SMdoubleXL

straight hypocrisy here. i am often very guilty of not practicing what i preach. a lot. I also suck at making decisions and when I cant make a decision, i rely on fate or circumstance make it for me. Saturday I hit up my candy man. he didnt have anything for me. fate and circumstance reminded me that I really didnt need any. Today at work, I took my last two advil, and my client saw me toss the bottle out. She reached in her bag and laid 5 or 6 tabs on the table. I scooped em up and tossed em in my bag. This is when fate and circumstance put my conscious to the test. Headaches have been bad the last few weeks. I had them under control for a long time (long to me is a month or so) The bottle of 40 advil lasted me a week. Then Justifying sets in.... (weeeellll, the dr DID tell me that all of the tylenol/advil/etc etc I take is worse than that bottle of percs he perscribes me) what he doesnt know is that bottle only lasts like 3-4 weeks. he thinks my every 3-4 month refill is being taken responsibly. My headaches are mostly scar tissue and incisional pain -plus when it gets hot, the titanium sheet heats up and inflames the whole left side of my head. It is a physically apparent headache.My ear and the area around it get really red and very hot. others can see it and feel it, and if you know me, you know the red ear doesnt lie, even if i say i feel alright. I fell victim to Justification and the irresponsible side of fate and circumstance. I broke a pill in half, took it. then the other half, then a whole, then another whole, within about 15-20 min. an hour or so later, i still have a fuking headache, PLUS i wanna puke. I can go back a few pages and read how i pulled this exact shit and felt the exact same way. eh. dont know why, but wanted/needed to share. i dont excpect much- but whatever i get, please dont sugar coat it.

whats GTAV? whats for dinner?

hell no. false tpbm would be my bike seat

hes a nit wit. he tags downtown. haha doin big things

false. tpbm would ride a bike with no bike seat for 5 miles for 200 moneys

damn thats harsh mass. i had pawn stars on. not as dramatic as hardcore pawn, but still full of shit. before i got home I saw Old man next to me at a light.

im gonna say false. havent ate it in maybe 20 yrs. the person below me likes sausage

planning that trip back to pittsburgh

sounds like a game that the creepy old man down the street would do when an ice cream truck rolled up

dear !@#$%, I have a sneaky suspicion he wont. but i think we all want to go. (most of us) picture thread. sm

false. checked em before. ;-) tpbm needs some prop love

yes. round round is a shape. but i probably really should tpbm can put their feet behind their head edit* false false false...... not 300 lbs!!!!!!!

true. not many tho tpbm wants some of this ice cream im eating

true. kinda in my head..no but like aLBERThOFFMan said....the hips dont lie. tpbm has a piggy bank or something similar full of change

that ranch picture smells

on Instagram straight flexin

false. it says too fuck to drunk. tpbm knows how to properly tie a tie

that mustache has a woman

texting a fellow 12 oz member. eatin wings yelling at dogs to quit barking....or go outside and bark

false. but it is an utmost ridiculous last name. i think it is also some type of hunting equipment/knife? guess?? tpbm puts ice in their milk

is it me, or is morton on some poetic level with this.? hah for real...ive never been more interested in anything like this, until i read this thread. i came in here for an update and good reads and i want to bump/quote almost all the good shit said in here..from everyone. word, you say you went to a psychologist and might try again..you should definitely go. and continue working out. Lugr, the way you say you think about considering it...to me, (and this is just simple ole me) sounds like you already know it wont have a good outcome, this is why you think about it.

ps. im not shy, and very willing to hand out a number i know i cant offer much but a mild source of entertainment, a time passer, and/or an ear to listen. just ask

yes. ever realize how life throws yoiu the same fucking scenario over and over again until the time you handle it different, and then you can chalk it up to a lesson learned. we cannot convince you of this, but life is gonna happen whether you are sober and dealing with it head on, or fucked up and just floating through it. hopefully you will get to that point when you can deal with the lows, and accept that when the highs come, you deserve it. but you cannot get there unless you are forced to THINK through each situation this every fucking time my supply ran out- because i had no sense to ween my self, it would take me daaaaaayys of no sleep, night sweats, vomiting, and my fucking arms and legs would twitch uncontrollably. it was very obvioous, and when people around me asked what was wrong, i had them convinced it was all due to nerve damage from the surgeries. after a few days would pass, i would convince someone to give me a few pills, just so i could tame the twitching, which led me to hittinup my candy man and droppin 100-200 for a few nights relief. i had no idea what moderation was. then it was time to go back to the dr, get refills, wash rinse repeat. for the last year, it was like this about every 4-6 weeks. the last time, (back in january) i really had to stop and think---the withdrawls were so much worse than any high i could feel anymore. and i fucking hated the twitches..ugh. i get them occasionally still. i have learned to actually sleep. fall asleep on my own. no more sittinup, head nodding and doing the pill itch and scratch , and feeling like shit the next morning. I may only get 4-5 solid, but it sure the hell beats sleeping and missing life. i guess my point was, i learned that i got sick and tired of the withdrawl part, and after those 48 hrs, i realized (stop and think with a conscious mind)- that after a few days more, i will be that much further away from having to go through that again. thank you fat Ralph for the comment last page. and keep up your good work and positive words. I guess people really do pay attention.I never put my pill issues too much out there, but when u see it in writing, it makes you see it differently.

depends. if they are on instagram flexin, i will always correct. tpbm has a prison pen pal

i before e except after c and words that sound like aye, like neighbor and weigh. and jewish names. the only way i remember . id retire after at least 1000