family outings would be comedy

 

Joe: did you go to a strip club on your birthday

 

Me: nah .. i just went to some show and then came home

Me: i went to this street festival last weekend that did have a bunch of naked girls in the street

Me: should have brought a camera

 

Joe: damn

 

Me: i think ***** (the place where the festival went down) has to contain some of the most ghetto areas of all time

Me: i remember little kids dancing around a burning barrel in the street

 

Joe: haha probably jewish kids

 

Me: i think they were athiest

Me: their running style wasn't demonstrative of any typical religious ceremony

Me: they were on some off-the-top-of-the-dome freestyle-running shit

Me: once i saw a police chase there where the cop and the guy getting chased were running at fucking walking speed

Me: i just stood there and casually watched them poke by

Me: it was a "haiku" experience

 

Joe: hahaaha..what the hell

 

Me: i guess they had been running for a loooong time, and just slowed to a near crawl but they still kept the chase alive

Me: they had a small fan club following them ...

 

Joe: did he catch the guy?

 

Me: yeah eventually they both just stopped

Me: it was right by the **** ... in those light-colored projects

 

Joe: haha..my friend got a gun pulled on him there and his skateboard taken

 

Me: dude the ghetto kids at that place are fucking ILL

Me: one kid -- she was like 8 years old -- was talking about how "marcus ate her coochie good last night"

Me: hahahahahaha -- me and these kids i was with just died laughing

 

Joe: hahaha

Joe: the little kids are so cool and it sucks theyre probably going to turn out fucking retarded because their parents are idiots

 

Me: they're parents themselves

Me: in *****, kids have kids at around 9 or 10

 

Joe: hahahhaa

 

Me: you're in your prime when your 17

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Originally posted by Clever Name

Me: one kid -- she was like 8 years old -- was talking about how "marcus ate her coochie good last night"

 

 

 

 

 

 

there ya go

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